Trendy Carol sporting a loose ponytail curled over one shoulder has just had a word about coming with me to fat club. She doesn't need to go, but the company is always welcome,so Im looking for meeting that suits us both.
I know it's just a diversion, I've got much more important things to do.
Albert knows this.
He understands that I'm happy to be diverted today.
I have to sort some paperwork out for the part time job I hope to start in a month or so's time but I'm finding it a chore; the mark left by my wedding ring is haunting me somewhat and I'm struggling with the fact that I should now consider myself as single.
Two decades of feeling a part of something bigger than yourself is a hard concept to drop and let go of.......well for me it is this morning
All this is going around my head as I sit at the kitchen table
And an hour after I started I still have not completed the work form, instead I have rearranged the photos, etching and the framed fragment of ancient Kimono balanced on the radiator in front of me as Albert stretches his legs and yawns.
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ReplyDeleteStop procrastinating ye big Scotch Egg and get on with the work form! You will feel better when it is done.
ReplyDeleteDone and dusted YP
DeleteGood Albert. He knows just what you need.
ReplyDeleteAnd Yorkshire Pudding is right. Just bite the bullet. You'll be glad after it's done.
And Mary's baby looks shocked at being mooned by Albert.
All done
DeleteSometimes things just need to be left to another day.
ReplyDeleteNo it's sorted , I've done the shopping , bought animal food, cleaned the patio and I'm now about the tidy the field up
DeleteOh well done on finding the get up and go....now can I have some of yours? x
DeleteIt is so hard to give up the life you want, and days like today happen. Hope your afternoon is full of cheer
ReplyDeleteChoir later!!!
DeleteGood
DeleteMy excuses for putting things off are nowhere near as good as yours.
ReplyDeleteI've no real excuse , Just dragging feet...better now
DeleteSometimes a meander through your mind whilst pen in hand supposedly form filling is just what's called for. Your daydreams, thoughts and plans will vanish like vapour in minutes while the form will just sit there and wait for you.
ReplyDeleteBeware deadlines though ... and cats being ignored for too long ;-)
Cleaning pee stains on patio brings u down to earth..that's what I'm doing now
DeleteI am currently living away from Miss Chef as we begin a move to a small mountain town 4 hours away. The pets make it so much easier to be alone, as without them this place would be quiet as a graveyard in winter. Glad Albert decided to hang out with you for a bit.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't usually comes to me
DeleteChin up and on you go. You are on my mind and in my heart dear man.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely
DeleteAlbert and the plush toy have the same look!
ReplyDeleteI am happy Albert is “keeping watch” over you!
ReplyDeleteOne day you will feel single and until then you can just think how you think.
ReplyDeleteI have spent weeks in bed crying over stuff like this so I think a bit of procrastinating over paperwork is forgivable
In all honesty, I can't say that I know how you feel, but I can imagine. The moral support from some of your villagers is amazing, as you tell it. Not something to be taken lightly.
ReplyDeleteYou're right Andrew
DeleteIt is hard no doubt. I have sat with friends going through the same pain. They are now getting on with life being single and have more good days than bad which you will too xx
ReplyDeleteIt's boring me now
DeleteAlbert's main purpose here is to keep you grounded and present.
ReplyDeleteAnd feeding him
DeleteThat's a given.....lol
DeleteI'm going to have to stop reading your blog as you put into words what I'm trying not to think about.
ReplyDeleteUnderstood x
DeleteIf it is a down day, accept it, tomorrow will be better. Grief takes time.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently sitting in my room reading your blog surrounded by a million boxes I'm supposed to be sorting through but I just can't be bothered. My friend died last week and I missed her funeral yesterday because I had a hospital appointment which went on longer than anticiped. It's made it harder for me to feel some closure and today I'm just feeling down. I'm leaving the box sorting till another day when I feel better, sounds like you should maybe do the same? x
ReplyDeleteNo it's all done now, I'm back doing jobs and chores and all is ok
DeleteI am mostly a dog person, although we also had a yellow tiger cat as a child and two of my three children have cats, but even when we had a cat he wasn't allowed on the table. We have always let the animals on our bed, however. Albert is one privileged individual!
ReplyDeleteI tell my cat ‘you know you’re not allowed on the table when we have company’. Sometimes that works.
DeleteSalami approach, John - spend twenty minutes on the paperwork, then take a complete break and reward yourself by doing something else; then another twenty minutes and so on. Otherwise you just spend time shuffling it round the table and feeling defeated. I speak as a lifelong procrastinator! Glad that Albert is keeping you company.
ReplyDeleteI imagine that this must be a bit like being suddenly widowed. Your life and all that was normal every day has been ripped apart and it is difficult to get your bearings. Sitting down to a cup of coffee in the morning and feeding the pets is suddenly not the same, nothing is.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, based on experience ... Try to keep to the habits you have had that you enjoyed or that you must do, like feeding the animals.
But find new hobbies or pastimes, new walks and sights and even friends.. I became a hermit because I just didn't want to have to cope with anything anyone else said. I didn't want to be comforted by people who had no effing idea what I felt like ..
A friend told me this - sleep early, late, eat whatever and whenever and don't take anyones advice :)
You stumble through and as time goes by, the pain lessens and one day you surprise yourself that you had laughed out loud, that you had not thought of him in hours or even days.
It sucks John .. but you are here and alive and there are so many people and little creatures who love you and need you .. keep that in mind when you feel that lost feeling.
much love. C
I'm ok ...need to clear the field today...starting allotment again bosoms returns
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DeletePuzzle - the comment and advice from Candice is sympathetic and kind towards John, I didn't read of any disdain for others. Why would you want to post such a harsh reply? Unkindness is not a nice trait in anyone.
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DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteI was pretty heartbroken when my three year relationship ended, I hate to think of what it feels like for you after all those years together, I can't imagine, hugs John.
ReplyDeleteMy younger cat is always trying to show me how much more fun it is to rub her tummy than do any chores.
Thanks Steve x
DeleteTummy rubs are always the answer !
DeleteMaybe the cat felt, how your had you were feeling and knew you needed company?
ReplyDeleteIt becomes the new norm. It takes a bit of getting used to, and time xx
ReplyDeleteYespx
DeleteTell me....do you think a breakup like you are going through is 'easier', if I can use the word, in a village or a larger town or city? Do you want frequent visitors with tea and smypathy, of the anonymity of a larger city?
ReplyDeleteI've never been here before so I don't know mike
DeleteEventually that indentation will disappear but you’ll still find yourself touching that sweet spot that meant the world to you and one day you’ll find yourself belonging to someone again x Emma x
ReplyDeleteThere are so many layers to the onion of grief and change.
ReplyDeleteI know from experience the range of emotions and memories that the ending of what was thought to be a lifetime relationship brings. One day at a time dear friend and how wonderfully perceptive Albert was to be the distraction you needed at the moment. :)
ReplyDeleteAs everyone here has said, I feel for you. But I so admire you too. Hollow words now, I know--but at least you went for it. You gave your heart away, which as I see it from the vantage point of age, is the most courageous act in the world. Mary
ReplyDeleteWell done in finishing your work form under Albert's supervision. I'm currently ignoring a jury duty form to be filled in on-line or on paper but must get it done.
ReplyDeleteLifting your voice at choir will certainly lift your heart, too.
Big hugs!
You were just having ‘ a moment ‘ ....... there will be lots of ‘ moments ‘ but I’m sure that you will ride them all and that each moment will hurt less and less. I feel that you are coping so well but that might not be the case overall.
ReplyDeleteKeep keeping that chin up John. XXXX
I remember going through the pain of a break up, one that I didn't want, I thought my heart would never love again, but gratefully it did.
ReplyDeleteTime heals, but to this very day, there is a special little corner of my heart, that always belongs to my first love.
Keep your days filled, even if your just going through the motions lovey.
Hugs,
~Jo
John I have never had your kind of experience as both my relationships have been loving to the last breath. And in my case, because of this, I make myself realise that I cannot bring the farmer back - and I dwell on the happy times we had together and the love we shared. I am sure it is much harder for you as rejection is far worse as there is no ending to focus on. Be strong old love - keep your focus on what was good, hold on to the love of your friends (and you have many) and it will get easier, I promise you. xx
ReplyDeleteOne of the reasons I read this blog is to read your comments Weaver of Grass.
DeleteTraveller
Yes, Weaver rejection is always worst, It does get easier but some of the hurt lingers. You always wonder.
DeleteI don't know how I would cope. Be strong.
ReplyDeleteYou finished it, that in itself is progress.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
The photos look great.
ReplyDeleteI wish you lived nearby. You and Jerry could go to fat club together. A friend helps with motivation and makes it fun. I wish you lived nearby for other reasons, too.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was having a 'bad day' one of my students told me that she would never get divorced!
ReplyDeleteWell I said I would visit her in Prison if she liked. Stupid girl, as if any one get married with the intention of getting divorced.
I take it she would murder her husband - just for a change.
It is so complicated from start to finish, life that is.
Albert's eyes are so round; it makes him look kittenish even though he is an older cat.
ReplyDeleteI wish our words could help somehow.
Sending armloads of *VR Love from New Zealand.
ReplyDelete* Virtual Reality
Hang in there big guy. Sometimes we need the diversions just to get through the day. It takes time for the heart to heal well enough to move forward. In the meantime I hope leaning on our heartfelt words and good thoughts for you will help you along this journey.
ReplyDeletePeople say "take it one day at a day" but a day can be so damn LONG can't it? So minute by minute works well. Glad you have the critters, their healing powers are immense.
ReplyDeleteI try to do something everyday that makes smile. Sometimes it’s as simple as a butt rub for my pug Hugh. The indentation from my rings was there for a very long time. One day I noticed they were gone. I had stopped looking and was surprised. I had rejoined the world around me. You will too my friend.
ReplyDeleteAs I scroll through the comments I am glad to see that the job is dusted.
ReplyDeleteDown moments WILL happen. Hopefully less and less often.
Hugs.
I intended to buy myself a ring, to wear instead of the wedding ring I'd worn for over forty years, after my husband died. It wasn't denying my marriage but to show to myself that I was self-reliant. I didn't, in fact, as I didn't have time to go the the Goldsmith's Hall annual exhibition the next year, and then I took up with Tim, and then we bought rings for each other. But it's worth considering, rather than a bare finger.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I'll change fingers
DeleteAah John it's early days yet. I was married 26 years when he thought the grass was greener. It wasn't as it turned out but while I don't regret the divorce (actually it's wonderful) it is a bit weird to go from being part of a couple to being single. Go out and have a blast. Hey I am about to go on my 9th solos trip and I LOVE them. Meet up with me some day!
ReplyDeleteHey I wanted to check. Is it too late to donate?
ReplyDeleteNo see today's post
DeleteI am reading all the support and advice and writing down the ones that may apply to me. It hasn't happened yet but my mom is 95 in a nursing home, my husband of 50 years has stage 4 cancer, and my beloved dog is 11 years old and showing signs of passing on. I hope to God I'm strong enough to deal with these events when they happen. Your readers are very wise, as are you John!
ReplyDeleteme too John !!I want botox or a collagen filler on my ring finger x
ReplyDelete