Sunday, 4 September 2016

Audit Time

Putrid Petra and her acid tongue brought up one interesting point as she poured vitriol upon the readers of Going Gently and that was her very own assessment on it's demographic
As she saw it, my " fan base" runs in a very linear way,and I quote

Anonymous4:31 pm
I am not envious in any way Jon, I just find Going Gently rather too sugary and at times a touch false for my tastes.
It panders to an audience of middle aged, sad women, as far as I can tell, oh with the occassional gay man thrown in to balance the books as well as the usual handful of drunks that blogging seems to attract nowadays. ( ring any bells Jon? )
I am anonymous because I am allowed to be.
But if you want to know my name, I am happy to share it.
This post both insulted and amused me , as quite cleverly it insulted most of my readers without pausing to catch breath. I noted that particular bile was centred on long term reader Anne Marie who she referred to as a " cat owning fag hag"
Anne Marie had her very own way of dealing with the issue

What a thoughtful, kind person you are, John.
ReplyDelete
Replies
  1. Anonymous4:58 pm
    Pandering again to a needy ego!
    I feel nauseous

    Petra
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  2. then go puke somewhere else, bitch!
    Delete
  3. Oh, Anne, I laughed out loud. Love it.
    Delete
we philadelphians tell it like it is. and NO ONE talks trash about one of my friends!
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This made me cackle with amusement
All this bad humour has been somewhat interesting . I have  more female readers cos blogging is populated more by female writers and readers. Plain and simple. 
They are not sad, pussy owning fag hags with a need for a gay best friend nor are they drunks or balance making queens, even though a few must exist here....like they do anywhere

So what I am asking 
Tell me your demographic ? 
Age? Sex? Gender? Alcohol status? Knicker size? 
Let's see if the old cow was right! Tee hee! 


285 comments:

  1. I'm a 58 year old straight woman, with a lovely husband, gorgeous son and daughter in law, and a 16 day old wonderful grandson!
    I don't drink, apart from the very occasional Irish Whiskey, am not a 'fag hag' cat owning or otherwise, but do take people very much as I find them, and I find you, John to be a lovely, kind and gentle man, but Putrid Petra to be an ignorant, poisonous bitch!
    Oh, and my knicker size......I don't know as I never, ever wear them, I'm a commando girl!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A tart right off the bat!

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  2. Well John Gray on a positive note, she did not mention the Profs Tin !!! So, here goes,
    Demographic Southport Merseyside,
    Age 50 years 11 months 30 days, I am also an orphan.
    Gender Female.
    Alcohol status DEPENDS, but sober at present !!!
    Knicker size 7 x 2 !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Southport......how refind! X

      Delete
  3. Good morning :) I'm 58, a woman, and live in rural British Columbia with my 2 small rescue dogs. I wear a size L and am not into the plus sizes :) I'm college and university educated and I'm the founder of a local Diner offering free meals to the lower income members of my community. I read your blog daily because it's amusing, I like reading about village life (I kinda live it, too), and you're thoughtful in the writing you share. It's endearing. It's sad that people seem to be so disconnected or negatively affected with their personal lives that they troll rather than enjoy what is shared on the internet and to have enough self respect to move past what they find distasteful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I sense a theme starting x

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  4. I think you know all about me.

    I recently received an email from a local sex shop asking me if I was interested in some sort of joint blog post to promote their business. I suspected it was a pro forma email but it was not. I replied that I did not think such a post was appropriate for my blog, given my average commenter profile was a sixty year old living alone woman. Perhaps I am wrong about that. Regardless, I adore my 'sixty year old women' who comment on my blog. They are smart, sassy and all encompassing. They haven't all been around the world, but they sure as hell know the ways of the world. As the Geordie rels say, I luv Γ©m to bits.

    My best blog posts have been written when under the influence of the Scottish Doctor, but I learnt in early blog days to save and review the next day. The same with comments.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am a 68 y/o retired American nurse, therefore, we connect on that level. I have several gay friends, love them like brothers and sisters because we are friends, period. I am married 47 years to the same guy and I wish the world to be a more kind and thoughtful place. I am an animal lover, not just cats! Anyone who cares for and adopts stranded animals is already on the top of my good person list. If you spew mean, you are mean and mean is never a good thing. No wonder our world is in such chaos. I can't drink because I have heart problems, otherwise I would. My knicker size is xl, it took me quite a while to get it there and it looks like it is going to hang around a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A kindred spirit me thinks x

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  6. Uhh, well, I know you in real life, but for the record: 29 years old, female, not drank since before Milo was born and a size 8!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are officially my youngest hannah! That will bring theaverage age range down somewhat xx

      Delete
  7. I am not convinced that "Petra" is the real name of the unpleasant visitor. After all, how can we trust someone who has displayed such bizarre but carefully considered nastiness? I suspect that "Petra" is just part of the twisted gameplay. The unhinged visitor may like to include stereotyping in his/her online sport but it is not something I am ever comfortable with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You forgot the mention your knicker size yp

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    2. I don't wear knickers. What's that expression for it? Going commando?

      Delete
    3. As a blog title, "Going Commando" sounds better than "Going Gently".

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    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    5. yep, commando - you and me both, hon! :)

      Delete
  8. I am not middle aged…I am " old", but only feel about 40ish.( and apparently only look about late 50s )
    I drink too much, and own a gorgeous mini schnauzer and look after a yorkie for an even older lady. I have brought up 3 sons, 2 married and have 2 grandkids. I am a retired part time bank cashier and live 25 miles north of London. I have a gay brother who I hardly ever see. I love everything about your blog apart from the posts about that weird TV programme that you find to be excellent.( Walking Dead….just seen the name on the sidebar!)
    I own a 17 year old cat and my size is a 12…including knickers.
    I think that the trolls like Petra and Mia More must be very sad lonely people and they should just keep quiet, though they do sometimes give us all a laugh! Happy Sunday Dear John, Prof, and the animals. X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Frances,

      NOW THATS A RESUME
      Xx

      Delete
  9. I am a recently widowed, straight woman who has moved back to the United States after living for some years (with husband and dog) in Buenos Aires Argentina. I have 2 grown children, and 3 cats. I had just 2 cats but inherited the 3rd cat recently when my mom died.
    So I guess I fit into the demographic of old woman with cats.

    PS
    The older I get, the less patience I have with internet bitches and trolls and I seem to have this difficulty in watching what I say.
    I guess when I am older, I will really be obnoxious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. don't hold back, hon; let it all hang out!

      Delete
    2. I love you anne marie :D

      Delete
    3. let's be besties and piss off putrid petra!

      Delete
  10. Happily married mother of two, grandmother of 3, with a graduate degree in English.
    Retired teacher with a previous work history in television, and long ago, C.I.A.
    Author of one book currently on Amazon, re-writing book #2, finishing book #3.
    I read Going Gently faithfully for the same reason I appreciate David Sedaris, Mark Twain, and Nora Ephron - because it's well-written and funny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. David sedaris is my hero, thank you for that xx

      Delete
  11. Oh, and not to point out the obvious, but wouldn't Anonymous's statement then mean that as a reader of this blog she/he is also an alcoholic, middle-aged sad sack surrounded by cats?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Age: 65. Sex: Only with myself. Gender: Verging on manly. Alcohol status: Habitual sot. Knicker size: L.

    I think I also qualify as a fag-hag too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Verging on manly" sent me into helpless giggles.

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    2. "sex: only with myself" - I strangely identify with THAT one!

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    3. A male fag hag?
      Interesting........fag slag?

      Delete
    4. Fag fag? Or if you went to a public school, 'fag fag fag? Fat slag?

      Delete
  13. It never ceases to amaze me how some people think they are in a position to judge another person's blog AND its readers!
    It's not nice to be on the receiving end of nasty comments but really......who cares what this person's opinion is? He or she should take up a more worthwhile pastime methinks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yits boosted my viewer figures, so i guess jean, that she has done me a favour

      Delete
  14. Oh, and so what if your blog did pander to that particular demographic? What's wrong with that, exactly?

    Jog on, anon, you cockwomble.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cockwomble? Archers Appreciation group, perhaps?

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    2. Witch hazel? Demographics? Knicker size?

      Delete
  15. 62 year old str8 female, married (25 years now) to a 57 year old str8 male, 3 cats, no human kids

    full time employee
    home owner
    knitter
    atheist
    loves baseball, trains, books, music
    college graduate (twice)
    goes commando/makeup free every day
    currently sober, but does like wine and gin and vodka
    philadelphia born and bred and damn proud of it
    has asthma and arthritis and allergies (who doesn't?)
    cancer survivor
    abusive home survivor
    proud fag hag (take THAT, putrid petra pussy!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And one sassy bitch xxxx

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    2. annie Marie, she is "one of you" so cool, they make them tough in Philly ! just like us old westerner in Arizona.

      cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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    3. ack... the "one of you " had to do with the other Philly lady. durr brain fog

      Delete
    4. "they make them tough in Philly!" - HELL YEAH! we tough cause we gotta be!

      Delete
    5. Bet you could fillet the Putrid One with your knitting needles or a blunt crochet hook while blindfolded and wearng the RED Cha-Cha heels!

      Oooohhh Anne Marie! A Cradle Robber too!

      Delete
  16. 50yo Scottish teacher (I teach 7yos), mum to 3 grown up boys (one of them gay), divorced, met my partner 5 years ago through online dating, knicker size M&S 14, drink white wine regularly, keep dogs and chickens. I go to the gym 3 times a week so my knicker size doesn't increase. I like to kayak, cycle and whatever else my real life Action Man drags me to do for fun. My son regularly berates me for acting like I'm in my 30s. I will never be a middle aged sad woman ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Maybe she is describing herself so if you come across her in real life you will recognise her straight away lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will recognise her by the anne marie fist mark in her facexxx
      Knicker size sue?

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    2. FUCK YEAH! would be proud to do so!

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    3. She's definitely a size 56 oh sorry that's her mouth lol

      Delete
  18. 54 years old, Scotland, female, real ale and malt woman, commando - friend to Ali up there ^^^ , duck keeper, home brewer, home educator, blog reader.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ps - how do you know when/if you're middle aged until your dead?! I've no idea what my middle age will be.

      Delete
    2. Three score years and ten. 35 is middle-aged. I have been middle-aged for 30 years now.

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    3. I was middle aged when i was 10

      Delete
  19. Here goes
    65 years old, working full time, desperate to retire, straight but pervy, married, 4 children and 9 grandchildren, no cats no dogs just some tropical fish.
    I ran an IT business for 15 years and ran sex parties for 5 years.
    height 4'11, Size 16

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hester! Way to go....details we want details!,,,,,

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    2. You want details of my IT business? Or my knickers?

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    3. Details of the " sex parties" would be good!!

      Delete
  20. female/68/married/straight/retired from the insurance industry/loner/slightly obsessive/compulsive (only slightly, I swear).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice to have you aboardx

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  21. 46, gagging for it, female, 12(AUS), dependent
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That post will whip tom stephenson into an absolute frenzy

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    2. I just whipped myself into a frenzy, but I am better about not going public about it these days. Sarah knows what I think - ever since that Google Earth picture of an Australian beach... AND she can write!

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    3. For instance, I've just stopped myself from making a joke about 12 AUS and putting a $ sign in front of it. Maybe I am growing up after all (these years...).

      Delete
  22. 58 year old married women, retired, no cats. 2 grown grandchildren, 1 great grand. No cats, just lost my 14 year old greyhound. Knickers would be small. Love your posts and your humor.

    ReplyDelete
  23. 45 year old straight male engineer, married to a woman 11 years older than myself, with whom I have an 18 year old son.
    I have enjoyed alcohol in moderation but am now aiming to go teetotal. 5ft 9in tall and undercrackers size medium or 32" waist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ive gone teetotal dave....as for a 32 incher.....i was 11 when that happened

      Delete
  24. Uncanny how insightful Petra was! (What a jerk!) I have a lot in common with Anne Marie: 63, straight, long-married, no kids but with a continuous stream of dog family members (one 69-pounder on my lap right now). I love your posts, John, and feel from afar like a wee part of your community peeking over your shoulder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joy, by name and joy by nature x

      Delete
  25. 73 year old woman, married for ten years and single the rest, though with a couple of very interesting relationships included. Raised two daughters, one not so well as the other, and am now raising two grandchildren. Still working, probably always will. It turned out I'm a damn fine accountant and manager.
    I really do not like the word fag-hag. Being in the arts, my world is populated by gays and straights. I have a gay son-in-law. As the saying may be, some of my best friends are gay--women or men.
    Oh, I don't drink any more; it doesn't become the drugs. My knickers are size 6.
    The end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fag hag doesnt upset me, i rather like the term x

      Delete
  26. 64 years old, sex, no thanks I've got a headache and a good book. Married 44 years. 2 kids, 4 grandchildren. Retired. My knicker size is between me and my fat arse.

    ReplyDelete
  27. The only thing PP has got right is my age. I am happily married to a bloke with 2 lovely sons,3 cats 3 Chuck's and a partridge in a pear tree. I can be sad when life throws shit at me but hold down a nursing job and am content with my lot. My take on PP is that she is male and poss still in closet sense the bile at John whose sounds a decent human being more than putrid Petra/ Peter will ever be. A friends nephew has just announced hes gay. I suspected for yrs but said nothing as could be wrong. Hes much happier and I am surprised it took so long. However it's a shit world whether you're straight,gay or bi or anything else.
    This predicted text is driving me nuts nearly got "bike" not bile. could be painful.
    Best wishes from a middle-aged woman

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right back at ya from a middle aged old man

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  28. My stats don't sum up my whole but you asked! 69 y/o divorced Nana of four. Expat in Michigan for 46 years, ex WRAC, college grad (at 51 with honours, thank you). I came to your blog because of your location but stayed because of the content. Thanks, John!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How and why was the location important ?x

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  29. I am a 66 year old heterosexual woman married 40 years, 2 kids and 4 grandkids, 1 dog and 1 cat and one 27 year old turtle, self employed artist for all that time, 5'4" and weigh about 118 lbs, I drink and smoke pot, and I can do a yoga arm stand. I'd like to see that bitch Petra do that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whats your turtle called?

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    2. Ninja, by the sound of it.

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  30. OMG... We are pandering to a sycopanth. Every day reader, occasional commenter. We don't need to ever explain who we are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not really; I am intrigued as to john's readers. I like to learn about/from others. putrid petra can go piss up a rope!

      Delete
    2. I wanted to bring out the occassional commentators, give them a spoltlight x

      Delete
  31. I have no intention of letting Putrid Petra know anything more about me until she spills the beans on her own sad status in life!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. .... and anyway you know enough about me John, so you don't need my facts listed here ;-)

      Delete
    2. And the lovely hubby of course

      Delete
  32. Married, middle aged straight woman, fond of a glass or two of pinot grigio, knicker size (UK) 10. I also have a large ginger pussy!!! PP is spot on!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A LARGE GINGER PUSSY, !
      How delightful !!!

      Delete
    2. My ginger pussy sometimes stays out all night!!!

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    3. Inside out? (Sorry, John. Ok, ok, I'll stop now, but I have just moved into habitual sot/fag-hag mode, and I thought you needed your comments boosted.)

      Delete
  33. 70, occasionally feel either younger or older, depending on the university student going by the house up to class.

    Hold on, lemme check. Male. I was pretty sure, but I just got up and who knows what can happen in the dark of night.

    Retired, near 25 years medical practice and faculty at UW, then a consultant and hooker for big pharmas.

    Alcohol. Well, it's 8am here in the Rockies, but what the hell. Sure.

    Mike

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mike, you are GOING GENTLY's Version of the Walking Dead's Hershel!

      Delete
  34. 64 year old woman, happily married for 45 years. 1 child, 2 grandchildren, shamelessly happy in retirement and living a self-indulgent life near Orlando. I try very hard to drink wine every day at dinner. I read John's blog because it is a brilliant sharing of a happy life in a lovely place.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Long time fag-hag, mother of a transgendered son plus three other cis kids (daughters). I have two cats and presently, nine chickens. Married. 63 years old. Live in a small village, albeit in Florida, US with my husband of 32 years. I have four grandchildren. I love to write and I love to read, especially wicked-good blogs about wicked-good people. That's why I'm here.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I'll be 70 next month, have 5 dogs, 5 cats, 14 chickens, 20 year old llama, 33 year old horse, husband of 45 years, children and grandchildren. My husband's mother was from Wales.
    I can identify with your animal tales, but not your obsessive ( to me) house cleaning. Your kindness, your animals, your village, your outlook: this is why I read your blog. I also enjoy the comments.
    Let's stop giving Putrid attention and maybe It will disappear. Life is too fleeting to focus on the dung heap of humanity.
    P.S. What's a fag hag?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. a woman who likes gay men/hangs around with gay men. I like my gay male friends and they like me. putrid's just jealous cause NO ONE wants to be besties with her!

      Delete
  37. Anonymous3:53 pm

    Not that anonymous. First time commenting but a reader for about 7 years.63, just separated, but happy. I have 3 grandkids,twins who are 10 and the oldest is 14. I see them often and enjoy every minute. I am retired and a 5k walker every day,summer or winter. I could leave the other anonymous in a snow bank for you come November.
    Life is good. I love your blog.

    Jane in Ontario,Canada

    ReplyDelete
  38. I'm in it for thoughtful conversation, belly laughs, quirky characters, kindness, anarchy, animals and the whole damn lot. Don't believe in stereotyping.

    ReplyDelete
  39. 61 year old female. First marriage lasted less than 1 miserable year. Second is 34 great years and counting. Childfree. Deliriously happy retired American living in Belize. Pleasures include running, snorkeling, natural history, gardening, photography, cooking, reading - especially witty and insightful blogs like JG's GG, a nice glass of port or a rum and ginger at the end of the day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lady of considerable taste

      Delete
  40. I am 62. Need to lose a couple of stone (fat) grandmother to six grandchildren. I also have good manners and would not dream of writing insulting comments to anyone writing a blog. If I didn't like it I just wouldn't read it. I like reading John's blog he makes me laugh and he's a decent human being to boot! So there you have it! I'm also totally uninterested in anything sad Petra has to say. So in polite terms go away

    ReplyDelete
  41. I am 62. Need to lose a couple of stone (fat) grandmother to six grandchildren. I also have good manners and would not dream of writing insulting comments to anyone writing a blog. If I didn't like it I just wouldn't read it. I like reading John's blog he makes me laugh and he's a decent human being to boot! So there you have it! I'm also totally uninterested in anything sad Petra has to say. So in polite terms go away

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I could do with losing more than a few pounds dearheart x

      Delete
  42. 49 year old woman..married 27 years...One daughter married 5 years no children... One step son married 7 years with one stepson and one daughter...

    I come to your blog to read about your daily life... the ups the downs... love the view of village life in another country so different from my own life... Gay or straight wouldn't matter .. i like the person you present on your blog.. Your love for animals matches or goes beyond my own.. your kindness... your humor... it all just keeps me coming back... I love the questions you ask and then reading everyones comments and occassionally adding my own... I wouldn't change a bit John... time to let Putrid go on her merry way.. Hugs! deb

    ReplyDelete
  43. Interesting to read these comments, however, I have one question, Why are you wasting time and energy on a hateful, ignorant moron? Just a thought is all, by the way, I love your blog and read it daily.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you gotta call out the hate wherever it exists; otherwise silence = acceptance. and I WILL NOT be silent around arseholes like putrid!

      Delete
    2. Anne Marie, Petra definitely met her match when she chose to pick on us.

      Delete
  44. Hate to say it John but there does seem to be a certain demographic appearing (and why not). So to confirm that demographic I'm 57 (oh all right, 58 in 10 days time). Born in England, lived in Australia, US, Switzerland and for the last 27 years in France and guess what, none of my moving around had anything to do with my (ex) husband's job, cos I'm smart enough to get my own jobs. Have worked in Geneva for the last 34 years. Happily divorced from a twat (hey Petra I could hook you up - you sound like you deserve him). Two grown up sons, thinking about getting a dog when I retire. Love to travel (hiked/crawled up the Inca trail in my early 50s). Have a glass of wine in my hand as I write and am off to Greece tomorrow taking my Brigitte Jones knickers with me! Oh, and up yours Petra.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The age demographic is right...the " sad" bit couldnt be more wrong

      Delete
  45. Yep ! I am a middle-aged, childless sad woman of 54. Married for 26 years.
    Tea-total for almost 5 years. Love coffee and fags (of the tobacco variety). My knickers are tent size.
    I am originally from Belgium and we have lived in 3 countries, currently residing in Ireland.
    I am officially a farmer with 4 pigs, hens, 2 dogs and three cats.
    Bloody boring.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bloody hell bloody interesting more like !

      Delete
  46. So please share this person's name and and email address as well ...or phone number. Or house address. Sad person...has nothing better to do but leave nasty comments. Needs to GET A LIFE.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well we must thank her, she's cause today's general introduction forum !

      Delete
  47. 41 years old, straight, married 10 years but together 17 with the the love of my life, no kids, 2 dogs a parrot and lots of aquarium fish, many wonderful gay friends, a reader, a daydreamer, an atheist with a strong humanitarian streak, a liberal, love to cook and garden, and I love a good mixed drink when relaxing after work or out with friends. I'm also a long time fan of Going Gently.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a classy broad

      Delete
  48. Hmmn.....54, married 34 yrs(unhappily for 30), 3 grown up childer, 1 step son with 3 stepgrandsons. From a large family that has broken apart. Ex child minder, ex foster carer, ex British Railways Board Clerical Officer *cough* Typist - that's the embarrassing part ;o) - 4'10" plumptious hobbit woman prone to Depression (mostly caused by all of the above). Currently helping my cousin and his wife through his terminal cancer - close to the end now.
    You lift me up, John, (in a non seckshuall way o'course)
    Fanks, mate xx
    Well Dear Reader, who is the Bitch??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am the wind beneath your wings x

      Delete
  49. I've come up with my own profile of Petrol - I mean Petra:

    She's definitely post-menopausal, lonely, bitter, extremely frustrated at the fact that the parade has passed her by. She finds some solace from rummaging through random blogs and posting anonymous comments - which somehow validates her miserable existence.

    He husband ditched her for a younger woman. Her only son is gay...and has left her for a handsome hunk.
    This is why she loathes gay men (and yet is sadistically attracted to them).

    My intuition is usually right.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's her knicker size? X

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    2. Jon - nothing wrong with being post-menopausal! Happens to (some of) the best of us. ;-)

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    3. EXTRA LARGE

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    4. Wilma - it wasn't an accusation, it was an observation.

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    5. I am astonished that you let Jon's comment stand unchallenged. It's on a par if not worse than what "Petra" has dished out who - for all we know - might a he.

      Don't you see what Jon has done here: "Menopausal". "... ditched for a YOUNGER woman". And why don't you balk at "her only son being gay"?

      U

      Delete
    6. Its a bit of fun ursula xxx

      Delete
    7. Now I understand why my humor is seldom appreciated on my own blog.
      Alas, people are too serious.

      Delete
    8. Only ursula... Oh and petra.....

      Delete
  50. "middle aged, sad women, as far as I can tell, oh with the occassional gay man thrown in to balance the books"

    Not giving away much but none of the above, entirely the opposite, happy straight married male with PhD's in Physics, old jokes and creative profanity (usually apply the last only when driving).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice to always have you aboard to readress the balance

      Delete
  51. I am 51, female, married to a bloke, Fag Hag ?...Well I do love the gays, I also love the straights, bi`s, A`s and any `other`, I love people...theres always something fascinating about everyone, people are seldom exactly what you think they are. I wear a size 20 knicker and I favor the Bridgette Jones style. I am proud to be a crazy cat lady. So Petra is pretty spot on about me...though I dont drink much at all. Oh and I am not sad....by my own judgement anyhow, I`m pretty fucking kick ass awesome when I`m riled actually. As for Petra...well she/he {who knows} may just be a thoroughly vile individual, which is sad in itself, or she/he may have some mental health issues...sad in another way...or perhaps is just very damaged in some heartbreaking, harrowing way....saddest of all. All we know for certain is that Petra is not a happy soul with a fulfilling life. I hope that may change one day. In other completely unrelated news my lad has a pal around and he sounds astonishingly like William Hague.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amazon margo, youre an amazon

      Delete
  52. How do you do it, John? Or rather, why? The Pied Piper. Demographics. Your readership fell for it hook, line, age and knicker size.

    Titillation doesn't come worse than this.

    U

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    1. And like I said before
      1. Its a bit of fun
      2. Its one of those awful icebreakers corporations use on their study days that always work!
      3 it introduces everyone
      4 its a bit of solidarity


      Let me introduce Ursula to everyone.
      Bright as a button
      Loves to throw in a grenade into the mix to see what happens
      Bit of a gobshite
      Who has interesting things to say when she's not arguing every point
      Jxxxxxx
      Does that answer your question?

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  53. You can't play in the Majors without some bitter hecklers. Congratulations - you're big-time now!

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  54. When I grow up I'm gonna be an old woman! Instead of dogs (with the exception of Naddy whom my spouse let into the family 'cause he can't say no to his princess co-worker 'Steve', name changed for reasons) we have boys. Cats yes, chickens yes, geese yes, ducks also yes...some even rescued, as presented. Am an artist, cook, natural red head, and housewife. Have worked in hotels, restaurants, bakeries, a convention center, backstage of a city theater, and been a volunteer worker in Camphill Communities on 3 continents. Proud to have settled down for the boy raising, 16 years now in this wee little house in the countryside of gorgeous Vermont!...Knicker size 9 US, pretty big but a fine rump in them...

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    1. You big arsed American gals seem to be winning x

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  55. Okay, I'll play. 67 y.o. retired dog and cat nurse. Long-time dog (terrier) owner, but have sworn off cats. Gardener and cookbook reader. Currently single, no children. Heterosexual once upon a time but lately can't be arsed. I read your blog to learn expressions like "can't be arsed", but mostly because I enjoy the writings of someone who seems like a genuinely decent human being.

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  56. Is this Petra now going to stalk all our blogs?! Late 60s. Married 36 years. 4 kids,started off as female but one now swapping. Lost count on grandkids. One cat tho did have 9 from being too soft once. Size 10. I read Mr Grays blog because it is literate, he can SPELL, and it lifts my spirits. Nyaaaa.

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    1. Lol, i hope you have security on your comment box!

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  57. 64 yo female living in northeast Florida; domestic abuse survivor, long history of depression but working on that; finance/accounting career. Under constant pressure from boss this past year; trying to run me off (illegal)(depressing, exhausting). Knickers...too big, due to too many sweets (wonder why). Off the wine, on an antidepressant. Friend to all animals, sharing home with 2 cats. Thinking about adding a shelter dog. Ripped out suburban lawn and planted butterfly habitat. Hoping I won't have to leave the States after election this fall. Sex: a fond memory. Obsessive knitter for non-profit orgs. Was about to give up on people until I started reading this blog. Love you John, and all your readers.

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    1. You should have your own talk show with that resume x

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    2. I'll book you as my first guest! We'll film on location (yours)! Hehe

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  58. 58 female living in Birmingham UK 3 cats 2 dogs recently separated 2 grown up children 1 girl 1 boy. Knicker size 18 don't drink that's only because of the meds I take. Lived in the Netherlands for years. Still manage to ride a motorbike although a little more sedately these days. Love the blog John it reminds me of when I lived on a small holding in Herefordshire.

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  59. Wow ! So many comments. What a great idea you had John to ask us who we are. I have so enjoyed reading about everyone, and will be looking at some of their blogs in the next few weeks. So many interesting people ! Never mind that Petra …she/he has brought about a brilliant lot of people introducing themselves. I love them all!

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    1. That was the idea Franses, something good out of something bad

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  60. For your benefit, John - nothing to do with PP, who is best ignored - I'm 55, female, straight, single. Live in the South-East, professional qualification, self-employed. So far so predictable? Long-term mistress and happy that way, can't drink like I used to, and nobody knows my knicker size - 'Harvest Festival' is all I'm saying! My friends are fun, who gives a fuck about their sexuality?

    I read your blog because it makes me laugh (and occasionally cry). You tell it like is about living with animals, but you also have a strong thread of compassion and clearly you love people. I don't think it's saccharine at all, some of your descriptions of village characters have made me wince, I've never watched The Walking Dead and I wish your spelling was better! Nonetheless I feel you're someone I'd like to meet and your blog is consistently entertaining. That's why people read it, not because of our age, gender or sexual preferences.

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    1. The Prof is convinced I have undiagnosed dyslexia. I am certainly dyspraxic and incredibly clumsy

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  61. I am not middle aged, I am a pensioner who has worked hard all my life and brought up two children with my husband of 43 years (married). We have one lovely grandchild and are unlikely to have any more. Sigh. In my salaried days I was an Office Manager for a team that investigated CSA in PiPT. No names, no pack drill. Knicker size is too much to mention. I read you every day, I was brought up in Wales, although I live in the West Midlands now. Yeah boo sucks to any negative trolls. How blooming dare they? πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡

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    1. Welcome catherine xx

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    2. Thank you John. This isn't my first comment. You were kind enough to sympathise / empathise with me recently when we were discussing what had made us cry, and I told you about my lovely Bengal Eagle owl called Hollie , viscous beast, but missed so much. Power to you and damn the trolls. xxx

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    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  62. This is fun! I'm 50, married to the man of my dreams for nearly 31 years. Two daughters, one gay, one straight. Plus two dogs. I stayed at home to look after the kids and loved it. Now I do whatever I want! I swear like a sailor, Shout at the tv and write snotty emails to people who piss me off. I wave the flag for living with mental illness and hate any sort of bigotry. I read your blog because the tales of your bleached white arse leave me laughing for days My pant size? BLOODY HUGE! x

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    1. Go on, write me a snotty email x

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  63. 61 year old , retired midwife. Size 10, loves fashion, interior design and working out at the gym.(although I am in plaster at the moment as have broken my ankle when skipping) I do not smoke, eat healithily but love a glass of wine in moderation at weekends. Love gardening and being outside.
    Happily married for 41 years with two children who are and very nice people
    Travel extensively with my husband and love experiencing different cultures and cuisine.
    I love dogs particularly my mini schnauzer who was my saviour at a particularly bad time in my life 11 years ago.
    I love John for his humour, compassion and his view of the world. Wish there were more like him.

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  64. Bitter twisted menopausal hag here , 53 cat owner, bleeding horrible mother still breathing , kids grandkid . maybe I could apply for the job of fag hag ? Forgot ....fat arse and comedy boobs

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    1. You have just pass the audition with flying colours

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  65. Perhaps we should consider one recurring theme here. Sometimes an appreciation for the positive, the kind, the beautiful is more common in 'older' people. (That really should be really be as more experienced, because plenty of people with high age numbers are sad, bitter placeholders.) By the time we've racked up enough living, we (should) damn well know to take happiness where we find it. And should I point out, sometimes John's blog makes me cry, so it's hardly all sweetness and light.

    As the world as gone lately, I really appreciate anything that reflects kindness and humor. That's not to deny all the negativity in the world--it's in the news every day for everyone to see. GG is just a reminder that how we live is up to us. We shouldn't need help with that, but there again, back to today's world ...

    Keep it up, John. This is probably the most attention PP has rec'd in all the time he/she has been on the net. :-)

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    1. Even she deserves her face in the sun

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    2. Great comment Rafe.

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  66. Eighty three and counting.
    Farmer's wife - second marriage now 23 years old, following a previous one of 39 years - both very different, both very happy; retired teacher; love blogging, particularly now that I am not one hundred percent mobile (although as my readers will know, I get about!) and consider you, John, as a friend although we have never met.

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    1. I think your " my" oldest pat xxx

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  67. Oh and non-smoker (never have) and non-drinker.

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  68. Here goes, 69 year old overweight xx female, spent most of my childhood in Tucson. Love the big sky western states. University of Arizona grad, 3 degrees. Worked for almost every card company in the U.S. Had my own company. Ceramic artist but don't have the hands anymore. Worked my way through University.
    Worked different jobs in the first really poor years of my marriage to help the X build his business. His company grew and then he walked out one morning. Raised three children, oldest lives in Japan is the first non Japanese Prof to head a Department at his University. Wonderful granddaughter and DIL. My Daughter is fabulous and Gay and lives up north. Second Son moved back to live with me and help me through some scary health problems. Have lost more weight in the last 2 months (new meds for old problem) that I did last year working hard and dieting. New hope for now, even with the some possible new cancer problems. Scary !
    Like animals more than people, have always had dogs, cats, hamsters, snakes and bunnies. We are adopting a bonded 11 year old cats soon and possible a 13 year old dog. I love the older unwanted animals.
    Love my Scotties !
    Everyday that I wake up without my abusive X I love my life, even with all the health problems.
    I read John and Weaver's blog first every morning with my coffee. I read blogs that are from where I have traveled to or would like to travel to. Following so many wonderful people. At my age and what I have been through I really can do whatever I want.
    Love you John and Thanks for your blog.

    cheers, gayle and thehamish

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    1. ack.... sorry that is so long !

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    2. And you forgot to mention that you design beautiful greetings cards x

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  69. Well, crap. I'm a 38 year old woman (is that middle aged?) With a husband baby and two cats. I blog about my little farmette but I only write drunk sometimes. Do I love gay men? Sure. I love must people except when they're a-holes.

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    1. Great reply......read tom stephenson , he writes wonderfully after a beer

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  70. I am not middle aged, I am a pensioner who has worked hard all my life and brought up two children with my husband of 43 years (married). We have one lovely grandchild and are unlikely to have any more. Sigh. In my salaried days I was an Office Manager for a team that investigated CSA in PiPT. No names, no pack drill. Knicker size is too much to mention. I read you every day, I was brought up in Wales, although I live in the West Midlands now. Yeah boo sucks to any negative trolls. How blooming dare they? πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡

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    1. Where in wales catherine

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  71. I love all of these! They remind me of the "Absolutely Fabulous" episode where Marshall is in the hot tub with Cherysh ("with a Y") who describes herself as "borderline shy/wild."

    As for me, I'm a 69-year-old married female, second marriage for both of us that's lasted 40 years so far, so I guess it took this time. Got knocked up at age 18, married and had one more child and divorced after ten years because he wasn't interested in family life after I helped get him through college and law school. (Note to self: be suspicious when he won't let you type up his notes for his Community Property class.)

    Grandmother of four, the oldest granddaughter is a sophomore in the School of Cinematic Arts at USC in California, my native state. Lived in Texas for 20 years now and am surrounded by Republicans, of which I am definitely not one. We have one long-haired Chihuahua and one indoor cat now, but over the years we have rescued many dogs and cats that were either dumped off on our country road or who were in the local shelter. (We think there's an invisible sign outside our house that only animals can see that says "Suckers for animals live here.")

    I don't drink anymore because I don't like myself when I do. Never smoked. I swim for 45 minutes every day (that's as long as I can go until I need to pee) and take an hour long Zumba class two nights a week. My U.S. knicker size is a 9 (I guess XL) but I still have pretty great legs for an old gal, so at least I've got that going for me! I'm an ex-dental hygienist so I appreciate reading about your experiences with patients and the public in general because I can relate. I am pro-gay marriage and cannot believe the hysteria in this country over same-sex bathrooms, same-sex anything. I love reading about village life in your blog. It's just a refreshing escape for me from all the ugliness in the world. Do you know that if you rearrange the letters in Petra's name it spells "Prate": talk foolishly or tediously about something? I think that fits him/her to a T, don't you? Keep up the good work, John.

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  72. Anonymous6:32 pm

    I'm 45 and married to my best friend,we've been together for 23 years and have 2 children,I read your blog everyday, laugh with you and cry with you,sometimes I find life a bit hard and reading your daily blog just cheers me up its that simple...oh and my knicker size is an 8!!.xx had to put anonymous as not too good with technology!!....xx

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  73. Floridian by birth and Southern by the grace of god as the saying goes. Liberal, past middle age (66 on 20tH)
    I retire next year. Married once, not any longer. My favorite saying is from proverbs: he who has a merry heart, life is a continual feast... drank in college, but find it unecessary and too expensive..i love art, a parade, and it never hurts to be kind. I havent watched Tv in 4-5 years and I blame you John for getting me hooked on the walking dead. I have bought the series and am waiting on #7. The most important thing i do now is make memories for my mentally challenged sister. I pray to live longer than she since she cant function on her own. I started her painting and she has discovered her amazing talent. We go to any/outsider and folk art events we find. I try not to judge others.. and you know, girls just want to have fun.
    Our cats name is demon puss. But Petra has her beat when it comes to mean. I think you are great John. And my britches are large. I hate being confined in too tight. Get loose.

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    1. I think i have converted many who previously didnt know the joys of the zombie apocalypse ! X

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  74. Hi, I am 53, twice divorced, now married to hubby number 3 ;-. I have two gorgeous daughters and two wonderful grandchildren. I take a size 12 in Knickers, I only drink on days ending in 'Y'. Currently living on a narrowboat for 8 months of the year, cruising the English canals. Off to Greece for winter but popping back to spend Christmas with the family.
    Absolutely love your blog, it regularly makes me LOL at the most inopportune moments ;-)
    Adore the tales of Winnie and Albert and hearing about all the neighbours in your village. I am almost sure I have met most of them on the canals ;-)
    Take care and sod the trolls. Lynda xx

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  75. Off to greece for the winter!
    Get her!

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  76. A 60-year-old straight female here, divorced, child-free by choice, native Californian. Love animals, gardening, beaches, ales, gin, scotch, and classic and silent movies. Proud wearer of absolutely enormous panties.

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    1. I am reminded of stella stevens in the poseidon adventure
      " panties what else do i need?"

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  77. I told my daughter that whenever someone bullies you verbally, just say ‘yeah, whatever’ and walk away. Don’t react the way they want you to, by being upset. Laugh and tell them they are soo right and smile like a loon. She did this and it worked! Don’t feed their ego and they will get bored and move on. I expect your troll is loving the reaction she’s getting. The best thing would be if everyone stopped mentioning her and left her to stew in her own sad sack of venom. Age 50ish, size 14 knickers, university educated and hell yes I love the odd glass of plonk. Two rescue dogs, no pussy and a gorgeous toyboy husband. xx

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  78. I looked up the definition of middle age. The BBC says it's 55 years. I wonder though why the anonymous person uses the term in such a damning way. If i had the time and the inclination I could list 1000s of women and men over the age of 55 who are at the top of their game and enjoying life more than ever. Artists, musicians, teachers, cooks, journalists, authors, MP's, even our own dear Queen. (no, not you John.) Well perhaps you do qualify. Was Picasso all washed up after 55? Or Count Basie? Anonymous needs to go and read some blogs that may help her/him come to terms with what's missing in their own life, and leave us folk to get on with ours.

    Jean

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  79. I LOVED being a fag hag - best days of my life - but, sadly, I ran out of fags. Currently, as far as the Internet is concerned, I am a leggy, 21 year old, pert bosomed, natural blonde....and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise....

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  80. Anonymous7:35 pm

    Hi John I m a nearly 60 farmer (wife) with size 14/16 knickers with 6 grandchildren, no cat other than the farm cats, 3 dogs and a herd of horses( so HE says!) I also live in Cheshire so where do I stand?
    Anonymous Su ( I am a nony mouse cos I don't know how else to comment!)

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  81. I'm 66. Female. Fabulous, fit/flabby, gorgeous, pissy, bitchy, angry as hell, getting wrinkly, funny, well traveled, lonely, contented, kind, blundering, hurt, healed and very much worth knowing.
    I haven't got a college education, but believe me, I'm smart enough to be able to read between the lines of just about anyone!
    I don't suffer fools, but if you are honest with yourself, then I am pretty much fine with you.
    Gay, Les, Bi, Tran and even boring homosexuals (of which I am one) are all fine with me.....if.....they know how to act and speak to others in the same damn way they want it.

    W h i c h...would be why I like John.
    You are a many faceted man, John, who isn't afraid to show yourself to the world, worts and all. I come here to remember that the world is not full of self centered, thoughtless humans whose go-to is exclusive instead of inclusive. To see that life is still fine even if you are a misfit (in the best sort of way).
    You are rare, John, if I could find someone else like you, I'd go there too, but so far you're it Baby, asscrack and all.

    Well, that's me in a nutshell. Oh, I forgot to mention that I generally like animals much more than people.

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  82. Oh, I guess I'll bite:

    59 3/4, Male, one of Nature's Bachelors, wine and beer on occasion, Papa to two beagles from the rescue society, knickers size large, but aspiring to reclaim size medium.

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  83. 52, female, straight, with cat, with partner (male); green/ liberal conservationist with an unhealthy obsession with preserve making, curd nerd, patchwork, crochet and sewing fiend, amateur herbalist and borderline atheist/Wiccan. Newbie cyclist, fanatical book reader with a massive fabric stash. Ex local government worker who is much happier out of the political hurly burly. I can skin a rabbit, use a sword and use a bow. And now I'm going to pour myself a well earned glass of wine and raise a toast to middle aged women everywhere - we appear to be a voice of sanity. :-)

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