Bluebell is crowded
Winnie, William and George are all on the back seat licking their chops
Mary on the passenger seat still in her cone of shame.
Someone is smelly farting...I suspect it's George as he stole Albert's dinner last night.
We are at Colwyn Bay beach and it's late morning.
They all have shared a pack of wafer thin ham
I haven't had breakfast yet.
We are all going to the open air cafe in a minute where I'm going to have a bacon butty
Fuck fuck...FUCK fat club.
We've come out as my husband is collecting his remaining belongings from the cottage this morning and I couldn't face being there.
He's been working away in Canada so I boxed everything up for him
Years of married life.
....a hard...hard.....hard job to do.
This morning I filled a carrier bag with food, fresh bread and milk and left it out with the other boxes
I thought it the right thing to do....still the carer!
I've had no sleep yet....I was working last night and I'm working tonight
I'm tired......
That's probably the reason I've just had a good long cry
Big, big hugs, John. I'm so glad you have your furry family with you. They are a boon always, but particularly in tough times. xxx
ReplyDeleteI rarely comment but check in here every day to see how you are doing. I echo Morag: pets are a wonderful comfort in difficult times. And sometimes we just need a good cry, don't we? And then you move on. Better times ahead!
ReplyDeleteMassive hugs John , n you are too kind leaving the food.I wouldn't have 😣
ReplyDeleteThe furbabes will know, n will comfort you today xx
The trouble with crying is that it makes your eyes all puffy but as you worked all night they're probably a bit puffy already.
ReplyDeleteHave a ((BIG HUG)) from Suffolk and get some sleep as soon as possible
love to you on this difficult day xx i know it doesn't seem like it now but you will start to feel better, hopefully soon xxxx
ReplyDeleteAw, I feel for you. A hug from me too. Glad you have your four legged family with you.
ReplyDeleteSo Typical of you to leave him goodies. I don't think that you have an unkind bone in your body;
ReplyDeletethinking of you and sending you hugs Joan Shaw XX
A Shi**y day indeed. *Taking your hand and giving it a squeeze*.xx
ReplyDeleteLife can be a proper B at times. Big hugs.xxx
ReplyDeleteThinking of you John, with a tear in my eye xxx
ReplyDeleteI read your blog every day and enjoy it so much. Such a mixture of the hysterical and the touching. All good wishes to you on this difficult day.
ReplyDeleteLife is painful. I wouldn't have been able to be there either. I've been there and shed lots of tears, walked the field and yelled and cried to the heavens. I hope the bacon butty was good. I'm glad you are staying where you are. Good wishes from Canada.
ReplyDeleteI agree that a day away with the furry ones is the best thing for you.
ReplyDeleteOh John I could cry with you, you are such a sweetheart
ReplyDeleteHugs from Wisconsin, John. Your furries will see you through.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you John. Chin up old chap.
ReplyDeleteSending love and hugs and virtual scotch eggs xx
ReplyDeleteThinking of you tenderly, John, from far away.
ReplyDeleteI feel so helpless that all I can do is shed a tear for your pain and send you warm hugs. But I do....
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the bacon butty JG, I applaud your kindness we need more of it in this world xxx
ReplyDeleteTough day, but you took the high road and are with your lovely pups to spend your time with. I hope they gave you some comfort.
ReplyDeleteSending a virtual hug to you ; comfort to be found in your furry ones and a bacon sandwich can help ... you deserve your care to be reciprocated
ReplyDeleteFrom now on i wish you only good things to come.
ReplyDeletebest not to be there. always the carer because that is your nature and the Prof will be the poorer for walking away. wish I could make it better for you.
ReplyDeleteIf it's any consolation, food eaten while in the depths of despair does not count. Sorrow prevents the calories from sticking.
ReplyDeleteBut more seriously, sending good thoughts your way. Take care John.
Big hugs John. A hard day but another step on the journey. I think the bread and milk is a generous move. In similar circumstances some years ago, I vowed that I would not lose my self respect along with everything else I’d lost, and so I would continue to behave with consideration and courtesy even if the other party didn’t. I may have lapsed occasionally but on the whole, it left me feeling better.
ReplyDeleteYou are in your mourning period and you will want to cry and need to cry so do what I did .. cry. I know it seems impossible but one day it will be better, you just have to get through this stage. It is good that you are staying home in Your house in Your village with Your dogs.. and cat. Now is the time to only think about yourself ... you have spent so many years thinking about others and helping and making a difference, now it is time for You. And give yourself a break .. chocolate is required at this time so be sure to keep yourself well dosed.
ReplyDeleteC
I don't think I would be able to leave a bag of 'essentials'. The fact that you did show that you are kindness to the core. Have a good sleep when you can. Tiredness can make us all extra weepy. x
ReplyDeleteWhat a particularly crappy way to start your day. But you have your little troop around you and there's bacon to look forward to. This was one more hurdle to get over. You are taking the high road in all of this, which at least means you can look back and be proud of the person you have been. It says something about your character. Many Canadian hugs (fleece lined, apologetic, with a beaver or moose symbol attached to them). -Jenn
ReplyDeleteSounds like the final act, other than 'see you in court'. A very sad day John. Bisou, Cro x
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry John.
ReplyDeleteI was 25 and pregnant, with another little one too. My husband decided he wasn't "happy" and treated me abominably. When my eyes opened first thing each morning, tears rolled down my face. I didn't think anything ever could hurt so bad. It was every bit as painful as a death. I tried everything. Followed him around like a puppy. (He had recently finished his Ph.D. which I helped him through). Well, I had my two little girls and after a year decided if he didn't want us anymore, that was his problem. He came around after my attitude changed. We've now been married for 46 years and though we no longer live together (hey, it's a new world) I've never been happier. Hang on tight for the ride John. Times will change. Donna@gather
ReplyDeleteContinue with your kindness and consideration ... you have everyone’s respect. Soon, each day will be a little easier. Now is the time to take care of yourself John. XXXX
ReplyDeleteYour kindness shines through - I am in awe that on such a difficult day you can still be caring and considerate. I hope your beloved pets (and your bacon sandwich) bring you some comfort on this dark and difficult day
ReplyDeleteHugs John - never easy - once a carer always a carer. But at least the pack had a jaunt and you got a bacon butty. Crying is good for you as it lets go ever so gradually of those things that were and hurt ever so subtley. Tomorrow is a brand new page and if you feel like a bacon butty have it. Monday is the start of a new week. Take care and hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteNo possibility being there, but of course you left him a lunch bag. I'm sure he ate it slowly and thoughtfully.
ReplyDeleteI am just really sorry for you. It has to be so difficult and I don't blame you for getting out of the house. All the best, John.
ReplyDeleteOh John so sorry
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the good guys John. x
ReplyDeleteOh sweetheart - big ((HUGS))xx
ReplyDeleteThis calls for two scotch eggs! Happier times coming, John!
ReplyDeleteKeep on caring John. Don't change who you are, even though life hurts at times. Sometimes it's hard to make sense of life xx
ReplyDeleteTaking the high road can be hard, but with Bluebell and the furbabies you can be the Evel Kneival of navigating the ruts and potholes along the way! I've heard that crying on the shoulder of the road can be cleansing.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteWhy? You don't stop loving someone simply because they don't love you. I have never understood the need to lash out and hurt the ex. That isn't what love is about.. IMHO.
DeleteSue is right. She didn't say "lash out and hurt"...she just wants John to practice separating his feelings from his ex. If your heart is still attached to someone who doesn't love you back, you will stay "stuck" in the past, and for all John knows, a new love is just around the corner and he'll miss it if he is still in heartbreak mode. It takes practice. Facing a new future, it takes practice.
DeleteAgree with Sue and Vivian. Cheries comment is not what Sue said at all!.
DeleteI didn't for one minute suggest that is what Sue said. I simply said that I have never understood the need to lash out and hurt an ex. Why should John stop being nice to his ex? of us knows the circumstances of the split.. It is none of our business. I admire the way John has handled the situation.
DeleteThere's a difference between lashing out and establishing firm boundaries. Going the extra mile for the happiness and comfort of an ex doesn't seem warranted in this case.
Delete@Cherie K
DeleteHave an upvote or several. Totally underwrite where you are coming from. Gemma
You are one of life's gentlemen in the true sense of the word. Take care. x
ReplyDeleteOh my . . .
ReplyDeleteCaring about YOU John . . .
You're always in our mental embrace, JayGee, most especially at times lime this when you need it as never before. Do take comfort in that, as I know you'll be taking the same from your ever-faithful little furry ones.
ReplyDeleteHugs from sunny Phoenix,Az. John.❤️
ReplyDeleteOr perhaps it was because a good long cry is in complete order.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you my fine friend, big warm bear like hugs.
I understand... Huge hugs from Tucson.
ReplyDeleteAgatha the new rescue dog would be in your lap giving you kisses. She does not like tears.
cheers, parsnip and badger
One day, the tears will stop and you will re-build a better, happier life. So glad that you had your little team with you and don't worry about the calories at times like these, bacon butties, scotch eggs, indulge yourself.
ReplyDeleteThe Cone of Shame!
ReplyDeleteBoxing up his possessions must have been so painful. But things will get better.
ReplyDeleteSending you love John
ReplyDeleteIn life there are givers and also takers. You my dear (never met) friend! are a giver, pity there 'aint more of you than life's takers
ReplyDeleteCryptic message here, 'go figure', to use U.S.parlance.
Stay strong my dear friend, and have a scotch egg on me, eaten with the fridge door open...hey, we've all been there and yes l have been drinking hehe!
Tess. xx
Love and hugs to you.. wish I was there.. I'd help walk the dogs and. BUY you the butty!
ReplyDeleteA major and painful step in this very sad process. You have faced each step with respect and have shown what a good and caring person you are despite the pain. You are nearing the end and it will get better. Sending hugs and hoping you get some sleep.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. This seems like the end of a very long good-bye. I hope you got home in time for a nice hot breakfast, a good long nap, and a quick look at all of us who are here, sending you love and support.
ReplyDeleteTotal respect from me for your ability to still be decent and caring. Hurt often comes out as bitterness and unkindness, but you have shown yourself better than that. Take care of yourself and I hope you can get some sleep later before you have to go to work. xx
ReplyDeleteMy mother had lots of favourite phrases, one of which seems very appropriate now
ReplyDelete“You are a better man than I Gunga Din”
Traveller
As others have said before me, I see the quality of the person that you are. A good cry does wonders as does the company of four leggers and a bacon butty or two. Deep breath and take a step forward - you are worth it.
ReplyDeleteJohn, The problem with us carer's is that we give and give and give, and the ones we love take and take and take. They take us for granted, knowing we will always be there if "They" need us. We are always happy to wait by the side of the road until they deem it's time to pick us up and play with us again. You are a wonderful and caring man, don't play the game anymore. That is what I had to do. Break the cycle and put yourself first. Your new love or next love will see they good and you will find happiness again. Hugs from Colorado...We have never met but I love you just the same.
ReplyDeleteHugs from the hills of Tennessee.
ReplyDeleteBluebell is serving her purpose ideally, a day out at the beach, followed by a bacon butty, what could be more lovely.
~Jo
Sending lots of love. I've always found my dogs a great comfort at difficult times in the past. Hoping things will get better for you now, emotionally and financially xx
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you today, John.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry John x
ReplyDeleteYou are and always will be a good man,John. You did well in being so helpful and caring.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get through this,I hope you take pleasure in making the cottage your own.
Despite not being treated as you'd hoped and deserved to be, I think you'll always be glad you behaved well and with dignity. At least, I feel that way about the nice(though difficult to do) ways I've treated and spoken about my ex-husband.
This is such a hard and heart breaking time for you, may you find and receive all the comfort, strength and rest you need to come through to better times. xxoo - Mary
No wonder you've been going through hell this past few weeks if you've been packing up a life.
ReplyDeleteThe only good thing is NOW at last you can move on and build on the foundations of the new life that you've already been laying with your new work, regular coffee mornings at the memorial hall, the choir etc
Nice of you to put together a hamper of fresh foods for the Prof ... I hope it made him realise just what he's thrown away.
Love and hugs xx
Dear john i dont comment muchly but wanted to send a massive cyber hug, what a miserable time for you, what a dignified way you handled today. And crying is no bad thing, better out than in, bless you. Betty x
ReplyDeleteHugs from afar, get some rest, take care of yourself,
ReplyDeleteAnother difficult step on this journey...here's hoping better days will arrive soon.
ReplyDeleteAdd me to the hugfest.
ReplyDeleteHugs from Texas too!!
ReplyDeletePam in Texas.xx
If you could feel all the hugs being sent your way, you'd be black and blue!
ReplyDeleteSometimes a good long cry is the best answer! I really feel for you John, you've been doing really well in coping with things. A hug for you from South Lakeland. XX
ReplyDeleteA good cry, a bacon butty and the company of your dogs, a very good tonic for a crappy day. Hope you managed some sleep before your night shift. Take care.
ReplyDeleteFuck Fat Club, for sure, but not Fit Club! (she says to herself as well as to you, then looks out at the snow and remembers she has to go out there to feed the cats at the barn and then SHOULD go walk at least a mile for her heart but oh god that walk is boring some days, straight down the road and back, she dreams of a circle instead as if that would be a bigger draw) and here's to you, carrying on carrying on, and being thoughtful and kind enough to leave out that food for a fella who wasn't clever enough to hang onto you. -Kate
ReplyDeleteCrying with you, and sending healing, hugs and love. So happy that you have taken a trip in Bluebell with the furry ones, and had a bacon butty on the beach.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, I hope the bacon butty was delicious.
ReplyDeleteBacon butties for the win! And dogs and scotch eggs.
ReplyDeleteLove to you
I am not menopausal any more. I don't even blog any more. I still read your blog and love it.
ReplyDeleteI want you to remain strong and loved. You are so bloody loved. Just saying
Be strong my old love. The worst is behind you once he has gone. Now you can start to gradually pick up the pieces. David died twenty months ago and now I am proud of how far I have come - if I can do it then I believe you can do the same. Thinking of you. x
ReplyDeleteSending hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteOh John! A very difficult day for you, compounded by working nights. A good cry is the release you needed, and a bacon buttie with chips and a scotch egg will all help.
ReplyDeleteSometimes crying is all we can do..I believe it is very cathartic although it generally leaves me, in your fine words, looking like the wreck of the Hesperus. Eat as many bacon butties as you want, they too are cathartic. Hope you got some sleep before your next shift and the dogs and Albert kept you company. I must say taking the high road is the best way to be. Much love and hugs. XX
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland.
Hugs to you and yours. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteScotch eggs.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and best wishes are being sent to you and your car load of sweeties!
ReplyDeleteMay what ever you believe in, Bless You, x
ReplyDeleteF the Fat Club! The time is for Bacon Butties As Nina Simone sang "It's a new day, a new dawn for me"!
ReplyDeleteA bacon butty is a perfect breakfast for a morning such as this. Hope tomorrow dawns better for you.
ReplyDeleteI had my first bacon buttie in many years this week, and not long after a bit of a cry while wondering if I needed to phone Samaritans for the second time in my life, but I didn't. Life does kick us in the guts sometimes. But at other times it seems worthwhile. We need to hope for improvement (and more bacon).
ReplyDeleteDifficult but perhaps you will feel a little liberated now that all traces are removed. Good idea to get out with your little family and clear your head by the sea.
ReplyDeleteSometimes a good cry is just the thing, and better to be surrounded by your furry loved ones. Here's to better and happier days ahead for you!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs from us here in Nova Scotia, John.
ReplyDeleteOnce you get a good long sleep and are on a decent schedule, things will settle down.
Life can sure hand us some crappy days but this bad one is done and dusted, I don't know your husband but I have a feeling you're too good for him, you deserve to be treated as good as you treat others, you are a lovely man, you are well and truly loved, just look at the comments , your tears will come to an end, it gets better, honest.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that the last of the Profs stuff is gone. Now everything will be as you want it and the beginning of your new life without all the constant reminders. It WILL get better!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you John ~ I've always found the view much clearer from the moral high ground. Why be something you are not programmed to be, continue to be you until you no longer wish to do so. Sending you love and respect as always x
ReplyDeleteA long walk, good cry, a good book or movie,a friend and a bottle if wine.
ReplyDeleteThere's really nothing for a heart that is hurting, but there are distractions,each day find something that brings peace and a smile. One day there will be a day when you realize that you haven't given Chris a thought and your heart hadn't hurt when you do.
Hugs to you, John. As the old cliche says, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". I really believe that!
ReplyDeleteFuck fuck and fuck indeed <3
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs. I've been there and it hurts. And it will hurt for some time to come But and its a big but its true what they say time helps. Yes there will always be a gap and feelings of what if and there will also be new ways and a new journey that you may never have had. Hold your head up high - you've done so well and kept your dignity.There will be many more tears to come - many questions you will ask yourself but you will survive. And with that lovely furry bunch who adore you there is only one way and thats forward with little steps - a few swerves along the way too. I wish you all the best Xxx ps bacon is allowed on slimming worldx Wanda
ReplyDeleteI have no words to share that haven't already been. Just take care of you John, that's important. You care for the ex, you care for the animals, you care for so many. Just remember to take care of John.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs...
Hang in there, John!
ReplyDeleteSending hugs XX
ReplyDeleteC'mon John, chin up tits out onwards and upwards. Take comfort from an almost worldwide cyber hug from your friends. X
ReplyDeleteHug those beautiful digscif yours, they love you so much. Get some sleep asap. Hugs. Tx
ReplyDeleteYou are in need of a little inspiration - I recommend Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" played loudly over and over again.
ReplyDeletethinking of you john , be strong
ReplyDeleteBless your good heart. From this point on you have to smile and move on. I know it's so hard but we're all with you.
ReplyDeleteA sad day for you to get through. Thank goodness the furry family are beside you. Sending hugs from Cornwall
ReplyDeleteNo bad mouthing please
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete@Anon, I thought John just said "no bad mouthing". Whilst your advice of looking after your financial interests is valid, it doesn't mean that we can't be kind to each other at the same time. Neither is it kind to assume the other party wants to screw you out of what is legally yours.Gemma
DeleteBeing kind is ALWAYS the right path to choose.
ReplyDeleteYou are my kinda person. x
DeleteThe one comment I adopted after living in Australia was, "She'll be right" and in your case, I'm sure you will heal and prosper! Think how many people are pulling for you!!
ReplyDeleteKeep walking The High Road, eat lots of bacon sandwiches - cutting off the fat -
ReplyDeleteYou'll look back eventually and feel things the right way. Karma is a bitch and comes around eventually, I know.
Look after your self and the fur family, mostly be kind to yourself as well.
Hugs! It will be easier to have the cottage to yourself and the furry kids but, as you say, it's hard.
ReplyDeleteHope you enjoyed the butty!
More hugs
Thinking of you xxx
ReplyDeleteThinking of you xxx
ReplyDeleteYes fuck fat club for once. But George says you’re the one smelly farting. And I’m not suggesting you behave like an asshole... but a carrier bag of food?!? At least fill the bag with all the post expiration date items! Hugs
ReplyDelete