In my personal counselling this week my counsellor asked me when my heart was broken last.
She qualified it as being a question not associated about my ex husband
And I answered her quickly and without a pause
It was the death of Finlay
My first dog.
He was five when he died,
A brain tumour robbing me of a dog with a heart of a lion
And a nature that endeared me to Welsh terriers for all of my life
Chasing Cars was playing on the radio every time I took him to the vets and the animal hospital
And when I remembered him in my counselling room , I cried like a baby at his loss
The son my husband and I shared that was “only” a dog
He was so much more my counsellor observed kindly and with insight…
And tearfully I agreed with her
His gravestone lies in the front garden right next to the agapanthus and Jews mallow
Finlay Christmas 2004
Some dogs just live in our hearts. My dad had a Beagle, part-time hunting dog and part-time pet. She excelled in both roles. She died at age 18 when I was in high school, and I can still cry when thinking about her some 60 years later. I use variations of her name as passwords. I really like your therapist!
ReplyDeleteNina
My therapist was pointing out how much I’d travelled about trust and relationships
DeleteShe’s a canny soul
Oh, John. Our animals touch our hearts so deeply. Grief never truly goes away and it only takes a small thing to bring it back to the surface. I'm shedding a few silent tears, now, remembering my beloved cats. xx
ReplyDeleteWe explored my relationship with loss and grief
DeleteI’ve valued these moments
He's so beautiful. Grief is grief, it doesn't discriminate, it just hurts.
ReplyDeleteHe was a spoilt character lol William was gentler and Roger sweeter
DeleteOh I only thought you had William and Roger,
ReplyDeleteMary and Meg
It all makes sense now there was Finlay
I love you sharing these personal bits of Mr Gray
Lee x
We all have people ( and animals ) that get under our radar
Deletethis moved me to tears
ReplyDeleteMy love was Bodger
Named after the terrier in The Incredible Journey
I loved that dog
Keith
Xx
I love bull terriers with their Roman noses
ReplyDeleteIf we're lucky enough and human enough we will all have a Finlay.
ReplyDeleteBless him. And you. x
ReplyDeleteFinlay was adorable and it's no wonder he lives on in your heart and in your memory. Our most beloved dog was our dry mouth, tri-color Basset, Daisy. Gone but not forgotten by us or our two sons. We still talk about her with smiles, laughter, and some tears.
ReplyDeleteAs I read somewhere: "Tears show clear what the heart holds dear."
Hugs!
So many of us get this! Jen
ReplyDeleteFinlay sounds like finally or finely. Shame he didn't last all the years that a Welsh terrier should enjoy.
ReplyDeleteSweet Finlay lives forever in your heart and mind. He sounds like a wonderful boy.
ReplyDelete"Grief is the price we pay for love."
ReplyDeleteQueen Elizabeth ll.
Those who have never grieved have never truly loved.
Jean.
Seven years on we are still mourning our beloved border collie. We have a Labrador now who is getting up in age. I love her desperately and can't bear to think that her years are drawing down.
ReplyDeleteI get it. I have a family photo wall in my house and half of them are dogs.
ReplyDeleteThat song is achingly beautiful. Our pets fill different spaces at different times, Findlay shows how important that may be.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous boy, way too soon gone.
I was brought to tears by your memory of Finlay. I've had so many wonderful and beloved pets, but my "heart" dog has been gone these 13 years. She had a brief, but in the end, a good life. A puppy mill rescue, neurologically compromised, wonky knees, and a complete joy. Her name was Sally. X
ReplyDeleteSorry, this was Camille in NH
DeletePets can seem like people after a while. It's hard to lose them.
ReplyDeleteOh that adorable little furry face!
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet soul. That pictures seems to capture his personality, and I didn't even know him.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you felt.
ReplyDeleteTaken too soon but so much loved.
ReplyDeleteThere are people who have dogs all their lives, yet never have that "special dog." For Finlay to be your first dog sets an impossibly high bar; memories may be bittersweet, but if you never love, you never grieve, that's part of the deal. My special dog was Jack, an elderly disabled Sheltie. He came into the rescue we volunteered at in the worst condition their vet had ever seen; limping, mouth green from neglect and years of pain, coat ungroomed for years, impossibly thick and heavy. My husband had been obsessed with shelties all his life. But Jack was so poorly we were told he had about ten days left, and we were simply taking him home to die. But we got him well again, and he was with us for three and a half years, every day a delight. And I still miss him every day. That's what a person and a dog do for each other. There's nothing quite like it.
ReplyDeleteYou explained this so well. Thank you.
DeleteDogs are never "just a dog". As much as a human is a "person" so are animals...just different shaped bodies.
ReplyDeleteIndividuals with their own minds, characters and feelings.
I currently have two dogs that I love dearly. When my last dog died at 17, I cried more than I ever had for any human being. They are not "just dogs", they are our companions.
ReplyDelete“Forget what we’re told before we get too old.” This song still reaches in and tugs on my heart. We never truly get over these losses.
ReplyDeleteHearing that question, my mind went immediately to romance -- but yes, the death of a beloved pet (especially when unexpected) is heart-breaking too.
ReplyDeleteMy special dog was Grace, a newborn pup, born under an abandoned house in Grenada. I instantly fell in love with her but because we flew back and forth every six months I didn’t think I could take her. My friend down there said we could no problem so she became ours. She was a street mongrel and super smart. She didn’t mind flying and lived for over 16 years. I cried for six months after she died and only stopped when we got another dog. Gigi
ReplyDeleteI have always loved that song. And there is no such thing as "just a dog". I have had a lot of dogs in my life and they have all held a place in my heart. Murphy was "THE" dog for me and I was devastated when he died. But now Shirley has wiggled her way into my heart and she has become my therapy dog, just like Murphy. When I think of Murphy and our time together, I still cry.
ReplyDeleteI do too because of your love for him which I followed with joy. JanF
DeleteSo true. Losing my dog Clancy was the saddest moment of my life. He was so much more than a dog. He was my protector and my friend.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of hidden grief in the world. You are fortunate to have someone to help you explore it.
ReplyDeleteOur love for an animal can indeed surpass what would sensibly be called appropriate. There is no sense, however, in the way we can love then. It just is. We just do.
ReplyDeleteHe looks like a cracking good dog who would capture one's heart in profound ways. I'm sorry the memory broke your heart in new ways. I'm more and more convinced that we don't move forward from our grief. We move forward with it.
ReplyDeleteFinley looks adorable. I’m glad he came into your life even if it was for just seven years. Nearly every dog I’ve ever had has made a permanent spot in my heart. Especially Georgie the standard poodle and current poodle-nearly 13 year old Kippy. I can get sad seeing Kippy having aging issues but must treasure what time we have left.
ReplyDeleteThis is my favourite song of all time, I adore it. It's meaning also translates into what's happening in my life right now, with a special human. We don't know how it's going to work out but are living in the present and enjoying what we have right now, day by day.
ReplyDeleteFinlay had the best dad. It will be 2 years this July that I will have lost my precious Lola to cancer. She was only a cat but took a chunk of my heart with her. I, too, still grieve.
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