Her name was Lu and she was one of those impressively quiet professional nurses that spoke little, but said a great deal (if you see what I mean?) A small , almost frail woman, she possessed a steely strength which allowed her to deal with a phenomenal case load of patients from a city which was renowned for it's158 pubs!
York is a tiny city, so wherever we went, we would always bump into previous patients who had fallen off the wagon, so to speak....and I never forgot just how dignified Lu was, when she had to deal with these inebriated and often emotional characters.
An overly guilty drunk can be difficult to handle, running away can illicit some embarrassing shouting in the street, while stopping to indulge, is patently a terrible waste of time for a trained counsellor to embark on.....
Lu, as I remember, always kept her voice low, firm and calm at these times. She would often use a touch of the arm to capture the blurred gaze, or to hush a garrulous mouth then she would always say the same thing
"Call me when you are sober, I will be waiting for your call"
If she was pushed into a confrontation, she would always smile a non patronising smile at the former patient and would say with conviction
"Forgive me, I always make it a rule, NEVER to discuss work with someone who has had a drink" Her words, strangely enough, were seldom disregarded
She taught me a great deal about respect......respecting people that have often lost respect in themselves
.....and she taught me never to argue with a drunk
Wisdom comes in many guises. And Lu is the perfect example of control, quiet non confrontational response and the iron hand in the velvet glove. And she was right - you can't argue with a drunk. It will never end well, if at all. Strange the things that pop up from deep in the memory banks.
ReplyDeleteA well chosen few words, delivered in the appropriate way, can achieve so much more than weak repetition.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great ability to learn and apply different techniques and it serves you well.
She sounds like an extremely wise woman. Drunks are rarely worthy of any conversation.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful to have had a mentor like Lu who knew how to handle all sorts of folks, including drunks who could not be argued with or reasoned with.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
A really good mentor and a strong and brave lady.
ReplyDeleteA good role model we should all take note of perhaps.
ReplyDeleteThat is so, so true. But I'd add, never completely trust/believe a drunk. They are, by the very nature of their addiction, driven by the primary need of their drug. I'm the daughter of an alcoholic. And so you know how I know!!
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you're going to make a great counsellor. You've learnt from the best! xx
ReplyDeleteThat's quite a skillset you have described.
ReplyDeleteAs a recovered alcoholic of 21 years, sober through AA, we were taught that we could carry a message, but not the alcoholic. It was a tough pill to swallow at times because some people's lives were genuinely heartbreaking, and the desire to help them was deep and great. We could only be there when and if that person reached out. Lu knew just what she was doing.
ReplyDeleteI know from painful (ended in divorce) experience, that I cannot handle a drunk.
ReplyDeleteA great example and good advice for anyone.
ReplyDeleteA wise woman, indeed.
ReplyDeleteI would think a kind answer to the drunk might be, "we will be there to help, when you think you need us."
ReplyDeleteWhat do you do when the alcoholic also suffers from dementia? That's our trouble now with my older brother.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful experience and mentor for you in the early days of your career. Lu was clearly a force for calm, no judgement, and good to those who needed her help.
ReplyDeleteAnother one for your book, with any names changed, of course?
Hugs!
She sounds amazing and such good advice, never argue with a drunk. I struggle with treating alcoholics with respect, they have ravaged my family and made my life hell at times, not to mention what they have done to both my children and my grandchildren. It makes me weep.
ReplyDeleteLu sounds highly skilled with an ability to handle any situation. She's was/is a great person to know.
ReplyDeleteYou were lucky to work with her.
Yes, it is pointless to try to reason with a drunk or to argue with one. I started out with an alcoholic mother in law and a few years later, husband. I eventually walked away after staying silent for many years. I tried to keep the kids from suffering. My girls were in their late teens when I walked after meeting someone else. Funny but the girls stuck by with their father until he died 4 years later because they felt sorry for him. He had no other living relatives or friends. Gigi
ReplyDeleteLu was a great model of behavior in difficult situations. And you learned well.
ReplyDeleteIt’s true some colleagues teach us more than any book . I don’t think anybody would have said I was the nurse who said little !!Being Irish I said a lot and did a lot but I knew when to shut up !!! I admire those who have worked in mother and baby units , such a tragedy when just being a mother makes you so ill . X Bernie
ReplyDeleteValuable life lessons.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you have so many skills, it sounds like you have learned from the very best in every stage of your life. Knowing what to say while using few words, and getting a message across, especially to an inebriated person is a really skill.
ReplyDeleteHaving respect for someone who doesn't see it in themselves is a hard thing to do.
ReplyDelete