Christmas stories are always worth repeating its one of the traditions of the season
Enjoy this one
Christmas 1985
Christmas week 1985 I was shadowing a community psychiatric nursing sister with her caseload in the deprived and depressing northern town of Runcorn.
Through a succession of faceless maisonettes, we sat on grubby sofas and listened to sad stories of loneliness, mental illness and substance abuse and I watched as my mentor tried her best to keep heads above water and bums out of the local psychiatric unit.
The last visit of the day was to a woman called Jean.
Jean lived alone in the top flat of a ten story complex. She had suffered from severe mental health problems for forty years and had recently been placed in her flat from long term psychiatric care only a few months before.
I remember her flat very well. There was no carpet in the hall and the living room but there was a tiny tinsel Christmas tree standing on top of a large black and white tv. A homemade fabric stocking was hung on the fire surround and just two Christmas cards were perched on the mantle.
( one of those cards having been sent by my colleague) The flat was sparse but incredibly clean and it was evident that Jean had been waiting for our visit all day.
In mismatching cups we were offered coffee with powdered milk and a single mince pie served on a paper plate and I remember sharing a sad glance with the nurse when Jean presented us both with gifts hastily wrapped in cheap Christmas paper. My gift was two placemats with photos of cats on them. The nurse received a small yellow vase, and I remember Jean beaming with delight when we both thanked her effusively for her kindness.
When we washed up our own cups, the nurse quietly checked the fridge, noting that most of the shelves were empty . There was a calender on the wall with the note " NURSE COMES TODAY" written on that day's date. Nothing else was written on it until the week of new year's eve, where the same sentence was written.
It was the very first time that I had experienced someone who was so totally isolated in a community setting and it shocked and saddened me.
I listened as the nurse talked about medication, and as I waited patiently when she took Jean into the bedroom to administer a regular injection I noticed a carrier bag which the nurse had tucked away by the side of the arm chair shortly after we arrived. In it was a package of cold meat, and what looked like chocolates and a cake.
Before we left, we let Jean monopolize her only conversation of the week and as she retrieved our coats, I watched and grew a few years older as the nurse silently slipped a ten pound note behind one of the cards on the mantle.
Through a succession of faceless maisonettes, we sat on grubby sofas and listened to sad stories of loneliness, mental illness and substance abuse and I watched as my mentor tried her best to keep heads above water and bums out of the local psychiatric unit.
The last visit of the day was to a woman called Jean.
Jean lived alone in the top flat of a ten story complex. She had suffered from severe mental health problems for forty years and had recently been placed in her flat from long term psychiatric care only a few months before.
I remember her flat very well. There was no carpet in the hall and the living room but there was a tiny tinsel Christmas tree standing on top of a large black and white tv. A homemade fabric stocking was hung on the fire surround and just two Christmas cards were perched on the mantle.
( one of those cards having been sent by my colleague) The flat was sparse but incredibly clean and it was evident that Jean had been waiting for our visit all day.
In mismatching cups we were offered coffee with powdered milk and a single mince pie served on a paper plate and I remember sharing a sad glance with the nurse when Jean presented us both with gifts hastily wrapped in cheap Christmas paper. My gift was two placemats with photos of cats on them. The nurse received a small yellow vase, and I remember Jean beaming with delight when we both thanked her effusively for her kindness.
When we washed up our own cups, the nurse quietly checked the fridge, noting that most of the shelves were empty . There was a calender on the wall with the note " NURSE COMES TODAY" written on that day's date. Nothing else was written on it until the week of new year's eve, where the same sentence was written.
It was the very first time that I had experienced someone who was so totally isolated in a community setting and it shocked and saddened me.
I listened as the nurse talked about medication, and as I waited patiently when she took Jean into the bedroom to administer a regular injection I noticed a carrier bag which the nurse had tucked away by the side of the arm chair shortly after we arrived. In it was a package of cold meat, and what looked like chocolates and a cake.
Before we left, we let Jean monopolize her only conversation of the week and as she retrieved our coats, I watched and grew a few years older as the nurse silently slipped a ten pound note behind one of the cards on the mantle.
It is worth repeating- thank you!
ReplyDeleteI thought so…..and to be honest I didn’t have anything much to write today
DeleteRead this with a tear in my eye.
ReplyDelete36 years later and there are still too many good people living with such isolation, crushing loneliness, no family or friends.
Yes…..all compounded with mental illness and financial insecurity
DeleteDespite the tears that are pricking my eyes, thank you for sharing this story. I am now counting my blessings. xx
ReplyDeleteEasier said than done sometimes x
DeleteHow lovely of the nurse to have done that.
ReplyDeleteThere are some that don’t believe it
DeleteWow!
ReplyDeleteHow we fail as a species that claims to have society.
ReplyDeleteGhandi was right
Deletethe true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members’.
That brought tears to my eyes, for generosity of spirit from both those women.
ReplyDeleteExactly BOTH women
DeleteI believe that you John have a beautiful kind heart as the nursing sister xx
ReplyDelete'Tis the season for slipping £10 notes behind cards. We should all follow her example.
ReplyDeletePerhaps we all should , just one act of kindness
DeleteOh gosh ... now I have a tear in my eye and a huge lump in my throat. A story well worth repeating.
ReplyDeleteSteady girl x
DeleteThe two of you probably loved her better than anyone else in the world. Thank you
ReplyDeleteShe probably had an adequate income, perhaps unwisely spent, but the pleasure from gifts as you and the extra your mentor gave her must have been joyful for her.
ReplyDeleteIf she had been 'placed' in her flat, after years of psychiatric care, her income would probably have been very basic indeed, and she would have been most unlikely to know how to play the system and maximise that income.
DeleteTo me, her gifts were as the widow's mite.
Unfortunately, there are still such very alone people in the world.
Oh Andrew , Jean was one of thousands that left institutional care with the minimum of skills and abilities.
DeleteThey were often taken advantage of ( sadly this is still the case) even though Pova’s can help
There are good people who go above and beyond their remit of the job. x
ReplyDeleteIt’s always the way in my experience
Deletesuch a wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteI remembered it well
DeleteLump in throat and tears in eyes after that. I hardly ever comment on blogs John but read yours every day. Counting blessings and remembering the quote of Ghandi on a visit to USA when asked what he thought of western civilisation he replied "It would be a good idea" Thank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteLol I didn’t know that quote
DeleteWhat a wonderful story, made me cry and feel thankful for all I have. There but for the grace of god go I ……
ReplyDeleteIndeed. Merry Christmas x
DeleteNo words my friend, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHappy Christmas me old son
DeleteYou've done for me this morning John, but thank you for re-posting. Your story has brought me up short and reminds me of the real importance of kindness.
ReplyDeleteThat’s my job lol
DeleteHolidays can be so lonely for those who have no one....
ReplyDeleteYes, at least , in the old asylums company could be had
DeleteHeartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. So important to make a difference in whatever small ways we can.
ReplyDeleteXx
DeleteYou didn't have to make me cry at 6:30 in the morning, John.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good reminder for us all now that the holiday season is here. You never know how much small acts of kindness can mean to another person. Thank you for sharing this.
Good point…it costs very little
DeleteThank you for your card xx
DeleteYou learned from the best, your gifts from the mentor
ReplyDeleteI can’t remember her first name ( the nurse) ….but I do remember her surname
DeleteSmall acts of kindness benefit everybody. Peace on earth and good will toward all.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely . I witnessed a lot of these kindnesses in psychiatric wards which often had bed reputations
DeleteWrite your book, John, please! Readers will laugh, cry, and learn so much from your experiences.
ReplyDeleteIt was and is a good story
DeleteYour colleague left £10 in 1985? Did she really? Wow, that's the equivalent of about £35 in today's money. I remember £10 being a large amount of money in the mid 80's. Is it likely that a health visitor would leave £35 on a client's mantelpiece now? Or was your colleague very wealthy?
ReplyDeleteWhy is it neccessary to look down on the lady's circumstances and judge her? Cheap wrapping paper? We recycle wrapping paper but if we need to buy more we buy the cheapest we can find, the majority of it is going to end up in the bin anyway.
Mismatching cups? My goodness what a thing to judge someone by. We don't have any matching cups in our house! I don't remember us ever having any matching cups.
Powdered milk? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! I use it, as I'm the only one to have milk and a bottle of any size would mean wasting some.
By the way we (the two of us) had a total of 4 cards last year, this year it's likely to be 3 as one sender has sadly died this year.
We're happy and feel fortunate to have what we do have and our dog, we don't need strings of Christmas cards and matching cups to make us happy. We do have carpeted floors! We would never judge anybody by their possessions or living conditions.
I hope that you've greatly embellished the story to make it sound more dramatic, otherwise it's sad to think that you could be so shallow.
I don't think John was being judgemental, dramatic or shallow. He was just telling it like it was.
DeleteMy answer is below lol
DeleteThere are so many people like Jean in this world, alas. Your story is a timely reminder to all of us to be more kind at this time of year, and always.
ReplyDeletePerhaps we should all pay things forward with just one small gesture each …let’s not overface ourselves x
DeleteShe wasn't being judged, her circumstances and kindness were commented on.
ReplyDeleteOh lord
ReplyDeleteThe Christmas “pseudonym”troll is out today and her teeth are certainly Sharp
What an effort in reply to a true story
What an effort to be judgemental yourself
My colleague was a senior sister and was by no means rich….I presumed it was ten pounds she left, it was certainly a note of sorts and it wasn’t a pound note, if I embellished the amount of the gift, call it balanced by inflation lol
I described what I saw without a negative judgement but a judgement of now difficult things were for her. Like so many ex long term psychiatric patients brought out of institutions they had lived for half a lifetime she was isolated and poor….and was obviously on a very tight budget and I was moved by her attempt at making things just “right”
“ Kay” You obviously missed the humanity in the post,
Her humanity and the care and concern of the senior nurse I worked with, she had bucket loads of humanity.
Your negativity seeps from your reply which I feel is sad.
I wonder why you read Going Gently? For Your lack of regard for it is obvious
I hope you have a peaceful Christmas .
Raise a mismatched teacup in front of your cards and toast your good fortune
I wish you all the best
Ps
DeleteI can be incredibly shallow
At times……….
Today I feel virtuously restrained lol
You can also be patronising John, there waa absolutely no need for your sarcastic last paragraph - "raise a mismatched teacup" etc.
DeleteThat was my opinion, if you don't like it you're free to delete it after reading!
It's even sadder today , that Jean would probably not even get that important visit , what a wonderful person your collegue must have been
ReplyDeleteYes , you are so right
DeleteI worked as a community nurse for 32 yrs. My husband once asked what we do for "those people" to which I replied, "We're paid to be their friends," because many people who live on the edge have no solid social supports other than paid agency staff. John, your life is rich because of these stories and make mine richer as well each time I read one. Merry Christmas to you.
ReplyDeleteI’m sure you have many such stories, and I’m sure you supported such patients with gifts and the like
DeleteYou are just too polite to admit it xx
Merry Christmas to you mona x
I was in community home care back in the 80s as well. I have a similar memory from a Christmas Eve visit to an elderly client and her much older mother. That visit has stayed with me now forty years on.
ReplyDeleteYes, I have several such memories
DeleteI was a gauche and middle class and devoid of much life experience back then. I grew up quickly at times
I love this story...so sweet and sad at the same time.
ReplyDeleteIt’s all about people’s abilities to carry on
DeleteHow heartwarming and heartbreaking. May all the Jeans in the world have someone to care for them and to care about them.
ReplyDeleteTa for this worthwhile story.
Hugs!
Sadly support in the community for the long term mentally ill remains sporadic and dependent on more untrained support
DeleteCommunity psychiatric nursing was almost a new profession back in the early 1980s but even then, worries regarding size of case loads were an issue
ReplyDeleteTears resulted on reading this John. How many people are like this this year - and there really is nothing much we can do is there? I don't suppose the shortage of workers in the field helps. (or the poor pay which doesn't encourage them to apply for what is a heart-breaking job much of the time) -all makes me feel so sad and inadequate.
ReplyDeleteWe live the lives we are given
DeleteNo sadness in that deArheart x
Loved the story!
ReplyDeleteIt's a time where we should be more aware of others, indeed. The 'caring' professions are really underappreciated.
XOXO
And don’t forget the majority of supporters who are untrained, underpaid and over worked
DeleteI feel sad for ‘Kay’ who must be very lonely herself to miss the whole caring point of your post.
DeleteI was touched by the tidiness and pride the client had for her home in diminished circumstances. Just this morning I walked my dog past one of the many RV’s on the street where semi homeless people live. He had placed a welcome mat by the steps. Making the best of our lot inspires me. Merry Christmas John!❤️Suz
Anon( all three of them) have their own agendas
DeleteSuz if you read Kay's comment again you'll see she says she's happy and she's not alone - she says "we"
DeleteShe isn't 'very lonely' at all, in fact the opposite, she describes being happy.
Thanks Kay
DeleteYou arse
DeleteWhat a sad and lovely story. "Where are all the lonely people... where do they all belong?"
ReplyDeleteWiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
DeleteNo one was saved
Thank you for sharing this story again, John. Tis the season for thoughtfulness. Much love to you, dear man.
ReplyDeleteAnd to you dear one x
DeleteThat's made me cry, John and really touched me. The kindness shown by both women, both giving what they could and completely selfless. Louise X
ReplyDeleteI loved that too Louise the kindness of BOTH women
DeleteWas it a tenth floor walk up flat?
ReplyDeleteYou had some fine mentors, John. The nurse sounds so compassionate and kind. Rereading this lovely story---I can see young John observing, learning, and yes, maybe being a bit judgmental. All part of growing up.
No there was a lift
DeleteWonderful story, John. I need to give back more...that story was a motivator.
ReplyDeleteSame for me. The story was a lovely reminder.
DeleteI think sometimes people who have very little like to share what they have-I will never forget visiting my grandma who lived in a tiny terraced house on a cobbled street-her neighbour who looked very poor had lots of children but regularly hurried out when me and mum walked past with chips straight from her chip pan on a small plate for me-some years later she very sadly committed suicide-"Connie"x
ReplyDeleteThere’s power in giving
DeleteWhat a moving story, John. Thank you. A reminder to me to DO something for those less fortunate… TODAY.
ReplyDeleteYes, just one small thing each
DeleteA good lesson was taught to me by my parents and it was this: never look down on someone unless you are helping them up.
ReplyDeletePlease tell Kay this one
DeleteThanks for re telling this story and reminding us about the joy in sharing, no matter how humble our circumstance there is no place like home and I think
ReplyDeleteof Jean who had pride of place after her long struggle
and shared what she had and no doubt after you both left regained her self worth and hopefully went on to live a well lived life.
That clean little flat taught me a great deal
DeleteHow heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteI'm not crying, YOU"RE crying!! Oh my goodness....
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your professional approach.These are pieces of very useful information that will be of great use for me in future.
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Theres still lonliness about - last year bought it out in bucket loads.I befriend 2 elderly ladies who needed support during pandemic. One I shall call Mo has low self esteem , compared to Jean she has money but few friends. I see her fortnightly and we speak and email when we can. She lost her mum her male friend and her 2 friends - one has bi polar the other dementia. Her next of kin is an ex Age UK worker. She rarely gets a visitor. I have made sure she has a gift to open on Christmas day, and arranged a Christmas Lunch from the charity I work for. Your story broke my heart, often those with little are the most generous. Did you ever see her again?
ReplyDeleteNo , I never did .
DeleteEveryone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Be kind people. Always.
ReplyDelete