A Bump In The Night

Many times in the early morning now I have been forced awake by some vague and unsettling sound somewhere in the cottage.
The dogs sleep noisily through it without alarm
And there is no frantic banging from the cat flap to signal the arrival of any local moggie intent at stealing Albert's dinner
But as I lie in bed, I am sure that there is a regular pulsating, vague groan from somewhere downstairs.
Last night the mystery was solved
I fell asleep watching some crap on tv last night and woke in the dark sometime well before the dawn chorus from the cockerels.
Then I heard the automatic bin open in the kitchen with a slight whir.
A couple of seconds later the top closed with an almost inaudible bump
And then it opened again....
This happened four times before stopping

Wide eyed, I got up and walked into the kitchen.
Albert was sat on the kitchen armchair with his paw outstretched
He had noticed the blinking infrared sensor on the bin lid and was happily swatting it for his own amusement

86 comments:

  1. Now that is the poshest bin I think I have ever seen.
    Clever Albert.

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  2. HAHAHA! And I thought we were in for a ghostly story.

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  3. Clever Albert! Good job you caught him in the act otherwise you may never have never known the cause of the mystery noise in the night!

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  4. Wonderful cat toy x

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  5. Great way to entertain the cat.

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  6. Are you nuts? An infra red light bin?

    I am, literally, floored. And I thought nothing much could floor me ever again.

    As to cats, I once put on a dvd with the sole purpose of giving the impression the TV was an aquarium. One of our cats (mother son combo) ignored it. The other (mum)? Oh my god. She kept swiping at the screen. Without any result. It was awful to watch her frustration. Her lower lip quivering. Making little noises. Never played that "aquarium" again.

    U

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    1. If you are literally " floored" by the thought of a £29.00 peddle bin from Aldi
      You need to get a fucking life Ursula !

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    2. Some of those bins are around £70,so I think that was a good price really x

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    3. Yes it was originally 70 quid, there's only two left in Holywell

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    4. What is the matter, John? Can't you just be normal instead of taking everything (coming from me) the wrong way?

      I am not floored by the cost of your bin. Brabantia's (the queen of bins) cost a lot more; not least at John Lewis "never being undersold". I was referring to the gimmick of your infra-red light. Don't know what it is. But some things are, to me (if I may), totally OTT.

      In the words of the odious Michael Winner (RIP): "Calm down dear. It's only a commercial."

      U

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    5. You need to be floored by more important things

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    7. What, you have turned assassin and/or undertaker, Tom? I suppose needs must. And, so it appears, your hatred knows no bounds. Try not to deface me when putting on the final touches. Not for my sake. For my son's. Thanks.

      U

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    8. These kinds of bins are the best inventions ever, no need to touch them with your hands to put rubbish in and far cheaper than the Brabantia pedal bins which in some stores here can be found for four or five times the price of 29 pounds.

      You go with your sensor bin John, I have one in this house too and I am FLOORED by it every single time I use it AKA floored by how awesome an item it is. :)

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    9. Well, Snoskred (are you Scandinavian?), I'll raise you one floor minus one bin. I don't have a kitchen bin. Yes, dig that. I am so lazy (make that "efficient") - I have a bin liner hanging, and receptive, open at all times, right next to and under the worktop I use the most. Effortless(ly) tidying as I go along. However,to pacify the doubters I do have waste PAPER baskets in all other rooms. Alas, they are open topped by design. Paper doesn't, eventually, emit a smell.

      U

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  7. Love this!!! 😊 Posh bin ....

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  8. I'm very interested in finding a dog proof bin but it would take moments for the pointy nose to figure it out.

    Fantastic story, I love it!

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  9. Brilliant bin, clever cat ... mystery solved. It would have been nice to find it was a friendly ghost though 😃

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    1. The bin also opens as you pass by which always makes me jump

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  10. And that is why I love cats! I thought your bump in the night was just the regular sounds old houses make, shifing and creaking and popping. -Jenn

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  11. You have a battery in your bin??????? Think of the calories the rest of us expend in a year by pushing the top manually!

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  12. Albert, you scamp! You'll have to stick a post-it note over the sensor every night to hide it from him.

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  13. Don't ever be tempted by an infra-red sensor chopping board.

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    1. Or toilet flush? Now that would be useful

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    2. Walmart toilets have sensors and flush before one is done doing their business! It can be rather startling when that happens! And, there is a button to push if the sensor doesn't sense correctly!

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  14. And here I was thinking that you were going to tell us that you had a hobgoblin lurking in the bottom of the bin. Love Albert's style, he certainly knows how to keep himself entertained and giving you the bejeevers in the process. That is why we love them so much.

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    1. I love ghost story telling, it's a lost art

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  15. that's a very clever dog,and a very clever bin! didn't know you could get bins like this!

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  16. Albert has a new toy!

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  17. A voice to go with the face!

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    1. Just the body to follow..... you'd be dissapointed there

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    2. It's true. John is repulsive.

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    3. Mave u fine me irresistible admit it

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    4. SNORT

      Adorable isn't irresistible my friend. Get your cock out and I may change my mind :)))

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    5. I didn't realise that you were looking after a rescue cockerel John- you lovely man x

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  18. I too think that you've got a gooorrrgeouss voice John x

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    1. Have you gone weak at the knees?

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    2. Oh I have John! x

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    3. I agree, John has a lovely speaking voice, I bet his singing is pretty darn good as well.

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  19. Is it time to get him a smartphone?

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  20. Any more nonsense from Albert and he'll end up in the bin himself....

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  21. Bin the bin.

    Having written that Suzi Quattro popped into my head with the chorus of "Can the can". You could do worse than following her words x

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  22. Anonymous12:52 pm

    I thought you were going to go all spiritual on us, with a religious revelation or an old ghost story from your cottage. Instead, a perfectly logical explanation.

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  23. has anyone ever told you that you sound like russel crowe?

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  24. Barbara Anne1:41 pm

    Who would have believed it if you hadn't seen it with your own eyes? How kind of the bin makers to make a cat toy. Is it worth the bother of removing the bin's battery each night so the house is quiet? If you do that, will Albert find some other form of entertainment?

    Too funny!

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  25. Terrorised by your kitchen bin? My new integrated dishwasher is giving me heart attacks, when the cycle is finished the door pops open and if you happen to be standing in front of it at the time... not good for people of a nervous disposition like me. Have you seen my new kitchen?

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  26. My question- If the battery dies does the bin refuse to open, holding your garbage hostage? At least you figured out where the noise was coming from. As an anxiety prone child, I would lay in bed at night listening to footsteps come down the hallway...but they never arrived. It took a very long time to figure out that when the forced air furnace came on the expanding and contracting of the ducts made the noise. All that wasted time trying to get to sleep!
    Take Care,
    Barb

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  27. Anonymous2:20 pm

    You do have a very nice voice. Nice you figured out the cause of something that bumped in the night. That Albert! Lol
    xxCali G

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  28. Try searching Youtube for “Dad laughing at trash bins”
    J.

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  29. Posh toy you found for Albert !
    parsnip

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  30. Thank you and Albert for my Monday morning laugh

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  31. Yes, thank you Albert for the happy adventure.

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  32. Love this, can just see Albert nonchalantly waving his paw, so funny.
    Briony
    x

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  33. Cats ain't daft you know.

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  34. Best post ever! The ultimate "red dot" cat story :)

    A lucky thing Albert didn't want to investigate the contents of the can, though, and end up inside!

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  35. Anonymous5:42 pm

    Cor, no chicken bones, fish skin, prawn shells, any other old muck to quarry around the floor?
    Poor Albert and the dogs.
    Add some old stuff from the fridge, then see the action!
    Tess xx

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  36. Stayed in a holiday cottage with automatic opening bin once - years ago couldn't work it out....think we broke the bin.
    Me being a cheapskate also think that's a lot of money for a bin - but that's your choice.

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    1. I treated myself as my husband took the last one when he left

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    2. Please please please do forgive me, John, in advance. Pretend I am Moaning Mavis or someone you tend to forgive even the outrageous.

      That one liner of yours is (most likely not intended; I also admit it made me laugh in an exasperated sigh out loud way) a rather clever and roundabout character assassination if ever there was one. I mean who takes a bin out of the marital equation on point of separation? One of my friends, mentioned before (gay, fastidious, TV news anchor) most likely to answer my question with: Gays.

      U

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  37. I love it! My cats would have fun with that only I am afraid one cat might close the other one up inside it.

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  38. That is one clever cat and a neat bin. Never seen one before, will have to look them up on Amazon.

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    1. Saves dirtying your hand, every hospital should have them

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  39. You're a natural salesman. I bet they've sold out now.

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  40. Next thing will be one that empties itself when it's full.

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  41. Your voice sounded far too English. You should beef up your Welsh accent and say "yakky-dah!" every twenty seconds.

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    1. Then I would sound like Anthony Hopkins ( I wish)

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    2. Talking of Anthony Hopkins, reminds me of a talking book I once listened to while out trucking. Testimonies was written by Patrick O'Brian, about an Oxford don who rents a remote Welsh cottage. Hopkins is perfect for the reading out loud part. Check it out on Amazon, it would be perfect for you John.

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  42. I didn’t put the batteries in mine as I knew the dog would figure that out quickly. Have you tried turning it around?

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  43. This is the best story I’ve read today. Definitely.
    Smart doggie!

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  44. Cats are so funny. :) My Grumpy figured out how to turn on the electric blanket *and* the gas heater. I've had to make adjustments to the controls to prevent these things being on 24/7.. it has been so cold here every time I would turn the heater off she would turn it back on.

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  45. Clever Albert fun little video nice to see the dogs in the picture as well.

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  46. What a clever cat! I’m so glad you are getting out and about. You have a great range of cultural opportunities nearby. I’m very jet!

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  47. Hahaha! That's cats for you! Thank you John, you gave me my morning laugh. I thought there was going to be a big rat or something along those lines.

    Ok I'm just going to say it, my gay ears just got turned on by your manly speaking voice and of course to me, the accent. Woof!

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  48. I want one... or two! Dudo would have a blast. This is priceless! Wish you had gotten a video of Alfred at work.

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  49. Ha! Cats are so smart -- and a never-ending source of amusement and mystery!

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