I embarrassed myself today.
Last week I'd been playing around with my phone's ring tones .
Today I had a phone call as I stood in the Marks and Spencer cafe queue
My phone was in my manbag ( right at the bottom)
This was my ringtone
I've changed it back to a bell tone now! Well I did it hiding in a booth in the cafe!
I love embarrassing stories. This one is an old one but I think it's worth repeating
I went with a friend to the Crucible Theatre which was hosting a free night of folk music and dance (in the foyer!)...as usual I was dressed down for the event (t shirt and ripped jeans! - remember the fact I had ripped jeans on)
but as the whole event was very relaxed I kind of blended in!
Anyhow I remember sitting on the steps of the bar looking down at the singers and crowds below..and one guy, who was sitting at a table with some friends caught my eye!
I looked at him.....he looked at me! and suddenly I thought "my lucks in!!!"
Anyhow this game of glances carried on for a while ( I remember the guy looked a little like a bearded Jake Gyllenhall) and I did that half smile and hair toss flirting thing! before I caught sight of him downing his pint then weave his way through the tables to walk to where I was sat up on the stairs!
He leaned over slowly so I could smell his after shave and whispered gently into my ear
"Hey mate...I wanted to tell you that you have a rip in your jeans and one of your b*lls is sticking out!"...he suddenly left and went to sit down again!!
What happened to me?..........well I died .....died in a pool of rancid shame
Ah, John. We've all been there. Ball, breast, something.
ReplyDeleteWhen I drop a boob into view , it's time to leave the planet
Delete"b*lls sticking out"
ReplyDeleteYou never know. It might have been a come-on.
No! Unfortunately not!
DeleteHe was sat with a group and felt it was his civic responsibility to tell me
Could you hear me laughing (loudly!!!!) love this story! 🇨🇦
ReplyDeleteMy shame makes it more painful
DeleteThat was nice of him to tell you.Once I was at a pub which had a young jazz band playing from Wales to this very chilled out pub in Dorset.I went to the outside loo & later found I had a long piece of loo paper hanging behind me x
ReplyDeleteYes, similar shame in both incidents
DeleteThat is hilarious! I read it aloud to my husband, he laughed too. Love that ring tone... but why change it. Just think how many smiles you'll get every time it goes off..... I now have an ear worm!!
ReplyDeleteI've got a quiet " ring ring" now, nothing too flashy
DeleteThat's like the old joke my dad used to tell of the piano player in a bar who asked if there were any song requests. An obviously embarrassed little old lady sidled up to him and loudly whispered,"Do you know your balls are hanging below the wicker chair?" To which he replied, "No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll try to fake it."
ReplyDeleteGreat joke!!!
DeleteLOL! And let that be a lesson about the dangers of ripped jeans! I wouldn't have been embarrassed about "Manamana" at all -- I bet that song brings happy vibes to everyone who hears it.
ReplyDeleteMy ring tone for Dave is Eva Gabor saying "This has been a Filmways presentation, dahling," which she always said at the very end of Green Acres. THAT's a hard one to explain to anyone who overhears it!
Perhaps I need to find something from Poseidon Adventure
Delete" The morning after" perhaps?
Always check the location of your rips CAREFULLY.....I repeat....CAREFULLY. Oh wait....too late.
ReplyDeleteRight now I am wearing jeans that have a hole in the crotch .. I can't go out wearing them .. but I like them so much I wear them around the house ..
Deleteput a patch
DeleteCDF like you they were a comfortable pair of jeans.......i never wore them again
DeleteI was in school, had on new shoes, never been worn before, scurried into class, stopped at the door , everyone looked up as my new slippery shoes met the just polished tile floor , feet up in the air, body slams to the floor, head hits floor ... teacher rushes to see if I am ok .. all I wanted to do was disappear.
ReplyDeleteEveryone Saw My Panties !!!!
and surprisingly to me, the world continued to go on .....
Panties
DeleteOne of my favourite words
Which ball was it? Left or right? Left for socialism. Right for fascism.
ReplyDeleteLeft
DeleteI LOVE that Muppets ditty, you shouldn't have changed it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh, but it's with you and not at you. I have never had anything humiliating happen to me and I am sticking to that story no matter what!!!
You are bloody lucky....I could write a book
DeleteRipped knees are okay, ripped crotch is not. Why were you wearing crotch ripped jeans, John?
ReplyDeleteAnd no underwear?
DeleteBoxers
DeleteI love the ringtone, why did you change it? You of all people I would have thought would have sufficient sang froid to carry it off. The story of the escaping bollock reminded me of a similar embarrassing moment. I lived and worked bloody hard on a dairy farm. On my little red fergie tractor I pulled into the yard to see a feed rep, we chatted on with me wondering why he seemed a tad discombobulated? It was only after he’d left that I discovered my lovely lawn blouse had ripped as I bobbed about on the tractor completely exposing my left DD! To gay men and men not familiar with brassiere sizing DD’s are full-on!
ReplyDeleteLX
I remember a time when DD was just a fantasy
DeleteIt sort of still is:)
DD was a beer in my day
DeleteRancid shame is the worst kind at the time, but makes the best stories :)
ReplyDeleteI love the ring tone; haven't heard that ditty in decades!
Yes...I've written several blogs asking for embarrassing stories. They made the BEST reading
DeleteIt could only happen to you.
ReplyDeleteTime and time and time again pat, glad to see tess has eaten some tuna ....
DeleteWhat’s wrong with the ring tone? My Scarlett phone is known across the country.......
ReplyDeleteIt was too loud
DeleteScarlett phone?
DeleteTara's theme
DeleteI presume ..he lives his life like Scarlett Ohara
Deletelol. I think you should change your ring tone back, ring ring is boring, whereas the Muppets make people smile :-)
ReplyDeleteGood point x
DeleteOMG...I am so sorry. The muppets are great.
ReplyDeleteI always like Janice from the band? Go figure
DeleteHow mortifying! And after all that hair tossing!
ReplyDeleteI had floppy hair back then
DeleteJohn, we have been Blogger friends long enough for me to to say, I've heard this one before but I love you for it and I love my husband who tells his Eric Clapton story over and over again xx you are going to say, " Pray tell " I know !
ReplyDeleteWell if it's a good story it's worth repeating ( I'll do anything to get a laugh- ) yes I know I'm cheap
DeleteI bought a Halloween decoration in England when I was over to see my mom. It was a coffin about 15 inches high and when you went past it a ghoul leaped out and screamed really loud. Knowing that I was getting a plane back to Switzerland I tried to remove the batteries but the screws were really tiny and I couldn't do it. Sister said "oh just wrap it tightly in a towel and it won't move". After I dropped my rental car off I made the long walk of shame to the Easyjet counter (not shameful because it was Easyjet mind you) because my bloody case screamed all the way there, snaking round and round the line to check in and everyone looking to see where the hell that noise was coming from. I thought about throwing it in the bin but the bins were sealed shut at the time for security reasons (police on guard with machine guns). So I asked the girl at the check in if I could give it to her but she said she wasn't allowed. In the end I had to break the back off the bloody thing and take the batteries out but guess what, it still flipping works! Ha! I don't embarrass easily but that one did a number on me! Anna
ReplyDeleteAnna- I am sitting outside alone and falling over laughing !! Poor you!! LOL
DeleteAnna ...you just beat my story xx
DeleteI forget the full details but as a teenager I was working with a deaf friend dipping sheep.My Dad and several other folk arrived and asked something about one large lamb, my friend was a really good lip reader and I could mouth things to her on occasion ie drinks orders in a crowded bar she moonlighted in . She queried what was wrong with the lamb and I "said" its got no balls! And she bless her repeated very loudly as you would do..my statement to the assembled company. My dad learnt a lot about me that day :) It was a Blue-faced Leicester bred to be a ram and things hadnt descended as they should. Sorry I do ramble on.
ReplyDeleteIf it had balls , would they have been blue?
DeleteWe have a ball theme going here lol
DeleteWow!There was a man lying down next to a donkey taking a nap. A motorcyclist stopped to ask him the time. The man gently pulled the donkey's balls to the side
ReplyDelete"It's one-o-clock." The cyclist drove away puzzled by what just happened.
On the way back the cyclist asked the man for the time again and the same thing happened.
"How the hell can you tell the time by pulling the donkey's balls?"
"What do you mean? How else can I see the clock on the church steeple?"
Boom boom x
DeleteLove the ring tone. I would smile to hear it in public as so many have said.
ReplyDeleteRancid shame? Oh yes, been there, done that. And size DD boobs were involved.
Oh, balls!!!
ReplyDeleteHave you always been shy? You weren't exactly 16.
ReplyDeleteYes...as a teen I was crippled with shyness. Psychiatric nursing helped but I still find certain social situations difficult
Deletewe all find some social situations difficult, if we don't we are too arrogant for our own good
DeleteLike a loose bollock hey. However it was 1991.
DeleteAnother country was 1991
DeleteHeard the best phone ringer at a public library,
ReplyDeleteTarzan's call followed by hooting monkeys! Woman madly scrambling for the hush button. Bet her kids set her up.
Yes...usually the ones you notice are at events.....we were at the Royal Ballet and there was one......the audience collectively could have killed the owner
DeleteSee what happens when you are incredibly well endowed ?
ReplyDeleteNot so special if it's just in the bollock dept
DeleteAnd despite what it felt like at the time, you lived to tell the story. Life is like that. A snappy comeback would have been, it pays to advertise!
ReplyDeleteLove the runaway ball story and love Travel's snappy comeback.
DeleteThat phrase 'bearded Jake Gyllenhall' made me perk up - and I was aboard.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, exposing oneself is especially embarrassing when it's NOT deliberate. I say no more (for fear of being arrested - but it's all in the past now anyway).
My husband had just got back from a lycra'd up bike ride and was chatting (about recycling bins - it's a man thing apparently) with our neighbour (male)who had a strange expression on his face. As he turned round to speak to me I realised his lycra trousers had split in the 'Gentlemen's Relish' area and a bollock was partially poking through. Cue red face and smothered laughter.
ReplyDeletePlaying about with people's rings again? Tsk tsk.
ReplyDeleteA snappy comeback would have been, it pays to advertise!
ReplyDeleteสมัคร D2BET
From now on I shall make very sure I never go out in a pair of ripped jeans.
ReplyDeleteMine plays Leonard Cohen. I'm never embarrassed. xx
ReplyDeleteAnd what did you do then, exit quickly from the stairs . . .
ReplyDeleteReminds me of an outdoor concert we were attending . . .
Friend of mine left to use one of the porta potty’s . . .
Walked back . . . In front of crowds of people . . .
with a stream of toilet paper streaming from her backside . . .
The phone ring embarrassing moment was a bit less embarrassing . . .
(Loved the giggles they gave me though . . . at your expense!)
I have 'The Stripper' as my ring tone (for no special reason) and have only been embarrassed about it once, when I'd forgotten to turn it down and it rang while I was wandering around Canterbury Cathedral!
ReplyDeleteI got a few mucky looks that day! X