I was asked recently how I felt in myself.
I answered with an honest and somewhat tired “ I feel old” an answer which was countered with a rather judgmental and dismissive “ Thats sad, I know a lot of people your age that feel much more positive”
I said nothing but wanted to yell I bet they weren’t wearing full PPE in a south facing airless ward without air con all morning ! I fucking felt every minute of my 58 years that day, a day when my underpants were as damp and inviting as an old lady’s gusset.
Everyone knows me better than I know myself.
My recent not-so-joyful sojourn into potential ill health hasn’t helped matters, a situation gratefully acknowledged by my colleague a medic.....he said men, don’t cope well with fainting do’s.
I didn’t .........I don’t ....
Well, you would be glad to hear that a plethora of tests are in hand.
A particularly nasty troll turned up anonymously on Going Gently last Sunday to bang on just how much my ex husband wanted rid of me in lieu of a younger and probably healthier replacement and perhaps you can see it’s not been the most positive of weeks when I always supposed to have a spring in my step and a song in my heart,
Again you try acting like Donny Osmond when the trolls whine on, PPE soaks your underpants with no pay rise, even a 1% one is in sight and you think you have a brain tumour!
Ok I was exaggerating about the brain tumour ...but you get the gist.
Today I have been hiding away in my office. It’s very warm and ordered in there and the dogs and Albert love curling up on the little Victorian brass bed behind me.
For an hour I attended a ward meeting on teams and was made to remove Dorothy because of her snoring. ( the shame). My sister called up and weeded and tidied the front garden which was a nice surprise and I made a tasty low calorie bean & barley soup which was thick as wallpaper paste.
I will be eating it until Sunday.
A tidy garden and thick soup pleased me today.
So did my new office chair with is John Lewis comfortable with its castors and adjustable posture hugging upholstered seat in a gentle grey.
It arrived yesterday and I successfully put it together today.
I need a hug today....a long doze inducing hug
I think we all do.......
Frankly old boy, I rather doubt that your underpants were "as inviting as an old lady’s gusset", substantially less inviting I would suggest, but of course you will know your underpants better than others, although others might be better judges of the invitation they present. And I am 65, almost 66 (state pension time, woo hoo, riches?), and while I felt very old at 58 I now feel young at nearly 66, planning the next phase of this strange journey that none of us asked for.
ReplyDeleteWithout PPE ID FEEL 56
DeleteSending hugs xx
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. There is probably nothing we can say to make you feel better but I am sure we would all love to give you a hug. Have to settle for a virtual hug. I am just grateful not to have to wear PPE. Hoping things will feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you received the horrid response, certainly not at all helpful nor particularly kind.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I think people don't engage their brain properly.
Wishing you well and easier days to come.
:BIG HUG:
ReplyDeleteIrene
I'm not absolutely certain but I think you can buy cooling gel or perhaps you could use one of those chammy type flannels that are meant for dogs tucked somewhere x
ReplyDeleteI had to google your expression about the "old lady's gusset" as I did not know what that meant (even tho, I am an old lady!)
ReplyDeleteWell, the google results were all on x-rated sites so I couldn't check them out but I can imagine now what it meant... LOL! The things I don't know!! Yikes!
Take care, John! xx
It cannot be pleasant to don the PPE in warm weather and in warm houses where the ill need the warmth. Here in the South, we say we feel "sticky" when we're all too sweaty to feel fresh. My Grandma said "dewy" and that said it all. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the troll, banish those hateful words from your thoughts and let them never be written here, elsewhere, and certainly not in your heart where it would keep hurting. Don't let the bastard win.
Cheers for your gardening sister and for the new grey chair for Mr. Grey!
Hugs, prn!
Sending a huge hug from me and my fur kids. I'm also sending prayers that the tests will show something simple and you can put your health worries behind you. I will soon be 69 and some days I feel quite young and others I feel ancient, it's a part of life I know but it can be a depressing thing. You are such a good soul and I'm sure good things will come to you. Be safe and stay positive the world is a strange place these days but people like you are a blessing. Please take care.
ReplyDeleteIn my day ( I am 59) trolls lived under bridges and that's where they should stay. I gave to say the ppe is hard to work in. I like you feel mentally and physically drained and I'm not on the wards. One of our GPS was saying our new aprons have improved and are now Waitrose standard rather than Asda. They are a pain to get out if.
ReplyDeleteBe good to yourself and remember for every shitbag there are 10 lovely people who really like you. Your nasty troll has no one to love them because they are unlovable, nasty and sick.
Stay safe John. Xx
Hugs. And hopes that your tests return quick and positive results.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs John. Hope your tests are all good, and it is just tiredness. Bev
ReplyDeleteI hope you can feel all the love and hugs that your blog pals are sending your way. HUGS! xx
ReplyDelete*HUG* xx
ReplyDeleteIt could be worse.
ReplyDeleteYou could be having your period.
DeleteAt age 58? ;)
DeleteMy mother did !
DeleteAnyone who has been working in the NHS through this Pandemic is entitled to feel exhausted! Ignore those stupid people and be kind to yourself-including allowing yourself to feel rubbish if that's how it is. No-one can be 'up' all the time. But I do hope you start to feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteHow rude of that person to compare you to others, I assume right to your face. Shame on them. I hope it wasn't a work supervisor or other medical person. So judgmental. Why even ask such a thing if it only is a lead in to criticism. [best to always lie, and convey positivism though.]
ReplyDeleteThe troll deserves no comment, let's ignore.
Dorothy snoring on Zoom made me laugh.
Hugs!
lizzy
Bless you John. I'm so bloody glad to be retired.
ReplyDeleteBollocks to the troll, to the judgemental git and to everyone who has too much time on their hands to judge others without thinking.
ReplyDeleteThere is nowhere near enough compassion for our fellow man (woman, other) these days, and I'd happily slap anyone not being kind in the face with the aforementioned wet stinky gusset.
Love, as always, Tracey xx
Sending affection from Wisconsin, John.
ReplyDeleteI do have to say that this 'anonymous' person is mentally unbalanced. I have a hunch though and I am sure that you do too.
ReplyDeleteOh...ps...hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteDid you feel it? I just teleported myself from California to your place and gave you a hug.
ReplyDeleteDear John, please focus on all of your followers who are sending love, support and good wishes your way. Exhaustion strikes people like you who feel deeply, think intently about the world, and give 110% to others.
ReplyDeleteYou are so loved & admired...but that doesn’t keep your people from nagging you about getting tests done...the price you pay for letting us into your life!
I'm sorry about that extremely rude troll. You certainly didn't need that. I am glad to hear about the coming medical tests. It's always better to be safe. I can just picture you at your desk and everyone else all comfy on the bed behind you. A perfect scenario for working on your book!
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of warm hugs flying over from the middle of the U.S.!
Mean spirited to ask how you're feeling and then to criticise your honest answer. Everyone needs support, and hugs just now! Hugs from me and a lick from Turbo! x
ReplyDeleteWhat a particularly nasty troll ... I hate to think what s/he is like in real life towards the people s/he's living with! Mentally unbalanced is the gentlest of my opprobriums! PPE in summer must be the pits! And inescapable. I remember a clergy friend who wore only swimming trucks under his vestments, but I suspect you'd shock the natives if you did that under PPE! I hope today is a better day for you.
ReplyDeleteI am concerned about all this soup - you do need solid meals as well. I don't believe in low-calorie diets. Proper food, just a little less! Nag over.
ReplyDeleteThe rude one and the troll were probably all wearing cheap shoes.
ReplyDeleteand cheap sunglasses!
DeleteLol
DeleteIt has been just over a year, wish I was there to give you a hug, not many of those outside the house in the past 12 months, and that is wearing on people. Virtual hugs are nice but not the same. Sending virtual hugs, and dreaming of traveling again,
ReplyDeleteYou ARE loved by so many - and if we could travel we just might be there some day to give you a real hug dear John x
ReplyDeleteP.S. You’ve many great years ahead and, hopefully,
they will be good and your health blip will be nothing serious.
Always someone ready to cast a stone or pass judgement. Not nice. You must, like I do, smile, write them off and give them no credence going forward. You deserve only the best. Your new bean and barley soup sounds delicious.
ReplyDeleteMy darling John - chin up - this is not like you. You are precious to so many of us and I know we all wish we were near enough to give you that hug you deserve.
ReplyDeleteEven a wet gusset can have it's uses. Very handy in a case of dehydration.
ReplyDeleteWell done in the quiz darling. A placing of runner up in a field of 90 screaming queen's isn't something to be sniffed at. X
We did gud mave xxx nice to catch up xxx
DeleteThank you all for your comments I’ve been at the big gay quiz. All night xxx
DeleteIt's so unlike you to be feeling this way, but I imagine that caring for the sick and dying is very stressful, also worry about your own health issues with the fainting, the insensitive remark and the troll all add up to make a happy soul feel down. But believe me when I say that any one of us who visit your blog, would give you such a bear like hug in an instant to let you know how much we treasure you. Take care John and give Dorothy a hug from me for putting a smile on my face when she was turfed out for snoring during a meeting. I think she's taken over from Winnie.
ReplyDeleteI’m fine just a little up and down x
DeleteI think we are all burned out from COVID. it's turned some of us into nasty trolls. you are performing a valuable service for your fellow humans, john; I bet they appreciate your efforts.
ReplyDeleteDude 99.9% of us are on your side and your friends. Don't let the .1% trolls outweigh the positive. Tell them to f off and move on. We're on your side.
ReplyDeleteWe're all burning out. 1% isn't much, but it's better than what I'm looking at. A 5% pay cut is what our provincial Premier wants.
ReplyDeleteI'm in my 60s. I'm done, 36 months to my pension. It's a day by day job, right now.
I'm not burnt out. I'm toast, dry and crusty.
You are dearly loved by more people than you can imagine John. Your blog gives us a lift. Sending endless hugs across the pond to you!
ReplyDeleteJohn and Mavis-I hope there were some delish men at the big gay quiz this evening-if you don't mind the intrusion-but would there be any details? xx
ReplyDeleteOr course there were some delish men there. John and I!
DeleteOoo I know-that goes without saying-and I'm sure you both got their pulses racing x
DeleteThe average age of participants must be around 60 so I'm sure palpitations are quite common for the majority 🤣
DeleteA bit younger mave
DeleteI. Got chatted up
DeleteDid you mean.... 'Dry'?
ReplyDeleteAs a nuns chuff ? No
DeleteI had to snicker at your phrase "was made to remove Dorothy because of her snoring. ( the shame)" -- I haven't felt like snickering for some time now and it did me good. Thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you stand the PPE. I'd be fainting every shift. Even a mask in the summertime makes me light-headed and dizzy. Kudos to you for persisting. And good luck with those tests.
I don't know how someone could be cruel enough to troll you that way. Must be related to Donald Trump. Someone always knows our feelings better than we do. Assholes.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Why do people ask if they are not willing to accept the damn answer. Somehow they think they know what it feels like in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteMay she/he suffer ass boils for a week.
Haha....love the insult
Delete😂
DeleteHugs!
ReplyDeleteI hope brighter days are on the horizon!
ReplyDeleteWish I was with you to hug because I need one too.
ReplyDeletePatty
It's such a shame your troll can't go shopping at FCUK or similar. Cheeky gits, never done a days work in their life I imagine.
ReplyDeleteBullying by another name/stage.
Put your big girl pants on and as usual do us proud John
It could be worse, at least we don’t have to reside with that troll. {{{}}} hugs for you John. Hoping happy, healthy times are ahead for you x
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletevous etes precieux en ces temps difficiles on vous aime john
ReplyDeleteF*ck that troll. Honestly. I don't know why people don't have more positive things to do than make time to write nasty comments on someone else's blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're getting some medical checks in the wake of your fainting spell. I'm sure the heat of the PPE doesn't help things.
Here's a long, virtual hug from London!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteYou are very handsome Steve x
DeleteGosh Anon was so witty there...wonder how long that took to think up?
DeleteYes we do, we all do, a big hug, I am done with all this....doing and don't do (more don't than do). I want to feel light again. I want to see my boys living life again. So a big hug from me for you and everyone else.
ReplyDeleteWe all have a right to feel what we feel! And if someone doesn't want to know truly how you're feeling, they shouldn't ask in the first place. The troll isn't worth a moment's attention (easily said). Is an old lady's wet gusset worse than a young one's (or a young or old man's)? I have no experience with gussets. And here is an enormous cyber hug!
ReplyDeleteMany of us would love to give you a long hug John.
ReplyDeleteAs for the trolls ....send for Harry Pottrt and his wand .!
xxx
Sending you a big hug John. I don't understand why people can be so unkind..... F**k them ! X
ReplyDeleteA virtual [[[[[[hug]]]]]] from me. I am feeling old as well.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteThank you Troll, I do.
DeleteMeanqueen-I'm looking grey but Happy(well most of the time anyway) xx
DeleteI hope the plethora of tests doesn't turn up anything nasty. Fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel in more ways than one. And PPE does the same to everyone in our office -- young and 'old.'
ReplyDelete(And I have a widget on my blog that tells me where people are coming from that allowed me to track anonymous comments).
We're the same age and I feel old many days, especially after a hard day at work. Sending hugs and love John.
ReplyDeleteDear John, consider yourself hugged. It's been a tough week, hasn't it? Here's to a kinder, gentler one and an absence of trolls.xx
ReplyDelete"PPE soaks your underpants" - quote of the week.
ReplyDeleteSending you a great big hug! Isn't it strange how people whose opinions should not matter one bit, still can get to us? I'm sorry you've been feeling more than your age. I really think that because it's been a one year anniversary of this situation, many people are exhausted and done with it and less patient with things. I hope you have a very pleasant weekend, John. -Jenn
ReplyDeleteI love this title. Made me chuckle. I am 59 but look 79. In my heart I’m still 21. I’m in awe of you and the job you do. I am baffled how anyone could be so negative. Wishing you a restful weekend.
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry you’re feeling lonely and old. PPE is an added burden. I’d be at the point of chucking it and wearing just the face protection. Couldn’t you wear just lab coats with face protection? Change the coat between patients. Haven’t all these old people been vaccinated by now?
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you feel old. This shit has gone on longer than anyone expected. Keep you pecker up. It’s a survival mechanism. And kick the trolls to the curb where they belong.
If needing a hug continues, Try a weighted blanket. I recently got one and it is so comforting as I sleep . Being a recent widow, I miss hugs so much!
ReplyDeleteL O N G H U G ! ! !
ReplyDeleteI'm sending a virtual hug all the way from SE Kansas. You're in my thoughts daily!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteAnother witty reposte
DeleteTrolls and damp gussets, life is not all rosy in your world at the moment is it John, but it will get better.
ReplyDeleteI think lots of us are feeling old, very old and very drained at the moment, and how you manage to do it all in full PPE day in day out is unimaginable.
Just know that you have so many friends, both real and virtual who would hug you to death if we were allowed too. Take care. xx
I’ve deleted the troll .....how tiring x
DeleteSome people are so spiteful , I think long shifts do tell on you in your 50s . I hope your tests are fine or its something that can be easily remedied, sometimes its better to find out before it's a bigger problem .
ReplyDeleteSounds like a testing week. I cannot understand why people have to be so vindictive - the troll has never met you for heaven's sake, but wants to spoil your day. Hope they meet Karma round the corner with size 12 boots . . .
ReplyDeleteHope the tests will soon put your mind to rest, but with long shifts and in such heat, I am not surprised you fainted.
I hope you will treat yourself to a new painting or similar to cheer yourself up - new office chairs are good, but art is something else . . . (((HUGS)))
Am in the market for an office chair, looking forward to a picture and review
ReplyDeleteWhat I want to know is where all these perky 90yr olds are getting their energy from.
ReplyDeleteI see my 54-year-old sister in law in full PPE - she honestly looks like she is near death. Not so, showered and freshened. I can imagine how strangling it must feel to your vitality to wear it the entire shift. Ugg.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading you for a bit and you and your blog are a balm for the soul. It seems to me you live your life well and thoroughly. Things are looking up here in the States in terms of vaccine and I hope for you and yours as well and soon.
Steph
Welcome Steph xx
DeleteDear John, Please know that many people care about you and your family and community. You have a wide circle of friends near and far and from what I can judge, you have a wonderful support system of loving arms around you. I pray for your good health and happiness, and hope you are online writing on your blog for many years to come because you are an inspiration to many people including me. All the best John. Take care. From a sunny place sending you warmth and much love.
ReplyDeleteSome people are so mean spirited it just blows my mind, words hurt, no one deserves to be treated this way, I'm glad you got rid of the troll John, take care we are all there for you.
ReplyDeleteWomen in britches...doesn't get any better with age.
ReplyDeleteOh John am so sorry. I had to wear a mask on a domestic flight today and thought I was hard done by in this hot weather, then I remembered what you have to go through and gave myself a talking to! And trolls, fuck them they are just the pits. It's all about timing and getting you in a vulnerable moment. What a pile of shit they typed. You are a FINE WINE my friend <3
ReplyDeleteHave another hug to add to all the others... you are a smasher and we your readers know how much you feel things. Fuck the trolls.... they are so bloody ugly I pity them.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
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