Friday, 10 August 2018

I've never wanted to visit Mexico


I met a man who I was in school with today
We have not spoken for perhaps 40 years
He was with his boyfriend
I was dressed in a green tabard, flip flops and was holding a green plastic collecting bucket.
We had one of those odd public conversations that was all too much
I told them that I was separated
They told me that they have just been on a gay cruise around Mexico
Apparently you can sleep with everyone  on a gay cruise they told me with a cackle
And they both did! ( what fun!)

I've never understood people in long term relationships that swing/ shag around/ or think it's ok to shag themselves silly on an ocean liner. To me shagging around is something you do when you are young and single or indeed old and single .....but single is the most important point of it all for me
Do what you like when you are single ....Multiple shags , to me when you are in a relationship are a sign of fickle immaturity.
But each to their own I guess

I've never wanted to go to Mexico either btw

88 comments:

  1. I'm with you. I prefer monotony, er, monogamy!=)

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    1. Stability ....maturity

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    2. I agree John. Mardy. 🇨🇦

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  2. Anonymous10:40 pm

    My first husband was apparently having an open relationship the whole time we were together. I had no idea until the end. We'd honeymooned in Mexico.

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  3. I've never wanted to go on a cruise! :)

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    1. Oh I wanted to go on the Queen Mary
      That will never happen , unless some old matron takes me to carry her luggage

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    2. Nor have I!

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    3. you have probably saved both of yourselves from food poisoning or the norovirus. Where I used to work everyone started going on cruises and all but one had a bug whilst on it or when they got back. All told to stay away for a week after returning. I was thinking of saying I was going on a cruise just to get the extra week off!

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  4. No arguments from me. A committed relationship doesn't include sex with multiple partners as far as I am concerned. With a possible exception if both partners agree.

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    1. But do both partners agree totally? Humm i wonder

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    2. Which is why I said possibly.

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  5. I'm not one for indiscriminate shagging either. I've at times been told, among other things that, since there's no risk of accidental pregnancy, there's no reason to follow those hetero=centric rules.. I don't think it's as simple as that. But as you say, each to their own. As for Mexico, there's a lot more to it than the crap you experience when you're cruising. That's not the way I would want to experience it. Then again, I don't think those guys really gave two craps about Mexico.

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    1. They never left the ship I suspect...x

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    2. Precisely. That was some very expensive impersonal sex.

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    3. And no lovely holiday photos either..... am I old fashioned old friend ?

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  6. I've never been interested in ''sleeping around ''.I did have several boyfriends as is usual when a teenager,but when I found who I thought was ''the one''-I was not theirs.This happened once too may times.Eventually I met one who was a big mistake x

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  7. I was with you all the way until you mentioned holiday photos. Other people’s holiday photos...I’d rather have the holiday rash...

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  8. You long for stability now, but it was not always like that - for anyone.

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  9. My first husband forgot he was married. All I ever wanted was a home of my own and a family. I walked out of that marriage.

    Forty years later, I have the suburban dream. My first husband sends me an apology every year on what was our wedding anniversary. He's never remarried. I miss him. But he has missed so much in his life.


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    1. At least he learned a lesson good for you

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  10. Very few couples can live comfortably together when their have been infidelities.

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  11. My first husband loved trying all that stuff. It just broke my heart. And too, G and I live on the border with Mexico. The arts, crafts, and foods are wonderful. We don't go down any more as all sorts of folks are getting shot at. I don't have any time for that.

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  12. Unless they stayed on the ship the whole time, I would not go to Mexico.
    Two friends go to Mexico every few years. I told them be careful even in Mexico City. The gangs are rumbling. They went and had a great time. I was happy for them but the day after they left three bodies were found hanging on a major overpass coming right into the city center.
    I live on the border of Mexico and the cartels are coming over here in waves. Just awful and very dangerous

    cheers, parsnip and badger

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  13. It seems to me that open relationships are a recipe for disaster.

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  14. I had a wonderful time on a cruise to Mexico, but that was ten years ago and frankly, it a very tame experience. But I'm quite sure I wouldn't repeat the trip at this point in time. Too dangerous. Perhaps indiscriminate shagging points to immaturity and someone's fear of aging? *sigh* X

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  15. Maybe some people can do it successfully, but then I would question their level of actual commitment to each other. What happens when they get old and unattractive to other people? Who's going to keep their feet warm then? Or hold their hand when they are frightened, or truly share in their joy?

    In other words, I agree with you :)

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  16. Ummm. How do I say this?
    I am the most faithful person in the world. I do not want to share my sweetie with anyone. And...going to Mexico since 1987 with that man has probably been the thing which has given our relationship the most sweetness. I've been on one cruise. There was no extra-marital shagging. It was so weird. Not the fact that there was no extra-marital shagging. Just the cruise itself.
    What am I saying here?
    Mexico is magical.
    And beautiful.
    And amazing.
    Extra-marital shagging is fine for some but not for me.

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  17. My trip to Mexico was when was 20 , living in LA and the person taking me was famous.
    I insisted that my best friend go too.
    It was fabulous because of the poshness of it all and he liked my friend so I had no uncomfortable moments..
    I had stomach trouble for weeks after we went home. That is why I will never go to Mexico again:)

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    1. Meanwhile my answer had nothing to do with your post and I am using my phone so I apologize 🌸

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  18. Don't get me wrong....I enjoy me some sex. Oh alright, a lot of sex, but I would never do a gay cruise. I hear it's a floating all you can eat buffet.

    I have no idea why, but I find Las Vegas and cruises tacky.

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    1. I have been married 51 years. I have been on two cruises without him. There was never a moment “cruising” would have entered my thoughts. I believe in commitment but I don’t judge others.


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  20. A cruise is my idea of hell! No, I don't get the shagging around thing either, getting naked in front of a total stranger is a terrifying thought,familiarity and acceptance of each other is much more rewarding.

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  21. I have been on one cruise and by the end I just wanted a plain tuna sandwich on plain white bread! They poured sauce over anything that sat still. Once was definitely enough. What kind of commitment do you have when you can play around with anyone? Doesn't this behavior lead to medical issues? My sister went cruising on a cruise and then spent 18 years trying to survive 3 liver transplants because she picked up hepatitis. She passed 12 years ago.

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  22. Well, I had to look up tabard. Is that something like my grandma's aprons?

    Swingers are so 60's! I just can't imagine anyone in a committed and loving relationship with someone that wants to screw around. Well, except maybe my Ex!


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  23. Infidelity is the cause of so much heartache, violence, and family break-up. It is best kept to a minimum, and if possible; totally hidden.

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    1. Who'd have thought it, Cro ... "best kept to a minimum, and if possible, totally hidden"? Thanks for making me smile - big time. You of all people. At least you are honest. Or are you?

      Other than that, I commend you for giving the occasional "accidentally" straying some sort of slack. Whether you approve of it or not.

      U

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  24. I have no idea on modern gay habits. My gay friend in the 70s shagged 5 a night.

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    1. Shagging "five a night" is, of course, what gives gay men such a bad name. I think it's always been thus (indiscriminate shagging), with exceptions. However, when two gays go down the hetero route, exchanging vows, not least that of commitment (however the two individuals define same), then that's, as John and others here point out, a totally different "ball" game. A complicated one - the moment you throw in emotion (as in "love") different rules apply.

      U

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    2. Shagging around is not just a gay thing.
      If that's what people want I say " go knock yourself out"
      I am just questioning how well it all works in an open relationship?
      Yo me it sounds emotionally too messy

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    3. I think 5 shags a night is definitely a gay thing.

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    4. John, of course it's "emotionally messy" when in a relationship. It rarely works - and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. In recent years the idea of "polyamory" has been introduced and peddled. You know, that ludicrous excuse for fooling around as we are all capable of "loving" more than one person. Whilst I agree that you can love more than one person, it doesn't follow that exchange of bodily fluids will all those we "love" have to seal the deal.

      There is a theory that in every relationship there is one who loves MORE than the other. I do not know whether that's true. It's a depressing thought. Let's assume that it is so, then the one who loves more will take all sorts of shit from the other - could be anything; indeed their roaming. Till the drop brings the barrel to overflowing.

      U

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    5. Social media is far worse than a quick shag.

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    6. I do think it's true that one always loves more than the other at any given time - however, I think that actually can change/switch back and forth between the two during a long relationship... Idk, maybe I'm confusing "love" with strength of commitment...

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  25. My boss went to Mexico on holiday a couple of years ago.Stayed in a very posh hotel.one morning while using the lift the doors opened and in walked some very shady men dressed in black.She said she felt rather scared and later asked the receptionist who they were. She was told one of the men was a very famous Mexican and the rest were his bodyguards. I reckon he was a drug baron!!I'd love to go see where Frida and Diego lived.I was in Edinburgh last week and visited a little Mexican shop to buy some nice tiles for my fireplace!!Nearest I'll ever get probably!! Off to the Edinburgh Book Festival today. Last day of my hols. I shall wish I was in Mexico come Monday morning!!!

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  26. Anonymous7:44 am

    Mexico is one country that people stereotype. Yes there are dangerous parts, yes there are tourist overrun resorts and then there is Mexico. A fantastic diverse place full of culture.

    Mexico City is on of my favourite cities in the world. The art and food are incredible. We went there about seven times in two years and still did not experience everything we wanted to.

    As for cruises and multiple shags, I’ll pass on both.
    traveller

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  27. Voice of experience here, my ex husband wanted to try wife swapping as I was boring. When I refused he 'accidently on purpose' broke our oldest son's nose, so I agreed, reluctantly.
    It did not live up to his expectations, he assumed that he'd be surrounded by nubile 22 year olds who'd be desperate for his body, but you can only swap like for like, if you are offering a 40 year old wife, all you get is someone else's 40 year old wife! He also assumed I'd be parked in a corner until he's shagged his fill. He was very jealous when other men even spoke to me.
    I had one year between when we started wife swapping until my youngest child left home. I left him exactly 7 days after that child left!

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  28. I loved the river cruise the farmer and I took - our last ever holiday together before he died and full of the happiest memories.
    As for infidelities - never. Both marriages were very happy, very fulfilling and have given me a very happy life. There have been opportunities - I have just chosen to ignore them. It is possible for anyone to be like this - just a matter of choice and of carefully weighing up exactly what you want from life.

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  29. Anonymous8:04 am

    Verified Shopping 4 U | Online Discount Coupons
    https://verifiedshopping4u.com

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  30. Strange that they need a cruise to cruise.
    If anyone needs to shag around, then he/she should quit the relationship he/she is in, but perhaps I am too old-fashioned.

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  31. Anonymous8:45 am

    You could end up like the character in Guy Maddin's 'The Forbidden Room'- a warning ( the tune is infectious):https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8YQw6KLJGf8

    P.

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  32. I've never felt any desire to shag around, even when I was young and single. One sexual partner suits me just fine. But each to their own, as you say.

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  33. If you give everything to your partner and they give it back, why would you want anything else!

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    1. Exactly! Marlene !

      Part of being a part of “a couple” is actually being the other half.2 people.
      When a person is tempted to have a taste with someone else than they might as well just be single.
      That eliminates the sneaking around and lying .
      It’s also very disrespectful to a partner to cheat on them.
      It dooms a relationship when one of the couple cheats.

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  34. There's shagging, and there's making love, with all the warmth and tenderness that is part of a relationship.
    I have never just shagged, and as old fashioned as it makes me seem, I have never 'had' anyone other than my husband!
    We've been together for thirty five years, and it's still great!
    We also both know, if either of us ever strayed, they'd be out of the door and gone forever, fidelity really matters! X

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  35. It sounds disgusting, imagine having to do the laundry !
    We watched The Three Queens leave Southampton yesterday as we were out to watch Cowes week fireworks, they looked like floating blocks of flats.

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  36. My dear John,

    with a nod to your Mexican cruise theme, and I quote (I hope it's not you I am quoting - can't remember source): "Well, bugger me backwards and call me Brenda, what a revelation!"

    U

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  37. There's a huge difference between 'having sex' and 'making love'. Those who really love and respect their partner only want to make love; those who don't love and respect their partners are only interested in having sex - with their partner and whoever else they fancy. Cruising or not.

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  38. Anonymous11:38 am

    Without a doubt, I'm with you John.

    As a medical professional, I just hope that there was a lot of hand-washing.

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  39. When I was single I "played the field" for a while, but I like being settled down with one person. I am not interested in "shagging around." I am very jealous, and would not do well with a husband who wanted to do so. Mexico, a short visit there helped me to understand geopolitics and immigration.

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  40. Debbie1:08 pm

    My first husband wanted to switch partners. I told him if he wanted to do that, he could do it alone and the locks would be changed when he got home!
    No Mexico for me, either. I don’t care for hot weather. I’d rather see Europe.

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  41. I agree with Travel. When I was young and single and clueless, I was happy to date and have relationships with men but when I got a little maturity, I settled down and remained married to the same man for many years, with no fooling around with other people. If you want that-don't get married. One of the first things that came to mind was having sex with strangers in Mexico and living through it and not getting syphilis .

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  42. I've done cruises where Mexico and the Caribbean were stops. I enjoyed them! You have to find the cruise that fits you. Different cruises offer different experiences. I've done it by myself, as a couple, with friends, and each time was a fun adventure.

    The same could be said for relationships and recreation. You have to find what fits you and just enjoy it. Different strokes for different folks. Variety and Diversity makes the world wonderful and exciting.

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  43. Not into playing around . . .
    Hubs and I are solid . . .

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  44. Cruising has never really appealed to me, ditto shagging around. So much nicer being intimate with one special person, who knows and understands your physical and emotional needs.

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  45. I think I hat apples to every relationship

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  46. Anonymous6:49 pm

    I've posted anonymously as I don't want to leave this comment under my name as a regular reader and comment leaver. After 8 years with my partner he suggested trying swinging (this was about 20 years ago). I agreed to give it a go. We weren't unhappy with each other but yes it was his suggestion not mine. Anybody we met was agreed by both of us. We met a lot of people - over 100. Some were only doing it for their partners but most were both agreable to take part. We met a very small amount of people who we made friends with, some of whom came to our wedding when after 8 - 9 years we decided - both of us - that we had had enough. If anything, it made us more committed to each other and we decided to get married. That was 15 years ago and neither of us have ever slept with anyone else or wanted to. I don't regret what we did, we certainly experienced life (maybe I could write a book of it) but to do so you must have a good relationship originally.

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    1. I think you are perhaps the exception ... who knows all, I do know is that it has to feel ok for both parties .....

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    2. And it feels wrong for me

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    3. Anonymous12:01 am

      It certainly isn't for most of us, that's for sure. For us it was a case of both of us together or niether of us. We worked through it and are now more together than most couples I know.

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  47. I note that your old school acquaintance was with his boyfriend and therefore not necessarily in an exclusive relationship...so they both sleep around.( A lot of gay men get frequently tested.)
    During a long marriage or exclusive relationship there is an ebb and flow of who loves the most. One of a pair hoping to sleep around doesn't fit with this model.
    It's absolute bullshit to think that one of a couple can have an open marriage/relationship without it's inevitable failure. Trust/power/love balance would shift so much.
    It's basically saying 'You're not enough'in my opinion.

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  48. My father did some "shagging around" and it caused untold grief for all of us. I don't believe it was worth it, but it cannot be undone. I told my husband that if he ever broke my trust in that way, I would rather live under a bridge than live with him.(after I had been at him with scissors or a sharp knife!)
    I hope your "friend" took precautions. I have lost many gay friends to AIDS.

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    1. Meant to add that I have been on many cruises and they can be fun. I have been to Mexico many times and it was mostly safe. We only felt that we might get killed once by the local police with their massive firearms. Oh, and expect to be robbed or at least ransomed. The locals can find very creative ways to fleece you of all of your cash, but that only happened to us twice and to everyone else we know that has been at least once.

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  49. I've got to big up Mexico just a bit, John! It's a beautiful country with diverse landscapes: ocean beaches, jungles, grasslands, mountains, deserts, world class cities and tiny villages. The people are warm, friendly and welcoming. I live in the western US and I have visited Mexico many times, and many regions. If somebody offers to take you on a trip to Mexico, you should go!

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  50. They have lovely chilies in Mexico. Some of the tequila and mezcal are nice as well.

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  51. What a frenzy that cruise must have been! They can have it.
    Mexico is not a country I care to visit. I know people who love it....a lot.

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    1. The only time I liked Mexico was when I was there with a friend and a movie star.
      And it was a super luxurious resort.
      Otherwise it is a dirty place full of crime and poverty .
      When the people in a country risk death to escape it, you know it is not a good place.

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    2. Candice, please don't condemn a whole country as being dirty and full of crime--what a wild overstatement! Perhaps you saw only the Mexico you expected to see from your vantage point of movie stars and super luxurious resorts.
      As an American, trying very hard to fight against the racism and hatred destroying our country, I hope you can reconsider your position.
      No one has to go to Mexico if they don't want to, but as e said above, there is much to love there. And even here, in the US, as an older woman, I would always count on any latinx person helping me if I needed help with anything--from a disabled car to just a heavy load of groceries that I needed a little help getting into my car. You simply do not know what you are talking about.

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    3. Anonymous7:31 am

      Candice, with respect, if your only experience of Mexico was a “super luxurious resort” I am not sure how you can say the whole country is a “dirty place” it is a bit like visiting one town in the US and concluding the whole of the US is like that town.

      Yes there are some parts of Mexico where travel is not advised but vast areas that are wonderful. Including Mexico City.

      Traveller

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  52. Anonymous3:54 pm

    The ad for the "gay" cruise shows Burr Tilstrom who had a legendary program on American tv in its earliest days. It was a gentle and very witty puppet show with three main characters: Kukla (with the red nose), Fran (the actress Fran Allison) and Ollie (Oliver Dragon with the prehensile tooth). Burr was, of course, behind the scenes. As a small child I lived next door to a family who owned an appliance store in town and they had every gadget first, including a tv. When it was time for Kukla, Fran and Ollie all the neighborhood kids would osmose into their living room for the show before we would slide off to our respective homes for dinner. Thanks for the memory!

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  53. I think Mexico would be fab, but I agree with you about the shagging. Dave and I both decided early on that we were going to be faithful to each other and that agreement seems essential to our relationship. I don't mind if other people want to mess around, as long as they're not lying about it, but it's definitely not for me.

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