Unprofessional Behaviour

As the echoes of the news of my retirement filter through the interweb, I have been in touch with several old workmates, a couple of which reminded me of certain situations where I wasn't the most professional of nurses!
Here are a few memories , many long forgotten ( by me)

• Before selfies were popular, I once took my own photo with the ward wound camera as I posed next to six sleeping patients in their beds!
• I once washed a patient while wearing an oxygen mask ( I was told piped oxygen was a cure for a hangover)
• Working with a rigid ward sister, I once removed her padlocked suggestions box from the wall and filled it with a snack plate of cheese and biscuits(?) before replacing it.
• I once gave a prank playing colleague a cup of tea with a patient's dentures placed in the bottom
• I once gave an hysterical patient a victory v sweet telling her it was a sleeping tablet
• A support worker I had was well know for sitting in a favourite easy chair on nights. One Christmas I arranged for her husband to collect it and he wrapped it in colourful Festive paper and a big bow and gave it to her for her main gift!
• Working on a mother &baby psychiatric unit, I was caught washing a baby's bum under a sink's mixer tap!
• I once set up a false urine bag on a patient's bed complete with a goldfish in it!
• I was once friendly with a paralysed patient who due to a pressure sore was only able to mobilise face down on an adapted hospital trolley. Without him knowing I drew a smiley face on his buttocks
• There are more stories regarding false turds made out of chocolate, sitting on a patient's dog on a home visit, a flying full urine bag bursting.....shoplifting psychiatric patients in Woolworths.... dropping a patient down a fire escape and getting a drunk colleague's arse stuck in a window of the ward's linen room,  that I wont go into detail about.............