I have aseptic teeth

Up at 3.15 am this morning.
Needed to leave the house at 3.40 am
Dressed in the dark, washed face with cold water
Combed hair 
Brushed teeth
Dozy dozy pillock
Tried to brush teeth with a dollop of Winnie's drapolene
( antiseptic cream)

53 comments:

  1. I'm just wondering why winnie's drapolene was anywhere near your toothpaste!

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    1. Strongest light in the bahroom honest judge

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  2. Anonymous10:01 am

    Sorry John. At your age for a 3.40 am departure from home to the public arena, you need to be up at 2.30 to be properly turned out and to be nice and calm because you have not rushed.

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. All the dog's meds and stuff are in our pantry and not the bathroom or beside the kitcen sink.

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    1. I don't know why I am being so sloppy with typing today. I was not up so early as you. KITCHEN There I can do it!

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  5. Wow that's taking oral hygiene a bit far!

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  6. Well, I suppose it's better than brushing with hemorrhoid cream.

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  7. I guess we should be thankful you didn't wash your face with her fanny flannel. I can hear The Prof despairing from here. :-)

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  8. Well, as long as you don't put toothpaste on Winnie's wounds. We'd hear her yells all the way down here in Sussex.

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  9. Anonymous11:00 am

    Just don't use the toothpaste on Winnie's 'sore bits'! X

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  10. Anonymous11:01 am

    Oops Raybeard.....Our great minds think alike! x

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    1. It needed saying twice, LE. Perhaps there's now a greater chance that J.G. will take notice.

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  11. That might be enough to get me to read the warnings on the label of antiseptic cream.

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  12. Oh John, life with you is never dull.

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  13. Aseptic teeth? Is that when someone has two prominent fangs - a bit like a vampire?

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  14. Aseptic teeth? Is that when someone has two prominent fangs - a bit like a vampire?

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  15. Its not only me, I worked with a doctor who put balsamic vinegar into his ear to soften the wax instead of olive oil

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  16. Hubby brushed his teeth with my tube of hair removing cream on dark and early morning one, I had a very irate call mid morning asking me what type of `effing` toothpaste was it as he had burnt his `effing` gums.

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  17. Apart from being a shocking early morning experience, it gave you material for today's blog, ensuring we all had our dose of chuckles at your expense, with our apologies as we know it wouldn't have been a laughing matter from your perspective ;)

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    1. I onlyhad a brief shock........it could have been worse

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  18. Mum had put the tube of suntan cream in the bathroom exactly where we kids had expected to find the toothpaste...

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  19. That must of been a taste sensation ......

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  20. Well, it's an understandable mistake! And after all, bacteria DO cause tooth decay, so it was probably quite effective too.

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  21. Lady Magnon recently rubbed hair conditioner on her legs, thinking it was skin cream. Everyone makes mistakes.

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  22. Ewwwwwww! Oh well, at least it wasn't Preparation H.

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  23. Recently, I woke in the night with a stonking headache. Without my specs, I swallowed a couple of paracetamol from a blister pack. Next morning I noticed I'd treated a headache with two Wind-Eze tablets.....

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    1. See!this is an affliction of mddle aged bloggers. !!!! Its not JUST MEEEEEE

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  24. I have grabbed (but not used) the wrong stuff many times since my cataract surgery - I can no longer read up close.

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  25. Note to self: put a small pin light flashlight and dollar store reading glasses in medicine cabinet!

    Sidenote: put Preparation H in lower cabinet

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    1. This is what I have done for a while now - Aspirin and non-life threatening drugs all on one shelf and scary stuff in a drawer. I used to get terrible migraines and had drugs/narcotics so I always kept those in a bottle that was hard to open .. they looked just like aspirin.

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  26. Ack - ptooieee!

    My cousin once washed her hair with baby oil instead of baby shampoo. When she finally figured out what was wrong it took almost a full bottle of shampoo to restore her hair to normalcy. But she was much younger then than you are now. It can happen to anyone, not just us old folk.

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  27. Have been told that toothpaste has antiseptic properties and it's very good for treating insect bites. On which parts of Winnie did you say you used the cream ?

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  28. Driving on the m6 I thought my wife had given me a sweet, it was in fact a herbal giving up cigs pill, it tasted so bad I had trouble controlling the car

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  29. Driving on the m6 I thought my wife had given me a sweet, it was in fact a herbal giving up cigs pill, it tasted so bad I had trouble controlling the car

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  30. Can I send you a miner's hat?

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    1. LOL !!!
      mental picture ... pajamas , tousled hair, squinting ... with a miners hat ..

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  31. I've sprayed my hair with deodorant and my pits with hair spray...now I wear my glasses all the time!

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  32. Not fun. I once started to clean my teeth with Deep Heat.

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  33. When I was a kid, 6 or so, we went to my grandmother's house. She lived with her brother. My sister and I went to brush our teeth and decided to use the other toothpaste on the sink. It tasted funny. Put my mom in to hysterics! It was hair cream of some sort and the red and white stripes were supposed to be a barber pole, not peppermint. A call to the poison control center, some milk, and bed and all was better. grin

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  34. i guess it could have been hemorrhoid cream!

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  35. I used one of those "whitening" toothpastes on a stain on a shirt once and it worked. Really. Honest to God.

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    1. If your teeth are aseptic, you can use them when giving someone stitches or pulling out a splinter or something ...


      :)

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    2. A friend swears by toothpaste for removing stubborn stains - works a treat on tomato.

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  36. Coppas girl ... the toothpastes that are "whitening" have bleach in them. I have used a smidgeon of toothpaste (Rembrandt) to remove coffee/tea stains :)

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  37. Could've been worse... superglue.

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  38. I'm sure that woke you up!

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  39. You have cured whatever was ailing your teeth! I once sprayed my armpits with hairspray thinking I had deodorant!

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I love all comments Except abusive ones from arseholes