Ive posted this story before, but after watching Cinderella on digi box I was reminded of this story all over again….like all good stories, I never really tire of telling it.
I was just twenty two years old when I first grew up as a nurse and as a man…….I remember the situation as if it was yesterday, and the memory seared into my psychi forty two years ago is fresh and as moving and as important as it was on that muddy weekday morning when I was slopping tea into thirty empty cups in the kitchen of an old asylum Ward .
I was tired and weary.
One of four staff, I had helped 30 men to get washed, dressed and fed on Durham ward. A ward that catered for the senile, the head injured and the institutionalised.
It was late morning and the men had been sat in a routine square around the day room as the staff puffed fags on the verandah.
I didn't smoke so it was my job to get their tea, before another rounding of toileting began
The tea was made in one large metal teapot. Tea, milk and sugar all added to the mix and it took two hands to lift the pot as I poured the brew out into saucerless cups.
As I worked I watched the female residents of Durham's sister ward Daresbury , all sat in similar poses along the square of their dayroom chairs.
In one corner sat a visitor .
I had often seen him before , and recognised his smart suit, and his polished shoes.
He always sat with a very still patient, a patient that I assumed to be his wife and they shared tea from a flask that he brought with him every morning.
I remember his wife having grey hair that was curled chignon style at the nape of her neck and that morning I watched in a half interested way, as he started to pull her out of her chair to her feet.
His wife stood shakily, like senile people often do when they don't understand what is wanted of them and after a bit of manoeuvring the man held her in a waltz hold.
They staggered back and forth for some moments, unbalanced and unpredictable and then I saw something quite magical happen as her muscle memory started to kicked in
With a turn of her head on an arched neck she grasped his hand tightly and they started to waltz .
Very slowly at first , but with a gathering momentum, they two of them danced around infront of two dozen unseeing eyes , with only me there to witness the event, and they did two circuits of the room before silently returning to their seats like a pair of ghosts.
I stood still , the teapot still in my hands , and wept.
In one tiny moment I had seen a true love expressed and recognised the importance of seeing hospital patients as real people with a past and a future
And all at the age of twenty two
I grew up
I was tired and weary.
One of four staff, I had helped 30 men to get washed, dressed and fed on Durham ward. A ward that catered for the senile, the head injured and the institutionalised.
It was late morning and the men had been sat in a routine square around the day room as the staff puffed fags on the verandah.
I didn't smoke so it was my job to get their tea, before another rounding of toileting began
The tea was made in one large metal teapot. Tea, milk and sugar all added to the mix and it took two hands to lift the pot as I poured the brew out into saucerless cups.
As I worked I watched the female residents of Durham's sister ward Daresbury , all sat in similar poses along the square of their dayroom chairs.
In one corner sat a visitor .
I had often seen him before , and recognised his smart suit, and his polished shoes.
He always sat with a very still patient, a patient that I assumed to be his wife and they shared tea from a flask that he brought with him every morning.
I remember his wife having grey hair that was curled chignon style at the nape of her neck and that morning I watched in a half interested way, as he started to pull her out of her chair to her feet.
His wife stood shakily, like senile people often do when they don't understand what is wanted of them and after a bit of manoeuvring the man held her in a waltz hold.
They staggered back and forth for some moments, unbalanced and unpredictable and then I saw something quite magical happen as her muscle memory started to kicked in
With a turn of her head on an arched neck she grasped his hand tightly and they started to waltz .
Very slowly at first , but with a gathering momentum, they two of them danced around infront of two dozen unseeing eyes , with only me there to witness the event, and they did two circuits of the room before silently returning to their seats like a pair of ghosts.
I stood still , the teapot still in my hands , and wept.
In one tiny moment I had seen a true love expressed and recognised the importance of seeing hospital patients as real people with a past and a future
And all at the age of twenty two
I grew up
Oh, you've done it again, John! I'm shedding a tear, reminded of my Dad, whose dementia and agitation had worsened considerably due to a long hospital stay following cancer surgery. He was back in the nursing home and he sat, pencil in hand, doing a crossword. I turned to my sister and said, "THAT'S our Dad." He loved doing crosswords and I can still remember him explaining to me how to work out cryptic clues. Too many see the disease or disability and not the person. You learned a valuable lesson that day, John and I know you have taught that lesson to many other care givers. Thank you. xx
ReplyDeleteWelcome my old friend xxx
DeleteOh, John, what a beautiful event it was your honor to witness those many years ago. For this reason, when I had to move my mother into a care home because of Alzheimer's, on her chest of drawers there I put a framed picture of her in her wedding dress. She was lovely in that photo and had a real life before Alzheimer's took her mind away that I wanted her carers to see.
ReplyDeleteAnother one for your book, please.
Hugs!
Hugs babs hugs xx
DeleteAh, now I am weepy...
ReplyDeleteMe tooπ©
DeleteBugger John! You made me cry this morning. What a beautiful story.
ReplyDeleteXxx❤️ππΈ
DeleteWhat a beautiful and heartbreakingly poignant memory.
ReplyDeleteStay safe, warm & well, John dear.
It broke me and made me all at the same time
DeleteBeautiful
DeleteKeith
Xx
Cheers my old mate
DeleteWell there’s another bloody chapter!
ReplyDeleteIs there anyone out there with experience in the publishing industry who can persuade John to write a bloody book!
I'm waiting to pre order π
DeleteSo very beautiful. At least tell all of us ,who are fans of your blog, why you do not wish to compose a book from your blog?
DeleteShucks you guys xxx
DeleteWe will see
DeleteYou and your patients were lucky for that insight. I wish I had received such a gift. I regret not having the wisdom I have now in my earlier days.
ReplyDeleteIt has stayed with me always
DeleteGAH!
ReplyDeleteAnd now I'm verklempt.
XOXO
I love that word will use it with the German
DeleteAnother beautiful story of insight, perception, and emotion. Thank you, John!
ReplyDeleteHappy new year my old friend
DeleteYou are colder there than we are in New York
ReplyDeleteLee
So I see dear lee
DeleteThat's a beautiful story and I love it.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
It’s a favourite of mine
DeleteSeriously lad, you can write
ReplyDeleteAt least I can do something xx
DeleteYes. That's all that needs to be said. Just...yes.
ReplyDeleteHappy new year my old friend
DeleteHow sweet!
ReplyDeleteI've been too sick to even read blogs much less comment. But I saw the doctor again today and have 5 prescriptions to help me knock the flu bug and infections out for good! I hope!
Get well soon dearHeart x
DeleteThe love doesn't leave. My brother searches for what is left of his wife every time he visits. Sometimes he sees it, sometimes not.
ReplyDeleteThe luck of the draw
DeleteI wish that kind of love for all of us. x
ReplyDeleteI do too xx
DeleteWow, such a beautiful story. Lini in Petaluma
ReplyDeletehttps://www.visitpetaluma.com/petaluma-california-2/
DeleteTrue love and devotion
ReplyDeleteLove and devotion, in sickness and health. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteTouching story. That is true love! Cali
ReplyDeletereading this and imagining your amazement and joy....almost literally took my breath away. And that the powerful memory of it lives within you and is part of you...it brought tears of joy to my eyes to imagine what you experienced in seeing the intense emotion .....yes...I do believe you should write a book someday....you have a remarkable gift of bringing your memories back to life so vividly- I am in awe
ReplyDeleteSusan M/ Calif.
Lovely John, just lovely. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteNo-one reading that could fail to be moved! A lovely story.
ReplyDeleteEu nΓ£o me esqueci do que aconteceu em analΓtica 1, eu nΓ£o me esqueci que quando vocΓͺ se juntou a Gabriela Santana Andrade para me humilhar por causa de iniciaΓ§Γ£o cientΓfica, eu jΓ‘ tive que te aguentar por um ano quando vocΓͺ era monitor de gnosia 1 e 2.
ReplyDeleteAgora vocΓͺ nΓ£o Γ© mais monitor, vocΓͺ nΓ£o tem mais o poder de fazer nada contra mim. VocΓͺ sΓ³ passou com nota acima de 7 em gnosia 1 e 2. Porque a prova foi online e vocΓͺ colou na prova online. VocΓͺ nΓ£o merece 1 centavo da bolsa de monitoria que vocΓͺ ganhou sendo monitor. VocΓͺ Γ© burro, vocΓͺ entrou na faculdade em 2016 e ainda nΓ£o se formou. VocΓͺ ficou reprovado na disciplina introduΓ§Γ£o Γ quΓmica de produtos naturais, porque nΓ£o fez uma das provas, nem colar na prova, vocΓͺ colou, se vocΓͺ tivesse colado vocΓͺ teria passado.
Agora eu descubro que vocΓͺ estΓ‘ fazendo iniciaΓ§Γ£o cientΓfica no Laproneb. Fez o que fez comigo e agora, foi monitor de gnosia 1 e 2 e agora estΓ‘ fazendo iniciaΓ§Γ£o cientΓfica no Laproneb. VocΓͺ nΓ£o merece fazer iniciaΓ§Γ£o cientΓfica no Laproneb. O Laproneb estΓ‘ uma porcaria, no Laproneb tem a NΓ‘talie Tavares Delgado e agora tem vocΓͺ.
Se a Maria Isabel teve a capacidade de aproveitar do fato dela ser professora da UFRJ para ficar ameaΓ§ando os alunos, ela tambΓ©m tem a capacidade de ter aceitar como aluno de IC do Laproneb.
VocΓͺ disse que em F2, eu iria aprender muitas coisas sobre mim. Diga-me uma coisa, em qual disciplina eu aprenderia algo sobre vocΓͺ, que Γ© um psicopata que ficou me humilhando por causa de iniciaΓ§Γ£o cientΓfica em analΓtica 1 e agora fica fazendo iniciaΓ§Γ£o cientΓfica no Laproneb como se nΓ£o tivesse feito nada de errado?
Eu nΓ£o sei o que Γ© pior o falso pai policial da Gabriela Santana Andrade ou a falsa namorada advogada da NΓ‘talie Tavares Delgado.
Manda o falso pai policial e a falsa namorada advogada aparecer na boca de fumo que tem aqui perto da minha casa e manda os traficantes me matar, aqui em frente a minha casa funciona um ferro velho clandestino que fornece material furtado para os traficantes fazerem barricadas.
Eu garanto que eu nΓ£o vou fazer nenhuma falta, a vida Γ© boa para quem faz iniciaΓ§Γ£o cientΓfica, para quem nΓ£o faz sΓ³ resta Γ morte, eu nΓ£o vou perder a minha bolsa de iniciaΓ§Γ£o cientΓfica.
So many thoughts and emotions after reading. Sadness and joy simultaneously. Thank you for sharing that lovely moment.
ReplyDeleteMuscle memory is often overlooked. I had an experience when my brain didn’t remember but my muscle memory did. It was kind of weird. Lovely story well told.
ReplyDeleteweavinfool
Oh these powerful moments that impact our lives.
ReplyDeleteYou are a painter with words, John. I imagined this scene in my mind, and saw what you saw, as if watching a dreamy movie. I believe that each of us is born with some sort of gift(s) and your gifts are a pure heart and a poet's soul.
ReplyDeleteThat was just beautiful. xx
ReplyDeleteLovely, Thanks!
ReplyDeleteNot so caring that you cared whether a patient actually liked sugar in their tea.
ReplyDeleteThat was my very point, our original care was anything but patient centred …thats why I shared it .
DeleteYou are rather dim aren’t you?
Dim? Well I have 2 degrees and have passed all exams with distinction. So am I dim? I think not.
DeleteI used to have to make two massive teapots one tea one coffee when I was the lowest clerical assistant in a DHSS office in 1972...the instructions were to add milk and sugar, noone got a choice...apart from tea/coffee....wheeled around the office on a squeaky wheeled wooden trolley...
ReplyDeleteSo what you had to do, John, was ordinary.
Such a touching moment; I'm glad that man had something left of his wife and could bring it out, even if only for a few minutes. Dementia is soul-crushing. I suspect that not everyone would have seen that moment for what it was, John. You had the potential in you to learn from it.
ReplyDeleteOh, John, I love this post of a wonderful memory during your career. I worked as a RN for 40+ years but mostly in emergent cardiology where days were full of fast, quick procedures in emergent situations. Now, at old lady age 82, I too look back to the many years and do have many good memories...I still have sleep dreams of "being at work". It's lovely to enjoy our memories.
ReplyDeleteLife is made of precious moments like these when we are gifted an intimate look at love and devotion at any age. Thank you John for sharing your life and adventures with us. And please write that book.
ReplyDelete