Worth Repeating

 


Christmas stories are always worth repeating its one of the traditions of the season

Enjoy this one 

Christmas 1985

Christmas week 1985 I was  shadowing a community psychiatric nursing sister with her caseload in the deprived and depressing northern town of Runcorn.
Through a succession of faceless maisonettes, we sat on grubby sofas and listened to  sad stories of loneliness, mental illness and substance abuse and I watched as my mentor tried her best to keep heads above water and bums out of the local psychiatric unit.
The last visit of the day was to a woman called Jean.
Jean lived alone in the top flat of a ten story complex. She had suffered from severe mental health problems for forty years and had recently been placed in her flat from long term psychiatric care only a few months before.
I remember her flat very well. There was no carpet in the hall and the living room but there was a tiny tinsel Christmas tree standing on top of a large black and white tv.  A homemade fabric stocking was hung on the fire surround and just two Christmas cards  were perched on the mantle.
( one of those cards having been sent by my colleague) The flat was sparse but incredibly clean and it was evident that Jean had been waiting for our visit all day.
In mismatching cups we were offered coffee with powdered milk and a single mince pie served on a paper plate and I remember sharing a sad glance with the nurse when Jean presented us both with gifts hastily wrapped in cheap Christmas paper. My gift was two placemats with photos of cats on them. The nurse received a small yellow vase, and I remember Jean beaming with delight when we both thanked her effusively for her kindness. 
When we washed up our own cups, the nurse quietly checked the fridge, noting that most of the shelves were empty . There was a calender on the wall with the note " NURSE COMES TODAY" written on that day's date. Nothing else was written on it until the week of new year's eve, where the same sentence was written.
It was the very first time that I had experienced someone who was so totally isolated in a community setting and it shocked and saddened me.
I listened as the nurse talked about medication, and as  I waited patiently when she took Jean into the bedroom to administer a regular injection I noticed a carrier bag which the nurse had tucked away by the side of the arm chair shortly after we arrived. In it was a package of cold meat, and what looked like chocolates and a cake.
Before we left, we let Jean monopolize her only conversation of the week and as she retrieved our coats, I watched and grew a few years older as the nurse silently slipped a ten pound note behind one of the cards on the mantle.

100 comments:

  1. It is worth repeating- thank you!

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    1. I thought so…..and to be honest I didn’t have anything much to write today

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  2. Read this with a tear in my eye.

    36 years later and there are still too many good people living with such isolation, crushing loneliness, no family or friends.

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    1. Yes…..all compounded with mental illness and financial insecurity

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  3. Despite the tears that are pricking my eyes, thank you for sharing this story. I am now counting my blessings. xx

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  4. How lovely of the nurse to have done that.

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    1. There are some that don’t believe it

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  5. How we fail as a species that claims to have society.

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    Replies
    1. Ghandi was right
      the true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members’.

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  6. That brought tears to my eyes, for generosity of spirit from both those women.

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  7. I believe that you John have a beautiful kind heart as the nursing sister xx

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  8. 'Tis the season for slipping £10 notes behind cards. We should all follow her example.

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    1. Perhaps we all should , just one act of kindness

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  9. Oh gosh ... now I have a tear in my eye and a huge lump in my throat. A story well worth repeating.

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  10. The two of you probably loved her better than anyone else in the world. Thank you

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  11. Anonymous9:27 am

    She probably had an adequate income, perhaps unwisely spent, but the pleasure from gifts as you and the extra your mentor gave her must have been joyful for her.

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    1. veg artist9:50 am

      If she had been 'placed' in her flat, after years of psychiatric care, her income would probably have been very basic indeed, and she would have been most unlikely to know how to play the system and maximise that income.
      To me, her gifts were as the widow's mite.
      Unfortunately, there are still such very alone people in the world.

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    2. Oh Andrew , Jean was one of thousands that left institutional care with the minimum of skills and abilities.
      They were often taken advantage of ( sadly this is still the case) even though Pova’s can help

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  12. There are good people who go above and beyond their remit of the job. x

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    1. It’s always the way in my experience

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  13. such a wonderful story.

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  14. Anonymous10:11 am

    Lump in throat and tears in eyes after that. I hardly ever comment on blogs John but read yours every day. Counting blessings and remembering the quote of Ghandi on a visit to USA when asked what he thought of western civilisation he replied "It would be a good idea" Thank you for sharing your story.

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  15. What a wonderful story, made me cry and feel thankful for all I have. There but for the grace of god go I ……

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  16. No words my friend, thank you for sharing.

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  17. You've done for me this morning John, but thank you for re-posting. Your story has brought me up short and reminds me of the real importance of kindness.

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  18. Holidays can be so lonely for those who have no one....

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    1. Yes, at least , in the old asylums company could be had

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  19. Heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. So important to make a difference in whatever small ways we can.

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  20. You didn't have to make me cry at 6:30 in the morning, John.

    This is a good reminder for us all now that the holiday season is here. You never know how much small acts of kindness can mean to another person. Thank you for sharing this.

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  21. You learned from the best, your gifts from the mentor

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    1. I can’t remember her first name ( the nurse) ….but I do remember her surname

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  22. Small acts of kindness benefit everybody. Peace on earth and good will toward all.

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    1. Absolutely . I witnessed a lot of these kindnesses in psychiatric wards which often had bed reputations

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  23. Write your book, John, please! Readers will laugh, cry, and learn so much from your experiences.

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  24. Your colleague left £10 in 1985? Did she really? Wow, that's the equivalent of about £35 in today's money. I remember £10 being a large amount of money in the mid 80's. Is it likely that a health visitor would leave £35 on a client's mantelpiece now? Or was your colleague very wealthy?

    Why is it neccessary to look down on the lady's circumstances and judge her? Cheap wrapping paper? We recycle wrapping paper but if we need to buy more we buy the cheapest we can find, the majority of it is going to end up in the bin anyway.

    Mismatching cups? My goodness what a thing to judge someone by. We don't have any matching cups in our house! I don't remember us ever having any matching cups.

    Powdered milk? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! I use it, as I'm the only one to have milk and a bottle of any size would mean wasting some.

    By the way we (the two of us) had a total of 4 cards last year, this year it's likely to be 3 as one sender has sadly died this year.

    We're happy and feel fortunate to have what we do have and our dog, we don't need strings of Christmas cards and matching cups to make us happy. We do have carpeted floors! We would never judge anybody by their possessions or living conditions.

    I hope that you've greatly embellished the story to make it sound more dramatic, otherwise it's sad to think that you could be so shallow.

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    1. I don't think John was being judgemental, dramatic or shallow. He was just telling it like it was.

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    2. My answer is below lol

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  25. There are so many people like Jean in this world, alas. Your story is a timely reminder to all of us to be more kind at this time of year, and always.

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    1. Perhaps we should all pay things forward with just one small gesture each …let’s not overface ourselves x

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  26. Anonymous2:05 pm

    She wasn't being judged, her circumstances and kindness were commented on.

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  27. Oh lord
    The Christmas “pseudonym”troll is out today and her teeth are certainly Sharp
    What an effort in reply to a true story
    What an effort to be judgemental yourself

    My colleague was a senior sister and was by no means rich….I presumed it was ten pounds she left, it was certainly a note of sorts and it wasn’t a pound note, if I embellished the amount of the gift, call it balanced by inflation lol

    I described what I saw without a negative judgement but a judgement of now difficult things were for her. Like so many ex long term psychiatric patients brought out of institutions they had lived for half a lifetime she was isolated and poor….and was obviously on a very tight budget and I was moved by her attempt at making things just “right”

    “ Kay” You obviously missed the humanity in the post,
    Her humanity and the care and concern of the senior nurse I worked with, she had bucket loads of humanity.

    Your negativity seeps from your reply which I feel is sad.
    I wonder why you read Going Gently? For Your lack of regard for it is obvious

    I hope you have a peaceful Christmas .
    Raise a mismatched teacup in front of your cards and toast your good fortune
    I wish you all the best

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    1. Ps
      I can be incredibly shallow
      At times……….
      Today I feel virtuously restrained lol

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    2. You can also be patronising John, there waa absolutely no need for your sarcastic last paragraph - "raise a mismatched teacup" etc.
      That was my opinion, if you don't like it you're free to delete it after reading!

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  28. It's even sadder today , that Jean would probably not even get that important visit , what a wonderful person your collegue must have been

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  29. I worked as a community nurse for 32 yrs. My husband once asked what we do for "those people" to which I replied, "We're paid to be their friends," because many people who live on the edge have no solid social supports other than paid agency staff. John, your life is rich because of these stories and make mine richer as well each time I read one. Merry Christmas to you.

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    1. I’m sure you have many such stories, and I’m sure you supported such patients with gifts and the like
      You are just too polite to admit it xx
      Merry Christmas to you mona x

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  30. I was in community home care back in the 80s as well. I have a similar memory from a Christmas Eve visit to an elderly client and her much older mother. That visit has stayed with me now forty years on.

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    1. Yes, I have several such memories
      I was a gauche and middle class and devoid of much life experience back then. I grew up quickly at times

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  31. I love this story...so sweet and sad at the same time.

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    1. It’s all about people’s abilities to carry on

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  32. Barbara Anne2:58 pm

    How heartwarming and heartbreaking. May all the Jeans in the world have someone to care for them and to care about them.
    Ta for this worthwhile story.

    Hugs!

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    1. Sadly support in the community for the long term mentally ill remains sporadic and dependent on more untrained support

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  33. Community psychiatric nursing was almost a new profession back in the early 1980s but even then, worries regarding size of case loads were an issue

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  34. Tears resulted on reading this John. How many people are like this this year - and there really is nothing much we can do is there? I don't suppose the shortage of workers in the field helps. (or the poor pay which doesn't encourage them to apply for what is a heart-breaking job much of the time) -all makes me feel so sad and inadequate.

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    1. We live the lives we are given
      No sadness in that deArheart x

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  35. Loved the story!
    It's a time where we should be more aware of others, indeed. The 'caring' professions are really underappreciated.

    XOXO

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    1. And don’t forget the majority of supporters who are untrained, underpaid and over worked

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    2. I feel sad for ‘Kay’ who must be very lonely herself to miss the whole caring point of your post.
      I was touched by the tidiness and pride the client had for her home in diminished circumstances. Just this morning I walked my dog past one of the many RV’s on the street where semi homeless people live. He had placed a welcome mat by the steps. Making the best of our lot inspires me. Merry Christmas John!❤️Suz

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    3. Anon( all three of them) have their own agendas

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    4. Suz if you read Kay's comment again you'll see she says she's happy and she's not alone - she says "we"
      She isn't 'very lonely' at all, in fact the opposite, she describes being happy.

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  36. What a sad and lovely story. "Where are all the lonely people... where do they all belong?"

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    1. Wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
      No one was saved

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  37. Thank you for sharing this story again, John. Tis the season for thoughtfulness. Much love to you, dear man.

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  38. Anonymous5:28 pm

    That's made me cry, John and really touched me. The kindness shown by both women, both giving what they could and completely selfless. Louise X

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    1. I loved that too Louise the kindness of BOTH women

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  39. Was it a tenth floor walk up flat?

    You had some fine mentors, John. The nurse sounds so compassionate and kind. Rereading this lovely story---I can see young John observing, learning, and yes, maybe being a bit judgmental. All part of growing up.

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  40. Wonderful story, John. I need to give back more...that story was a motivator.

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    1. Same for me. The story was a lovely reminder.

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  41. I think sometimes people who have very little like to share what they have-I will never forget visiting my grandma who lived in a tiny terraced house on a cobbled street-her neighbour who looked very poor had lots of children but regularly hurried out when me and mum walked past with chips straight from her chip pan on a small plate for me-some years later she very sadly committed suicide-"Connie"x

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  42. What a moving story, John. Thank you. A reminder to me to DO something for those less fortunate… TODAY.

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  43. countrygal7:40 pm

    A good lesson was taught to me by my parents and it was this: never look down on someone unless you are helping them up.

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  44. Thanks for re telling this story and reminding us about the joy in sharing, no matter how humble our circumstance there is no place like home and I think
    of Jean who had pride of place after her long struggle
    and shared what she had and no doubt after you both left regained her self worth and hopefully went on to live a well lived life.

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    1. That clean little flat taught me a great deal

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  45. How heartbreaking.

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  46. I'm not crying, YOU"RE crying!! Oh my goodness....

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  47. I really appreciate your professional approach.These are pieces of very useful information that will be of great use for me in future.
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  48. Theres still lonliness about - last year bought it out in bucket loads.I befriend 2 elderly ladies who needed support during pandemic. One I shall call Mo has low self esteem , compared to Jean she has money but few friends. I see her fortnightly and we speak and email when we can. She lost her mum her male friend and her 2 friends - one has bi polar the other dementia. Her next of kin is an ex Age UK worker. She rarely gets a visitor. I have made sure she has a gift to open on Christmas day, and arranged a Christmas Lunch from the charity I work for. Your story broke my heart, often those with little are the most generous. Did you ever see her again?

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  49. Anonymous1:34 am

    Everyone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Be kind people. Always.

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