With the Prof shopping in England , I took myself off to Marks & Spencer for lunch
No I didn't have a scotch egg ( they don' do them in the cafe) so I had mulligatawny soup and tea!
Behind me were sat a couple in late middle age, he obviously had bored his wife silly
This is how their conversation panned out after a somewhat fraught ( on his part) run around to choose the best table
Him: " Have you seen the state of that waitress' hat?"
Her: " no, what's wrong with it?"
Him: " It's not very flattering , what with all the netty stuff over her hair"
Her: Sighing ..." It's health and safety- they have to keep their hair covered"
Him: " Well , you would have thought that the uniforms and hats would be a bit brighter, wouldn't you given that they are ambassadors for Marks? ' "
Her: " Ive never really thought about it, as long as they smile and are polite, I don't give a stuff what they wear"
Him: " But black......it's black.........it doesn't look nice does it? I would like them to wear something more lively"
Her: "hummmmmmm"
Him:"I mean.....black.....it's depressing and not very stylish"
Her: " Audrey Hepburn always looked lovely in black"
Him: She didn't wear a Marks and Spencer waitress outfit did she?
( At this point I almost turned around to say that she even looked good in a black and white habit aka The Nun's Story)
Her: loud sigh.............
Long pause, as he was cutting into a baked potato
Him: " a lighter colour would have been more jolly"
Her: " ........I wish I felt jolly"
( i could have kissed her)
No I didn't have a scotch egg ( they don' do them in the cafe) so I had mulligatawny soup and tea!
Behind me were sat a couple in late middle age, he obviously had bored his wife silly
This is how their conversation panned out after a somewhat fraught ( on his part) run around to choose the best table
Him: " Have you seen the state of that waitress' hat?"
Her: " no, what's wrong with it?"
Him: " It's not very flattering , what with all the netty stuff over her hair"
Her: Sighing ..." It's health and safety- they have to keep their hair covered"
Him: " Well , you would have thought that the uniforms and hats would be a bit brighter, wouldn't you given that they are ambassadors for Marks? ' "
Her: " Ive never really thought about it, as long as they smile and are polite, I don't give a stuff what they wear"
Him: " But black......it's black.........it doesn't look nice does it? I would like them to wear something more lively"
Her: "hummmmmmm"
Him:"I mean.....black.....it's depressing and not very stylish"
Her: " Audrey Hepburn always looked lovely in black"
Him: She didn't wear a Marks and Spencer waitress outfit did she?
( At this point I almost turned around to say that she even looked good in a black and white habit aka The Nun's Story)
Her: loud sigh.............
Long pause, as he was cutting into a baked potato
Him: " a lighter colour would have been more jolly"
Her: " ........I wish I felt jolly"
( i could have kissed her)
Sounds like that poor wife is doing a life sentence.
ReplyDeletewhat a curmudgeon (the man, not you, john)!
ReplyDeleteNow I'm glad I didn't comment to Tom about one of the waitresses at the diner last night! At least I kept my grim thoughts to myself. (She was probably a lovely person, of course.)
ReplyDeleteWhy does he give a sh*t if her the server's hat is flattering?
ReplyDeleteP.S. You SHOULD have kissed her. Would have given her something sweet to think about for the rest of her life.
ReplyDeleteAdore your comment.
DeleteJohn you have outdone yourself again, terrific post today.
cheers, parsnip and thehamish
That man has a twin and I know him well.
ReplyDeleteI think it could be my father in law :-)
DeleteI have just had a text from a friend who had spent a three hour bus journey sitting next to a train spotter who explained all about his hobby in minute detail . She would have loved your overheard conversation .
ReplyDeleteI have just had a text from a friend who had spent a three hour bus journey sitting next to a train spotter who explained all about his hobby in minute detail . She would have loved your overheard conversation .
ReplyDeleteShoot me in the head
DeleteI loved your M and S conversation John, because the last time I went to M and S I went to the changing rooms to try on some clothes. Outside sat a line of middle aged/elderly men, all waiting for their wives who were inside. I couldn't help feeling their only purpose there was a) to do the driving and b) to get out the cheque book.
ReplyDeleteI will never forget when we went on holiday with my grandparents as children. We came from a very rural area so had very little chance to shop for clothes. On holiday, there was a large M & S. My grandfather parked himself on a chair outside the changing room and proceeded to read the newspaper. My gran came out wearing a dress she was trying on and said "What do you think ducks, do you like it?". He never looked up from his paper and grunted "Aye, it's fine love".
DeleteYorkshire man?
DeleteI love the wives outside the mens' changing rooms where they are in charge of their other halves sizes and purchase. M&S fitting rooms are S&M.
DeleteI sometimes tell my manly man to say something positive if he let's out his inner curmudgeon.
ReplyDeleteMaybe her skimpy underwear was black? Anyway, M&S have never been known for style - especially in the underwear department.
ReplyDeleteThat's 40 years of marriage for you.
ReplyDeleteI find that small talk is often a way of covering up the important things that need discussion but go unheard.
ReplyDeleteA wise observation Simone. Conversations like that are like flotsam on an ocean's surface.
DeleteAnother wonderful vignette - I think you should have at least winked at her, John.
ReplyDeleteI tried to smile!
DeleteWith people like that you sometimes wonder whether to feel sorry for them or slap them.
ReplyDeleteSlap em until they bleed thats what i say
DeleteHilarious. And exactly the sort of absurd conversation I hear in M&S as well. Clearly M&S attracts a certain kind of (Victoria Wood) person. I feel sorry for his wife if she has to put up with all that petty niggling day in and day out.
ReplyDeletePeople get used to it
Delete'Him' needs to volunteer or something.....get his mind on something that is real/meaningful.
ReplyDeleteThere must be something in it for the wife to entertain all his foolishness.
Who said " a life of quiet desperation" jimbo?
DeleteIt's years since we've been out for a lunch in somewhere like M&S. So I hope we've saved a lot of people the mind-numbingly boring conversations that would probably ensue after fifty years of marriage !
ReplyDeleteNo wonder she was so funny, with a world of material presented to her every day. I am going to be binge watching Dinner Ladies. Did you ever watch it No zombies, alhough Petula does look a bit like the walking dead... ;-)
ReplyDelete" have you seen my clint? "
ReplyDeleteIs that next to your vinegar?
DeleteMaybe the man was ineptly, but gamely, trying to make conversation, instead of sitting there in tense old couples' silence.
ReplyDeleteReading this made me jolly :-)
ReplyDeleteGreetings Maria x
I agree with that observant, fashion-conscious fellow. Marks and Spencers cafe staff should wear pink feathered fascinators with shiny beads - not boring Ena Sharples hair nets.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of fascinators. I saw a girl in Cambridge wearing normal clothes and a lovely black feathery fascinator, I was envious
ReplyDeleteIf only they left us in charge of selecting the uniforms!
ReplyDeleteHow depressing, I'm going out with the girls for a giggle if this is my future x
ReplyDeleteYour story of the couple in M & S does not compute. Now if the roles were reversed I could believe it.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePeople "watch and listen" brings me smiles . . .
ReplyDelete