I’m feeling somewhat overwhelmed today.
I can do , only what I have done and plans are afoot,
I know this.
But things are now feel out of my control and I have been transported back to that horrible day when my husband left, and I saw no meaningful future in this world.
Only now I am 7 years older
In a week or so the hospice will have a list of those staff who are taking voluntary redundancy
If there is a shortfall they further redundancies will be made
I cannot afford to keep my home without a job
I’m not sleeping well because of it all.
At least my arm is improving.
So sorry. Yes, this is so hard. We'll all breathe along.
ReplyDeleteLike I said big breaths xx
Deleteit';s not the same as a husband leaving , you have skills and there are a lot of people needing nursing care ...God Luck and god bless ..rather good luck ;been to hell and back too ..we got this .
ReplyDeleteI’m 7 years older ….
DeleteAt least your arm is on the mend. Any good news is helpful. Holding my breath for you. Hugs John. Gigi
ReplyDeleteThank you Gigi
DeleteJohn, I hope you get some good news soon. 💗 Carol in Atl
ReplyDeleteI will let you all know as soon as I do
DeleteKeeping all good thoughts for you. I’ll worry so you can take a breather.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I’m not sleeping much
DeleteTry to think positive and keep breathing. You have your nurses licence, there is always a demand for private or respite nursing care, in peoples homes or nursing homes. You have your counselling qualifications now, and you have the opportunity to sell the idea of your book.
ReplyDeleteThis is NOT the same as when the Prof left you in the lurch and heartbroken, this time you are a stronger man with a good standing in the village and a heart of gold to share.
Like Sue so eloquently said!
DeleteHugs!
Thank you sue & babs
DeleteGlad to hear your arm is improving! Hope your client sessions go well this week, and more sessions are booked.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and wishing there was something more I could do to help.
Hugs!
A word of your support goes a long way
DeleteKeep breathing John. We’re all behind you. You can do this I’m sure.
ReplyDeleteIf all else fails , I will start a go fund me page for you
DeleteLee
Kind thought but I don't think John would want to be seen as a charity case Lee. He needs a job with a regular income.
DeleteYes kindness personified …I need money until my state pension kicks in
DeleteI think Sue has a point. Is there scope for finding a new role in the private sector?
ReplyDeleteI’m 63 Jaycee I need to perhaps get a non nursing job, I will consider anything
DeleteI hope this rough patch does not last long and everything will turn out for the best.
ReplyDeleteI’m tired of this rollercoaster ride, with sickness and uncertainty , I hate how the hospice can effectively break my plans and my life
DeleteI wish you only the best and that everything works out for the best.
ReplyDeleteDear yael , that was a kind thought x
DeleteSending good vibes your way, John. An uncertain, worrying time for sure. We're all rooting for you and holding our breath. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you my friend
DeleteHang in there, John. Things have a way of working out.
ReplyDeleteI’ve always thought so, but I’m rapidly losing hope
DeleteOh John, I can see why your brain has made that leap into the past. How terrible our brains can make us feel but also, if you are looking backwards then look at how far you have come. You have risen far above the ashes of that desolate time and if you’ve done it before then you can certainly do it again. You have many skills and as has already been mentioned, there are always those needing private or/respite care.
ReplyDeleteNot at all trying to minimise your worry or how you are feeling now, this is a curve ball no one would want thrown at them. Courage to you and to your colleagues, not a one of you deserve this.
The feelings have triggered past anxieties, I understand this
DeleteI hope I can again bounce back from this fucking nightmare
Bad patches are sent to try us - and, dammit, they really do.
ReplyDeleteGet yourself onto the books of a local nursing agency. It may throw routine out of the window, but there is always a need. And with your extra qualifications you should be a top candidate. You may expect the worst, but you need to hope for the best. Defeatism leads to defeat. But that is NOT your fate!
I don’t feel very strong today, I’m trying, but I don’t ….one of my bosses asked me if I was ok, a boss that may sign my redundancy papers…
DeleteI am thinking of you. xx
ReplyDeleteThat means a great deal
DeleteYou have scaled the heights professionally and emotionally these past seven years, and lifted your readers with you. Your skills are in demand. Poo on your current employer.
ReplyDeleteI know you’d never accept it but if all of your readers chipped in a pound or two we’d have that mortgage paid off in no time. We are all pulling for you, don’t forget it. Much love and comfort to you. xoxoxo
A kind thought 😟😀🌈
DeleteThings so often have a way of working out for the better. Why not this time too? Here's hoping ... and believing.
ReplyDeleteI hope so too…..in my dark alone times, I get lost in the negatives
DeleteI know it's scary. I am confronting the loss of my job as well (AI is taking my job, and all my income). I do know that I will find a way forward. And I know that you are equally strong. You have such an expanded résumé since you've gotten divorced. And you're a much stronger, resilient person now as well. Plan for the worst, hope for the best. ♥
ReplyDeleteSometimes my resolve wavers
DeleteSome days I dont feel very strong
What wonderful news that your arm is improving but I know how perilous life in general feels just now. Is there anywhere else in driving distance that you can work as a nurse?
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed and hoping for the best for you, dear John.
Big hugs!
Age discrimination is illegal but rife
DeleteUgh.
ReplyDeleteHate that feeling! Sending hugs and good vibes...
XOXO
Thank you🌈🙏🩷
DeleteWe are all rooting for you, you know that. Also, I have seen that some ex-NHS nurses on retirement pensions are now able to work for the NHS again. Would this apply to you? I know you wouldn't want full time, or a physically heavy job, but what about a clinic nurse? There were several older nurses last time I had a covid jab.
ReplyDeleteLike I said I’ve got two plans
DeleteA and B
If neither work out then I may have to sell the cottage
If you had a client come to you with this problem, what would you tell them?
ReplyDeleteJackie M
I’d just listen , there’s nothing anyone can say
DeleteWe'll pray for you at dinner time.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Bun
That’s a very sweet thing to say
DeleteHolding your hand. xx
ReplyDeleteI think that’s the hardest thing andi
DeleteDoing it all on my own again
Here's an idea that's somewhat from left field--start a blog on Substack. Readers can choose to subscribe (or continue reading for free). Though Substack has the greatest presence in the US, there are UK writers on it. (The novelist Tom Cox is one.)
ReplyDeleteWith your regular posting habit, I think you'd garner a number of new readers. As for this blog, you could do what other Substack writers have done and have a transition period in which you point people to the new site.
John [ Major Hugs] From my home to your home. Change is always a fear monger. Now Breathe, and remember sometimes one step forward two steps back. You will be okay its just that the rug has been pulled out from underneath your feet and you do not like it one little bit. You are being stretched sir, The universe has initiated a gear change, now to find your speed and deal with what it will mean for you. You will be okay, just remember one step at a time, one day at a time. You will pull through, not necessarily in how you think it will happen. Sometimes things happen in a different fashion which is often kinder to you overall and in the longer term. Sometimes we just cannot see it straight away. Lots and lots of Huggles. Tricia aka Pattypanxx
ReplyDeleteThank you my friends
DeleteWhat you all have done is to help me take a big breath today
Friends and colleagues have done the same x
That is good; one tiny step forward. Proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. Breathing is important but it can also when used properly give you time and space for you. x Pattypanxx
DeleteIt probably doesn’t help, but, I, as with many others on here, believe this will be okay. Yes you are 7 years older but you are stronger and you are a trained counsellor….and you have 7 more years of a blog to turn into that bloody book.
ReplyDeleteTake care my friend.
Thank you, I’m just bloody wobbling
DeleteI was made redundant when I was 49
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought my world had ended
Of course it had, but I got through it, but I admit I had a partner who dragged me through
I love you John Gray
I love the way you carry your heart on your sleeve
I love how you share your happy times and your pain
You are every gay and straight oldie who visits Going Gently
Keith
Xx
Ps did I say that I love you x
Thank u dearHeart
DeleteHang on, the ride is bumpy, but you WILL get through, sending hugs x
ReplyDeleteWe need a full bottle
DeleteI can't add any more good advice..you've already had plenty..but just adding a ((hug)) x
ReplyDeleteA hug is what I need x
DeleteMore hugs coming your way John...you've got this no matter the way it goes. XX
ReplyDeleteReally?
DeleteYou have weathered many storms John, you are a wise, compassionate person who see's things as they are. To be overwhelmed at the moment is natural but as someone else has stated sometimes something of this nature is not an ending but a change of direction for the better. I'm wishing this for you as I'm sure everyone is.
DeleteIt takes a particular kind of caring special person to work in hospice and I can’t understand why a hospice would be doing redundancies. Can you do nursing elsewhere., your skills would be transferable ? Good wishes
ReplyDeleteI wish there was something I could say that might help but I am afraid that there isn't. Thinking of you as you handle another crisis.
ReplyDeleteYou best wishes are enough
ReplyDeleteYou have a huge range of qualifications and experience and so many skills. You are clearly a valued employee not to mention a kind intelligent supportive person. I can’t see the hospice letting you go. I am joining with the many other voices that wish you well as you wait. Sending you many positive thoughts. Jean in Winnipeg
ReplyDeleteI would so happily contribute to a GofundMe for you, John. It would be money towards keeping ME from a broken heart!
ReplyDeleteRemembering all the days my life has been enhanced so much by your blog, a chance to pay back would be wonderful. Maybe at least an immediate emergency could be averted. We already have enough WRONG going on in this world. John in his cottage with his mates is so necessary in these trying times.
John, I'm sending a hug. If there is a go fund me for you I will happily send some cash. You're not alone. We are all behind you now.
ReplyDeleteI'm holding a positive thought for you and yours, my dear.
ReplyDeleteCeci
John, all these lovely thoughtful comments for you bring tears to my eyes
ReplyDeleteWendy (Wales)
the feeling of * no control* is truly disconcerting...... I can only wish you well...and sending love and good thoughts to you.....keep up your own strength, and may my love help in just a small way
ReplyDeleteSusan M/ Calif
Patience, John.
ReplyDeleteGawd John, this is going to be one hellish week, waiting for what's going to happen. Like so many others I'm racking my brain what to do or say but I guess this falls a little under what you said in your post of 2 days ago, "the art of saying nothing, when there is nothing you can say" .. (which) allows pain to be shared ..
ReplyDeleteHere's me doing that .. that and hugs.
Reductions in staff causes great disruption for everyone. Each individual waits to hear if they still have a job.
ReplyDeleteNothing is safe and secure today.
I am glad you have a plan A and B.
Considering all the options is key.
A friend went through a divorce with three children. She never anticipated divorce. She also allowed her nursing registration to lapse. Like you, she went back to school and graduated with a BS in Nursing then went further and became a Nurse Practioner. At 70 she retired and bought an oceanfront home in Florida.
John if you took voluntary redundancy would that pay your mortgage for a few months while you got your counseling up and running . ? Or could you negotiate with your mortgage company for a temporary break . Ironically where I worked they demanded such brutal redundancies and so m any changes more staff left than was needed and they ended up asking for the bank staff to help ! It was nuts ! They got rid of all the people with experience which left a poor balance in teams and made for very stressful working environment.you’ve worked so hard for your home I hope it all works out for you. X Bernie
ReplyDeleteDear faraway friend, if we could sit down for a nice chat I would share a similar experience but alas that is not possible so I will just say that a kindred spirit in Georgia is sending positive vibes across the pond to you xx
ReplyDeleteCould you let out a bedroom for some extra income? Lots of Facebook house-mate sites.
ReplyDeleteI can't think any new words of support, and can only repeat everybody else's.
ReplyDeleteHoping for a good outcome, John. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's hard to do it all alone. xx
ReplyDeleteUncertainty is bad for you. At least soon you'll know one way or the other. You know which decision we are all hoping for!
ReplyDeleteDear John, my thumbs are turning around each other, all in your direction!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are having such bad times. It's frightening the way losing one's job threatens your entire life set up and security. Worse, when alone, later on in work life, and with loved companions dependent on you. Wishing the very best for you John.
ReplyDelete