I told my sister that I was going to see him and the news was met with certain level of mild incredulity
This surprised me as I thought my street cred would have gone up a notch in my sister's eyes given the fact old Dara was a stalwart of Mock The Week and other such comedy shows
"I would have thought she wasn't quite your cup of tea" my sister commented as we drove out of Chester and then the penny dropped
"Who do you think I'm going to watch again?" I asked her
"Dora Bryan" came the response
My grandmother was famous for stating that she was nearly killed by a falling Insanitary bomb during the war ( instead of an Incendiary bomb)
I once worked with a ward sister who told me off for rushing a dressing with the words
"Patience is a virgin"
Malapropisms anyone?
My mother once called her work colleague vagina instead of Regina. This was in a group of people too.
ReplyDeleteExcellent....start
DeleteMy late mother called her tinnitus, 'titinus', but I expect she couldn't hear the word correctly due to the condition.
ReplyDeleteTitter
DeleteAs I am nearly deaf, it happens all the time. I answer the wrong question or get names complete wrong. Al-anon meetings are the worst. “Hello I’m johann”. Me; hey john. “Hello I’m aurora”. Me: hey laure. Ah well....
ReplyDeleteMy ex-mother in law couldn't pronounce 'h's' so we had quman beans (human beings) and her brother, Hugh, was known to all as 'Q'.
ReplyDeleteI recently told Partner that he'd committed purgatory instead of perjury (long story that I don't want to put here for fairly obvious reasons).
Im enjoying these
DeleteWhen we lived in the Canary Islands my father in law always called the autopista (motorway) the autopizza
ReplyDeleteI would have fone the same
DeleteI love the Kenneth Williams story and often tell it.
ReplyDeleteAt a book signing of his autobiography the queue was very long, a lady sidled up to his table and he signed a copy ' to Emma Chissit fondest wishes Kenny Williams ', telling her 'many thanks, £9.99 please pay at the till'.
'Ere wos this' the woman said
What you asked for replied dear Kenneth
I said 'ow much is it?' Not this rubbish wot you wrote 'she said flouncing off.
Love that story, never been anyone to remotely replace him
My husband once shouted at him from a van in the West End of London, ' my wife loves you.' Williams replied 'piss 'awf'
Still loved him though
Tess xx
Great memories
ReplyDeleteHilda Ogden was well known for them in "Coronation Street". She called her living room mural a "muriel" and once referred to her husband Stan as looking like a "punk rocket".
ReplyDeleteAnd the world was her lobster
DeleteTurn left at the three halos (windmills); nip it in the butt (bud); daffobils (daffodils). All from an old friend, since departed. There are many more but it is too early in the morning to remember.
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteYears ago my mum rang to tell me Mike Spilligan had died.
ReplyDeleteI once described a clock as having 'Numan Rominals' instead of Roman Numerals.
Spike would have loved that
DeleteMy favorite is from long ago when my young daughter pointed out a large praying mantis clinging to a window screen, saying, "Look at the praying Baptist." Hope you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteI've had lemisip and sleep, I'm better x
Deleteworkmate 'to all intensive purposes' ('to all intents and purposes')
ReplyDeleteAnother workmate 'he's on that new site called Linke-din' ('LinkedIn')
The first one I've heard a few times
DeleteMy elderly client told me she had ten children before she had a restorectomy {hysterectomy}.
ReplyDeleteAfter 10 she was right
DeleteMy car broke down going up a hill, I was going to work and other cars kept tooting at me, as if I would break down there if I could chose. Anyway a scruffy old pick up passed me and stopped and he pushed me so that I could get the car onto a small road out of the way. I went home and picked up my husbands car, later on at work I told a visiting chiropodist about my morning. I said that there were still " Shites in Nining Armour in this world. As she fell about laughing I realised what I had said. !!!!! Love Andie xxx
ReplyDeleteNow that made me titter again
DeleteMy Nan was the Queen of the Malaprop. She often said that an injury would be better off for a good 'crap bandage' :D
ReplyDeleteSchool boy humour, pancake day asking for craps
DeleteDora Bryan was a really lovely woman who I last saw, strangely enough, playing Mrs Malaprop.
ReplyDeleteShe was indeed a darling - died in next-door-to-here Brighton four years ago, and long supportive of the AIDS Hospice there. Saw her just the once, in 'Charlie Girl' in the 80s (along with Paul Nicholas, Cyd Charisse......and Nicholas Parsons).
DeleteSomething in common boys
DeleteFriend to our grade 8 pious parochial schoolteacher: "Mr. Lober, when does the sair fart?" 'fair start' He managed a very small smile.
ReplyDeleteA Freudian slip
DeleteWhen caring for a confused demented patient, he asked What town he was in. He was in Cape May Court House, I told him. He got a big smile on his face as he proclaimed, wow, Cape May Whore House!
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteNo.. my husband's family is more mispronunciation of word that drives me crazy...lol chimney becomes chimley and salmon is pronounced with the 'l' ... and i noticed that the family all pronounces it this way because thats the way my mother in law said it.. So don't think your kids aren't listening to you because they are.. lol Hugs! deb
ReplyDeleteMy ex-husband used to say both these ... chimley and sallmon. He also couldn't say spaghetti, it was always psgetti He told me that's how everyone in Salford said them 😀 My spellcheck hates me now!!
DeleteI cannot say the pudding tiramisu
DeleteMy husband blames his near misses on his dyslexia:
ReplyDeleteUS Supreme Court Justice Soto Mayor - or Santa Manure
SUV Ford Excursion - or Exhibitionist
Boat named Galatea - or Genetalia
Santa manure has my vote
DeleteCupid Stunt
ReplyDeleteAh an Everett fan
DeleteA patient who had spinal meningitis was heard telling a friend that she had "smiling mighty Jesus"!
ReplyDeleteHope you're on the mend.
Hugs!
I am after that funny line loved it
DeleteThese are all so good! My late father once asked if I'd seen the movie The Colored People. Now The Color Purple is one of my favorites, I own the dvd, but I still use his version of the title.
ReplyDeleteWell, that movie pushed all kinds of buttons in my family. My aunt hasn't seen that movie to this day. We relate to too many people in it. She says she lived it so she doesn't need to pay to see it. Adolph Caesar was her father to a tee!
DeleteThe reunion moment leaves me so wrung out
DeleteA falling insanitary bomb definitely does NOT sound good.
ReplyDeleteI've been covered in worse like I said
DeleteLet us know how it went. :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't go, still feel unwell
DeleteMy Mum is full of what we refer to as Nellie Pledge'isms. Never a visit goes by without a new one appearing ... when the little hand falls off her watch I will know she has made the final transition. 'I can say that without fear of contraception!' 😃
ReplyDeleteWasn't Nellie pledge a character played by Hilda baker?
DeleteShe was indeed ... gosh we're showing our age that we even know this!! The best Pledgerisms come from Nearest and Dearest, a sitcom in which the family owned a Pickle Factory 😀
DeleteMy grandmother once told my mother about a friend who had bought a condom (condominium) in Florida.
ReplyDeleteIf only
DeleteThis post made me laugh and reminded me of my Nan who apparently wore a 'Brazier'. It must have made her so hot!
ReplyDeleteBriony
x
Yes it was a good idea, very entertaining
DeleteNot exactly a malapropism bur my mother's neighbour always got her words mixed up. The one that we adopted and used for ever after was when she came home from town and had to stand because the bus was so full.
ReplyDeleteShe complained to my mother that there was a 'bull fuss'.
I always said par cark instead of car park as a child
DeleteI told a friend about an interesting interview I'd heard with actor Tom Conti in which he said his Italian father met his Scottish mother when he was interred during the Second World War ....of course I should have said Interned !
ReplyDeleteWe live in an area that often has tornados in the spring and summer. When my son was a toddler he heard a tornado warning and came running in saying "the tomatoes are coming, the tomatoes are coming!". This was even funnier because we had recently seem a bad sci-fi movie called "The Attack of the Giant Tomatoes"!
ReplyDeleteI am quite loving these
DeleteMy 90 year old aunt, who died a couple of years ago developed bowel cancer. The matron at the hospice was called Pollyanna. My Aunty insisted on calling her polyester.......
ReplyDeleteShe also called dementia, dimension.
Another titter
DeleteReally enjoying these. Many years ago when an elderly family friend was discussing politics she called Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir, "Goldy Manure."
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add, the friend was a fan of Meir!
DeleteNow this had me tittering
DeleteGoldy manure the famous Indian drag queen
At a chinese restaurant our 9 year old daughter exclaimed ‘look at all the testicles’ when the dish with squid was set before her.
ReplyDeleteA friend, who had a swimming pool, said that when she died her husband would put her ashes in the pool and she would float around in perpetual
devotion (perpetual motion).
Perpetual devotion sounds better eh?
DeleteMy daughter, when she was 7 years old, received an award at school. She called me at work all excited to say she won an award for epidemic excellence. Should have been academic but I didn't have the heart to correct her just then.
ReplyDeleteOne to say at her wedding
DeleteHaha! Dara O Briain ist brilliant.
ReplyDeleteMy Mother thought the American comic Rosie O'Donnell was very funny. She once told me, 'I just love Rosie McDonald!'
I've said that!
DeleteMy partner's Mother announced that she was going to have her lounge repainted with the shade Mongolian and when it was finished that she wanted to have a large vase of Pompous Grass in the corner.
ReplyDeletePaul
I'm tittering again
DeleteFunnily enough it was Lady Mondegreen's blog that led me here so many years ago!
ReplyDeleteI have a young friend who does drag as a 63 year old lady from a small town, called Pamela Hancock. He's SO clever and she gets her words wrong all the time. My favourite though is something that is common for women of her age and older who don't like to swear. In Maori, Wh is pronounsed F and she says WHAKatane.
Thank you for following for so long x
DeleteMy dear Nan had many including T-Tops (T-shirts), Lolly ice (Ice lolly), Auntie Ficial, (artificial),but my favourite was her insistence on calling my husband Greg. He's Craig x
ReplyDeleteIt obviously became a family joke
DeleteIt would have been long ago in high school when the star football player had his turn reading poetry...."she held him close to her bazzum!"
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteA favourite song at Christmas with my choir is 'O Holy Night'. It begins with the words 'O, Holy Night, the stars were brightly shining ...' except that someone loudly sang 'Shining brightly' instead. You can guess what this sounded like ...
ReplyDeleteOh yes
DeleteA coworker once published a booklet that went to hundreds and hundreds of folks, inside and outside the company, with a typo "Pubic Affairs Department" instead of "Public Affairs Department".
ReplyDeleteI wrote orgasm in my biology a level paper instead of organism
DeleteMy sister always called Alsatian dogs Salvation dogs. As they are often service dogs I think appropriate.
ReplyDeleteFreudian slip
DeleteMy mother (an English teacher for almost forty years) pronounces Alzheimer's as "Old timer's" and all the correcting in the world will not convince her that she's got it wrong :)
ReplyDeleteAnd in turn, I embarrass my adult children by calling "espresso" "expresso" every. single. time. I don't (can't) drink the darn things, so I get very little chance to practice it.
Very apt x
DeleteP. S. How do you come up with these posts, John? They are priceless. I've so enjoyed the post and comments today!
ReplyDeleteYes I loved today's post too
DeleteMy aunt always said "Old Timer's Disease" too, and she always wished us "Happy Valentime's Day" in spite of being hard-core Catholic and admiring St. Valentine.
DeleteThe Wanking Dead.
ReplyDelete... finale...
DeleteHilda baker would be proud
DeleteSince reading this earlier this morning I have just read our local paper and see that in a bid to reduce the road toll over Easter the police will be handing out Easter eggs, lollipops and pens to drivers stopped at checkpoints who are COMPILING with the road rules.
ReplyDeleteHummm scotch eggs?
DeleteMy Mum once going past the spa in Bridlington advertising Kareoke starts at 8pm. I don't like that West Indian music she said.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother sat through 3/4 of The Towering Inferno one Christmas and said " I hate war films"
DeleteMy mum is convinced it's prostrate cancer.
ReplyDeleteNot quite a malapropism, but at a parent/teacher association meeting, my mother was upset at how much the sports budget was growing at the expense of other programs, and announced that she was not raising her children to be athletic supporters.
ReplyDeleteMy Filipino doctor diagnosed me with a hiatal hernia when I was a youngster (well, 23 WAS a long time ago). My Mom and I spent hours trying to find out what a 'hitey hurtie' was.
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteMy late Mother in Law was Swedish, so the occasions for mirth were constant. We still use some of her better ones between us. I can't actually think of any at the moment.
ReplyDeleteAn 80 year old patient once told me that she was having an operation the next morning, and that "she was having an episiotomy for the pain". Methinks she meant an epidural.
ReplyDeleteI once told my colleagues that I had chlamydia running up my trellis. Later on I remembered that it was a clematis.
ReplyDeleteI love this onemark
DeleteReminds me of the time a crazy old broad (long gone) called Laura burst into the pub and announced: "Sorry I'm late - I've been admiring Gail's gorgeous clitoris - it's enormous!"
DeleteThe malapropism "accidents speak louder than words" has been used by several people, including Annie Lennox.
ReplyDeleteContinuing the nursing theme: When I was a kid we had a neighbor (her name was Mitzi) who told my mother she was going in for surgery for her “very close” veins.
ReplyDeleteThe college I attended had a medical school that specialized in training doctors for work in rural Appalachia. Several of my college friends got their MDs there. Before one of their practicums, they were given a collection of medical terms people in Appalachia tended to mutilate that they showed me. The one that has always stuck with me was spinal meningitis being warped into "Spinning Mighty Jesus."
DeleteClever favorite- Tony Soprano said one of his fellows was in ‘a stagmire.’
ReplyDeletePersonal favorite- my grandma called my car an ‘oy tota.’
My niece went to the zoo once when she was about four, and came home to tell us she had seen the histappotomus
ReplyDeleteOne of our friends announced to the pub that he had seen a pelican falcon flying nearby.
ReplyDelete