Friday, 4 May 2018

Like Gypsies In The Night


The Prof is away writing for 5 days and I am left to my own devices.
Fat club this morning then lunch with a friend ( home made bread and cheese) - I gave up trying to calculate the points after the first glorious bite !
I was late to lunch because I was talking to a dear friend in a layby off the A55
I say talking........I was actually just listening.
Listening to just how awful chemotherapy can be.
The nurse and friend in me just wanted to hug the pain away but that would not validate just how awful the experience was for my friend to experience.
Listening to each sad, nauseating moment was the order of the day.
The experience needed validation and the description was every bit as poisonous as the toxic chemicals pumped into his body.

No Roots came in the radio after the call had finished..the conversation and song now intertwined forever

42 comments:

  1. Thank you for being a special friend.

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    1. I didn't write this today for praise, nice that it is, no I think, for the very first time, I realised just how hard a cancer journey can be

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  2. He's done more than that for me....

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  3. My mother went through chemotherapy. It is awful.

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  4. Yes, associations, even when incongruous, can be random like this one and pretty well indelible once caught.

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    1. It's like remembering just where you where when 9/11 happened

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    2. It is indeed a bit like that sort of thing.

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  5. Sometimes all we can do is listen.xo

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  6. What is The Prof writing? Perhaps a collection of poems titled "Odes to John".

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  7. Listening and being sympathetic validates the pain, sometimes it's all you can do. A very kind act.
    Thank you for the song 'No Roots',I had no idea it existed. I too, moved many times as a child, not over continents however. Throw boarding school into the mix and you're really with 'no roots'!

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    1. It sounds as though you have an interesting story to tell

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  8. You're a good person for letting your friend vent and express his views and feelings, to let him say it out loud without trying to change his message. Sometimes, just telling someone what's on your mind helps to release that burden just a little, gives you time to breathe, time to rest. And that can make all the difference.

    When people need to vent, it's to let out steam that's been built up, so they don't explode. If they want advice, they'll ask for it. You did well to let your friend vent.

    Thank you for the new song intro. I hope you had a pleasant lunch.

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    1. I think we all have friends that " do" different things for us. If you need an ear one friend suits, if you need advice , you go to another

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  9. It's awful. I don't know what I would do without my family and friends, blog reading and commenting (thanks you Rachel for encouraging me). Blog friends kept me company during the worse times. We need someone to listen to us; we need to feel alive.
    Your friend appreciated that you listened to him John XX
    Greetings Maria x

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    1. Yes we all do need to feel alive Maria x
      Greetings x

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  10. John I can't think of a better listener than you.
    I am sure you gave maximum comfort to your friend.

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    1. He's done the same for me even though he's a bit of a diva

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  11. I think it's very special that your friend felt that he could talk to you about the distressing time he experienced x

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  12. I can look back now on those dark days after my husband died and appreciate even more, those who were there for me .. to just listen.
    It is a gift some people have ... thank god for them.
    And you too, I think :)

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  13. Hi John,
    You will never know how much it has touched me for you to say that chemotherapy is awful. It is the most awful, terrible treatment in the world. I had 6cycles of chemotherapy followed by 15 sessions of radiotherapy, which was a breeze in comparison. The word chemotherapy is bandied about but unless you've had it, you will never understand. Thank you John,I feel as if you've validated what I went through.xx

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    1. That's the sense I got today and that's just why I've written this blog today.
      I realised today just how devastating the treatment was , ( and also realised that most of us think it's only a positive thing cos it's fighting the cancer,..it's not fighting the cancer it's poisoning the cancer and the patient)

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  14. Some people do not realize how valuable a skill simply listening can be. Chemotherapy is indeed an awful thing that affects people in so many different negative ways. I lost my brother and my mother to cancer and watched my brother go through many different rounds of chemo. During that time I spent hours on the phone with him just listening to what he was dealing with and the many ways it was affecting him. It is hard to hear what you know you can not fix but it does help the other person to share those feelings so it becomes a showing of love to simply listen.

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  15. Listening is often the greatest gift. And it's free.

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  16. I think a lot of us could do with someone to listen to about the horrors of chemo and cancer.
    Just shaved off Col's hair as it's started to fall out again...... the third time in this Bl**dy cancer"journey"

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    1. I was thinking of your family sue

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    2. Sue, I know you don't really know me other than as a commenter on your blog, but please feel free to email me anytime if you need someone to listen. I've been through the difficulties of Mantle Cell Lymphoma with my brother and know of it's effects. My email is on my profile.

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  17. Listening is a truly precious gift. Thank you.

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  18. Anonymous9:47 pm

    I can empathize with your friend. Cancer is the beast that keeps on giving. Chemo is the hatchet that rips apart the person while trying to kill the beast. The song that best describes my journey with metastatic colon cancer that has spread to my liver and both lungs is Down in a Hole by Alice in Chains.

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    1. This is a moving and haunting comment, Anon. I'm hoping you will still have some good moments among the bad. Wishing you peace.

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  19. I saw the effects of chemo on my father when I was a child, and anyone and everyone who has anything to do with it has my sympathy.

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  20. Chemotherapy saves lives but changes people. In part because of what one goes through but in my sons case of what it took away.. the sense of freedom & lightness of spirit, he aged before my eyes and lost his sense of fun which has never returned.

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  21. There was a time in my life when I was deeply distressed. By chance, the lady I turned to had endured a torturous cancer journey. I remember her saying that there are some things in life that nobody can help with, that she had travelled alone with cancer and I had to travel alone with my situation. She was gently telling me to suck it up but I'll never forget the loneliness that infused her comments.
    Most people look away from distress. It's something special if you can stare the beast in the face

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  22. As is so often true here, John, the comments are stories unto themselves. And in this case, heartbreaking.

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  23. I have been a listener too many times in cases like this, but I am so glad they chose me. It is an honor. We can not take away pain, but we can let them know that they are loved.

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  24. This is my current favourite song ... it just 'fits' me. Songs are memorable and at times poignant reminders of stages and events in our lives as much as a scent of something once smelled can be.

    Listening is a true skill and you listening to your friend will have given more comfort than any words spoken could possibly have managed.

    We all need someone sometimes.

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  25. Thank you for listening, something that is increasingly lacking in our world.

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  26. Your words will stay in my heart John, as someone dear has just gotten a diagnosis we feared. I will try to be a listener and be patient and not try to "fix it".

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  27. Thanks, I need to “up” my listening game . . .

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