My routine is piss boring .
In bed by eleven. Walking dogs around 7 am and sleep in until well after 11 am
Half the day gone in sleep.
My covid swab remains positive.
Let’s change the subject.
There is an image that seems to be living rent free in my head today.
It is the haunted and frightened face of Kelly Holmes as she discussed coming out as gay woman on the tv programme This Morning.
I didn’t watch the interview , nor did I need to Holmes’ motivation in choosing the medium she did, but I was struck by the fear in her face.
Pure, unadulterated fear.
No one should experience such terrible emotion
No one.
And to sit alone on that studio couch seemed so wrong to me.
There’s nothing more flitting around in my head today. I haven’t the concentration for a book.
I’ve cleaned out the kitchen flotsam drawer and watered the planters
The colours in the garden borders look cheerful
Personally, I don't see why anyone feels they have to reveal their sexuality in full public view, it's nobody's business but theirs and shouldn't matter to anyone else. But that's in an ideal world, and of course this isn't an ideal world is it?
ReplyDeleteI hope you start feeling better very soon, John. I've heard of several people for whom second time around Covid has been worse than the first time.
Yes I’ve been getting the “ second” is “ bad” vibe all week.
DeleteI’m feeling isolated today and have been running outside to the back patio to say hello to people as they pass.
I’ve had a get well card from my friends Wendy and Alun in prestatyn which was lovely and lots of texts asking if I’m ok
Colourful garden John - is the pink good old Valerian Get well soon. Relax and look forward to Roger's arrival is he having a new bed and have you told the girls?
ReplyDeleteMy Sister HATES valerian but has left some in the wall as a backdrop to her planting . She has a talent in matching colours , something , me , being colourblind, often miss
DeleteI always just assumed Dame Kelly Holmes was gay anyway, I don't know why, I just did.
ReplyDeleteNot that it makes an iota of difference to how I see her, she's still a beautiful, amazing woman, with two Olympic Gold medals and one Olympic Bronze medal! I have no doubt that her medal tally would have been far greater had she not suffered with injury as she did, but she's one of our greatest sports women even so!
Why she chose to come out is, of course, entirely her own business, maybe she'll feel better with it all out in the open now, who knows?
I feel really sad that she looked so afraid, no-one should be afraid to be who they truly are. If others don't like it, that's their problem!
She's still gorgeous, amazing, brave, kind and a wonderful role model to young girls. Coming out as gay will hopefully help her, but it shouldn't change how proud we all are of her! It certainly won't in this household! X
Col,
DeleteYour words have summed up brilliantly what we all should be thinking. Thank you so much for them.
Being lesbian is one link in a wonderfully impressive life and list of achievements
( and I do class coming out as an achievement )
It's such a shame that people feel they have to come out so publicly. We've come some way to accepting homosexuality, but we're not there yet. The garden is looking gorgeous. Balm for the soul. Just go with the flow, John. Your body needs rest to recuperate. Put some nice soothing music on, pour yourself a G&T, grab the nearest fur baby to cuddle, and doze. xx
ReplyDeleteI often think that we ARE there, generally …perhaps I am so wrong
DeleteI did watch the interview, it wasn't an easy watch. It was mainly her fear of what the army might retrospectively do to her if she came out publicly. Luckily, nothing! My son came out years ago and at the time there was still a lot of homophobic violence. I worried so much he would be targeted. Thankfully we live in a much more accepting society but there's still plenty of room for improvement. I hope she can finally be happy xxx
ReplyDeleteAli, I am glad someone else picked on her specific fear . Much of her points of reference were/ are based in the past so I’m not surprised by her reticence l I hope now she can revisit the day, things are better forher
DeleteHope you're enjoying music while you cannot concentrate on a book. Sleep is essential for recovery so be gentle with yourself.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Babs , I seldom play music in the cottage,
DeleteSometimes I will, but often I like to watch a performance as well as listen to it.
I haven’t got a great music system ( ie good speakers ) but strangely I have just bought some on Amazon , in an effort to drown out that snappy bastard from next door
I found it sobering that she felt fear to say who she was. Left handed, right handed, ambidextrous - gay, straight, bi. Whatever
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that people still define people by their sexuality or race or many other things.
I don’t define myself by sexuality, dominant hand, height, eye colour, nationalities etc etc. I am just me!
I can remember a comment a long time ago on your blog, can’t remember who wrote it but it was to the effect that they always saw your blog as a gay blog.
Kisses to Albert as always
My sexuality is perhaps the least interesting thing about me ( it’s the least exciting to be fair)
DeleteBut I do think Going Gently is a gay blog, ( gay in part) only because my original idea for it was a journal of a gay couple moving into a welsh village
So sad that she was that scared, I had always assumed she was gay anyway ... and that's from someone who's gaydar seems to works very rarely!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you start to feel better soon, you sound absolutely drained by this bout of Covid.
Sue,
DeleteI can honestly say that apart from a bout of chicken pox in 1996 this is the sickest I have ever felt in my life.
I think when I mean sickest, I mean “ consistently unwell” was it a week since Dave and I went to catch the Planein Liverpool
I didnt see the interview but wonder if the media were going to out her. I really hope that isn't the case.
ReplyDeleteMust of been so hard for her to feel she had to keep her sexuality secret for so long. Shame on any individual or organisation that did that.
It's no ones business but hers and her partner.
I hope she can now live a open and happy life with out fear.
Irene
Nicely put Irene
DeleteThis “ outing “ has just occurred to the Australian actress Rebel Wilson who was “ forced” into revealing her sexuality
All this seems rather dating to many who have no interest in sexualities any more.
I can see that it has taken a lot for her to go public. Years ago I met a young woman who had been thrown out of the Royal Navy for, in her words," agressive lesbianism". Dame Kelly would be a bit younger than this woman, but would have still known that her career, and support as a sportswoman, depended on her keeping her sexuality secret. Plus, she is now an Honorary Colonel, so very much a role model, who would feel that she cannot break the 'rules' of the forces.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I had always assumed that she was gay, and so what!
I also assumed the same ,
DeleteI cannot abide when people look so fearful , especially in public situations .
I remember , when I worked in Pittsburgh seeing a Hispanic woman with obvious mental health problems sob uncontrollably on a bus . She looked terrified . I recall the bus driver stopping the bus and she and an auxiliary nurse gently stroking her hair in a bid to calm her
please check your oxygen in your blood levels with one of those little machines that you clip on the end of your finger.Also check for low low blood pressure. I wish we had known more before my husband was taken to hospital with Covid pneumonia.Don't leave it too late.
ReplyDeleteI suspect I’ve had the start of covid since Inverness which was three weeks ago . The virus is still active in my system as I’ve reacted positive yesterday and today. I’m therefore passed the “ danger stage “ caz
DeleteI am mindful of your advice though , thank you x
You usually lead a pretty active lifestyle. Maybe a few days of rest and reflection are in order :).
ReplyDeleteThat’s all I’m up for
DeleteI know I’m feeling a bit better because I’ve acknowledged I’m bored and I’m feeling sorry for myself .I’m boring myself
Bored is good. Means you're feeling a bit better but your body won't let you do too much yet! Pace yourself. xx
DeleteI am….I would never have gone to bed again at 7 am until 11 am EVER
DeleteYou used to take the dogs out and then go back to bed where your lover waited back in bed for you.
DeleteLover?
DeleteAnd never until 11 am never !
She doesn't look that afraid to me.
ReplyDeleteIf you have to sleep all day to get well, do it.
Mage in the interview she looked truly terrified, I was suddenly upset by the extent of it . I wonder what the producers thought? Good tv? I thought we all may be past all that now
DeleteI don't know who Kelly Holmes is, but good luck to her! I hope all her fears prove to be unfounded or, if not, she finds the resilience to cope and rise above them.
ReplyDeleteNicely put debra
DeleteI find is very disappointing that in 2022 we are still having to fear saying who we are. Surely all that gay stigma disappeared decades ago. Clare Balding seemed to have no problems with her sexuality, I can't see why Holmes has. Maybe it's because I'm a hetro-Brightonian.
ReplyDeleteI did not see all of the interview, but the short extract I saw was as distressing as you said. Dame Kelly's fear, stress, anguish - it was hard to watch. She should not have sat alone. Why the heck couldn't Schofield get up and give her a hug?
ReplyDeleteI don't know who Kelly Holmes is, but she does look terrified. Coming out is a big step and a scary experience no matter who you are or what stage of life you're in. Ideally, of course, it shouldn't be, but making a revelation that will so fundamentally change (rightly or wrongly) the way people see you is always hard.
ReplyDelete