Wednesday, 8 December 2021

“ You see, no one ever called me darling before”



Yesterday I had coffee with a friend, Steven, who I’ve know for years
He’s gay but not “out” 
A decision I don’t quite understand in this day and age, but one I respect.
He’s younger than me and is in his late 40s
And all he wants is to find Mr Right.

I think he gets a little exasperated with me when Mr Right is mentioned , for I often lapse into Victoria Woods’ now classic mini documentary Mr Right where Anne Reid, playing spinster Pamela Twill famously muses

“Mr Right? …..hummm…I've met Mr Wrong…..I've met several Mr Reasonably Okays……….. I've spent a very long afternoon in a bus shelter with Mr Halitosis.”

 Steven always gets a bit haughty when I quote Victoria Wood at him and accuses me of not taking him seriously.
I apologise as I should do. 
He just wants to be part of a couple and always asks me if I’ve met anyone “ Nice” in the constant hope that I haven’t .
I never let him down in that hope.

“ Your problem John, is that you don’t try hard enough” Steven advised after telling me all about a frenetic date he had just had on Grindr “ You don’t put yourself out there?” 
I’m not sure just what he meant by “ out there” as to me the apps are all about sex and very little else
so I laughed at the dichotomy
I think I’m becoming content with being “ Charlotte Vale “ I told him
He looked confused 
Now Voyager? “ I explained and he shrugged . 
Steven is not a cinefile gay
I was going to become fully Bette Davis with Charlotte’s full and most famous quote in character
but settled with a half arsed version with a mild pouting 

“ Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars.”

Steven laughed and asked 

“ Who the fuck is Jerry?”

58 comments:

  1. Hope springs eternal, as they say.

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  2. I can't imagine being in my forties and still in the closet, but then I'm not a gay man, or woman for that matter. I have lost all desire for sex and just want hugs now, and my own bed.

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  3. Unfortunately I have the misfortune to have found several Mr Right(Nots)-and I think there can be disppointments ahead when looking becomes a priority if grabbing the first willing participant-not that I'm at all sodding bitter of course x

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    1. Lol best not to look for someone new me thinks flis

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  4. Was just reading this as husband is sitting here watching some old black and white film. He loves movies and film and such. I turned to him and asked if he knew who Charlotte Vale was in film. He wasn’t sure and when I said “Now Voyager” he said, “Oh, Bette Davis!” I have no clue what either of you is talking about.🙂

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    1. It’s a niche blog today
      Only a few will get my message

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  5. I always found that these things happened naturally, at least in the heterosexual world they always did. No dating apps in my day.

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    1. Agree, Cro. The whole "apping" thing is a mystery to me. On the strength of some photo and description, you meet up with someone for the FIRST time and you both know full well you are eyeing each other up for "potential"? I can't think of few things more horrible and contrived. And cringeworthy.

      U

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  6. Barbara Anne5:41 am

    You have an amazing recall of apt and wonderful quotes!!
    An educated man with a good sense of humor, kindness, who can entertain himself and others is worth finding. Those qualities might not make up Mr Right for everyone, but worked for me.
    Wishing you and Stephen each a 'Mr. Just Right' at just the right time and place.

    Hugs!

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    1. Im ok being charlotte vale
      As bette was

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  7. John, just cottoning on to one aspect of your post (and yes, I too am a Bette Davis fan). Why should that guy "come out"? I don't even know what that means. I am told that, on the whole, gays recognize each other on instinct just like lesbians don't give me a second glance.

    Anyway, thinking as I write, your friend will have a logistical problem once he finds his Mr "Right". He'll be "out" by necessity.

    U

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    1. It’s his choice, like I say I respect it
      I think being gay nowadays is no big deal

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    2. You were told wrong

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    3. Anonymous4:20 pm

      This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    4. It's just a matter of time before the viper bites again John.

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  8. That's such a great line. Bitter sweet.

    The apps seem a bit contrived and often disappointing I would think. You have the right idea and just by enjoying as full life as you can and liking and caring for people it may happen. If not, then you have not wasted time waiting for it.

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    1. Men are driven by sex on apps , so it’s easy to find if you want it

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  9. When I came out, I wouldn’t consider dating someone who was NOT out. For one reason, it made me feel ashamed. I would think it would be even more difficult in this day and age... even if you DO put yourself “out there.”

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    1. I get what you say, I had the same feeling from my first boyfriend

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  10. Reminds me of a friend who used to sigh and say that all she met were unsuitable suitors.

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  11. You have a romantic soul John and, as you say, dating apps seem to be all about sex. Frankly, I would find the thought of signing up to one terrifying! I would say it is far better to be out and about being sociable and enjoying yourself, whether Mr Right happens along that day or not.

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  12. I'm not sure he (or anyone) will find Mr Right on Grindr. There's an awful lot more to a relationship than sex. xx

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  13. I second Tracy's comment, better to be out and out and about socialising than trying to find anyone while on Grindr and still firmly in the closet. He would do well to follow your example and have a nice social life. You flit around like a lovely sociable and cultured butterfly you deserve to meet someone nice.

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  14. The film references are lost on me, a gap in my education. My "gaydar" was never reliable.

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  15. Quotes from another favourite movie of mine John. Miss Betty at her best and and my much loved Claude Raines who played her psychiatrist. After a few too many mister blahs I finally found the right one...when I stopped looking. Isn't that always the way? Twenty two years now. He's a keeper.

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    1. It was a stroke of genius casting the much older character actor Raines as the psychiatrist

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  16. Back in the 70s when I had been Dumped at 19 after a 3 year relationship which I thought would result in marriage(he was a bit older and two timed me with Barbara Windsor-not the real one)-I only went out with disco boys-so at 20 and under the influence of valium I joined a well known dating agency- disaster-I met Roger-he did not tick all my boxes-not the handsome one at all but I maturely thought looks were not all important-Baste the nut roast told me he was seeing someone else too-I went elsewhere and he tried to return-Another said that he was going to Complain about me being strange apparently but I was on medication and he was not at all the boxes I ticked on the form x

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    1. Lol great story flis

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    2. Shall I share with you-the search then moved on-I decided to concentrate on specialising with a nice selection of Arab gentlemen-handsome,very charming but sadly no x

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  17. John, you have the best blog. I look forward to reading it every day - always something new or a great story. Keep it up.

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  18. Anonymous1:34 pm

    I think there is some truth in being content on your own before looking to be part of a couple.

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    1. Some people cannot cope unless they are part of a couple

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  19. "Different strokes for different folks!"
    We all have our own individual styles and some like to be alone and some do not. I wish you happiness, John! xx

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    1. Be nice that we all have a bit of happiness in 2022

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  20. Your blog never fails to amuse me!

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  21. In my day - admittedly not yesterday- it was go to the village dance and stand with the girls at one end of the room while one of the lads from the other end plucks up the courage and walks the length of the room and asks you to dance. You can have a good mental tick list in that one dance.

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    1. Where did the gays stand?

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    2. Anonymous4:29 pm

      In those days they didn't stand anywhere - they wouldn't dare for fear of being outed and shamed.
      There were many gays who got married to the opposite sex and tried to appear "normal" because homosexuality was a taboo subject in those days.

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    3. It was illegal when Weaver went to dances.

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    4. My uncle was gay, as we discovered not long before he died, yet he had married, had kids, divorced, denied what he was... A life of tragedy. He was a good man. It makes me weep. I liked him so much. At least I got to tell him that.

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    5. ...and one day, not long before he died, he said to me, and in several contexts, "We never say what we need to say until it's too late." At least he managed to say that to me, I suppose.

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    6. “Bittersweet and strange”
      Tale as old as time

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  22. My sister and I were having a good laugh recently about her first love, (some 30 plus years ago.) She met beautiful, charismatic Danny in one of her University theatre classes. She spoke of little else but Danny back then. She realizes in retrospect that Danny was by no means in the closet. She just refused to see the truth. Her awakening came the night he took her to a gay bar. Today, he's a successful playwright. They've even managed to stay in touch over the years.

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  23. LOL -- that's funny! Yeah, I hate to say it, but I don't think Steven is likely to find anything long-term on Grindr. Who knows, though?

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  24. Being happy with yourself and your lot is important. If you are meant to be a couple, it will happen. A neighbor, hired a matchmaker and he ultimately married based on a match. I won't describe the marriage...

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  25. Content..purpose..friends..comfortable in your skin..it's a good life.

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  26. Charlotte Vale we cheered her on such an wonderful film and cast it's my husbands favorite movie.
    Your a warm kind person with a full social life I believe that love will find you when you least expect it.

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  27. "A life of single blessedness"... Still, I think the key moment in the film is when Charlotte says: "I'm not afraid anymore. "

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