My grandmother was a storyteller.
She filled our childhood with a dozen or so stories, all repeated at our request during bouts of ironing and cake making.
Hearing these tales repeated was just as much fun as hearing them for the very first time
The anticipation of a punchline, or the denouement of daring wartime adventure was a delicious thing to children who grew up in a sad house.
And we gulped up the repeats with gusto.
I’ve repeated this story 4 times now and always just before Christmas
I think it’s worth repeating every year, and I won’t apologise for its appearance here again
Christmas 1985
Christmas week 1985 I was shadowing a community psychiatric nursing sister with her caseload in the deprived and depressing northern town of Runcorn.
Through a succession of faceless maisonettes, we sat on grubby sofas and listened to sad stories of loneliness, mental illness and substance abuse and I watched as my mentor tried her best to keep heads above water and bums out of the local psychiatric unit.
The last visit of the day was to a woman called Jean.
Jean lived alone in the top of a ten story complex. She had suffered from severe mental health problems for forty years and had recently been placed in her home from long term psychiatric care only a few months before.
I remember her flat very well. There was no carpet in the hall and the living room but there was a tiny white tinsel Christmas tree standing on top of a large black and white tv. A homemade fabric stocking was hung on the fire surround and just two Christmas cards were perched on the mantle.
( one of those cards having been sent by my colleague) The flat was sparse but incredibly clean and it was evident that Jean had been waiting for our visit all day.
In mismatching cups we were offered coffee with powdered milk and a single mince pie served on a paper plate and I remember sharing a sad glance with the nurse when Jean presented us both with gifts hastily wrapped in cheap Christmas paper. My gift was two placemats with photos of cats on them. The nurse received a small yellow vase, and I remember Jean beaming with delight when we both thanked her effusively for her kindness.
When we washed up our own cups, the nurse quietly checked the fridge, noting that several of the shelves were empty . There was a calender on the wall with the note " NURSE COMES TODAY" written on that day's date. Nothing else was written on it until the week of new year's eve, where the same sentence was written.
It was the very first time that I had experienced someone who was so totally isolated in a community setting and it shocked me to the core.
Through a succession of faceless maisonettes, we sat on grubby sofas and listened to sad stories of loneliness, mental illness and substance abuse and I watched as my mentor tried her best to keep heads above water and bums out of the local psychiatric unit.
The last visit of the day was to a woman called Jean.
Jean lived alone in the top of a ten story complex. She had suffered from severe mental health problems for forty years and had recently been placed in her home from long term psychiatric care only a few months before.
I remember her flat very well. There was no carpet in the hall and the living room but there was a tiny white tinsel Christmas tree standing on top of a large black and white tv. A homemade fabric stocking was hung on the fire surround and just two Christmas cards were perched on the mantle.
( one of those cards having been sent by my colleague) The flat was sparse but incredibly clean and it was evident that Jean had been waiting for our visit all day.
In mismatching cups we were offered coffee with powdered milk and a single mince pie served on a paper plate and I remember sharing a sad glance with the nurse when Jean presented us both with gifts hastily wrapped in cheap Christmas paper. My gift was two placemats with photos of cats on them. The nurse received a small yellow vase, and I remember Jean beaming with delight when we both thanked her effusively for her kindness.
When we washed up our own cups, the nurse quietly checked the fridge, noting that several of the shelves were empty . There was a calender on the wall with the note " NURSE COMES TODAY" written on that day's date. Nothing else was written on it until the week of new year's eve, where the same sentence was written.
It was the very first time that I had experienced someone who was so totally isolated in a community setting and it shocked me to the core.
I listened as the nurse talked about medication, as I waited patiently and when she took Jean into the bedroom to administer a regular injection I noticed a carrier bag which the nurse had tucked away by the side of the arm chair shortly after we arrived. In it was a package of cold meat, milk , bread and what looked like chocolates and a cake.
Before we left, we let Jean monopolize her only conversation of the week and as she retrieved our coats, I watched and grew a few years older as the nurse silently slipped a five pound note behind one of the cards on the mantle.
Before we left, we let Jean monopolize her only conversation of the week and as she retrieved our coats, I watched and grew a few years older as the nurse silently slipped a five pound note behind one of the cards on the mantle.
I can't read it. Print on the right is over the picture that is multicolored brown. Pat in Pennsylvania
ReplyDeleteTry loading the page again, it’s clear here after I wrote it
DeleteSame problem here. What worked for me— I turned my phone screen sideways. Thanks for retelling the story, John.
DeleteWhen I was at school I used to do shopping for people just like that. Their requirements were often so little, and cheap, and it affected me hugely. They were always generous.
ReplyDeleteI think every school should work a few nights in a homeless shelter and support parents todo the same
DeleteI remember this story. It still makes me feel sad for Jean.
ReplyDeleteBut she wasn’t a victim
DeleteI think cases like this still exist, and lockdown will have made their isolation worse. Many still don't claim all the state benefits to which they are entitled, often because they are too proud.
ReplyDeleteLockdown gave the young a chance to experience what jeans life became . A bitter pill to swallow, as many are still affected
DeleteIt's a worthy story which should be repeated, we need to look out for others.
ReplyDeleteI think so too
DeleteIt feels like I've been reading your blog for decades, but maybe not. I do half remember the story, especially leaving the five pound note. I've received it and given it. The kindness of strangers is a wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteI think you’ve been with me well over fifteen years andrew
DeleteSo sad for the lady but how kind of the nurse to quietly leave her groceries and some money.
ReplyDeleteI respected the no fuss approach
DeleteA story that gives full meaning to the word 'loneliness' - perhaps the worst scourge of all.
ReplyDeleteI remember this story and am always moved by it.
ReplyDeleteI will be posting it againnext year no doubt x
DeleteYou can't tell this too many times.
ReplyDeleteIt still has a punch x
DeleteIt made me feel so sad for all that loneliness experienced by Jean and many others.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a horrid disease
DeleteSo sad that all her family and friends had faded away after forty years. Thanks be for the caring nurse.
ReplyDeleteFor most of the long term patients I ever met , the wards were their family homes
DeleteI am overwhelmed by the loneliness every time you share that story. Yes, please continue to publish it. Olivia
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry it’s made you sad Olivia,
DeleteThat is a beautiful story, perfect for Christmas. I think sometimes people don't think how lonely someone might be. When you mentioned the calendar, it really struck me how alone she indeed was.
ReplyDeleteI love these stories, John. This one gave me a glimpse of life through your eyes and heart as a kind and sensitive young man.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much more to care, than treating illness.
ReplyDeleteA good story is always worth hearing again.
ReplyDeleteI have read that one each of the previous times and every time it is that last sentence that gets me.
ReplyDeleteI remember this story. Gets me every time. x
ReplyDeleteWell worth the re-telling, John. It's sometimes easy to forget that people, whatever their circumstances, have their pride and don't want to be patronised. Your colleague obviously knew that. xx
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely heartbreaking....I would like to put it on my facebook page...accrediting it to you as author, of course....I would not do it without your permission...Cressida
ReplyDeleteHelp yourself xx
DeleteCould just as easily be any of us. The compassion shown is heartwarming. I wish I could also help that dear lady.
ReplyDeleteI agree "it’s worth repeating every year". Jackie
ReplyDeleteLovely story. It is sad, in a world filled with people, that an individual can be totally alone.
ReplyDeleteIt is a story well worth repeating.
ReplyDeleteTears every time I read this story. I just looked at my calendar and the only thing on it for December is, pick up a Christmas dinner from the Leaside Pub down the street and my dogs grooming appointment at the end of December. I choose to NOT be lonely but it gets a little harder every year. I keep busy putzzing around the house, cleaning, and grocery shopping even though I could have them delivered. I want gigito do what I can until I can’t. Unlike poor Jean, I can afford to keep myself.. it would be unbearable to be poor and lonely. Gigi
ReplyDeleteI hear what you say and understand it too well xx
DeleteI had forgotten this story and so glad to read it again but it made me cry again. That nurse set an example for us all, what a beautiful person she was. Thanks for sharing this again. JanF
ReplyDeleteOn initial read I thought, Oh I have heard this story many times before...but then I realised that is the point of your blog post.
ReplyDeleteMade me cry this time, too.
ReplyDeleteI too remember this story. So sad for Jean but so kind of the nurse.
ReplyDeleteIt is a thoughtful story told well, l would like it to be heard by the people who buy into the overkill that is the modern day Christmas. Whilst many pay 'homage' to shopping and overdoing everything.
ReplyDeleteFolk that are alone and just scraping by endure the wait for it all to be over.
I thankfully are neither by l can't wait for it to arrive..... and then go!
Roll on Spring hey-ho Tess
A story truly worth retelling Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI still find that Christmas real life story gut wrenchingly
ReplyDeletepainfull - even though the Angel sprinkled her fairy dust as she left x
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteThere for the grace of God go us all
ReplyDeleteEven the troll cannot find something to criticise in this story!
Keith
Xx
Wanna bet?
DeleteDon’t tempt fate people
DeleteBless you and your mentor in giving Jen the joy of giving you gifts. Jean likely smiled with herself at the pleasure.
ReplyDeleteKindness goes a long way to lighten the load for everyone.
A timrless story, well told.
Hugs!
Her surname was Nolan and she was married to a charge nurse I worked with in the West Cheshire Hospital
DeleteLifelong mental illness is an awful thing.
ReplyDeleteDumping scores of long term patients in the community of 1980s uk was a travesty
DeleteFor someone with a history of mental illness, I doubt that the tenth floor of a block of flats would be the best place for them.
ReplyDeleteLike many ex patients Pat had little choice and few advocates
DeleteIt is not YP - During the 1980s I used to visit a block of flats - I occasionally spoke to a man in the lift - He seemed very nice - He fell out of his 14th floor flat window - May He rest in Peace x
DeleteI remember this story as you remembered the stories from your Grandmother and every time you tell it I await the 5.00 note behind the card on the mantle and the tears fill my eyes and the lump forms in my throat......every time. Reminds me about the true spirit of Christmas....every time.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
Me too jo, it reminds me of all the bad as well as the good
DeleteYou brought tears to my eyes with this beautiful Christmas story. You also gave me hope, knowing there are such good people out there. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteThat is the loveliest Christmas story ever! Thank you for sharing it. Lynn Ewing
ReplyDeleteTears in my eyes too. A reminder at this time of the year - which is so difficult for many.
ReplyDeleteClick on 3dots top right,then on zoom and reduce to about 150%
ReplyDeleteAll part of your education, John.
ReplyDeleteFor some, Christmas is giving. I'm sure the visit you made that day with the visiting nurse made Jean's Christmas. Bless your kind soul for sharing this lovely remembrance, John. Sending my love, Gail in California USA
ReplyDeleteYes if you’re a a good story. Hope you sleep well under the duvet
ReplyDeleteThis for me is true Christmas spirit and kindness. Loneliness and poverty are terrible companions, especially at Christmas.
ReplyDeletewhat happened to Jean. did she manage to live a reasonable life? moved me last year and the same this year. I shopped for lonely old people in pandemic. one of the ladies of 99 is in hospital now. she is well off by Jean's standards but still has the loneliness. I don't think she will see Christmas and it breaks my heart. we do night shelter at church for homeless ablnd the stories break your heart. I agree the kids dhould see this side of life especially here where they are so bloody entitled.
ReplyDeleteThis too moves me greatly each time I read it, but what makes me even sadder is the fact that nearly 40 years on the plight of many older, sometimes disabled, sometimes with mental health issues or learning difficulties, but all lonely human beings are living in our rich country in this same situation. As other people have commented, I volunteer working with homeless and vulnerably housed people and their stories make me feel angry, ashamed and guilty that my life is so different. Chris
ReplyDeleteYou had a wonderful mentor.
ReplyDeleteMakes me very teary, but beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad that you share this story every year. I look forward to it and the gentle reminder to reach out to others during all the bustle. Thank you. Robin
ReplyDelete