I will be 56 years old.
Even without a calendar I know I'm almost there because the alliums and aquilegia have just flowered in the garden. The blue iris should bloom by the first of June too.....
Blue iris lift the heart.
I am not quite myself.
But I hope that a normal service will be resumed at some stage soon.
If you have not been yourself who the hell have you been John? I am guessing the Welsh newsreader - Huw Edwards or perhaps Fancy-Fancy in the "Top Cat" cartoons.
ReplyDeleteSo nice to relate your birthday to special flowers. Hope you’re yourself again soon. And hope the thumb is recovering well.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you want to move?
ReplyDeleteIt's not just that. If only things were so simple
DeleteI'm sorry for the shite you are experiencing right now, but I am sure it will all work out well in the long run. At only 56 you still have time to put it all back together!
ReplyDelete56 the new 35!
DeleteEXACTLY ... or in my case 58 the new 36 :-)
DeleteAs someone who will be 58 on John's birthday I resemble that remark!
DeleteI hope you feel more yourself very soon John. Xx
ReplyDeleteI'm sure things will bounce back
DeleteMy husband passed on the 16th this month. Funeral is tomorrow. I fear nothing being normal again. But where there is life there is hope. For all of us.
ReplyDeleteLinda. I am so sorry. Sending you my warmest thoughts for what it's worth x
DeletePlease add my condolences to John's. I'm so sorry.
DeleteSo sad to hear this. Normality will return, a different normality for sure, but you will find yourself again, if you are gentle with your heart and give it time. You are in my thoughts Linda xx
DeleteI am sorry for your loss. I wish you much strength and serenity.
Delete...*.(@)*(@).*
*.(@).(@).(@).*
...*.(@)*(@).*
.........~|~
.........\_/
.........(_)
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I am sorry for your loss Linda. Sending you peace and warm thoughts.
DeleteMy thoughts are also with you.
DeleteSo sorry Linda-just try to take it one day at a time and our thoughts are with you xx
DeleteLinda, so sad to read this. I will light a candle for you and your family.
DeleteSending positive thoughts and strength to you Linda.. a sad time, so sorry to read of your loss ((:)) I hope you get lots of loving support
DeleteThe next day always comes and life goes on.
ReplyDeleteAlways?
DeleteChin up John xx
DeleteHappy Soon to be birthday! Just as sure as the sun rises, there is brightness in your future.
ReplyDeleteHope that cloud moves on for you soon. Upskittled is not a great place to be. Emma
ReplyDeleteWhat is "being myself"?, the philosopher asks. Enter a neuroscientist onto the platform and you'll have a fine discussion in the making.
ReplyDeleteYou have been yourself, John, if of a different hue than your default, showing the vulnerable side all of us have.
It's true that most your recent posts make for slightly worrying reading. And, human nature, there will be speculation among your readers why this may be so. I find it touching, and I mean it with all my heart, that you trust your readers enough to let them see a glimpse of the "you" when the skies hang low.
Hope the visit to your bestest friend has helped you gain perspective.
Other than that: Having followed your travails for many years, I can, reliably, count my own life flying past me in increments every time another 1 June looms.
Clive, welcome.
DeleteGoing Gently from day one has always been my confessional,
And even then when no one but me followed it
It provided me with a place to share
This is a quote from my very first post back in 2005
" well my first blog........sounds rather like something Kenneth Williams would say.
I will be brief, and "set the scene" as it were.
I am 43, a nurse professionally, newly moved into the Welsh country side from Sheffield. I Am probably going through a mid life crisis.
Ideal for a place like this......................look forward to talk soon"
I have just been informed by email that Clive is in fact Ursula .
DeleteI am not in the mood for these games
She is cruel :-(
DeleteWhat I wrote I meant. You know that, John.
DeleteA few days ago, someone played a joke on me, and declared me a "Clive", some bugger "channeling through bitch on the blog" - not disputed by the blogger on whose site the comment was left.
My apologies if you see it in bad taste that I assumed that charming name. As to the person who "informed" you by email, please don't allow a trouble maker ill disposed towards me to close down all lines of communication just as they are opening again. There will never be any peace in the world if bloggers can't make same among themselves.
Again, my best wishes,
Ursula
PS Odd, isn't it, and since I praised your openness on these pages, I'll return the favour: Denouncing me as someone I am not I took as a joke; that my comment to you is now devalued because it was made by me rather than Clive I find truly upsetting.
Like I said I am no mood for games of any sort
DeleteOh dear John,That...thing who must call him or her self a blogger has appeared.Never mind,it keeps them happy for a few hours,lol.Take care John.xx
DeleteJohn, I am so sorry about all of this. xx
Deletecheers, parsnip
Anyone who considers duplicity acceptable because they are incognito behind the computer screen is manipulative in the extreme. John you know what they say about a wolf in sheeps clothing... beware!
DeleteThinking of you John; Take heart from the folk that care for you Joan XX
ReplyDelete♥️
Deletexx
I know you will bounce back. Take care of yourself and be nice to yourself. X
ReplyDeleteWe all love you John. If you need us, we're here for you. ❤
ReplyDeleteThank you and thanks Every one
DeleteSocial media, and blogging for some, tends to put only the good, the pretty, the enviable out there for the rest of the world to see. You've always shared the good, the bad, and the ugly in your blog. Your normal human foibles have made us laugh and shake our collective head. We've enjoyed the animal stories and have gotten to "know" the characters in the village. However you need to use your blog right now, just know that there are many, many people out there, ready to offer comfort and an ear to listen. -Jenn
ReplyDeleteJenn ...x
DeleteI am not the caring and sharing type, so sorry, I have not noticed that you are out of sorts. Would colonic irrigation help? I really hope it is not marriage problems.
ReplyDeleteColonic irrigation? Now that's a doozie
DeleteOk, my jaw dropped on that one.
DeleteMine too
DeleteColonic Irrigation? Me organs hurt at the thought!
Deleteretiring is a massive shock to the system , im finding being a full time carer very unfulfilling im afraid , being the elder partner the sad realisation that this will be for the rest of my life is mentally proving hard
ReplyDeleteWe were born the same year; I will turn 56 in August :) I feel like I haven't been myself for years, LOL. This is a tough stage of life - feeling like your best years are behind you, wondering what you accomplished in the past, what to do in the future, feeling left behind and lonely at times, looking for something to do to that makes you feel needed and your life meaningful, dealing with age-related physical changes. Beloved animals aging. At least those are MY issues, LOL! Feel better, John...
ReplyDeleteSo true and you have put words to the feelings I have had, thank you
DeleteBad patches in life come and go. I hope it has nothing to do with health problems for you or a loved one. Stay strong, dear John. Things work out one way or another and we find a way to get through it.
ReplyDeleteRooting for you, lovely John. We've just been given a pot of aquilegias by a very nice neighbour, hopefully they'll seed all over the place. The garden really lifts the spirits, I find.
ReplyDeleteNow and then it is quite alright and absolutely recommended to Not Be Oneself.
ReplyDeleteWe all need a break .. some more than others ! I like breaks .. :)
Sitting out in that beautiful garden with your beloved pets and the Prof can go a long way in soothing what ails you .
I have moved so many times in my life, it is always a sad goodbye tinged with anticipation for the new tomorrows ..
Time flies..this too will be a memory soon .. happiness is ahead.
love
Noticed for some little while, your melancholy, your sadness. Hadn’t wanted to give voice to it, that would have been too invasive. I hope it isn’t what I think it is. Wishing the best outcome for you. MaggieB
ReplyDeleteI hope the flowers lift you GG.
ReplyDeleteInteresting that “Clive” has surfaced in the comment section.
Give Albert my best.
1st June birthday? What a very good date on which to be born. Keep your pecker up John; you are well loved!
ReplyDeleteWishing you all the best, John, whatever the issue is.
ReplyDeleteI had noticed your posts were not quite the same. Hope whatever's wrong will get better soon. Sending you cyber hugs. xx
ReplyDeleteWith so many years blogging behind you and choosing it to be so personal, it would be near impossible to not give glimpses into the occasional travails of your life, and almost none of us have a smooth road to travel. I found your blog during my own annus horribilis and found the window into your life, going gently with its ups & downs, to be a balm for the soul, and as it transpires gave me the impetus to start my own when life turned that necessary corner. (Not that I expect mine to be a tonic for others!). As you know, things will get better; maybe just be a bit different. Meanwhile, how gorgeous is your garden!
ReplyDeleteWe don't need sheep to get together, we can always make it a coffee date anytime after the weekend. You know where I am if you want to pile the dogs into the car :-)
ReplyDeleteEmoji smiley face xxx
DeleteI hope you talked it over with nula? Don't suffer alone, John, there's too many people that want to help you. Xxx
ReplyDeleteElsewhere from amsterdam
Wishing you well, John.
ReplyDeleteNot to make light of things, but you have to be yourself because everyone else is taken. Little :)
Hugs
Well, of course we are all concerned and yes, humanly curious as to what is causing you troubles. We have come to care about you very much. My blog is far more confessional than yours but the most deeply held troubles or concerns don't make it to the page. That's all there is to it. We each have our own constraints and privacy must be respected. And so it is.
ReplyDeleteHaving said all of that, I wish you nothing but the best and of course, all good things.
Beaming you a massive hug!
ReplyDeleteBreathe John .............just breathe........
ReplyDeleteI have followed you through my good times and bad times. I relate to you as I am an ex nurse(terminal care), and I will be 76 next week. As I lie in bed I think of all the good things that have happened during the day, and I realise that like you I am surrounded by love
ReplyDeleteRetiring and moving so close together is bound to leave you feeling a tad 'disconnected' me thinks. Losing all your livestock was a mighty blow as well. Life and its changes eh? We're here for you John.
ReplyDeleteHugs, if hugs are welcome. Your blogs lift my spirits each day. Wishing to return the favor somehow?? :)
ReplyDeleteSorry you are out of sorts. Hoping things will get better for you.
ReplyDeleteWe hope so too and miss the ebulent you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYour flowers are beautiful, as are you for being a kind, thoughtful, and caring person.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what's going on or what I can say to make you feel better. Life can be overwhelming at times with so many changes. It times of crisis or when feeling stuck, I use the Serenity Prayer as my guide:
Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Things that I Cannot Change,
The Courage to Change the Things that I Can,
And The Wisdom to Know the Difference.
Some days, when things get crazy, it's my hourly mantra to focus and get things done and move on.
Good health, best wishes, and Much Serenity, Courage, and Clarity to you, John.
Thank you x
DeleteSelling your house can be one of the most stressful things to experience. Hopefully all will go smoothly and the adventures ahead will be amazing. Time to switch on the Gemini happy face.
ReplyDeleteThought the problem although it will.be
DeleteThought the problem although it will.be
DeleteWishing you well, dear John. Hope harmony is restored quickly. Xx
ReplyDeleteAhh the Alliums, they always impress. Al always, all the best John. Day in and day out, I look forward to reading your blog. Thank you and a hug.
ReplyDeleteRemember to be kind to yourself John. XXXX
ReplyDeleteBest wishes John, Your posts have brightened many of my bleaker days, I wish I could do the same for you x
ReplyDeleteWishing you well!
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping you get back to your old self.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou're still a mere chit of a child, JayGee - and you being 15 years younger, always will be to me.
ReplyDeleteAll the best - no, even BETTER than the best to you!
John, I wish you the best and brightest birthday next week. Echoing the comments above, your blog has brightened many days for me with your humor and kindness. I hope things settle down in your life, sending much love from Clearwater, Florida
ReplyDeleteSending my love and good thoughts to you. I hope that this period of anxiety is short lived. You have the same birthday as Marilyn Monroe! x
ReplyDeleteI like it hot
DeleteJohn, in my experience, and at the sad old age of 57, there has been plenty, the garden does heal in ways most of us can't understand. Loss, death, divorce, parenting, business stress, it's all there, and time spent with our plants does heal, if only in a small way sometimes. Get out there more, nurture them, and they will help. Sounds very 'new agey' I know, but I have been in this game for 40+ years.
ReplyDeleteI found the iris Gary .......and you are right
DeleteVirtual ((hugs)) and lots of caring thoughts. I do hope whatever is getting you down resolves itself soon and in a positive way. xx
ReplyDeleteBeing retired gives us more time to dwell.. ponder..worry..etc.
ReplyDeleteMoving and being newly retired is a big adjustment, so is bound to disturb your equilibrium.
Hopefully the feelings will pass.x
It's. Not retirement x
DeleteBe careful ... people will continue to fish for information. The downside to blogging is that the more you tell the more people want ☹
DeleteX
DeleteI know all about moving house and giving up animals and sadness, but you WILL get through, everything is just a phase to pass through, part of the things that make up an ordinary life.
ReplyDeleteI used to wish I could just sail through life with nothing going wrong, no problems to solve, but now realise that it's facing problems that makes a person what they are.
You are a good person and will be whatever.
Poor John; it has been obvious for a while that all is not well with you. Hopefully things will be better soon. Go out and hug a tree in the sunshine, and remember the old Chinese "answer to everything": it will pass. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteChange is unsettling especially from a home and community you have loved. You will have us to help you through it xx
ReplyDeleteThe flowers are lovely and I hope you have a very pleasant birthday when it arrives. It seems that you have been going through some rather large life changes, what with retirement, renovations, moving, etc. All these things and whatever others are sure to rock your boat a bit. Of course, you know all this, having lived to the ripe old age of 56!(me too) All will be well. Give yourself time. Wishing you the best.
ReplyDeleteOf course I have noticed your “ sadness”. I hope it is nothing more than worry about an impending move. Sending love and hugs. Xx
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful that the flowers celebrate your birth each year! I send you warm wishes that you feel yourself soon. I hope all is well with the Professor. Moving is not an easy task and as someone else mentioned retiring is not always what we expect of it. It takes time. There are many of us that care John.
ReplyDeleteYour gardens are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping that 'selfdom' is quickly restored.
Hugs.
What a beautiful garden. I have a few Alliums and LOTS of Aquilegias. I hope you are feeling more like yourself again soon.
ReplyDeleteWith a smile on my face, the gray days pull me in. Then, I began to see color again. When I was in my 20’s I was such the drama queen. The glass was never half full, I saw a lot of grey. I’m 54 and I see more color. Life is just a curve in the road and thankfully straightens out again. Your thoughtful and loyal. May your days be bright again. Gabs
ReplyDeleteMy glass is generally always half full
DeleteHoping your trip to Ireland has helped remedy what's ailing you John.
ReplyDeleteI had wondered John . . .
ReplyDeleteOf you seeming, “not quite yourself” . . .
Caring about you . . .
Hope the next days will be better . . .
Wishing you all the best and a Happy Birthday. The community you create with your blog is amazing. We do care.
ReplyDeleteI know u all do and it helps
DeleteChins up, old pal, there's always somebody worse off than you! xx
ReplyDeleteIndeed x ( and less of the chins)
DeleteHappy Birthday for Friday and you have a lovely garden Hope you are feeling better :)
ReplyDelete*hug* Changes are always so horrible (even if you know it's the right thing to do), and they can be so painful. I suspect you are in the midst of some changes, perhaps with paring down the farm. I hope it is for the best. Do take care. Your blog fans love you!
ReplyDeleteAnd a very, very happy birthday! <3
DeleteHere in Sydney, it's Friday morning so I wish you a very happy day!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are sad. Lucky you have not one but several of "man's best friend" to soothe cares
xox
Where is the Prof to help you through this and a shoulder to lean on?
ReplyDeleteHere's another Very Happy Day-wish, from Perth WA
ReplyDeleteHow perfect to recognize your birthday by the blooming of flowers.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, John. "The sun'll come up tomorrow" as Little Orphan Annie sings...
ReplyDeleteOur irises are about to burst into full bloom also. They are one of my favourites.
ReplyDeleteI hope the blues pass soon, my friend.
John, I think what you are going through is normal. The spousal unit went through it when he retired. He lost a huge part of his identity. He's coming back.
ReplyDeleteIt's all about finding a new you, a new focus in life.
You'll do it!
Take care John. Your readers do care and we send our best to you and the Prof.
ReplyDeleteI miss your happy go lucky spirit John. I hope things sort out for the best. Thinking of you xx
ReplyDeleteGreetings Maria x
That lovely photo of you looking at the pies at the show sort of sums you up to me... a good man. If kind thoughts from folk you have never met were a balm, your troubles would dissolve in a thrice. Life unfortunately isn’t that easy though, as well we know.
ReplyDeleteI am fully aware I can be cheesey, call me an ageing hippie and you would be bang on!
LXX
Retirement and a house move - especially one from a community where you've been so settled - are major life events.
ReplyDeleteI won't speculate about what else may be happening, but sometimes we need to allow ourselves time to feel. Even if an event is something we expected, planned, even looked forward to, it can still bring huge emotional storms. Accepting that doesn't mean it was a bad decision or that it isn't going to be good in the long run, sometimes we just need time to accept. And yes, gardening heals. Every time.
I hope things will turn better John.
ReplyDelete"Life is not about waiting for the clouds to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain." ..... taken from the blog of a wise, caring man.
ReplyDeleteHope things look up for you soon John. Life can be tough but dogs make it a better place.
ReplyDeleteLife brings so many things requiring adjustments. Some can be anticipated, some not. Some easy, some not. (Donald Rumsfeld’s “known knowns, known unknowns” etc spring to mind). I hope you’re feeling better very soon, as the world needs your kindness and humor.
ReplyDeleteSending my love John & a big hug xx
ReplyDeleteJohn.. you just have to think of all the good thoughts sent your way today- what wonderful support. One oddball is just an annoyance you can avoid, just keep positive with the glass half full attitude and you will bounce back. Elle & co xx
ReplyDeleteJohn, I was letting the small stuff bother me a couple months back, then my husband was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus and after weeks of scans and appointments, will start daily radiation and weekly chemo treatments...and if all goes well, major surgery with two surgeons working in unison. If all doesn't go well, the PET scan this Wed will show the shadows on his lung means the cancer has spread. I tell you this not to burden you, but to remind you that life is short and sometimes you get the message by having it yanked on you like someone pulling your under shorts up your butt! Whatever has you down, please know it's best to address it full face so you can move on with your life. I've tried to find a post far enough back so that others won't necessarily see this, but you will. Hope you can get back to living the best life possible, as we plan to do, once we kick cancer in the ass!
ReplyDelete