Monday, 15 April 2019

Rollercoasters


I can chatter away about surprising kisses, pet dramas, roses-around-the-door village life and the zombie apocalypse and at the same time adding to the mix some "hilarious" historical story of nursing from years ago but reality has a real arsehole habit of biting you when things are on the up and then dragging you down to places you really don't want to go.

My divorce is proceeding...and....needs to be paid for

It looks as though I will have to sell the cottage and find myself something "smaller" for me and the dogs and Albert
It very much looks as though I will have to move away from the village which has been my home for the past thirteen years

The uncertainty of the past year continues to overshadow me and I wonder just how many times I can hike up those bra straps to soldier on
!
hey ho


157 comments:

  1. I wish I would win a bundle...then you wouldn't have to go anywhere. Can't imagine you leaving your home.

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  2. Not good news John. I'd suggest a 'Just Giving' Keep John in Trelawnyd page for Going Gently readers to donate to, but think you'll need more than your blogbase can provide. Perhaps you need a lodger?

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  3. Oh dear. I dont even live there and I'm feel heartbroken. But your a strong loving God man, who done days you make me fall in live with you!!!! But must look at this as a whole new chapter, no matter how heartbreaking. Look at it as a good thing, fresh start. And you'll always have your village family.

    ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

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    1. Damn auto correct. Apparently your god!!!!!

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  4. Ohh, I have been fearing this for a while with your sometimes comment. Is there really no other way forward, as P above says maybe a lodger? I have no ideal how much a divorce costs in the UK ... or why you should be forced out of your home for it.. but if you were to set up a "Give a Little page" I for one would put my hand in my pocket to help out. Chin up.

    Jo in Auckland

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    1. The fee for the divorce is not forcing John out if his house but the final settlement of assets between John and his husband will do so is what John is saying.

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    2. Oh! thanks for the clarification Rachel, now I understand.

      Jo in Auckland

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  5. I'm so sorry that reality has reared its ugly head. I wish there was a way you could stay. -Jenn

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  6. Oh sorry it's got as far as this John. Life can be a real bugger sometimes can't it. Wishing you well.

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  7. I, too, would willingly help keep you in your village, John. There are over a 1000 of us have a stake in this. We live there too, through you blogs, stories, and sharing daily life. We would be diminished and heartbroken if 'we' had to leave Trelawnyd.

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  8. Anonymous12:27 pm

    Get your solicitor to look at the profs pension. You are entitlednto half the pot and so i he of yours, but his pension pot must be much larger due ho being a prof, working full time. May be enough to buy out profs share on the cottage. Jacx

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    1. Jacx, why give John false hope? John is not "entitled to half the pot". Regardless of how long the whole of their relationship the actually marriage was "only" three years. Not much to share there.

      Anyway, John, I am really sorry to hear it. Maybe some benefactor will step in. Otherwise as one or two other posters above have said: Sometimes new surroundings can prove a blessing.

      All the best,

      U

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    2. Anonymous12:50 pm

      A collegue had to give her ex £80000 out of her £160000 pension pot. They had been married 5 years. Check the nhs pension web page is set out clearly. Jacx

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    3. But surely this would work both ways? That John would be expected to 'hand over' an element of his pension too? In the example you give Jacx, it's possible that there was only one pension pot in that marriage.
      Given that, if you've been reading, John has already told us that he's had legal and financial advice, I reckon he knows the score by now. He shouldn't have to give us the nitty-gritty details. Take him at his word.

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    4. John if all of this is just too personal, feel free to delete!

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  9. I am so sorry, but you can and you will get through this. Buying someone out of their share of jointly-owned property when you're not young enough to take on a lifetime mortgage would not be feasible for most people, especially given the limited employment prospects in your area.
    One of the happiest houses I ever lived in was a tiny, semi-detached bungalow with a lovely garden, in a very quiet cul-de-sac. Most people used the word bijou, but it was mine, all mine, and that is a wonderful feeling. Remember Mr Micawber's sixpence?

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  10. I expect all those options have been considered, and that it’s not just the divorce costs, it’s the whole settlement. I’m gutted for you, because it’s not just the cottage but the whole village that’s your home.

    Going to cross my fingers for you, but I know that wherever you move to, you’ll make it a home. It’s not going to be easy for you but please keep us posted, we’ll all be here for you.

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  11. Dear John -- "chin up, tits out!" (to continue your metaphor). I'm so sorry you're going through this hard patch. It's terribly unfair, I know.

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  12. Anonymous12:51 pm

    John l am sorry it seems to be coming to this.WOULD YOU CONSIDER letting us help financially IF we can?
    What sort of numbers are we talking?
    I'm not writing this to pry, but l am a great believer in 'put your money where your mouth is' and many of us would be interested to find out IF we could help you and the family stay put.
    Have a think and let us know
    Love to you and your family and Roger as well
    Tess xx

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  13. Sorry to hear about that. It would be a great shame if you had to move from the village. I hope you can sort out something positive. But why is divorce so incredibly expensive?

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  14. I'm really sorry, John. Sometimes life is just brutal.

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  15. For goodness sakes. We’ve enjoyed the writing equivalent of two books at least. Put a donation patreon or similar button on your blog and let us give you the price of a book or a bloody pizza. I’d say it’s a bargain for us. I’ve read and enjoyed the book it just wasn’t in a buyable form, so I figure I owe you.

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  16. I'm so sad to hear this. It's the leaving the village that upsets me, it does seem a very pleasant place to live, a place where you belong. I don't have any suggestions, because frankly I'm certain that you have considered them. I will continue to hope that you can stay.

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  17. Crushing to your emotions, JayGee, and our's too as we witness from a distance, though of course nowhere near as directly intense as it is for you. If only we could......
    Thinking of you and the little 'uns.

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  18. I'm so sorry to read this, John. Keep hiking up those bra straps. Things will get better. X

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  19. I'm so sorry to read this John.Is renting a little place in the village a possibility in the future?Not the same as your own cottage I know but .....😢

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  20. I think that Curly Club has got it spot on. Since Christmas I've been reading the blog from the start, I'm just up to Feb 2011 and had many happy hours spent in your company, your village and your tales from Chester (where I live) so I feel that I got something for free and in book form this would have cost me a few bob. I'd be happy to pay for the entertainment that I've had and will continue to have as I carry on with the story

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  21. You need a Magwitch (Great Expectations).

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  22. I agree with those that have suggested your set up a fund... Your blog has been more than worth the price of a book or two!

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  23. Life is all about bra straps, at least you still have a bra to pull straps up.

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  24. Another voice for accepting voluntary help here. I read several blogs where the authors encourage regular (financial) help to keep their blog going, and frankly, I enjoy their writings a lot less than yours. Asking for and receiving help can be very difficult, I know. But really, it's a positive thing. Help that is freely given is very uplifting.

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  25. So sorry. The uncertainty has been taking a toll on you. Making a decision, even a painful one is hard, but opens the door to the next chapter in your adventure. Mourn the change, and find someplace fabulous. (I feared this when I read about the head spinning meeting with your bank manager. You give us the clues, if we see them.)

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  26. The entire time you have been living together as a couple, including the time before the marriage, is relevant. I am sure your solicitor is aware of this and taking it into account.

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  27. Ugh - I am sorry to hear this. I know - firsthand unfortunately - how financially tough divorce can be. The thing that keeps sticking with me is that the Prof didn’t say anything before you retired. It might have changed your decision (and financial picture). Plus if you moved there for him - all should be taken into account. The sad truth though is that no matter what gets taken into account - sometime the $$ just doesn’t work out - no matter how it gets divided. Especially if the house is the biggest asset. Hugs

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  28. I think that it must be remembered that there are no ads on Johns blog that slow the page loading times etc and that was a montetising opportunity that John could have taken but didn't so he missed out on an income there. I also have read blogs with subtle (and often not so subtle) nudges for financial help, again John missed an opportunity. I think that now's the time to correct this!

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  29. Sometimes what seems the worst can take us to better paths. Thinking of you and wishing you better days ahead.

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  30. I can't really understand why you would have to sell up. Surely your ex isn't going to demand half the house? Or maybe you bought it half-n-half, in which case I could understand. Couldn't he be persuaded to make a clean break, and each keep what they have or need?

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  31. I am so sorry to read that, i wish i could help.

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  32. Anonymous2:09 pm

    I would also like to pay for the entertainment your blog gives me through a donation. Could you accept help from your friends as you have often helped others ? Then pay it forward if you can? Su

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  33. You know just how much I understand this John...the word snap comes to mind....but we WILL be ok xxx

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  34. When the bra straps fail just tuck your tits in your knickers. Alternatively buy a new bra in Primark. Either way soldiering on isn't optional, but doing it with your usual sass is the choice you make.

    Sending love and admiration x

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  35. Anonymous2:30 pm

    There MAY be a way. Mortgage? Room Mate? I sincerely hope a solution makes itself known soon.

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  36. Anonymous2:39 pm

    If you are certain that you want to stay in the village, perhaps look for a small cottage to rent .. unless the Prof is intending on buying you out of the house. Divorce and death of a partner are complicated matters when it comes to financial settlement. You need to do what is best for your future, regardless.

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  37. There is a very snooty school in Melbourne that not only charges astronomical fees but expects the parents to buy a brick for the next year's building project.
    Now I would like to buy a brick in a Welsh cottage, near a window with a rose and signed with an Albert paw print.
    Now put the button on the blog and give me my brick.

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  38. I am not blogging today to illicit financial support
    just to share and to vent today....
    ive sort of known that this would be the wayof things
    and there is no point or reason for go into details of why ..that's for another time

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  39. I have no advice and no suggestions. I'm just going to say that I wish all the best for you, no matter what the future holds. And to point out that obviously you are well-loved.

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  40. I'm so sorry John, that you may have to sell your cottage. Is there not a smaller property you could rent in the village at all! The village family is so important and supportive. Sending you a big hug!

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  41. Sad news today dear friend.
    Hugs,
    ~Jo

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  42. Fucking hell. I'm sorry John. That sucks.

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  43. Fucking change, we hate it, we do...

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  44. sad news...perhaps you may find something smaller yet still in the same village? xx

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  45. I think you can hike them up as much and as often as you need to John. I have faith in you. I'am so sorry to hear you have to move away from the place you love. It would hurt me too.. But just perhaps a brand new start somewhere else just might be the thing you need. Things will work out.. they have a way of doing that... you just have to believe in that.. Hugs! deb

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  46. Wherever you wind up, the community will be glad to have you. Move is a four letter word. So is wait... and you've been waiting for a year to see what would happen. Sending a little love. Another four letter word.

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  47. I am sickened that you are in this situation through no fault of your own. As much as I want you to stay in the cottage maybe a fresh start is what you need even if it doesn't seem that way right now. Karma will sort things out I am sure.

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  48. Bugger....best wishes John. X

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  49. Oh John, I hope not. I’m so sorry all this is happening to you. So distressing!

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  50. This does not seem right to me. Your corner cottage is a pleasant but fairly humble residence. You should be able to continue living there - legally and morally.

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    1. I couldn't agree more YP!
      John is facing having to leave the home he loves, through absolutely no fault of his own, which just shows how cruel some people can be, and with no morals whatever!

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    2. Morally, I agree with, but legally? I'm quite horrified at the lack of awareness of many commenters who seem not to realise the legal position.
      The deserted party (in the UK at least) does not automatically get to keep the house, especially where there are no children. Joint ownership means just that. Fault is not the main factor. If dividing assets means a home has to be sold because one cannot afford to buy the other out, then sold it will have to be. Any mortgage has to be settled out of the sale price, and, if they are lucky, there will be some money left to split. It would take a substantial amount of cash savings to be able to hand over 50% of the house value in lieu.
      I can only assume that most of the commenters have not experieced this within their own circle.

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    3. The veg artist is right....Law is the law....and let's not get into mud slinging .my priority is roof over our heads

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    4. Nothing is above challenge. Sharp v Sharp 2017.

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    5. Anonymous6:23 pm

      https://flip.co.uk/sharp-v-sharp-short-marriages-changing-landscape-law-departure-principle-sharing/

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  51. i am so very sorry to hear this. whatever you decide to do, we will all be right there with you.

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  52. I am so sorry. I hope there is an alternative.

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  53. I'm so sorry. Maybe you can find a small place still in the village. Whatever happens keep one thing in mind, you will feel much better when all this is behind you and you can truly start fresh. I wish there was more I could do but know I care. xxx

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  54. I know you are better aware than any of us regarding your options, and I KNOW you were not soliciting financial help. BUT, if you ever change your mind it wouldn't lessen any of our affection and respect for you. You are worth it!

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  55. I agree with your readers about a go-fund-me account if it could possibly help to keep you in your cottage and village.

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  56. Anonymous4:28 pm

    https://www.zoopla.co.uk/for-sale/details/49695753?search_identifier=343d4f87e274f0db032c896ae24ae2a4

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  57. John, my heart goes out to you.
    I sincerely hope that you don't have to move but if you do, you will manage - and you will find the positive in the change when it happens, because that's what you do.
    I don't know if it would allow you to keep your cottage but the Patreon idea is a good one!

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  58. Even if you don’t raise enough through loving donations freely given...having a little nest egg could ease things and certainly make your virtual,but real friends feel that we can give back something for what you have given over the years so generously Teresa

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  59. All I can say is Buggar. Sorry. But we all love you.

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  60. Bugger is the word......blaming and pointing fingers help no one at the moment, today's post is just a sad one, one of acceptance that things sadly must change.....

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  61. So sorry- it's awful to give up one's much loved home. I hope some miracle awaits.

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  62. With the inevitable looming large...maybe your next location will be even nicer and with no jarring reminders of your ex. Who knows, maybe Mr. Wonderful is waiting for you in your next town, or a good job...or maybe both. The thing about moving somewhere new is that some of the people that live there love it and want to live there forever. You’ll land on your feet, you will always find friends. Keep your pecker up!

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  63. John, I am so sorry
    xo, gayle

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  64. That sucks John, sorry to hear that.

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  65. So sorry to hear this. I echo a lot of other voices on here, that we would love to help you however we can. Please consider a Patreon or paypal or something.

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  66. I'm sorry, John. The phrase "adding insult to injury" comes to mind. I wish there was some way it could be different.

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  67. So many of your followers, me included, feel a degree of devastation, right along with you. Please consider letting us help in any financial way we can. You are obviously well-loved by so so many.

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  68. Going to catch up with the comments later but I for one would add to a just giving page as I have read your Blog for years for free ! Would help with Divorce costs.
    A lodger would help keep your home if the Prof agreed, in my experience of divorce amongs friends, the leaver of the marriage ends up better off financially which is sickening.

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  69. So sorry to hear this news John. It's hard to keep battling on under such stressful circumstances. Please take care of yourself. I'm hoping that a solution that doesn't entail you leaving your lovely home, can be found.

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  70. I rarely swear but today is pushing it. My hope is you will be able to find somewhere in the village to rent. The priority in my opinion is getting you a job with steady and livable income. Meanwhile because I'm bossy here are a few suggestions for your fans:
    A group of you get together and buy John's cottage and rent it back to him. (I could be part of this)
    Find some rich person who needs a full time property caretaker, accommodation provided, in some gorgeous, uplifting place.
    Hit up your television producer friend, or friend of a friend, for a TV series of Going Gently.
    Same goes for literary agent.
    Give John a low cost loan to buy the cottage/retrain for a career that suits his current needs.
    Add practical suggestions to this thread.

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  71. John If any fund is set up - count me in. xx

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  72. I am really sorry to hear this, John. Just sorry.

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  73. I think the answer to your question (how many times can you..) is however many times you need to. Because you must. I will be divorced a year this April 19th, and there were so many things I thought I wouldn't be able to handle, figure out, etc., but I did. I think we should all be our own heroes. These last 2 years of the divorce and all the financial nightmares have been awful but I am coming out the other side. I too wish I could help you. I am a firm believer that wherever we go, we make it our home. So, you and the gang will have a new place to make memories and happiness. ♥

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  74. This is sad news. I don't know what sort of money you need but a go fund me account would be a good idea x

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    1. No more go find talk please.. just a bit of sympathy x

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    2. Okay, I will stop bugging you about money options and will just wish you well on your new endeavors. I know you will bloom wherever you are planted. You deserve all the best and may it find you SOON!

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  75. With the funding sites it's public and a running total would show but with a 'buy me a coffee' paypal link no-one would see what's been donated so it's more discreet

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  76. Barbara Anne7:37 pm

    Oh, John, I haven't read the may posts but wanted to add my high hopes that there will be some way you can stay in the cottage and in Trelawnyd but know you will flourish wherever you, Albert, and the dogs are.

    Big hugs!

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  77. So very sad for you and sorry to hear this John! x Lynne K

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  78. Having read all the replies and your request for just a bit of sympathy,, well here it is, a huge bucket full and a great big hug to go with it.xxx

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  79. I strongly believe you will continue to hike up those bra straps and soldier on, but I wish you could let those tits swing freely without a care in the world.

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  80. Sorry you are at this point, John. But here you are and you will as Mitchell indicated above pull up those bra straps and move forward.
    We are here to support you and aren't going anywhere. If that helps.
    Take care.

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  81. Like everyone else I am so very sorry.

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  82. Anonymous8:22 pm

    John have you got an email address please that I could contact you privately? Jules

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  83. Tea and sympathy or a gin and tonic there are no clear answers, dealing with the financial issues can't be avoided it is what it is as so many people have traveled this road but what is easier for the one who left he or she has moved on and has a new roof over their head and doesn't have the emotional ties to the house they once shared, the hard part is that you have been left to deal with the house you have loved and that's the hard part jump of the rollercoaster,
    it's time to put up that for sale sign John find a small house with a garden that you and the pets can enjoy and make it a home I know you can do it.
    The Best is yet to come.
    We are all in your corner !!!!

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  84. Just to say I'm full of sympathy for you John, and I hope you find a solution that will make you happy xx

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  85. I'm so sorry John, it is really tough to lose your cottage. But you will find a new home for yourself and the furry ones and it will become just as precious. Stay strong. x

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  86. So very sorry to hear this, John. Hope all of these voices of love and support will lift you up. And I hope there is a wonderful solution that will bring you lots of happiness!

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  87. Moving is always a pain. Good luck to you, John.

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  88. I'm so sorry it's come to this, John. It'll be an awful slog through all the S@#% but when you come out on the other side, you will be okay and you'll still have your pooches, Albert, and us. xoxo

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  89. Just like to send best wishes to you and to let you know your blog readers do care.

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  90. Beaming you a massive hugs xxx

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  91. Oh God. I'm sorry. I hope another way forward presents itself, but I know you'll be OK no matter what.

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  92. Oh dear, this is not good news. Hoping you can find something new to call home. Take care.
    Barb from Canada.

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  93. Lori Wong11:33 pm

    I am sorry to hear you may have to move. Change can be so stressful. I am hoping that you and the crew of pets will find a new place that makes you feel at home and you can keep open to new possibilities and opportunities. Sorry to be so "Pollyanna", but there really isn't a better way to look at the current situation.

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  94. Oh bum!!

    So sorry it's come to this. If there's anything I can do just let me know. Xx

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  95. John, I'm an old lady who has shouldered a hell of a lot of burdens. Here's what I know: you will survive. You know we'll all be cheering or kicking butt, whichever is necessary.

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  96. That's sad and disappointing news. I can well imagine that when the dust settles, though, you've a real knack for making a lovely life for yourself, wherever that may be. x

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  97. Change is scary but you will come out the other side. There may be a better place for you in the future. I'm a big believer in fate. We are here for you.

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  98. So sorry to hear this. Is there nowhere smaller in the village that you could purchase, or even rent for a year or so while you get your bearings?

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  99. John, when my first marriage ended, it was hell. I walked out and left our rented apartment to him because he had no family ties in the area.

    I moved home to my parents. It was hell. She did nothing but say horrible things about the man I loved. She called me out for not making the marriage work. She told me to be kinder to my brother and sister in law who were expecting a baby and telling me I should be greateful I hadn't bred her words.

    Sometimes, I think I remarried just to get away from her. You have a good support network and lots of friend, so you are in a far better place than I was.

    So pull up the boxers/briefs but not hard enough to get a wedgie

    In the words of Scarlett O'Hara, tomorrow is another day and unless Sherman is marching through Wales, you will survive and flourish

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  100. OMG
    What's this? I could not post because my mobile hates blogged and now I come to this?
    I have no wise words, though. I think you'll be able to weather this one (and anything life throws your side!) It may seem a lost cause/ catastrophic right now but I KNOW you'll find a way.
    You're not John Dearheart for nothing.

    XOXO

    p.s. if we can help you in any way, please, please post about it. We'll be here.

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  102. Dearest John (because that's how you seem to me), you don't need the details of my journey, from a totally unexpected divorce when I was 50. But I'm now 73, and while I would never have chosen this path, I can finally say I know I'm a better "me" than I would have been had I managed to continue my life with my husband.

    This may not sound very comforting, but I think the truth-tellers and lovers of their fellow creatures are always going to get the short end of the stick, because even many of the people we love can't deal with that clear-eyed vision you bring to the world.

    I'm quite sure you don't think of yourself as some saint--you just are who you are, and that involves helping those who suffer. Yeah, it sucks, especially when you are also a person with good taste who values art and beauty and your animal companions and all that, because as someone said above, the person running away always comes out better financially.

    I'd better get to the sympathetic part...I can't think of anything more painful than what you are going through, but I know you will find your way and that you carry "home" with you in your loving heart. People you haven't yet met are looking forward to you. Kate in Oregon

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  103. Divorce is a steep hill, but eventually you arrive at the top, but it is definitely not all down hill on the other side. So be brave and take each day as it comes, with all your friends behind you. The future is waiting for you. X

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  104. Dear John, at the present this seems like a calamity, and we are all weeping with you. My hope for you is that out of the dark will come something fresh and Just Right. Meanwhile, you have my virtual hugs, and any more practical help that you need. Much love. You have shared so much of your daily life with us, I feel as if I know you so well. And I certainly wish you supportive arms to hold you up when the going gets too rough.

    Virginia

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  105. Lizzie8:26 am

    Sometimes, we spend so long looking behind us at the door which has closed, that we fail to look ahead at the door which is opening for us.........

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    1. That's a nice optimistic comment to end on Lizzie ♥️

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  106. Everything has already been said. Stick with it John, you might be at a low point in your life, but there is a way of climbing back up again. You have done remarkably well so far, just a few more steps. Go out and have a look around the corner. xxx

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  107. Write the book!! You might now have to find a garret to write it in but it might make you some money and it will keep you busy. You've got all the research here, just use the posts. Even if you do a short book and self publish it, we'd all buy it and by word of mouth you might get a 'deal' for a proper size book with real money! You're a brilliant storyteller - this is not flattery just fact and I'm a poor soul with flu just now so you'd better not argue with me!! It's doable and thats what you need to look at now. What in my life is doable. Sending hugs too though. x

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  108. So sorry for this being the only way forward.

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  109. I have no advice. I know you're a smart man who has weighed all possibilities and well as your own wishes, emerging with a terrible inevitability. I know you'll marshal the strength to get through this, but it must hurt terribly, and you must sometimes doubt your strength. Wishing you didn't have to go through this long-feared trauma.

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  110. Oh how I am sorry for you.
    I hope you can find something that suits, either in the village or somewhere else where your destiny awaits.
    XO

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  111. So sorry to hear this John you are in my thoughts and prayers xxxx

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  112. John you are so loved. Imagine each one of your readers hugging you.

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  113. A little late to respond, missed yesterday, but I too am so very sorry to hear that what has been impending is now probably going to happen. Whatever happens, wherever you go, we your followers will be there along with you. I hope that's at least a small comfort.

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  114. Oh, I am so very sorry. Hugs and prayers sent out to you. It’s an awful feeling, isn’t it? I very much wish that there is a solution just around the corner, that can make this all be easy for you and the furry ones.

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  115. I am horrified by this news. I would happily give money to help your cause, but it does not sound like this is a viable option. I do like the idea of a TV show about your blog life and would watch it. But if a TV executive does not come along and save the cottage, I do feel you will land on your feet and we will support you heartily in the next chapter of your life.

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  116. I have been reading you daily for years and my life is enormously enriched by being along for the ride. I echo what countless others have said and spend money every week on books that I love....you are the writer of one of my very favorite "books" of all time and I want to invest in your literary future....and besides I feel apart of your extended family. I'm sending you a check.....buy scotch eggs for the critters if you won't put it towards the house...Maryy in Colorado

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  117. John ha e you thought about a staggered repayment to the prof. Might be worth discussing especially as his inco.e is more. In effect paying what u can now then some more at a later date say two two year payments. Then tske in a lofger write the book do what you have to. Years ago it wS the acceoted way for couples to move on but still realise theur fibancial interest. It may be an alternative option for you to check out and it might make a difference. Have u also checked out the position for maintenance as he let you retire that is an agreement in itself with an explicit intention to maintain you. Pensions are often used as a bargaining tool to obtain a higher lump sum or indeed reubvested in to a pensiion oolicy of your choice but this is in0ly realusable on retirement. There is no entitlement to half the pension but it is part and parcel of the overall financial pot. Say the prof had a pension pot of 20 years duration and you were together in total 10 years. Your potential claim would be 10 years of the pension. However pensions are one of the items that can be comprimized abd used as a bargai i g tool. Take care jihn abd okenty of hugs xx

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  118. Sorry texting from a phone us not my forte. Kets too small. Keyboard on a comouter totally dufferent. X

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  119. Oohps if you can agree an option like this it can be incorpirated into a legal agreement and the consent order with the default position that failure to pay would involve the cottage being sold. If property put on market later rather than sooner prof will probably as would you achieve a higher return.talk to your solicitor as have said not normal way these days but i have known it to be achieved. Might be more sttractive to the prof in the longer term xx

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  120. Patty, perhaps you can email me
    jgsheffield@hotmail.com

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    1. Will do john. Will probably be tomorrow now x

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    2. John check your email I have responded Tricia xx

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  121. Anonymous3:00 am

    Dear John, life can be fucking disappointing at times, Jo x

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  122. Things here in the U.S. are different, yet similar. When my now guy got divorced, he spent weeks trying to figure out how to stay in the house for his then 12 year old daughter. Worked through so many situations in his mind. He couldn't afford the monthly burden of taking out a new, larger mortgage, PLUS paying his ex alimony and child support. Weeks of ideas like, "What if a friend bought the house and rented it back to me?!" At the end, he was able to get a home equity line of credit (rather than a mortgage with a large, fixed monthly payment) on which he could pay only the interest monthly. Granted, he's not chipping away at principal doing that, but it allowed him to keep the house while staying afloat on a monthly basis. Chin up, and keep working through possible plans in your mind. And like others have said, whatever happens, it's the people and little furry souls that make a house a home.

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  123. Coming late to this, sorry. All I can say is you have all my sympathies - have been through a v messy divorce myself - and would like to help and support you any way I can. Hugs and sympathy, hoping there is a way round your predicament. Jxx

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  124. Oh damn and buggeration John. What a shitty thing to have to face. ((Hugs)) and love.

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  125. So shit for you, I hope thing work out xxx

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