Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Smelling Of Old Lady's Knickers

I'm constipated.
I'm sure you all don't need to know that...but as I am holiday, I know that Going Gently is sadly lacking it's usual dose of poo stories.......I guess its  a product of the change of pace, routine and sitting in a car for so long yesterday such are the sensibilities of a half century colon.........I bought some senna tablets this morning from Boots then pulled the soddin box out onto the Marks and Spencer counter when I was paying for a pair of new beach shorts.
The woman assistant laughed when I did....... Which was a blessing........she was a sturdy girl and looked as though she was no stranger to the odd hard stool too! 

Anyhow we have had a nice relaxed day today......we went to Turner Centre in Margate to see the Grayson Perry exhibition.Margate is an odd mixture of dying seaside town which has obviously seen better days, and an up and coming bespoke retail centre. 
We walked around the new shops in the old part of town, and bought a new lead for William ( complete with it's own bandana- which will be custom  made for us AND SENT onto Wales ,! - how friggin GAY is THAT?) 
Had a bit of a pang in the shop though as the owner presented us with her elderly Fox Terrier to make a fuss of. Funny how these little " face slaps" arrive out of the blue.
This afternoon we have joined Chris' family on Broadstairs beach ( pic) and I am just about to dive into the latest David Sidaris ....here's hoping the senna doesn't kick in too soon.......the public toilets are a good jog away and I don't think I have a 20p for the turnstile!

Postscript.....Flower Show News...
Big thanks to June ( Consort to Richard ( Chris' Dad) who 
has hand sewn 86 lavender bags to sell at the show....it was 
very kind of you to make the effort.....our bedroom presently smells of old lady knickers!

And thanks to Hannah & Milo who have just emailed their entries for the show.....bring on the novelty veg challenge....

50 comments:

  1. Traveling. Is it worth it? I am the only person I've ever heard of who got constipated in MEXICO!!!

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  2. LOVE that first sentence! Hope all comes out well in the end...(I couldn't resist).

    Where on earth is that mural from? It seems a bit too exotic/erotic for a small vacation town - unless the have a large population of American New Age midwifes ?

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    1. Its grayson Perry's work.........
      X

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  3. You always have something to share,

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  4. traveling used to always constipate me. when I was doing the river guide thing, I wouldn't shit for three days (something about pooping in a rocket box just put me off I guess).

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  5. I also wondered about the mural; it's not something one sees every day.

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  6. Why, how very dare you, Sir! My knickers have never,ever been near a lavender bush of any description!!!Btw, how the feck can you tell from looking at a 'sturdy' girl that she was 'no stranger to the odd hard stool'!! Judgemental, you? never!! xxx ps how long have we got to send in our entries?

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    1. "My knickers have never, ever been near a lavender bush of any description" - neither have mine!

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    2. I could tell from her sturdy eyes she was a kindred spirit xxxxxxx

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  7. Thank you for the update. It's good to know how things are going. Or not going, as it were ...

    What a lovely thing for June to do. And my veg photo is winging its way to you as we speak.

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    1. Its arrived thank you, i loved it xxx

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  8. Interesting, sort of erotic, but not really mural, you unable to shit, custom lead for the gay daddied pup and lavender knicker smells. Yup, must be your blog I am reading. Vacation with you seems extra entertaining. :)

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    1. It was a tapestry and it was huge xx

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  9. Not everybody with a 50 plus colon is constipated....

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  10. 'It's the change of water causes you not to "go"' my mother always used to say.

    On the first day of our holidays Himself always asks me 'Have you "been"?' I always say 'yes I have, thank you for asking' even if I haven't.

    I have no idea why I am telling this to the world.

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  11. That would be my luck - for the senna working to start as soon as I had reached maximum distance from the facilities. I don't care for the mural, been a lot of brouhaha about planned parenthood and harvesting baby body parts lately. First thing that came to mind. Old ladies do not smell like lavender - I know ;)

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    1. Their panties - I meant to say.

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  13. Ticked all the boxes, that one.

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  14. John - you a nurse and never heard of Fybogel??

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    1. I always used to take Fybogel on holiday as I experienced the same problems. Maybe a change in water or just a different diet. Fybogel is great stuff!!

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    2. It sets too fast

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  15. When getting ready to depart for an extended stay in California several years ago, my Granny advised me to eat a green salad every day for three days before leaving, followed with sweet corn or fresh fruit daily thereafter.

    "Does it work Gran?" my gullible self asked.

    " I don't know" she snapped back, "if you try it, let me know how it goes!" Ba-dum-dum.

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  16. "a half century colon" ... aka a semi-colon (better than arriving at the full stop)

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  17. Senna? How very Fifties of you! And you a nurse, as Weave says. Do you not have Metamucil in the UK? And speaking as an old lady, I will have you know that my knickers do not associate with lavender bags!

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  18. In the mosaic why the hell is a lobster chewing on the naked lady's nether regions and why isn't she screaming blue murder? Very strange.

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    1. He's a card, that Larry Grayson....

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  19. I've decided what I'm going to make now! Bring it on!

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    1. Yeah right !!!!!!!!!!
      Bring it on !
      X

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  20. Dear John, I look forwards to your next post on the effect of the laxative's whilst you are at the beach ..... Perhaps it may involve a hastily erected sand castle to cover a large pile of human poo .... Sorry about your sad moment with the elderly dog xxxx

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  21. my knickers don't smell like lavender. nice mural, i think i would have to flush that one.

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  22. aw, jeez, john...good thing I am not eating dinner right now...

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    1. Anne Marie....email recieved from hom your package has arrived xxxx

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  23. Why do I always read your entries at breakfast time!

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  24. freakin awesome tapestry!

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  25. I agree with the rest of the gals.....my knickers are clean and sexy not smelly old lady ones.....although thoughts of constipation almost make me envious...I have the opposite trouble! and I loved those tapestries John .. did you like them?..x

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  26. You need some Slimming World Scan Bran and a gallon of water lol!
    You'd think that 'cos you are on holiday the bowels would relax too........
    xxx

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  27. Saturday Night Live had a funny sketch about a bran cereal called Colon Blow. Thanks for the chortle.

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  28. I still get pulled up short when someone presents me with something Chihuahua or baby Pug related. The sadness takes so long to bury itself deeper in your heart, but they mean well.

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  29. 20 pence for the turnstile at the toilet is a bargain! We had to fork over 1 euro on the continent when we visited in May.

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  30. I don't always understand your lingo, but I catch your drift. I always eat an apple a day when on vacation. And we don't have toilets you have to pay for, Thankfully! But i always miss my pets when away from them like you do also.

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