12.30 am The Cottage in darkness.
We are in bed
The Prof: " What is that noise?"
Me ( sleepily) " Huh?"
The Prof: " That noise there! That STRANGE NOISE!"
We listen
There comes a strange intermittent hissing/ squeaking noise from somewhere in the room.
The Prof hunkers up under the duvet " It's that bat!" He hisses
" It's that effin bat!"
The Prof hates bats, ever since we had one caught in the bedroom of our old house one night, he hates the thoughts of them. I caught the last bat in a pair of my used underpants which The Prof described as a "moment of abject cruelty"
" The poor little thing didn't deserve that!" As I whipped off my sweaty smalls to cover it
I'm always practical in a mini crisis!
As usual it was me who got up to locate the noise. The Prof pulled the duvet even higher.
"Have you found it?" He hisses as I eventually homed in on the sound
" Yes" I told him " You are quite safe"
The bat was in fact the noise of carbon dioxide gently escaping from a bottle of coke that didnt have it's top screwed on properly!
Domestic life!
We are in bed
The Prof: " What is that noise?"
Me ( sleepily) " Huh?"
The Prof: " That noise there! That STRANGE NOISE!"
We listen
There comes a strange intermittent hissing/ squeaking noise from somewhere in the room.
The Prof hunkers up under the duvet " It's that bat!" He hisses
" It's that effin bat!"
The Prof hates bats, ever since we had one caught in the bedroom of our old house one night, he hates the thoughts of them. I caught the last bat in a pair of my used underpants which The Prof described as a "moment of abject cruelty"
" The poor little thing didn't deserve that!" As I whipped off my sweaty smalls to cover it
I'm always practical in a mini crisis!
As usual it was me who got up to locate the noise. The Prof pulled the duvet even higher.
"Have you found it?" He hisses as I eventually homed in on the sound
" Yes" I told him " You are quite safe"
The bat was in fact the noise of carbon dioxide gently escaping from a bottle of coke that didnt have it's top screwed on properly!
Domestic life!
Hilarious! That would make a brilliant sketch on TV. I think you need to write all these things down so you can sell as a script.
ReplyDeleteGood job the Two Ronnies are no longer with us
DeleteHa-ha! Haunted by a bottle of Coke. How brave of you to face the danger while Chris cowered beneath your Star Wars duvet.
ReplyDeleteI am all man
DeleteHaha!! Brilliant! Bats are very hard to catch when they're trapped inside. Well done on only using underwear, i needed a large sheet!!
ReplyDeleteYou snort Coke in Bed? Disgraceful.
ReplyDeleteHo-ho! Nice one Monsieur Magnon!
DeleteOnly diet!
DeleteBatman and Robin right enough!Hope it was Diet Coke!!
ReplyDeleteYou couldn't make this up!!
ReplyDeleteI didnt
DeleteSuch a brave man you are, John but as for that Professor . . . oh dear! I hope he feels suitably embarrassed.
ReplyDelete7a sunday morning funnies...only from YOU, john!
ReplyDeleteIn our house, I think we would have both cowered under the covers and waited for the dogs to find it.
ReplyDeleteI tried that the other night and it didnt work
DeleteI bet that earned you some serious brownie points, when my other half removes a wasp he is treated like a god. Did you tell the prof it was a pop bottle? x
ReplyDeleteHe didnt believe me
DeleteEven better! honesty and brownie points x
DeleteDid you keep your superman status by not letting on that it was a bottle of coke?
ReplyDeleteI was expecting a high ending. Coke in the Welsh household? I am appalled.
ReplyDeleteYou keep Coke in the bedroom? How vulgar.
ReplyDeleteYou gave my husband and i a good chuckle this morning... Hubby said it would make a good coke commercial..lol Hugs! deb
ReplyDeleteM&S are obviously missing a trick. They should advertise their underpants as "ideal bat and small mammal catchers".
ReplyDeleteEvery gusset a memory
DeleteHissing cola. You could have been in great danger. Glad you both survived
ReplyDeleteJohn to the rescue. Who knows what could have happened if you hadn't saved the night. Flat pop possibly? Drastic. lol.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny! Picturing Chris all covered and trembling ...
ReplyDeleteLOL - hilarious
ReplyDeleteJust lovely. Thanks. I can't counter Game of Thrones yet, but I will.
ReplyDeleteSweaty kecks over the head, a great way to subdue almost anything I would think! Love bats myself, but not so much in the bedroom.
ReplyDeleteNow John.....that was the most hearty laugh I have had all week. You have me in stiches.
ReplyDeleteWell at least the Prof is back and snug in bed - so what is a bat or two between friends?
ReplyDeleteWe had a bat caught in a lampshade once so let the kids and young cousin staying have a look before setting it free.
ReplyDeleteThe noise I had everyone up trying to locate night after night swearing they couldn't hear anything turned out to be my noise only - bloody Tinnitus.
omg, that's too funny and reminded me of the ginger beer we made one year. We left it under a table and it exploded, you can imagine the mess.
ReplyDeletePoor bat, was it groggy when you let it golol
Briony
x
And the sanctity of no underpants was harmed in the making of this post.
ReplyDeleteEnter detective North, if the Prof didnt believe you that means you are the secret midnight diet coke drinker!! Better than semi concious nibbling of scotch eggs I suppose. Naive as I can be the other sort of coke never occurred to me.
ReplyDeleteI love diet coke and he was already asleep when i came to bed miss marple. We had eaten a stir fry so therefore after all of the soy i needed my fix in the bedroom yuk yuk
DeleteSo is Batty gone or not? Just hiding?
ReplyDeleteGripping page turning writing, I was on the edge of my seat until ... punch line had me in stitches.
ReplyDeleteI needed a giggle.
ReplyDeleteFirst good laugh I've had in days! My cheeks hurt from grinning so wide at the mental picture your words painted. I can almost hear the sounds of your diet Coke passing gas in the night. Great story!
ReplyDeleteI am with the Prof . . .
ReplyDeletecan not stand things like that.
I go into a FREAK!
(Thankful it was just a fizzy bottle.)
Action Man, Superhero, Creative Solver of Monumental Problems!!
ReplyDeleteI just saved a tiny frog with a really loud voice from the hurricane :)
ReplyDeleteIt's been a busy night here in Florida ..
Oh that happened to us once, it was such an eerie sound!
ReplyDeleteI can almost hear the sounds of your diet Coke passing gas in the night. Great story!
ReplyDeleteหนังผี
Ha! Well thank goodness you didn't need to traumatize another bat!
ReplyDeleteWell, this post put the morning tea through my nose!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh, John! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteYour blog is very nice for sharing on this site.
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