Before we start this is a positive post
My solicitor is a very Welsh, bright, compassionate woman.
She took her time with our meeting and pursed her lips in empathy when I went white as she outlined the costs of her representation.
I burst into tears when she asked me about what was eventually going to happen to the dogs, we had already stood up and was in the process of saying our goodbyes .
And then I sort of bolted for the door.
The solicitor works in an impressive set of offices built within the confines of an old Chapel. The Chapel is a stones thrown from the only local cathedral and blotchy faced I took myself up High Street across a small green and into the cathedral proper where I found a quiet dark spot and sat down on a red chair to gather my thoughts.
Places of worship are calm, cool silent places. If I had been in Trelawnyd and had felt the same, I would have taken myself off to St Michaels
I hadn't been sat there that long, perhaps only a few minutes when I sensed a movement to my left. A faceless woman stopped briefly and placed a paper napkin on the seat next to me
" There's tea and coffee to the right of the door" she half whispered before moving on
And I blew my nose, and felt a bit better.
Never easy dealing with things in black and white at a solicitors. Seems to make it hit home a bit. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThe kindness of strangers. x
ReplyDeleteSaid Blanche
DeleteA very compassionate lady x hugs x
ReplyDeleteOh damn, I assumed you were keeping the dogs as you have them now.
ReplyDeleteMy old church was standing empty and I dreamed of offering tea, biscuits and quiet. Maybe some day
They will be staying with me
ReplyDeleteWonderful.
DeleteAnd Albert too?
DeleteAnd Albert too xx
DeleteI am not a religious man of any persuasion, but she is what I call an angel and you might call a samaritan.
ReplyDeleteAs I have aged I carry a handkerchief with me wherever I go. It's not for the purpose of advertising any of my proclivities by "Hanky Code" but for the inevitable dewdrop of my years.
That's a sign of good breeding.....a hankie
DeleteMy sperm donor did a lot of that. At least four half siblings that I am aware of :))
DeleteI hope your visit to the "calm cool silent place" lifted your spirits a bit.
ReplyDeleteSome empathy as I've had to pay a visit to a solicitor ( on an entirely different matter) - 'pay' being the word as I too went white at the cost and my stomach has not ceased churning yet. Why on earth are legal services so expensive? It seems that those with the most money can get their own way and solicitors reap rewards whatever the outcome. I too find solace and comfort in contemplation in church, something my younger self would have found surprising. Best of luck with your current travails John.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how I will payas yet. Thank goodness I've started work
DeleteI've sorted out my late mum's estate myself at no cost. A solicitor could have charged thousands of pounds as their fee is based on a percentage of the value of the estate. Nice job if you can get it.
DeleteWhat the hell is going to happen to the dogs? At times they seem like part of you. And don't forget Albert! He's your pussy.
ReplyDeleteNothing all will stay with me YP , it was just the fact she asked about them,
DeletePositive pants firmly on.
ReplyDeleteTears are good sometimes. They clear the way for the brightest of smiles.x
A church or a cathedral is always a good place to go and sit for contemplation and solace in times when a few moments alone is helpful. Often there will be another person who appears from nowhere when you thought you were completely alone to say just the right thing just as happened to you.
ReplyDeleteI think it's the stillness that helps the most
DeleteKindness and empathy are wonderful things.
ReplyDeleteIn some countries you would have been given a big embracing hug and offered prayers for your well being. While I am sure that would be well meaning, I expect you liked the subtlety of the gesture. Gee, solicitors. You really are going through a hard time.
ReplyDeleteYes Andrew you have hit the bail on the head, it was the small gesture that moved me more
DeleteOh do fuck off
ReplyDeleteI wish that was the last hard day in this mess you will have but sadly not likely, the refuge and kindness found there was amazing, brought a speck of tenderness to a sharp painful time. You will get through this, day by day, sending all my best wishes from Canada.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it seems like there are good angels who accompany you in difficult moments, you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteYes yael...you are right x
DeleteYou have stored up a lot of good karma, when you do good for others, it is returned in a million ways. It will all be okay,
ReplyDeleteSending you much love and hoping things will get easier with time. Sorry if this sounds glib, I just want to let you know how much your blog means to me and so many others. I will eat a scotch egg in your honour! x
ReplyDeleteKindness. It works wonders.
ReplyDeleteDivorce sucks all round. It's always nice to know that kindness still exists in the world.
ReplyDeleteOnwards, without looking back. XX
ReplyDeleteShe asked about 'the children' in a sense ... I am glad they will all stay with you ..it is only right, I feel.
ReplyDeleteTwo understanding women in the space of an hour. You have lots people watching over and helping you, those that you have to pay, but many many more that do it out of compassion and love.
ReplyDeleteThis is the hardest part, but to misquote Titanic totally 'you and your furry four legged friends will go on'. xx
John... set up a 'just giving' account... or whatever it is called. I will happily make a little contribution towards your solicitors bill... and I think one or two fellow readers of your blog would be more than happy to.
ReplyDeleteI`m in!
DeleteX Alex
I was thinking the exact same thing Cherie...I would also contribute.
DeleteJo in Auckland
Great idea. It's one way we can show how much we enjoy your blog and appreciate the good you do in your local community. (I'm Anon because the blasted computer won't publish my entry as me.... Virginia)
DeleteVery kind x
DeletePlease John.. do it... We are all your friends and will gladly do what we can to ease you pain..
DeleteIndeed - what are friends for if not to pitch in during difficult times? Pay it forward, right?
DeleteCount me in.
DeleteI'm in ... but you know that 🙂
DeleteYes, me too, please do it John. xx
DeleteFirst you make me cry, then you make me laugh. Just sodding delete the arsehole gmail crap.
ReplyDeleteYes - lawyers prices have brought me to tears too. Still worth every penny to keep you and the fur family together forever.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
On top of it all, and perhaps the worst, is when what begins in such love and such hope ends up in such an office.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I have been there too.
I'm sorry too...very much
DeleteAfter such visits, most people are only too happy. It says a lot about your feelings.
ReplyDeleteA good weep is good for the soul. And what better place to have one. Do take care, John.
ReplyDeleteThanks jimbo
DeleteThat was such a good and decent moment in the Cathedral.
ReplyDeleteI get this annoying 'commentator' regularly too - and I bet there are loads of us. I keep marking him/her as 'spam' but s/he will keep popping up again and again like a bad penny.
ReplyDeleteBtw: Your clarification re dogs (plus cat) will help many of us to sleep easier. The subject was, if you will, the 'elephant in the room'.
On your Blogger dashboard, if you go to the Comments section and mark this one as 'Spam" it should stop future cr*p getting through.
ReplyDeleteSending you, and the dawgs, big hugs. x
Sorry, Raybeard beat me to it. Marking as Spam has worked for me so far.
ReplyDeleteOh my...in the end the only thing we are sure we get to keep is our dignity. Thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteHow very kind that woman was. I hope you did get some tea.
ReplyDeleteConnections always give us a boost when we need them.Hugs
Hugs from me to you, John.
ReplyDeleteA few quietly spoken words, supportive silence, someone noticing our vulnerable moments, caring and leaving us alone without waiting for conversation or thanks... it's those small gifts that often mean the most in overwhelming times.
ReplyDeleteMy mother and I were close friends even more than family to each other. She had asked me to handle things involved with medical and funeral decisions when her end was near. The financial costs were more than I wanted to think about or face, one brother with a large income told me not to worry, that he could and would pay for whatever expenses were involved. One might think his generosity would be what I most appreciated and remembered. Yet something showing a more personal empathy remains a more precious memory.
After days with round the clock vigilance at her bedside, then making all the arrangements with the priest and funeral home, as I walked out of the crowded church my knees buckled as I began to collapse. My older brother knows me well enough to read my body language. He also knew how important it was to me to finish this one final gift to her without losing all control publicly. He put his chest against my back and his legs against mine, pushed me to stand leaning erect against a wall, said not a word, just waited until he felt me straighten up on my own then he walked away.He never mentioned it to me or anyone else that day or since then. I'd walk through fire for that man.
May whatever help you need continually be given to you, John. -Mary
As usual beautifully and touchingly written , thank you mary
DeleteI hope you can feel our virtual hugs John.
ReplyDeleteVocalising it to a third party, it suddenly becomes very real and sadly another statistic. How very thoughtful of that lady. This too will pass John. X
ReplyDeleteJohn, I have read your blog for a long time and enjoyed it very much, but never commented. Please don’t think I’m sticking my nose in but do you have to use a solicitor? The Citizens Advice pages are really useful and they will always help you with paperwork. Anyway, sending you good thoughts. Maz
ReplyDeleteYes....I am afraid I do
DeleteOh John, I have no words. x
ReplyDeleteYou just have to remember hard times come and go in our lives and somehow we get through them. We know that those who love us will be there to lean on, and those unexpected acts of kindness from others will stay with us forever. I don't believe in religion but I do believe in Karma. What you give, will come back to you. You will be OK, John, maybe not today or tomorrow, but the terrible pain of heartbreak will mend with time.
ReplyDelete{Hugs} dear friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are hurting.
~Jo
It won't always be this bad, John. I'm glad that you have angels in your life who will appear when you need them, if only for a moment. Some days, that moment is enough.
ReplyDeleteSince Easter I have cried every day
DeleteJohn you are loved.
ReplyDeletecheers, parsnip and badger
The first solicitor's meeting is arguably the hardest, and you've done that now :) Cost - in money terms - is horrendous, yes. I got all the bills, so I know how much - they quickly found their way to my ex's side of the kitchen table though ;) lol Glad you're keeping your animals. The only item my ex kicked up about and wanted to keep was the fish slice; it somehow made it over the border with me :)
ReplyDeleteTake care
Sarah
I wish sarah
DeleteI think in a church one's strongest emotions of sadness are anticipated and accepted completely, which means a lot when a person is feeling overwhelmed. I remember going into the hospital chapel one day when my father was very ill, for the same kind of reason. A quiet place in the midst of the storm.
ReplyDeleteI should have said also that I am not a religious person.
DeleteI'm glad you found -- literally -- a sanctuary from your trying day.
ReplyDeleteCan't understand why it fails to work for me, Jayne, but it's no big deal to delete every time - merely an irritant.
ReplyDeleteBesides the peace and calm that can be found in a chapel, there is something more there beyond imagination - something we all search for whether or not we're conscious of it. All the crap that fills our life can be exchanged for something so fulfilling - well, all I can say is maybe a reading of The Hound of Heaven might be able to convey something I'm trying to say. Life has brought me a series of tragedies - premature deaths of dearly loved ones - accidental drowning, teenage suicide, and murder - divorce, too - the "peace which passes all understanding" carried me through. It's my prayer for you John. Day follows day - we can walk through some of the toughest things imaginable - and you will! Somewhere I read this: The way out is the way through. You'll soon be through - into the sunshine of a new day!
ReplyDeleteStillness nurtures the soul eh
DeleteSending you love, John the Dogs, from the other side of the planet.
ReplyDeleteWhat a kind woman, tea is just the thing too.
ReplyDeleteYou needed that place of sanctuary John. Another step taken. Chin up down there is Wales.
ReplyDeleteYes weave xx
DeleteThe stillness, quiet, private . . .
ReplyDeleteyet someone knew you were there
Tissue . . .
Hankie . . . memories for me, sitting in church, tears flowing, Mrs Parker took my hand, placed her hankie in my palm . . . melancholy . . .
Solicitor step is done, I sure do feel for you, and care.
Hope the tea was good. Yes, delete that spam, start a fund to pay the solicitor, (I'll pitch in a buck,) and go have something fattening.
ReplyDeleteUnexpected kindness means so much. In my experience with solicitors your bill can be paid after the final division of assets assuming there is some cash exchange.
ReplyDeleteAngels are everywhere. Getting through the tough parts is not easy but you have many friends that care. Sending positive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear the livestock will stay with you, John. You're a great friend to them.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard process, so take care of yourself. Know that there are people who care about you.
ReplyDeleteThere are and I do
DeleteI'm sorry, I know there is so much to this that can just rip your heart out but I so hoped that you would keep your pups. You need them as much as they need you.
ReplyDeleteI have been moving spam into the spam folder for a long time. Blogger is supposed to recognize the address as spam and put it in the spam folder automatically. It never has done with me, it still keeps coming, so now I just delete as soon as it arrives, and I get lots every day.
ReplyDeleteHugs John, silence of Church always calms me when needed. The kindness of strangers never ceases to amaze me and a quietly proffered hankie at the right time embodies this.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
Indeed x
DeleteHugs.
ReplyDeleteSo glad there was a quiet place to duck into, and a quiet caring person to offer kindness. In the US the legal fees are often shared with the other party, especially if they initiated the proceedings. Maybe that could be the case for you. Sending virtual hugs as well...we all are!
ReplyDeleteI wish...the divorce is not my idea, but I still have to pay for th privilege
DeleteYes, my ex initiated the divorce, so I made him pay all the fees. I wouldn't sign off on the decree until it read just like wanted, haha, so it worked out fine...
DeleteJohn please tell us the dogs will stay with you forever and ever!!! I will die of a broken heart if not.
ReplyDeleteThey are with me until they die..I promise
DeleteAs Gilda Radner would say "Nevermind." Finally found the post saying dogs and Albert will stay with you, thank God. Couldn't bear it otherwise. Never met you, but you are dear to my heart and so are they.
ReplyDeleteYes I didn't mak it clear in the blog sorry x
DeleteJohn you are constantly in my thoughts these past months. I know you don' t know me but I along with all your blog devotees really care for you. I almost collapsed when I read the bit about the dogs. But am thankful they are to remain with you. Please know we here in the blogosphere love and care for you. Since I found your blog you have made me smile through some awful times.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I'm tired of these sadder posts, but it's where I am x
DeleteJohn, you need to share your sadness. It's natural. You shouldn't feel the need to hide it. We all feel for you. You have helped so many of us through our own sad times with your caring, kind attitude and support. Take care xx
DeleteUnexpected kindness from another person warms the heart.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and the dogs
Some day it will not be the last thing you think of at night. Then, it will not be the first thing you think of in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI look back and cringe thinking of all the poor people I broke down in front of right after my split - two doctors, the mover, the yard guy, and too many more to name; it's to be expected. Someone once quietly handed me a tissue when I needed it; I was so appreciative that, ever since, I carry a pack, and have actually had occasion to pass out a few to strangers...
ReplyDeleteNo big deal in hindsight.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand
DeleteSometimes life is absolutely bullshit, on Monday our son goes to family court with his lawyer and barrister, he has only seen and held his son once for 5 minuets when he was born in February. It’s heartbreaking for everyone not being able to see this little boy, we miss knowing him so much. Jo
ReplyDeleteYou are with friends here, John, so you only need to be yourself. Divorce is like a death in the family so it is natural that meeting with your solicitor would be emotionally charged. It is worth the money, trust me. When my sister divorced, her soon-to-be ex-husband convinced her that they didn't need lawyers and it would be friendly. Well, she ended up with nothing(he took the house, new car, and most of the money). A few years later, she delayed going to the hospital because she couldn't afford insurance and consequently died. There's a special place in hell for him.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you’re going through this, John, and wish you solace and healing. Like others who read your blog, I care about you and am sending you warm, caring thoughts daily.
ReplyDeleteJust sending you some more cyber hugs, John. I wish I lived closer so they could be real.
ReplyDeleteSad posts, happy posts, in between posts, we don't mind John, we're all here to be your shoulders to cry on. Happy, sad, or something else, just write, it helps clear the emotions you are going through at that time.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a religious person at all, but I find churches, chapels, etc, are the best places for quiet reflection.
Take are of those sweet furry companions.
We're here for you.
Some days are just crappy. Friends can help get us beyond them. You have a job, your animal buddies, and a wonderful sense of humanity. You win, no matter what the financial cost. Let us help.
ReplyDeleteOh John like everyone here my heart goes out to you a kind gesture from a stranger means so much and you have been on the giving end of that as well. Take care.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and Solace to you.
ReplyDeleteOn a practical note look after your pension and as a well paid acedemic your soon to be ex husband may have to share his with you.
ReplyDeleteStay calm, walk the dogs and listen closely to professional advice. Boring but important. All the best.
When I was going through a very difficult time, an elderly neighbour rang my doorbell and presented me with a perfect, single red rose which she had cut from her garden. I was so touched by that gesture.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's the smallest of gestures that have the biggest impact.
It warms my heart, than in an increasingly selfish world, there are still such caring and sensitive people x Hug those fur babies John x
ReplyDeleteJohn, a measure of kindness today is what you needed in that very moment. Have a good weekend! Gabs
ReplyDeleteI would have been guilty of hugging. It’s a curse. Can’t help it. Even now I’m hugging you coz I’m thinking about what you’re going through and it hurts my heart. I’m trying to stop.....TOO LATE!! HUGGED!! 🤗
ReplyDelete