Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Jamming My Head Through The Conservatory Window


  • The hot and humid weather is proving somewhat troublesome for some. After Church on Sunday Trendy Carol ( dressed in a flattering floaty trouser ensemble) stopped by to ask if I could check on neighbour T, who had suffered a "bit of a do" on one of the back pews and who had taken his way back home. I immediately popped down and worryingly got no answer when I knocked on the door. Seeing the conservatory window ajar, I managed to climb up onto a wall and jammed my head through the gap and proceeded to call my neighbour's name and shouted to see if he was ok. Getting no answer and all very hot and very sweaty I circled the bungalow trying to force open windows and doors. It was a good job that my burglary skills are pretty shit as I found out soon later that neighbour T had been enjoying a large roast lunch at The Crown!
  • The Flower Show meeting went smoothly on Monday. Matriarch Irene has agreed to take over Auntie Glad's stall and after last year's initiative of sandwich making went somewhat flat the committee will stick to selling homemade cakes as refreshments. 
  • Can all cup winners return their engraved cups asap thank you!
  • Apologies to the blog fan who knocked on the window yesterday with her somewhat colourful daughter and her boyfriend in tow! I should have offered you all a cup of tea, but I was frying meatballs at the time....it was nice to meet you.- apologies again for Winnie's lascivious behaviours and  forgive me but I never asked your name...please comment if you read this so I know who you are! 
  • Thanks for the latest novelty veg photo! Zombie potato!  ( jgsheffield@hotmail.com)
It's so humid today..I am presently lying on the chaise longue wafting myself with a limp bit of lettuce 

35 comments:

  1. When all else fails, have a nice lunch!

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  2. and in what recipe are you going to use said meatballs?

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    1. https://www.weightwatchers.com/uk/recipe/spaghetti-and-meatballs-1/5625c0a8c064e70f347816e6

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  3. That blog fan probably travelled 100s of miles to see you and you couldn't even offer a cup of tea??

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    1. They were passing the top f the road, smart arse!

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  4. Even though I know exactly where your cottage is, and live closer than almost all of your other blog readers, I would never be so rude as to just turn up and knock on your window......I'd knock on the front door!
    No, seriously, I'd never just turn up, (inconsiderate in the extreme) but if I see you in Waitrose, I shall accost you! X

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  5. I may try and adopt that hair style - come to think of it it is not all that different from how my hair looks at present.

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  6. Good thing you didn't break a window at T's! The nerve (of him, not you).

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  7. I hope your neighbors appreciate all you go through for them. :)

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  8. Zombie potato strikes cold fear into me.

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  9. How do people find you in the village? Do they ask around? I am afraid I would have to arrange an assignation by email first, with a phone number in case something went wrong. A flattering floaty trouser ensemble sounds lovely, and so stress free. So what was the daughter's boyfriend like?

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    1. Most people know me because of the dogs

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  10. Can't believe someone would just turn up at your home, unannounced (let alone knock on the window). Think this is an invasion of your privacy. Perhaps your neighbour left church early in a rush to get to the pub!!

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    1. Ive had around half a dozen turn up. I dont mind...the prof is less happy!

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  11. At least they were fans .. not mad stalkers or something ... we hope.

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  12. A roast lunch is usually a good cure for whatever ails us, but I must say the idea of eating roast in this weather makes me want to swoon.

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  13. Love the potato.
    Impressive hair-do !

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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  14. When I was a teenager I took the decision to call the Police after receiving s distressing phone call from a friend of my step fathers who mentioned suiside. The Police broke in but he wasn't there, he was having a pub lunch. he never found out it was me who called the Police
    .

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  15. John - it is a testament to your good nature that your readers seek you out. It would be difficult to call in advance since you don't (and shouldn't) advertise your number. I think it is sweet that someone would go to the trouble to drop by on the off chance that they could say hello to you in person.

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  16. You have more excitement in one day than I do in a month :)

    Love the zombie potato. I need to get my novelty veg done!

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  17. Until he retired my brother was a member of the Lancashire police. When he was a young constable and still wet behind the ears he was called out to a similar 'case'. A worried neighbour had reported that the old man next door hadn't been seen in a day or two. My brother and a colleague arrived and peered through the windows. Being tall they could see over the cafe curtains and there was the old guy slumped in a chair in the living room. They called an ambulance and looked for a way to gain entry. The doors were pretty solid but there was one open window. My brother's colleague, being the slimmer of the two, was hoisted up by my brother and slid head first through the window. There was a loud crash, a curse, and a second crash. Then the back door opened. The erstwhile slim policeman had fallen head first into a sink full of dishes, smashing some, then the whole kitchen cabinet had collapsed under his weight! As the two of them were surveying the scene the old guy wandered in from the living room where he had been taking an afternoon nap, "What the bloody hell's going on!".

    The kitchen and crockery were paid for and repairs made. My brother claims that the old man was pleased that someone had cared enough to try to rescue him. While they remained on that beat they would regularly check up on him (and share a pot of tea).

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    1. What a great story!

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    2. Good job i never fell tgrough the window, i would have taken out the floorboards

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    3. Thank's jenny_o. My personal favourite of my brother's stories was when he was called to a house, number 3 on a street, where the owner claimed his garden gate had been stolen. When my brother arrived the owner said "bastard at number 9 stole my gate!". They went into the back yard and there was a brown fence with a gap where a gate should have been. "How do you know it was the owner of number 9 who stole your gate?" asked my brother. "I'll bloody show you" said the victim of the theft. They walked down the back alley and there was the back yard of number 9 surrounded by a green fence closed off by a brown gate with a number 3 painted on it...

      As my brother pointed out, often thief aren't the brightest.

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    4. Great stories both! :D

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    5. Another good one, Graham! And your brother was right.

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  18. When you are feeling poorly or you have had a bit of a bad turn, there's nowt better than a full roast dinner and a couple of pints to perk you up.

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  19. O.k., people, you need to stop sending in such good entries for the veggie competition. My chances of winning have dropped to absolutely zippety-zilch. So stop it! I mean it! (At this point my entries will probably qualify for the 'tried very hard' consolation badge.

    I would never dare to turn up at your house unannounced, but I know that they didn't mean any harm. As it happened, I was actually in London at the same time that you were there. The day you were at the Coulthard Gallery, I was at Westminster Abbey. You had mentioned on the blog that you were going to London in May and when I realized that we would both be there at the same time, I almost wet my knickers. I knew not to expect you in the most touristy places, but I kept my eyes peeled for that famous face in the crowd. If spotted, I would have yelled: "John Gray!" (As if you didn't know your name!)

    And lastly, I finally know who your famous 'twin' is on your sidebar. I have just started watching 'Hinterland'. Don't know why every TV inspector has to have grumpiness issues, but I love the Welsh scenery.

    My, I am wordy today!

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    1. Steady on Iris.

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    2. LOL, I can just picture it ... you standing there yelling out John Gray ! and everyone on the street would stare at you but John .. he would just ignore the noise and keep going .

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    3. Iris...how i would love your messed up hair

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    4. Rachel: I know, right!!

      NotesFromAbroad: I would have chased him down (and possibly tackled him).

      John: I've had a haircut.

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  20. Hi John, it was me! (and my son and daughter-in-law) It was so lovely to meet you in the flesh :) I could hear you in the kitchen,(and was pretty sure the Prof would be at work at the time) and know from reading your blog that neighbours often tap on the window to get your attention, so it felt like an accepted protocol in your parts. Apologies to those offended on your behalf; t'was intended to be cordial rather than rude.No need for cups of tea, I hope we didn't disrupt your day too much, I appreciated you taking a few minutes out of your day to chat to a stranger...you are as warm in real life as portrayed in your blog. I had forgotten about the bird flu issues, and on seeing the "fresh eggs" sign, thought it a great opportunity to pick up some fresh eggs and say hello at the same time....oh how I miss my own chickens and their daily presents! Winnie is absolutely delightful, and it's good to see a gal comfortable with her own sexuality!

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    1. Next time stop and have some tea! It was lovely to see you x

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  21. I'm sorry John but it's a little known bylaw that you can only have one Southern Belle to limply waft on a chaise longue per household and I believe in your cottage it's been firmly established that that role is Winnie's. You'll have to be demoted to exasperated maid (a la Thelma Ritter or Hattie McDaniel)- but on the upside you are allowed to exclaim 'Heavens to Betsy' or 'I do declare'. ;-)

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