Sunday, 3 July 2022

Sausages of all kinds



 As she grew older, my mother developed a rather unhealthy obsession with her dog, Hamish’ s bowel habits. When, after I had travelled 2 hours from Sheffield to see her in North Wales, one of the first subjects she always crossed was the consistency of his stools. 
This was often discussed before I had managed to take my coat off.

Now most dogs ( and I’m especially referring to welsh terriers here) have the grace to look embarrassed when going to the loo in public. Mary will back into some bush off the beaten track and will complete her toilet needs with the decorum of a debutante. 
Unfortunately, bulldogs show no such reserve and will take a dump, generally rather gleefully, in full view of the  Dagenham Girl Pipers if they got the chance. 
It’s almost a badge of pride if one can pass something the size of a large haggis in front of as many passers by as possible.
Like my mother I have noticed this glitch in their usually bouncy and diva- ish personalities, but only now am sharing it with you all.

This morning on the Dyserth walkway, Dorothy knocked one, the size of an average anaconda, out in front of a large group of middle aged lady walkers, much to the disgust of one who loudly complained it all as being “ Revolting “ 
True the walkers had to form themselves into a fork of two branches in order to negotiate the massive turd as I was looking for a suitable receptacle in which to envelope it in and I thought, at the time that Dorothy did try to make the best of things by grinning widely at the walkers as they tiptoed past.

I must be feeling benign this morning as I didn’t rise to the revolting remark .
That’s not like me.


Anyhow it’s been a nice morning all told. 
Walk, shop and brunch.
I bought sunflowers, bespoke spiced sausages, a reduced priced haggis and some mozzarella cheese 
And cooked sausage with egg for brunch made special with dusting of mozzarella and Korean hot sauce
I finished that with my daily bucket of coffee.
Bliss…..

I took my time over brunch and read as I was eating, only being disturbed by commotion in the lane when forty or so vintage tractors, out for a jaunt passed cottage with a roar. 
We went out to wave as they got a little gridlocked by the church 


The chilli sauce soon had its effects and I retired to my bathroom for a sit down and a read.
As usual Dorothy followed me and sat watching carefully from the doorway .
A “ Thats my boy “ look on her fat face.




32 comments:

  1. Well, you brought this post "full circle," didn't you, lol?

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  2. You held back a chance to say "cheap shoes!"

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    Replies
    1. Yes , she wasn’t really in the wrong

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  3. I'd have liked to have seen Dot's beautiful 'fat' face as she beamingly watched you making your 'efforts'.

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  4. Today, people are quick to judge and discharge their remarks. I see no reason to despair over a dog poop. Silly really. Nice breakfast/brunch. Where are all those tractors going?

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    1. It was an agricultural day in a local village

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  5. So you and Dorothy keep an eye on each other's bowel habits, then. As a nurse, I'm sure you know the importance of that! xx PS, next time take a large carrier bag and a shovel! lol.

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    1. We use the Bristol stool chart at work. My interest is habit

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  6. She's probably wondering why you don't proudly put yours in the walkway.

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  7. Oh, I thought you were going to tell us you gave that woman a talking-to! But let's face it, dog turds ARE pretty disgusting. Olga has been known to poop in the middle of a crosswalk with traffic waiting -- that always makes us popular.

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  8. Is that the reason for the hot sauce or do you like the taste on things you eat?
    Maybe next time you use your best of your non native tongues to say excuse her. ;)

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    1. Since covid I use it more in order to taste things

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  9. It is sometimes said that as we age we ''become our mothers"--- I see parallels between your mother's tales of Hamish's poop, and your way of describing and sharing your own dogs' [and your own] bowel occurrences with your fans here.
    I would like to think you arm yourself w poop bags for walkies---you can buy a little dispenser that goes on the leash ot harness for a few buck on amazon. I've got caught short and had to use my sock a few times though.

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    1. You or your dog Lizzie?!!

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    2. I have pockets filled with poop bags , it’s a constant

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    3. Sarah, hahaha, for the dog, but if I needed to, a sock would be used for me! Makes me think of ghastly camping vacations as a child.

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  10. My fox terrier decided to take a dump outside a nail salon the other day. Door wide open, ladies having their nails done, the poo got stuck coming out and I had to give her a helping hand. Its attached to lots of grass and just kept coming as I was pulling. Oh the shame 🙈😂

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    1. Yes , and I hate the inverse rule that the smaller the dog the bigger the poo

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  11. You have such a great way with words John, I do enjoy your blog.

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  12. Oh dear me - sometimes you do rather sink to depths but I have to laugh you wicked one.

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  13. Our late, much missed Rough Collie used to enjoy walking along with the neighbourhood pack. He and a Great Dane enjoyed dumping side by side. The other pack members were Corgies and small Yorkie mixes. The little dogs always seemed in awe of the big dog dumps and the entire pack would watch as we scooped the poop.

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  14. Sometimes I'm glad I don't have a dog!

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    1. Lol……yes there are downsides , occasionally, like having children

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  15. They look like modern tractors to me. Billy always goes off-piste for his poos. Very well brung-up.

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  16. OMGosh! The first thing my LOVELY Mother would say is a crack about my weight. Always always and that's why I'm in therapy today! Ruth in Oxnard Ca USA

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