..and the little one said.....


I wonder if dating in the gay world has significantly changed over the years.
According to the " immediacy" of gay dating sites, you can now locate a fellow homo to a matter of metres 24/7 a consumer improvement which goes hand in hand with all aspects of the Internet .
In a matter of minutes yesterday, I had located and bought some stove cleaning logs for my fire, sorted out two birthday gifts and downloaded an application form for a new job.
All done when I waited for the chimney sweep to tie up his brushes.
The internet just allows you to meet other gay men quicker and easier.
A significant number of these guys are married/ partnered [to men] and report they are in open relationships .
Their apps are happy to share fun can be had singularly or together.
In fact I was somewhat surprised to see an ex partner from years ago on one, bare arsed with a present and much younger boyfriend trolling for a third!
When I was with him he nearly had a stroke when I was innocently stopped by a friendly bear at a nun's drag queen show in San Francisco
But like they say, that's another story.
I was always chosen second from last at school games, (a painful and oh so common childhood trauma me thinks ) so anything that echoes those old feelings of comparison and competition even in the bedroom, Im afraid, just leaves me rather cold and at a loss.
I've never really subscribed to the notion of having your cake and eating it either.
So, it would seem that I'm not built, physically and psychologically for sharing
The thought of it , kind of morphed me into Alan Bennett.
" You two just carry on and I'll pop out to the shops!" 

Swinging , sharing , open relationships are not the prerogative of gay life
Modern day sexuality seems to far more complicated and varied than it was ever seen to have been.

So If a married couple of attractive men wanted me to join them under an Indian cotton duvet than I would be very flattered.

But I wouldn't believe a bloody word of it



45 comments:

  1. It's a whole new world out there ... or is it? Perhaps the internet has just made things easier to find, easier to learn about and easier to be shocked at.

    A brilliant show I watched on tele last night '21 again' followed five mums of 21'ish daughters put into the wonderful world of internet swiping left and right, Jenga pick upgames (speed dating with Jenga) it opened eyes for both the Mums and the daughters of the pressures of modern expectations.

    I too was always chosen second to last or even last at rounders at school, even secondary school but it didn't bother me by then I used to smuggle out a cigarette and a book of matches and disappear for a crafty fag under the tree at the edge of the playing fields.

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  2. Intrigued by the picture. Is it a modern take on medieval art or does it really exist in all its ancient glory?
    As a writer I have realised I can now only write my age. I have no idea how the younger, modern world works.

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  3. The world you are alluding to is as mysterious to me as Shangri-La...but I am willing to believe every word you said.

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  4. Another reason for me to rejoice in being (almost) too old for all that malarkey! I still have painful memories of being left until last when picking sides for hockey at school. Short, skinny and bespectacled I was probably not the ideal athlete :)

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  5. For a moment there I thought the story was about to develop with Dick Van Dyke having an app and the pair of you connecting over his sweeps brushes. Having worked in an STI clinic those spicy threesomes (++) come with extra baggage - and not only physical.

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    Replies
    1. Like anything in life everything has a flip side

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  6. I suppose the internet has taken the seediness out of gay dating - or even just meeting. I am thinking of the days of furtive cottaging in public loos. Very undignified, and also a pain in the arse for people who just want a piss. As public loos have been closed by councils, Grinder and the like have risen to take their place.

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    Replies
    1. Some men enjoy the " danger" of cottaging and the thrill it gives ...

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    2. Oh yes, I forgot about that.

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  7. Although I had only a brief out and active time before meeting Jerry, I DID do some things (ahem) that surprised me. It’s not an easy world and, although I don’t know if I’d even be comfortable with those hook-up sites, I’m sure I wouldn’t take up an invitation to join a couple at this point. And those options are not requirements of being gay.

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    Replies
    1. Oh I have been no angel and has never pretended to be a Julie Andrews character but I've never got the constant need for married guys to play around

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  8. There's an app out there that allows you to do the same as grindr, but also allows users to view the "verification" of their prowess as lovers. When I viewed this in the past it made me feel a teeny bit sick, and reminded me how I have and will never feel at ease with my peers.

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    Replies
    1. That's a bit like the worst bit of reality tv mave

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  9. There are many who share your views, you will find one, sooner or later, when you least expect it, in the place you least expect to.

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  10. Hookup apps are supposed to make it easier to get some nookie, but in my experience they are only an augmented reality version of those days when we were not the first picked for a team.
    Yes, we can pick and choose the pair of pants we want to get at Zara and they’ll deliver them to our door, but really, I’d rather go to the store and try them on.
    As for the many permutations (the third in a throuple, the fourth in an orgy) I think it can be fun, but the logistics can be complicated. As with everything, technology can be fantastic, but it can also make you forget that you can still go to the store to get that salami you want.

    XoXo

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    Replies
    1. Nicely explained
      Much better than my ramble

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  11. I am so glad not to be dating again.... it was such hard work!

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    Replies
    1. Actually cro, it seems to have been made very easy

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  12. I imagine modern dating (like dating in ANY era) has its pluses and minuses. It's certainly reached a pinnacle of convenience. I remember being in a restaurant in New York several years ago when a friend showed me how Grindr works -- and we found the profile of a guy sitting at the next table! On the other hand, yes, the endless comparison shopping and echoes of schoolyard team-picking make the online dating world difficult.

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    Replies
    1. I've been slightly surprised just how many " partnered " guys do it....should I have been ?

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  13. Love the picture.
    Some of us have needs which are far more about safety and security than recreational fun.
    That sounds incredibly boring, doesn't it?
    Ah well. So be it.

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  14. I don't like to share... never have even as a child i didn't like to share my toys.. Sex to me is making love.. its one of the ways i express my love for someone.. its not a casual thing .. for me.. Be yourself John.. whatever that may be.. be true to you.. i'm sure your not alone in how you feel but you just may not find them on those hook up sites.. Hugs! deb

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    Replies
    1. I don't like to share either but I dulcet in most situations on these apps the staring is only brief

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  15. Just my thoughts but I could only imagine such a situation fairly high or drunk and since I do neither I will probably stick to the old standard of monogamy. Additionally, the whole hot idea of it translates into something far more awkward and messy in reality. And then maybe it's just because I'm 55 and I missed the boat entirely. Ah well.

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  16. respect for yourself is a priceless virtue; those men are trolling for whores, of which you are not one. besides, who knows what STDs they may have!

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  17. Philosophically I believe that anyone should be free to have whatever kind of relationship with whatever gender they choose. It's nobody's business but their own.
    If I were 40-50 years younger I'm not sure what my personal preference would be; I've always been the monogamous straight sort, and I don't really think it's a conscious choice. I know I miss my wife still, she's been gone over 20 years. I've had a few relationships over the years, but nothing stuck. I think you should do whatever you want, John.
    Take care,
    Mike

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    Replies
    1. I am , but there won't be three of us in bed

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  18. One relationship is enough work as it is!

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  19. Best Disney song to listen to while having a threesome?

    You've Got a Friend in Me.

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  20. The whole business seems so heartless to me. And by whole business, I'm trying to describe what I don't even know much about! You are not a heartless person; it seems to me you don't belong in that world.

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  21. Oh, I would believe it, but I wouldn't do it.

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  22. Jenny and I don't believe in open relationships, mainly because we're very happy with each other and see no need for any extra-marital shenanigans.

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  23. I'm sure you are going to meet him the old fashioned way. He might have dogs...

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  24. Take your time John - it will all come right in the end I promise you. In the meantime you have plenty of four footed friends to see you through.

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  25. I would think the minuses of Dating sites would outweigh potential pluses... I'm just not sure of the quality? I just feel like meeting you in person would attract a better quality partner who would appreciate you... just my thought process... one of an aging monogamous Woman who is so Glad I don't have to endure the Dating Scene. *Smiles*

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  26. To me it depends on what someone wants/needs from a relationship. And it appears that whatever you want.... it is out there.
    That whole 'looking for Mr.Goodbar' scene seems treacherous to me. But, then again, I am in a monogamous relationship and not single. Be careful, John.

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  27. John, you're too good for those sort of sites.
    I think you need an easy going, animal loving millionaire toyboy😉

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  28. Dating sites don't sound romantic to me sounds more like lust than love.

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