Simone's comment on yesterday's blog got me to thinking. She mentioned having a shit job in a shit florists shop and shared with us a very subtle revenge moment on the day she quit when she sabotaged various oasis' with a knitting needle.
How many of us have had the opportunity and the gumption to serve a dish of well timed revenge.
I suspect we all have.
I can think of just two moments that I have " enjoyed " a revengeful moment.
The first was a brief bit of karma, when the dogs and I were nearly struck by an open topped van when we were negotiating the zebra crossing in the village a few years ago. The van slowed down but failed to stop and was inches away from hitting the dogs before I snatched them back.
The driver gunned the engine and started away as I automatically hurled a rather robust plastic bag of dog shit at him and you can only imagine my delight when it fell with a loud SPLAT into the open boot!
My second bit of revenge was a bit more passive but in it's way equally satisfying. Years ago I started a longish distance relationship with a nurse called Roger ( stop it!) who I met in Southport when were were both on a course. He lived across the Pennines in Manchester and I lived in Sheffield, so we would perhaps " meet up" once a week and always in Yorkshire.
After say five months, he finally admitted that he did indeed have a girlfriend at home ( to whom he was engaged) and amazingly he asked if we could continue as we were.
Suffice to say I walked away.
But Roger was somewhat persistent and after many phone calls and one turn up outside my work, I finally agreed to meet him. Now he suggested that we had a "dirty weekend" away in London and asked if we could meet at Euston station on a Friday evening, he would travel direct from Manchester Piccadilly and I said I would go direct from Sheffield.
I was tempted!
It was a late booking so it must have cost him a fortune for a late ticket and the hotel room of course.
I wonder if he had a good time
I went to back to wales for the weekend!
Now over to you........revenge stories from around the world.....I look forward to hear them
I (and 100 of my co-workers) were laid off from company X due to piss-poor management of a government contract.
ReplyDeleteseveral of us were hired at company Y almost immediately.
so imagine my shock one afternoon when the piss-poor manager from company X showed up at company Y for a job interview! for a management position!
my buddies and I initiated revenge after said manager left the interview team. we ripped that manager a new arsehole; consequently, piss-poor manager was NOT hired by company Y and had to move away from the area to find a new position.
the best part of all? NO GUILT on all our parts! bastard got what he deserved!
You "ripped that manager a new arsehole"? This is a rather coarse expression that we civilised British folk are not familiar with. Please elucidate ma'am. Was it some sort of amateur surgery? If so the poor fellow would have a sore bottom for ages.
Deletein phillyspeak, it means I yelled and screamed and made my point. my co-workers did the same. we did NOT want that manager anywhere near us ever again!
Deleteglad to be of service!
In these Kentish parts we say 'tore him a new arse'
DeleteI kind of like the phrase..apt
DeleteHahahaha....I'm quite familiar with this expression! !
DeleteAnd in Indiana we say "Stomped a mudhole in his arse."
DeleteDelicate we ain't... or civilised.
I'm not generally one for revenge; I'd rather spend my energy elsewhere, but....
ReplyDeleteMy dear kidling, whom I adore, was being quite persistent in her attempts to garner attention, etc... in none too subtle ways. The Great Scot and I hadn't been married long and she was suffering from a touch of jealousy. Her efforts had escalated to the point of finding reasons to pound on our bedroom door in the middle of the night and I'd had quite enough, thank you.
Our cat, Connolly, had injured his paw as a kitten and had a slight limp as a consequence of his misadventure. Kidling started pounding on the bedroom door around 3 am to inform me that Connolly must be badly hurt because he was limping!! Great Scot was livid and I was fuming, but inspiration suddenly struck: I told her to fetch Connolly and meet me in the dining room, where I laid out gauze, adhesive, an ice lolly stick, scissors and some big pills. (Kitty vitamins.)
Jenn brought the cat in, Connolly complaining all the way, and her eyes got huge. I explained that we had to splint Connolly's paw for three days for him to 'get better', and since I'm severely allergic to cats he had to stay in her room. Furthermore, I added, he shouldn't run or even walk during those three days so she would have to keep him entertained, bring his food and water to him, give him one of the pills every morning AND she had to carry him outside to do his business, and back in again when he was done. Oh, and she couldn't allow him to worry at the splint.
Her enthusiasm lasted until the first time she had to take him out and he got away from her... she ended up chasing him three blocks.
I'm a bad, bad Momma but she never chapped the door in the middle of the night again for anything other than a true emergency. Sometimes a Mom has to do what a Mom has to do; if it's entertaining in the meantime ~ so much the better.
Sorry don't see anything entertaining here, for the cat or the child
ReplyDeleteThey did suffer terribly for the entire hour it went on... and the child was 15. =)
DeleteDid I miss something? Was a response to John's question supposed to be entertaining? Nevertheless, I was entertained by Jacqueline's story of dealing with a truculent teenage child.
DeleteSo can we read Jan Jones's story then? I am sure it will be riveting!
DeleteWhat a weird story, not revenge just being unkind to a cat and child. What's worse you are happy that the child who was adjusting to a new situation and cat suffered.
DeleteDears, go read what I actually wrote, not what you think I wrote, then kindly take your perfection and go do something useful and helpful with it.
DeleteI thought the story was a good one. No child or animal was hurt during the making of it. Get over yourselves.
DeleteThe comments were as entertaining as the entry x
DeleteTrust me, the cat probably got it's own bit of revenge, they always do :)
DeleteAnd at 15, don't come pounding on my door unless something God awful has happened.
MissFifi
I say your daughter deserved what she got. You taught her a lesson, and no one was really hurt.
DeleteLove,
Janie
Re-reading it, I can see where using the endearment 'kidling' and not specifying that the whole thing only lasted a short time rather than three days might be a bit confusing.
DeleteThe 'kidling' is now 25, and still prefers this term of endearment.
And Janie, thank you... the cat got lots of cuddles, which made him happy and the kidling learned that harassment and manipulation are not good behaviours to establish. I'd much rather give her a lesson which stung a little than suffer much worse consequences at someone else's hands.
On one job, money was tight and I aggressively started bringing in new contracts for new projects that had me committed to about 60 hours a week. When I asked to spend a quarter of the new funding for a part time assistant I was told no. I started looking for another job. After one promising interview I was finalizing details on about $35,000 a year in new funding, and made the agreement contingent on me being there to do the work. Still no part time help. The offer for my current job came through. When I left I pointed out that they lost me and about 1/3 of the new project funding that I had brought in. I did this to protect the person who was offering the new contract, I wasn't thinking about screwing the old employer, but it did.
ReplyDeleteYes revenge is sometimes just reminding what they have lost
DeleteThat's a good one.
DeleteLove,
Janie
Revenge is a trait shown by bitter and twisted human beings. However...
ReplyDeleteOnce we were staying in a small apartment complex in Minorca. There was a swimming pool and sunbeds in the central courtyard area. Incredibly, numerous holidaymakers were in the habit of bagging their sunbeds for the next day around midnight by draping their towels over the desired beds. This is something I would never do. It is so bloody anti-social and wrong.
Our flight home was in the early hours of a Friday morning. Around 3am, I gathered up all the towels that the selfish gits had put out on the sunbeds and then I laid them all carefully on top of the green baize of the pool table in the children's games room. There was a pile of about forty mixed towels.
I would have loved to see the selfish holidaymakers' reactions ,later that morning! Serves 'em right but I wonder if they learnt the lesson.
Gawd bless the British!
DeleteWe threw them in the pool in 1982!
DeleteI'm going to have to remember this for next summer!
DeleteI am a bitter and twisted human being but I cannot think of one good revenge story ... It must be too early for me to think .. get back to you later. I might remember something ... about that man that wouldn't stop calling me ... so I told his wife to tell him to stop ....or something.
ReplyDeleteWe'll be still here later
DeleteHaving worked at the same place for nearly four decades, at various times I have put people in the freezer for up to three years. I would have been content for things to remain like that but they come grovelling back with a half arsed apology. One was on Christmas Day when he grabbed my hand and wished me happy Christmas. I considered, was his punishment worse than my trivial work crime that I too great offence at being criticised over. It probably was and all was ok from then on. I do take revenge by putting people in the freezer, so dear John, if I don't comment on your blog for a long time, you are in the freezer. I had better add an emoticon here. Lordy, my tablet has a ready made poking tongue out emoticon. Where is it on my desk top keyboard?
ReplyDeleteThe cold shoulder we call it.......
DeleteI am not very good at it... I tried to ignore a villager who had been rather homophobic , but it took too much energy
Oh My Goodness, I had to read this comment several times because all I could see bodies of people in a freezer somewhere ! Never found again or they crawled out by some twist of fate.
DeleteThen I read Johns reply ! The cold shoulder.
hahahahahahahaha I am so dense.
cheers, parsnip
I do this too, there is a *insert name here* shaped hole in the universe, someone once described it*. Conversely, if someone is pretending not to know me, snobbish or something, then I make a point of saying hello, how are you, how lovely etc etc until they think I am just the best human in the world (ahem).
Delete*did it to the Cockwomble when he was being a cheating fuckwit**
** I have yet to get my revenge in him. I can wait, mwahahaha
Cockwomble! Love it! Under ground, over ground, Wombling free? Dirty fucker. Best served cold. Good luck. X
DeleteSusan, I do exactly the same thing... my puppyish tendencies run free, lol.
DeleteI can't think of any time I've ever had really satisfying revenge. I regularly read these Buddhist quotes on the uselessness of revenge, but a bag of dogshit in the boot of a truck sounds so much more satisfying.
ReplyDeleteThe Buddha makes exceptions I think : )
DeleteI remember when John first wrote about this. That splat sound must have been so satisfying.
Deletecheers, parsnip
I don't believe in revenge because of the guilt it usually brings about but I do love Karma. For one year, I worked for a small company that represented major technology corporations. There were three men, one a nice older gentleman who really did not want to work, the second being a suave con man who wore very expensive suits, drove luxury cars and had bill collection agencies calling him all the time. The third man was cruel, angry and a former drunk. He was rude and threatening and a few companies told their employees not to deal with him at all. I was the inside sales person and as a result, was the go-to person and did very well in securing business. I also worked 60 hours a week. One day, after witnessing an outburst between boss #2 and #3 where heavy chairs were thrown, I decided to seek employment elsewhere. The day after giving me a very deserved raise, I quit. For the next two weeks, I was treated worse than ever and they refused to give me my vacation pay. For whatever reason, they were unable to replace me and #3's wife and daughter filled in for a short time. They were out of business in less than six months. Karma, yes, it felt good, but I did worry about what happened to the older partner.
ReplyDeleteI too like karma ......especially if its in public
DeleteRevenge is a dish best served cold ... and calmly.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I remember vividly is when I was married to my ex, he used to go out drinking away money we did not have, he was at the same pub from opening time until the landlord called time on the lock in, usually about 3am at least two nights a week.
One very cold Winters night he was up at the pub and I was watching a really good film on the tv, I really wanted to see the end of it but we had hardly any coal left for the fire .... so I got his old shoes out of the wardrobe and burnt them, they burnt so well and gave off so much heat I decided a newer pair would also keep me warm while I watched the film.
I burnt a lot of things that I should possibly have burnt in the following weeks ......
You and I could have been best friends forever ...
DeleteLol burning shoes.....priceless and practical... You were practical even then sue x
DeleteOh Sue, so perfect.
DeleteBrilliant!
DeleteSorry to sound so goody-goody John but I honestly can't think of a single instance where revenge has been on my mind. I think i must have led a very sheltered life. I almost wish there had been an instance where I could have thrown that pooh bag, but then my aim is pretty awful so I would have missed anyway.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I have any revenge stories...I had a miserable manager once so I went out of my way to be nice to her...maybe that was punishment enough lol.
ReplyDeleteI believe the Amish call that 'coals of fire'. =)
DeleteI once dated a friend of my cousins, on and off, who on occasion just didn't turn up as arranged. Once he heard I was seen out and about with another man, he was keen to meet. So we arranged to meet up at my house on a Friday. My drinking buddy Tracey was also keen to go out, so without cancelling plans with Cousins friend, I got dressed put the key in the back door to lock the House and was greeted by him ! Iwas planning to leave early and leave him stood outside my door, instead I made him drop me off at my friend Tracey s and told him he wasn't invited. Tracey and went out and both of us met up with lovely Men called Steve. Both of us Married our Steves !!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreta and the rest is history!
Deletei had just bought a house and was living with my boyfriend. he had cheated on me with a nurse he knew. i thought the affair was over and forgave him. i asked him what went wrong and he told me that he couldn't understand that while being a nurse, she had a horribly stinky snatch. soooo..about a year later i found out that he was cheating on me again with her. before i gave him the heave hoe she got brave and called me on the phone to tell me that he was really in love with her. she went on to tell me how he talked about me and complained about me to her all the time. i listened quietly until she was done and then i told her that he talked about her to me too. she seemed shocked and asked what could he have possibly said about her to me. i simply replied that he said he was shocked that for a nurse she had such a stinky snatch. i don't think she ever spoke to him again.
ReplyDeleteLol literally a very low blow
Delete"Horribly stinky snatch" that is the BEST thing I've heard in ages! Nice one.
DeleteThat's quite amusing. Well done.
DeleteTheres a lot to be said for a good fanny flannel.
DeleteIt pays to be patient.
DeleteYou listened quietly until she was done.
It was brilliant.
I'm applauding here, and taking notes
DeleteJohn, I'm not sure that your treatment of Roger was a "revenge" story; it was just sort of mean. Now, I'm coming at this from a point of very little information and only your perspective, so forgive me. Maybe he really was a painfully persistent and irritating person, and he certainly shouldn't have been fooling around like this--either with you or with his girlfriend. If you tried your darnedest to get rid of him but he just wouldn't stop pestering you, then I guess he had this revenge coming. But if he just wanted to mess around with you on the side, it might have been more appropriate for you to tell him "no" in no uncertain terms that you weren't interested any longer. Of course, you'd know best which he deserved.
ReplyDeleteHe was a twat.......and deserved it scott......
DeleteYou gave me the idea for a blog post... Here it is https://fatdormouse.wordpress.com/2015/10/27/revenge-is-a-dish/
ReplyDeleteThis blog is going in a direction i had not bargained for
ReplyDeleteI've never actually gotten revenge but I've thought of some excellent retorts, about three hours after I needed them ...
ReplyDeleteRevenge is never sweet. I speak from experience.
ReplyDeleteDo tell more
DeleteI am making notes....
ReplyDeleteI guess I was born without the revenge-gene but I had a dog who was great at it. A woman 4 houses down always screamed at all the neighborhood kids to stay away from her house and yard. We usually walked across the street just to stay away from her but our Wolf/Husky mix started running down to her house to do his business in her front yard and then run back to our house. I sure did love that dog.
ReplyDeleteI'll be curious to see if Winnie reads your blog and is planning a little revenge for the new puppy in the house. I can just see her plotting as she faces the wall and mutters "He'll be sorry, he'll be sorry!"
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI know someone who got dumped by her boyfriend so she shit on his car bonnet. Class!
ReplyDeleteDid she place it or dumped it?
DeleteIf dumped......how did she do that? Feet on the hood?
I am an evil genius. Fortunately for everyone who has ever crossed me, I am also innately lazy.....it is both a blessing and a curse....
ReplyDeleteIt was a party held by a stuck up self-important bitch friend of my boyfriend. As we said our goodbyes she suddenly pinned my boyfriend to the wall, turned to me and said 'you must forgive me, I'm a terrible flirt' and proceeded to snog my boyfriend. So I put my hand up her skirt and said 'you must forgive me, so am I'. I'd like to say we left really, really quickly but actually she threw us out.
ReplyDeleteYou dark horse
DeleteYou win Andi!!
DeleteThis is hilarious! I'm sure it was upsetting at the time but your account has wrung all the funny out for us to enjoy :)
DeleteI bow to the greatness of your revenge! Totally awesome hehehe
DeleteAn ex announced that he'd been 'double timing' me and was taking 'the other woman' to New York for a week and demanded that I returned my front door key to his house before they got back. I did, but whilst I was at the house I left pairs of kippers in the wardrobes, the kitchen cupboards and shoved down the back of the sofa! It was evil, but he deserved everything he got, and more!
ReplyDeleteNice one!
DeleteWhen we left living in Spain, I stuck a heap of dog poo under my neighbour's husband's car knowing he left early for work so SHE would find it.. it was plastic poo but worked a treat !
ReplyDeleteI also vexed someone once. The next time I saw her she had a massive cold sore & I laughed my head off !
Didntyou like them?
DeleteWhat makes you think that John ? !!! Ha Ha !.
DeleteThe neighbour in Spain made our lives hell and the other was a very controlling woman. I enjoyed a small revenge xx
Oh, my. I'm not very good at revenge. I did ruin one affair my then-husband was having, but the woman got back at us. It wasn't pretty. I had an opportunity for revenge against a boyfriend at one time. It didn't turn out well. Sometimes I long for revenge against my ex-husband, but really, the best revenge is a life well lived. I'm quite happy without him. He has to pay me maintenance. I feel sorry for the second wife. She won't know what to do when he has another psychotic break. He suffers because he won't take his medication for bipolar disorder (he's quite manic), and she has to deal with it. That's revenge enough. I don't have to generate it. I sit in Florida, editing away and enjoying time with Willy Dunne Wooters and my beloved son and the two dogs. It's rainy today and 73 degrees. The window is open a bit. It's quite pleasant. I don't have to go anywhere.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Perhaps you are right.....the best thing sometimes to do nothing
DeleteOh Jamie we have talked some about this, traded war stories. Mine walked out as I was dropping the children off at school. Left me a message on the answering machine.
DeleteI cut my x off.
Even when I have to deal with him for some propertary we still have together, it is through my finical people or my real estate attorney. He can't cheat me anymore. Money is very important to him.
My revenge is that he can't control me any more. And he knows nothing about my life.
Living my life as best as I can really upsets him.
cheers, parsnip
Oh my goodness we could be twins. It turns out my ex is bi-polar but he was a violent, stinking, controlling drunk before that who managed to spend everything we earned (and more) buying rounds of booze in the "OK Corrall" bar down in town. We were always broke. Eventually he hooked up with a tart from the OK Corrall and moved in with her, only telling me about it 6 weeks later. I have to admit I kinda noticed he had stopped coming home but was just counting my blessings at that time. One night I had been out to the theatre, all dolled up etc and spotted him at the OK Corrall so I thought sod it, I'm going in to check out the tart. I put a ton of slap on in the car and strutted in. I have no idea what I thought I was going to do – most likely I just wanted to thank her for taking the twat off my hands – but she spotted me and shot out the door, I guess thinking I was there for a punch up. He eventually spotted me and almost fell over. One of the ladies came over and said how sorry she was about what happened, but I just said oh don't pity me – I'm glad he's gone. (It took me about an hour and a blow torch to get the slap off my face after that though). But six years later I'm still glad he's gone. I actually phoned his mom last night to wish her a happy 80th birthday and she was expressing her doubts about the fact that he is now shacked up with a new bird and has just bought a house with/for her. "It's all a bit quick" was the expression she used. I said I agreed with her but …. At least I'm out of it and my kids and I have peace. And the other woman has no idea what is in store for her when things don't go as he wants. Karma is great eh!
DeleteI assume as you arranged that you were thinking 'Mwah, ha, ha, aha, ha' and channeling a fluffy white cat.
ReplyDeleteYou would be correct mr bond
DeleteI must be a basically wicked person because I read this twice I liked it so much. I like revenge. Served anyway I can ..
ReplyDeleteThats my girl
Delete:)
DeleteI went through an horrendous divorce to get rid of the first prat of a husband at the end of it all, I cut him out of every family photo and sent him all the cut off bits along with a letter advising him that I had told the DVLA that he was a raving lunatic on drugs and that they'd suspended his driving licence and the stupid idiot believed me - he spent the next 10 years riding around on a push bike - revenge was sweet each time I saw him on that bike xxx
ReplyDeleteTrudie..a force to be reccond with
DeleteTrudie that is so funny. I should have called the police on my ex driving round even though his licence had been cancelled for drink-driving (yet again) but thought he would only put upon my kids even more. Oh I would have loved to see him on a scooter - Mr. Look-at-me-and-the-big-fancy-car-I-can afford!
DeleteTreaders - the b****d took £25k off me in that divorce because I worked and he sat on his arse all day dole dossing. There was no way that he was going to be driving around in a better car than I was, when I was out working all hours - I was very tempted to do far worse to him xxx
DeleteI have searched and re-searched my memories, for I have generally done most (mildly) unpleasant things to someone in my time, but I simply cannot recall a single occasion where I have done anything that could be described as "revenge".
ReplyDeleteMaybe I need to try harder at being unpleasant.
No no no no nonononoooo The world needs to keep the Balance. There always needs to be more Pleasant people than unpleasant. Stay the way you are ...
DeleteBack in the 70's we lived in an apartment complex in Halifax. It was an old and lovely four story building. A few of our friends had apts there as well. Long story short....the old lady who owned the building for many years sold it. The new owner, a younger woman, immediately doubled the rent for every one. We all complained to the rental board and lost. She was just within her rights to do so. I went to a lawyer....he said there was nothing he could do....legally. He did give some parting advice....'revenge is so good for the soul'. He suggested we call every building inspector in the city and get them to inspect the building. I told you it was old. They all condemned the place! She was pissed! We all moved out within two months but not before one tenant deposited a box of cockroaches in the front hallway of her mansion in another 'fancy' neighbourhood. Sometimes revenge works and gives some balance.
ReplyDeleteAm loving this one! You sharp old cow
DeleteAhhhh, the old Box of Cockroaches trick ..
ReplyDeleteMy husband had a friend who did something similar .. Just thinking of doing that makes me shudder ...
The best revenge is a life well lived, and not to give a fuck.
ReplyDeleteI have a young friend who was helping me because I can barely walk. Her mother became jealous and demanded equal time. The young woman blabbed to her mother, telling my business to her. Then, the mother decided to make a complaint that would get my house under the eyes of inspectors in the city, all mostly untrue, exaggerations.
ReplyDeleteMy motto is "revenge is best served cold." I am chafing at the bit to tell them off, especially the mother. However, I will wait until after New Years to get my revenge. I am calling the IRS and report they are working, collecting money under the table and not reporting it. The mother gets a disability check, so I will report her to Social Security. There are other issues with the children, so I will report those, too. She facilitates an internet predator. I have reported this last bit, but will do so again and again. The husband is a serial cheater, so the church will know about this. Okay, I think that will do.
I have a rich fantasy life about the revenge I can do, the things I can tell that are all true. I get great satisfaction from the fantasies. However, this will be the first time I will truly act on my fantasies. The young woman betrayed my trust, exaggerated to the point I call it lying.
Dont cross linda
DeleteThats is that entry's byline
Karma, I love it when the Universe takes revenge on one's behalf. In the late 90s I took what I thought was my dream job but it was a nightmare. A dysfunctional govt funding agency, where I only lasted four months before leaving for my real dream job. In that time I worked with their major external client on a crucial document, where both the agency and the external client needed to be happy. I worked on this knowing that the account manager was lying to them and didn't know what to do. It was HORRIBLE. Anyway as always I made a tidy desk file etc so someone could pick up my work etc, but it all got ignored.
ReplyDeleteThe Karma? 1.5 YEARS LATER, I got a call from that old agency asking me if I had kept a copy of the document as they had lost it and the client had thrown their toys out of the cot and said they would only accept the version I had produced working with them. I never kept a copy. Serves them right, they were a bunch of egotistical, posturing BS artists and I think I was the only person who actually took the time to work honestly with the external client.
Satisfying beyond words me thinks
DeleteYou'd love it if I told you what it was all about too!
DeleteI once had an upstairs neighbor who was quite a piece of work. And a jerk. He stayed out late, often coming home drunk in the middle of the night, started playing music, loud, and would have sex with whatever bimbo he had found. Loud.
ReplyDeleteOne weekend, after a months of this, his steady girlfriend (who lived a few hundred miles away) was visiting. I saw her at the front door and said hello. I returned the greeting and told her that I thought she was so much nicer than all the other girls he brought around.
And said with an innocent smile no doubt
DeleteI am very late to this post.... and that perhaps is the pertinent point... never have done revenge... not my style :\
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland, NZ