Thursday, 8 March 2018

Red Faced But Smiling

I embarrassed myself today.
Last week I'd been playing around with my phone's ring tones .
Today I had a phone call as I stood in the Marks and Spencer cafe queue 
My phone was in my manbag ( right at the bottom) 
This was my ringtone

I've changed it back to a bell tone now! Well I did it hiding in a booth in the cafe! 

I love embarrassing stories. This one is an old one but I think it's worth repeating
Back in 1991 I was celebrating the multicultural social events organised in Sheffield when the World Student Games were held in the city.

I went with a friend to the Crucible Theatre which was hosting a free night of folk music and dance (in the foyer!)...as usual I was dressed down for the event (t shirt and ripped jeans! - remember the fact I had ripped jeans on)
but as the whole event was very relaxed I kind of blended in!
Anyhow I remember sitting on the steps of the bar looking down at the singers and crowds below..and one guy, who was sitting at a table with some friends caught my eye!
I looked at him.....he looked at me! and suddenly I thought "my lucks in!!!"
Anyhow this game of glances carried on for a while ( I remember the guy looked a little like a bearded Jake Gyllenhall) and I did that half smile and hair toss flirting thing! before I caught sight of him downing his pint then weave his way through the tables to walk to where I was sat up on the stairs!
He leaned over slowly so I could smell his after shave and whispered gently into my ear
"Hey mate...I wanted to tell you that you have a rip in your jeans and one of your b*lls is sticking out!"...he suddenly left and went to sit down again!!
What happened to me?..........well I died .....died in a pool of rancid shame

76 comments:

  1. Ah, John. We've all been there. Ball, breast, something.

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    1. When I drop a boob into view , it's time to leave the planet

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  2. "b*lls sticking out"

    You never know. It might have been a come-on.

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    1. No! Unfortunately not!
      He was sat with a group and felt it was his civic responsibility to tell me

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  3. Could you hear me laughing (loudly!!!!) love this story! 🇨🇦

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    1. My shame makes it more painful

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  4. That was nice of him to tell you.Once I was at a pub which had a young jazz band playing from Wales to this very chilled out pub in Dorset.I went to the outside loo & later found I had a long piece of loo paper hanging behind me x

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    1. Yes, similar shame in both incidents

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  5. That is hilarious! I read it aloud to my husband, he laughed too. Love that ring tone... but why change it. Just think how many smiles you'll get every time it goes off..... I now have an ear worm!!

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    1. I've got a quiet " ring ring" now, nothing too flashy

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  6. That's like the old joke my dad used to tell of the piano player in a bar who asked if there were any song requests. An obviously embarrassed little old lady sidled up to him and loudly whispered,"Do you know your balls are hanging below the wicker chair?" To which he replied, "No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll try to fake it."

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  7. LOL! And let that be a lesson about the dangers of ripped jeans! I wouldn't have been embarrassed about "Manamana" at all -- I bet that song brings happy vibes to everyone who hears it.

    My ring tone for Dave is Eva Gabor saying "This has been a Filmways presentation, dahling," which she always said at the very end of Green Acres. THAT's a hard one to explain to anyone who overhears it!

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    1. Perhaps I need to find something from Poseidon Adventure
      " The morning after" perhaps?

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  8. Always check the location of your rips CAREFULLY.....I repeat....CAREFULLY. Oh wait....too late.

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    1. Right now I am wearing jeans that have a hole in the crotch .. I can't go out wearing them .. but I like them so much I wear them around the house ..

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    2. put a patch

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    3. CDF like you they were a comfortable pair of jeans.......i never wore them again

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  9. I was in school, had on new shoes, never been worn before, scurried into class, stopped at the door , everyone looked up as my new slippery shoes met the just polished tile floor , feet up in the air, body slams to the floor, head hits floor ... teacher rushes to see if I am ok .. all I wanted to do was disappear.
    Everyone Saw My Panties !!!!
    and surprisingly to me, the world continued to go on .....

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    1. Panties

      One of my favourite words

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  10. Which ball was it? Left or right? Left for socialism. Right for fascism.

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  11. I LOVE that Muppets ditty, you shouldn't have changed it!
    Thanks for the laugh, but it's with you and not at you. I have never had anything humiliating happen to me and I am sticking to that story no matter what!!!

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    1. You are bloody lucky....I could write a book

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  12. Ripped knees are okay, ripped crotch is not. Why were you wearing crotch ripped jeans, John?

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  13. I love the ringtone, why did you change it? You of all people I would have thought would have sufficient sang froid to carry it off. The story of the escaping bollock reminded me of a similar embarrassing moment. I lived and worked bloody hard on a dairy farm. On my little red fergie tractor I pulled into the yard to see a feed rep, we chatted on with me wondering why he seemed a tad discombobulated? It was only after he’d left that I discovered my lovely lawn blouse had ripped as I bobbed about on the tractor completely exposing my left DD! To gay men and men not familiar with brassiere sizing DD’s are full-on!

    LX

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    1. I remember a time when DD was just a fantasy
      It sort of still is:)

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    2. DD was a beer in my day

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  14. Rancid shame is the worst kind at the time, but makes the best stories :)

    I love the ring tone; haven't heard that ditty in decades!

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    1. Yes...I've written several blogs asking for embarrassing stories. They made the BEST reading

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  15. It could only happen to you.

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    Replies
    1. Time and time and time again pat, glad to see tess has eaten some tuna ....

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  16. What’s wrong with the ring tone? My Scarlett phone is known across the country.......

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    Replies
    1. It was too loud

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    2. Scarlett phone?

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    3. I presume ..he lives his life like Scarlett Ohara

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  17. lol. I think you should change your ring tone back, ring ring is boring, whereas the Muppets make people smile :-)

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  18. OMG...I am so sorry. The muppets are great.

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    1. I always like Janice from the band? Go figure

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  19. How mortifying! And after all that hair tossing!

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    1. I had floppy hair back then

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  20. John, we have been Blogger friends long enough for me to to say, I've heard this one before but I love you for it and I love my husband who tells his Eric Clapton story over and over again xx you are going to say, " Pray tell " I know !

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    1. Well if it's a good story it's worth repeating ( I'll do anything to get a laugh- ) yes I know I'm cheap

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  21. I bought a Halloween decoration in England when I was over to see my mom. It was a coffin about 15 inches high and when you went past it a ghoul leaped out and screamed really loud. Knowing that I was getting a plane back to Switzerland I tried to remove the batteries but the screws were really tiny and I couldn't do it. Sister said "oh just wrap it tightly in a towel and it won't move". After I dropped my rental car off I made the long walk of shame to the Easyjet counter (not shameful because it was Easyjet mind you) because my bloody case screamed all the way there, snaking round and round the line to check in and everyone looking to see where the hell that noise was coming from. I thought about throwing it in the bin but the bins were sealed shut at the time for security reasons (police on guard with machine guns). So I asked the girl at the check in if I could give it to her but she said she wasn't allowed. In the end I had to break the back off the bloody thing and take the batteries out but guess what, it still flipping works! Ha! I don't embarrass easily but that one did a number on me! Anna

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    1. Anna- I am sitting outside alone and falling over laughing !! Poor you!! LOL

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    2. Anna ...you just beat my story xx

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  22. I forget the full details but as a teenager I was working with a deaf friend dipping sheep.My Dad and several other folk arrived and asked something about one large lamb, my friend was a really good lip reader and I could mouth things to her on occasion ie drinks orders in a crowded bar she moonlighted in . She queried what was wrong with the lamb and I "said" its got no balls! And she bless her repeated very loudly as you would do..my statement to the assembled company. My dad learnt a lot about me that day :) It was a Blue-faced Leicester bred to be a ram and things hadnt descended as they should. Sorry I do ramble on.

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    1. If it had balls , would they have been blue?

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    2. We have a ball theme going here lol

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  23. Wow!There was a man lying down next to a donkey taking a nap. A motorcyclist stopped to ask him the time. The man gently pulled the donkey's balls to the side
    "It's one-o-clock." The cyclist drove away puzzled by what just happened.
    On the way back the cyclist asked the man for the time again and the same thing happened.
    "How the hell can you tell the time by pulling the donkey's balls?"
    "What do you mean? How else can I see the clock on the church steeple?"

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  24. Love the ring tone. I would smile to hear it in public as so many have said.
    Rancid shame? Oh yes, been there, done that. And size DD boobs were involved.

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  25. Have you always been shy? You weren't exactly 16.

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    Replies
    1. Yes...as a teen I was crippled with shyness. Psychiatric nursing helped but I still find certain social situations difficult

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    2. we all find some social situations difficult, if we don't we are too arrogant for our own good

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    3. Like a loose bollock hey. However it was 1991.

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    4. Another country was 1991

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  26. Heard the best phone ringer at a public library,
    Tarzan's call followed by hooting monkeys! Woman madly scrambling for the hush button. Bet her kids set her up.

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    1. Yes...usually the ones you notice are at events.....we were at the Royal Ballet and there was one......the audience collectively could have killed the owner

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  27. See what happens when you are incredibly well endowed ?

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    1. Not so special if it's just in the bollock dept

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  28. And despite what it felt like at the time, you lived to tell the story. Life is like that. A snappy comeback would have been, it pays to advertise!

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    Replies
    1. Love the runaway ball story and love Travel's snappy comeback.

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  29. That phrase 'bearded Jake Gyllenhall' made me perk up - and I was aboard.
    But yes, exposing oneself is especially embarrassing when it's NOT deliberate. I say no more (for fear of being arrested - but it's all in the past now anyway).

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  30. My husband had just got back from a lycra'd up bike ride and was chatting (about recycling bins - it's a man thing apparently) with our neighbour (male)who had a strange expression on his face. As he turned round to speak to me I realised his lycra trousers had split in the 'Gentlemen's Relish' area and a bollock was partially poking through. Cue red face and smothered laughter.

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  31. Playing about with people's rings again? Tsk tsk.

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  32. A snappy comeback would have been, it pays to advertise!


    สมัคร D2BET

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  33. From now on I shall make very sure I never go out in a pair of ripped jeans.

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  34. Mine plays Leonard Cohen. I'm never embarrassed. xx

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  35. And what did you do then, exit quickly from the stairs . . .

    Reminds me of an outdoor concert we were attending . . .
    Friend of mine left to use one of the porta potty’s . . .
    Walked back . . . In front of crowds of people . . .
    with a stream of toilet paper streaming from her backside . . .

    The phone ring embarrassing moment was a bit less embarrassing . . .
    (Loved the giggles they gave me though . . . at your expense!)

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  36. I have 'The Stripper' as my ring tone (for no special reason) and have only been embarrassed about it once, when I'd forgotten to turn it down and it rang while I was wandering around Canterbury Cathedral!
    I got a few mucky looks that day! X

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