Tuesday, 31 July 2018

The Clock

I initiated one of those elephant in the room conversations today
They are never easy ones to give or to hear.
I asked if my husband could start to think about items he wants to take from our home.
Items of personal importance .
I don't want ambiguity and spats over shared and loved things further down the line.

However I had to be honest when I told him I wanted to keep our grandfather clock.
It's a magnificent locally made Welsh clock from the mid 19th century

He had bought it , but my sister and I had bid on it in a local auction sale many moons ago now and it was , as I recall an exhilarating and stressful twenty minutes out of our lives
The clock had be owned by my best friends' parents for many years and by their family for generations . It was sold when their dear parents had passed away, people who I cared for deeply.
It stood by their front door and I knew and loved it well when I was growing up.

The clock will stay with me.
And....It's a comfort.
S

41 comments:

  1. It's a beautiful clock John. I've been where you are now and it isn't easy.

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  2. Anonymous10:46 pm

    Ooof that is quite a post GG. Not really sure what to comment on this one. I am better on vacuums, cats and American gun laws!

    Good for you taking the practical approach. Give Albert a hug for me.

    Traveller

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  3. As it should.Those decisions can be hard to discuss, I hope you both manage with as little hurt as possible,Mary

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  4. That's good. You need that clock I think.

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    1. I love it dearly for so many reasons

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  5. Good for you for addressing that particular challenge. I hope it all gets resolved as smoothly as possible.

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  6. Smart thinking (and brave!) to start having these discussions now as what you hope will happen doesn't always work out that way once the train gets moving, so to speak. Reassuring for you to know that the clock is staying.

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  7. been there. I kept very little from my first marriage; I kept only things that mattered to me and gave him the rest. because (a) I didn't want the memories and (b) he would throw a hissy fit if I didn't. I just wanted rid of him.

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    1. Don't get me wrong I'd like to keep everything, as everything means something to me as it was a part of " us" but that ain't possible

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  8. I'm so glad for you, John. It is a handsome clock and with the many memories it is priceless to you.

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  9. The dividing up of the goods can be a minefield. Each of you write up a list of items personally significant. Compare lists to see if there are common items then negotiate those. It saves having to discuss each item. I hope this time of purgatory is soon over for you.

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    Replies
    1. This is good advice, we did it when emptying my parents'home after they passed.

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  10. Better to be amicable in what is not an easy process. Been there and worn the sweatshirt. However, on the legal side i.e. the Dissolution of a Civil partnership (I am assuming and I am sorry if I am wrong) it will be more cost effective for you in keeping a lid on the costs. Normally professionals charge separately for the actual divorce/dissolution and then financial matters are a separate issue and an extremely different side of things which yet again are dealt with separately to the dissolution. Just make sure you get what is termed a "Financial Order" or Financial Consent Order reiterating everything that you have come to an agreement over. If you can agree everything yourselves without the involvement of Lawyers and then only go to the Lawyer with what you have agreed will save you no end of pennies. However before you agree in totality on anything speak to your Lawyer as there may be other things that could impact and which you may not be aware of through innocence.
    That clock is the heartbeat of your home. I understand that implicitly. My grandparents had an Old Westminster Chime clock which my cousin inherited. You always knew you were home when you heard it chime. Added to that my Grandfather had an interest in clocks and used to mend them in his spare time. I have some of the watches recovered from his shed. They don't work but I still hang on to them as they were part of his world. That clock is an absolute beauty. It belongs with you.

    Take care and good on you for grasping the nettle!

    Pattypan

    x

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  11. You're being practical and I am relieved to hear the Prof isn't being a total sh#t about things.

    After my ex left he'd return now and then because it is after all The Beach here, and after he'd leave again, I'd notice things missing! All the screwdrivers! Electric drill. Primitive fishing decoys and a small odd painting. A down comforter. I caught him one time just as he was taking an antique bench I love and a very valuable antique Amish quilt. Did he pay for these things? Yes, most of them, but the quilt and bench were gifts to me, surely they are ''mine" to keep. I found it odd and annoying that he would just silently remove things without a word.

    A few years later my kids gave me a Christmas gift of pink handled tools in a pink tool box. They charged it to him,lol and said they chose pink bec they figured daddy wouldn't steal goofy pink tools. [tho I do keep the tool box hidden in my workroom, ya never know...].



    lizzy

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    1. Mine is a bright lime green ! Can't miss them.

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  12. This is all just hard, John. I hope you know how many people really and genuinely care for you and wish with all of our hearts that you weren't going through this special sort of hell. Because it is. Well, in my experience. Keeping everything as civilized as possible is important and it appears that you are doing so. I am very glad you get to keep this beautiful clock which means so much to you.

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  13. So happy that you are keeping the clock that means so much to you.
    I kept the things that meant the most to me, the dogs, my paintings and art pieces, photos and my car. Left everything else. He got it all. He really wanted the all the "important wines" and the great Baseball tickets to the California Angels that was important to him.
    The children were adults so they could do what they wanted, they came with me.
    I hope you can divide the the rest. Remember a gift to you is yours.
    You take care now.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. opps, forgot the simple very old Ikea chair that my sweet Kirby alway curled up in.for a nap.

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  14. I am so glad that you are keeping the clock. And hope that the elephants in the room become smaller. And easier to manage.

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  15. It is a beauty and belongs with you...very wise to start deciding who gets what ahead of time....hard but wise. How are you getting on with getting your nursing registration back?

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  16. John, first off I just want to say...I just love you so much!!
    I know this is all very hard for you and I wish there was a way to make it easier for you.
    I have been thru this as have many here in blogland. I am so happy you get the clock, I hope you are also able to keep happy memories and a sense of having done your very best.
    Love you much,
    Joyce in Indiana

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  17. I'm glad you got to keep the clock. I don't have many of the pieces I wanted, because he was a jerk.

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  18. Like most of my comments, this isn't entirely relevant (or even a little relevant) but that's never stopped me before. Glad you have your clock, it should go with you, so it sounds. Anyway, a few years ago, all the kids, the two daughters and son were here for a week. I was out in the back yard doing something, and came in to find them in the large living room pointing at things...."I get that", "Ok, but I get that", "Fine, but I get that"...etc. I started to wonder if I needed to hire a food taster while they were here....
    Cheers, my friend.
    Mike

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  19. Good. I hope the rest of the divvying up things goes well for you, too.

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  20. It is a lovely and beautiful clock. I am happy that you are keeping such a cherished and treasured gift.

    I am proud of you for being brave and civil in bringing up this difficult yet necessary task. You are both making the best of it. You have heart and class. You will survive. You will be happy again. I wish you the best.

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  21. I read the post title as the Cock. I thought, Oh My John is getting actin already!!!

    Been there done that. The splitting of things is never easy.

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  22. You put me in mind of one of my dad's songs. I loved it, so thanks for the memory.

    The Grandfather Clock.
    My grandfather's clock was too large for the shelf
    So it stood ninety years on the floor
    It was taller by half than the old man himself
    Though it weighed not a pennyweight more
    It was bought on the morn of the day that he was born
    And was always his treasure and pride
    But it stopped, short never to go again
    When the old man died
    Ninety years without slumbering
    His life seconds numbering
    It stopped, short never to go again
    When the old man died
    My grandfather said that of those he could hire
    Not a servant so faithful he found
    For it wasted no time and had but one desire
    At the close of each week to be wound
    And it kept in its place, not a frown upon its face
    And its hands never hung by its side
    But it stopped short, never to go again
    When the old man died
    It rang and alarmed in the dead of the night
    An alarm that for years had been dumb
    And we knew that his spirit was pluming for flight
    That his hour for departure had come
    Still the clock kept the time with a soft and muffled chime
    As we silently stood by his side
    But it stopped short, never to go again
    When the old man died
    Ninety years without slumbering
    His life seconds numbering
    It stopped short, never to go again
    When the old man died.
    ....Henry Clay Work

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  23. I can only imagine how difficult this is, for it makes the split so tangible. Your love of your things, the cottage, the animals, the village and the people there and Chris shines through Going Gently. You are so brave to share this with us. I wish you a new bright shiny beginning, surrounded by the things you love, but leave room for something new and special, something that is about You, not “us”. It will get better.

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  24. As the best friend whose family owned the clock, it is staying in its rightful place, would have been gutted if it had not. Love you, Nx

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  25. So glad you get to keep your much loved clock John.....but remember material possessions aren't all that relevant in the big picture....you get to keep your gorgeous and adoring furry family and nothing replaces little wet noses...or in winnie's case massive soggy faces....and the adoring look in their eyes. I'm actually sad for the prof as I doubt he realises all he is giving up. xx

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  26. I hope you can keep the things that have value to you. With my job, I see a lot of splits and managing to negotiate those things makes a big difference in what comes after. I mean, I hate to see this happening to you at all, but at least at least.

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  27. I am so happy you will keep the clock and after hearing it's history you most definitely should have it. These situations are difficult. I've been there but we did not have trouble with items as my only concern was my two sons and they did stay with me. When I went through a divorce I was in shock and totally lost as to what to do. The best advice I received was from my brother. He told me to stop looking at everything at once (which was totally freaking me out) and just take one thing at a time. It is much easier to just look at one step, action or problem at a time instead of all at once. Keeping you in my thoughts John.

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  28. I'm so relieved to hear that you are keeping the clock John♥ What wonderful and supportive comments from all your blogging family, you are so loved and cared for John♥ Love Linda xxx

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  29. I’m glad that you will keep the clock. Dividing up the past is always stressful.
    It was maybe 10 years ago that I gave my adult children a tablet and pen and told them to go from room to room and write down who wanted what. I didn’t want to inadvertantly get rid of items that were important to them when cleaning out all our stuff. I also wanted to avoid giving something to one of them that was dearly wanted by the other one. I have the list and we all know who gets what. I hope it saves some angst in the aftermath of our deaths.

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  30. I am glad to hear that you are keeping the clock. I have an old wind-up pendulum Wall clock, my wife and I brought back from Germany. The coiled metal spring when struck by the internal hammer, puts out a very nice sounding chime. When I built my house, I specificly put in a niche off the entry, to display the clock. So worth the effort, as the chime resounds thru-out the house. Best wishes, Dave

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  31. I left my first marriage with my clothes, my books, my four cats and my youngest son ... starting from scratch soucing things
    cheaply from charity shops, auctions and sales was scary but fun. Like you I would have negotiated for something as lovely as that clock.

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  32. Catching up and understanding. Yes the clock should be yours. I hope you can come to an agreement. Mostly material things are just that but the clock speaks of other parts of your life too which are relevant to you.

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  33. The clock suits the cottage to so you will have to stay.

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  34. Glad you get the clock..there are a few things in my home that I would have to have, too! Including the animals!!!

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  35. I'am glad to read the whole content of this blog and am very excited,Thank you for sharing good topic.

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  36. When I split from my first, the sage advice I received from a wise old lawyer, was work it out, things can be replaced, time and life can't.

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