Priti Patel is back in the news as her behavior at the home office was said to have breached the rules of Minister’s’ behavior.
I suspect if the likes of Sir Philip Rutnam who resigned describing Patel’s behavior as ‘vicious’, has spoken out then there is no smoke without fire even though Ms Patel has denied all accusations.
In my experience ( and believe me the NHS is nose to nipple with inadequate managers) the most common bully is one that exists by taking advantage of group situations by “carpet bombing” and brow beating a group of more “junior staff” in a meeting.
No direct confrontation occurs, which often proves that the protagonist is in fact the weak link in a chain, and so all it usually takes is a calm firm
‘ No I disagree” by one hardy soul present for the bully to be exposed and power to change hands.
This firm and fair” approach works with most bullies, especially when accompanied with a smile but a more robust response may be needed if the bully is more confrontational.
Once a few years ago, I was challenged over something by a village bully.
I could have explained my side of the argument too with a calm, comfortable “No I disagree!”
I chose to half bellow a loud “ Oh do fuck off!!!!!” across the village green before walking away
That, as I recall worked very well too
You didn't use your shoe comment?
ReplyDelete"the most common bully is one that exists by taking advantage of group situations by “carpet bombing” and brow beating a group of more “junior staff” in a meeting."
ReplyDeleteCould you explain how that works, maybe by inventing an example? I read many press reports of "bullying" within the NHS, but they rarely give any indication of what the bullying consists in. Is raising your voice bullying? Is an occasional swear word ("Look, just go and do what I've bloody told you")? Is it threatening to sack someone or saying vaguely threatening things like, "I've got your number and I'm going to be on your case and you'd better take care else a load of shit's going to land on you"?
The example I have was when an autocratic sister belittled staff morale by banging on about a drug error made by a colleague when in handover
DeleteIt was punitive and a romp of power and I stopped her to disagree with what she said about poor team work
No one else said anything as they were frightened
I was just angry and finally told her we had to agree to differ
Thank you.
DeleteOne of the reasons I wonder about this is that a close friend used to be head of a social work section in local government, where any attempt to take someone to task for shortcomings was apt to yield a complaint of being bullied.
Oh, sometimes the best approach with a bully is to cordially invite them to fuck right off. Short and effective.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
But not at work x
DeletePotential redundancies being discussed in a public sector organisation which had pay scales based on experience: "You may not be aware but some people in this room are paid twice as much as others for doing the same job." Nobody dared to say: "Or in your case, three times, Dave."
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteI use the 'Do you really think so?' approach, along with a slight raise of the eyebrows and a direct look into the eyes for just slightly too long, and then a dismissive look away ... it works a treat. I hate a bully, either in person or in the written word, I always have.
ReplyDeleteIt worked for the first time for me at secondary school when a class bully offered me a fight at the end of the day, she made the mistake of saying 'I could take you any day', my 'do you really think so' and the look was enough for the fight never to be mentioned again.
I think a measured calm approach ooozes confidence which is poison to a bully
DeleteYep, that would work! lol I like your style. x
ReplyDeleteThe fuck off was against another man
DeleteI imagine you can do a good bellow...as indeed can I. Usually 'TURBO!!' when he's rolling in something unspeakably fox flavoured. Doesn't work though...he's selectively deaf.
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteI have worked for bullies, and nice people. I prefer to work for nice people, who treat everyone with respect.
ReplyDeleteAmen
DeleteWhen I was in grade school, I quickly learned that the best way to deal with bullies was to simply not show any sign of intimidation. I worked it to a fine art. I remember one case involved twins who had found a snake on the play ground. I was very afraid of snakes (at 63, I don't scream anymore, but I don't like them.) They were running around the playground scaring people. I tried very hard to disappear, but before long they were headed straight for me. I took a deep breath and when they thrust it at me, I said, "Oh. He's very pretty." Nothing else. Disappointed, they moved on to a more scream-y target. I was quite nearly sick. PS, these days, I just don't interact with bullies.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s important that bullies often turn up a geek when people they know are assertive are not present
DeleteI've tried desperately to help the situation of being bullied by several people but somehow they wriggle out of it and then twist and say it's me.I've always been polite and tried to understand their problem with me but it only makes everything worse.I just avoid now because they lie and are very convincing.x
ReplyDeleteUnderstood
DeleteSchool bullies turn into management bullies especially in The NHS. I know, I've met a few in my time.
ReplyDeleteI understand this statement only too well
DeleteUnfortunately fuck off isn't one that works so well with a bully manager. Dismissal often ensues.
ReplyDeleteHaving just been on the receiving end of an F..Off from a bully manager when I challenged him, he has now denied what he said and accused me of being the aggressor.
DeleteIt’s important when at work to have
Delete1. Witnesses
2. A paper trail
I just want that Patel woman to just GO AWAY for good - and to take that permanently sneering and smirky face away with her.
ReplyDeleteShe’s here to stay x
DeleteI've still got hope she'll be banished to the backbenches, but being a middle-aged woman with Asian descent I think in Bojo's eyes her symbolism as the most senior female cabinet member is too powerful for him to lose her.
DeleteOh, I really wish I had the balls to sometimes say, "Oh, do fuck off!" Or maybe I don't... but it sure sounds good.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it needs to be voiced , but only very occasionally
DeleteAn 80 year old friend of mine, who lives in Ms Patel's constituency, emailed her to ask for her help in getting the local council to take fly-parking (London commuters) across her drive seriously. The week before she had had to spend £130 on a taxi to and from a (non-local) hospital as she couldn't get her car out of her drive. Ms Patel's response to the email? "I am not minded to assist with this matter." No sign off, no greeting, just total disdain for an elderly constituent's genuine difficulties and council inaction.
ReplyDelete- Kate
Kate, suggest to your neighbor that she call a tow truck company and have the vehicle towed away. It will cost the car owner to get it out, not her. Maybe they will learn to park!
Deletee, excellent suggestion! I hope Kate sees your idea and her neighbor will do just that!
DeleteThis is not the US! Things don't work like that over here. Sadly, or thankfully, depending on your PoV!
Delete- Kate
Kate, surely UK has tow trucks and towing companies? A line of four or six red traffic cones set along the opening might help too. Or she could call the police precinct/ traffic section who might issue a ticket. I feel so bad for the lady.
DeleteInteresting Kate x
DeleteLizzy - she (and her son) have tried every route, including the police (who don't deal with parking offences in many areas now), but there is no right to access off your own drive, only onto it. Only action by the local council can achieve changes, by putting in restricted parking hours and official signage to prevent fly-parking, and they are not interested as there is inadequate parking for commuters to London (so allowing them to park in residential streets partly solves the problem), and thousands more new houses are being built in the area.
DeleteHence appealing to Priti Patel as the MP, to put pressure on the council to do something. Councils usually listen to MP requests.
An individual cannot just pay a tow company to tow a car that they do not own.
But, the point of my story wasn't to ask for ideas, it was to show that Ms Patel is not just a bully, she isn't doing the job she should be for her local constituents, and is dismissive and rude to them too.
- Kate
We have had a perfect example of a terrible bully living in the White House here for 4 years. I would love to bellow your expression to him but my Mom always taught me not to use the F word. To this day, I can think it but I can never come right out and say it! But, oh, sometimes I really want to!!
ReplyDeleteSadly, that's the kind of bully who actually delights in pissing you off enough to react with anger. The only thing that will get to him is if we turn off all the tv lights and stop reading his Twitter feed. I'd love to see the apoplexy that follows everybody ignoring him!
DeleteTrump used his aggression to bulldoze
DeleteAnd he took advantage of peoples politeness
Once I outgrew my belligerent teens I have always gone with polite and non-confrontational, as I do not want to be punched in the face or otherwise attacked. I do have a mean rude ex sister in law. I am saving "cheap shoes" for her next attempt to make me look bad.
ReplyDeleteOnly use “ cheap shoes” with a woman
DeleteMen can’t be arsed
I think SIL is a woman..def a bully anyway. She won't get the insult, but I'll laugh and laugh.
DeleteA bully does not like being opposed. Like you say, they usually fall quickly with a simple: "No, I disagree."
ReplyDeleteMy elder sister is a queen of this
DeleteShe says “ I disagree” and can then smile without irony
I've never give bullies the time of day. Life is too short to be bothered by their crap.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am not comfortable using the F word in public that's to my parents. I heard my Dad say "Damn" only once and that what when he and DH were whittling down that Christmas tree trunk so it would fit in the tree stand (story a few posts back).
Hugs!
I seldom swear in anger
DeleteA great solution.
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame that Sir Phillip Rutnam felt compelled to fall on his sword and resign because his inquiry didn't come up with the 'right' answer. Doesn't this sound horribly familiar?
ReplyDeleteYes. Shame on birds shame
DeleteLol I’m not surprised darling x
ReplyDeleteThis was a test for Johnson, and one which he failed through weakness. He is useless without Cummings too.
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