No, It's not Chris giving me his " come hither" expression that has me all of a dither
Nor is it the ever cheerful postman sticking something with the instructions " do not bend" through our letter box
No indeed, for once a day 25 kilos of bulldog demand a lap cuddle.
Now, I doubt many of you have been on the receiving end of an amorous and hormonal fat bitch with saggy knockers ( Tom Stevenson excluded perhaps) but it's not the nicest of experiences, especially when you are trying to watch the tv, have a sneaky nap or, in my case, write a mass of thank you letters.
Now Winnie doesn't climb up onto my lap for long. She's happy with a five minute hug, and a robust bout of face to face kissing before clambering down onto the floor satisfied that I still love the bones of her.
I'm glad that the object of her affection is centred totally on me and not any visitors we have up for tea.
I dont think the vicar could have coped with the fanny stains
It's nice to know that once a day, regardless of how good or bad the day has been, you will get some affection (whether you want it or not).
ReplyDelete...and a wet patch....
DeleteIt is also nice to know that you are loved by all whose lives you affect.
ReplyDeleteI hate being a pure sex object though susan
DeleteHow wonderful to be loved like that.
ReplyDeleteIt fucks up your thighs though!
DeleteIt is good to be wanted!
ReplyDeleteAlways tbe optimistX
DeleteI was about to protest, then I read on. Another quotable line - vicars and fanny-stains, etc.
ReplyDeleteThat photo had me worried - it looks like a chubby choirboy doing something unspeakable to someone in fur coat and looking up in adoration at the same time.. Maybe it is.
lol
DeleteOk time for weightwatchers again
DeleteA muff of some sort comes to mind.
DeleteHahaha!!
DeleteJo in Auckland, NZ
The things we will do for our pets!
ReplyDeleteI have very little choice over the whole situation jimbo
DeleteThat Winnie, she lumbered into your terrier dominated existence and just stole you heart didn't she. Reminds me of that Elvis song - The Wonder Of you.
ReplyDeleteI love the way she just needs to touch base for 5 minutes
DeleteAfter that shes away
She's probably just wiping her mouth and fanny at the same time. You may be a mere dirty rag to her lad...
DeleteI am a trick towel?
DeleteOmg
All I can say so far is that marriage has not changed you one tiny bit!
ReplyDeleteAnd it never will patricia x
DeleteI always read molestation as 'mole station', even more so at the moment while we have a resident mole in Chicken World that keeps popping up in the most ridiculous places. Rosy sits at the last mole hill made waiting for him to reappear ... but she hasn't caught him yet!!
ReplyDeleteI think it's lovely that Winnie loves you so much that she HAS to sit on your knee for five minutes every day for a cuddle .... and even lovelier that you oblige :-)
Sue , i caught several chickens killing a mole once.....
DeleteWe had a German Shephere bitch who would launch herself into the nearest lap when she was feeling deprived of affection. Often a painful kind of love.
ReplyDeleteBig dogs have the same needs as lap dogs
DeleteThere once was a very Great Dane, she would wait until I was engrossed with a book or the TV and reverse onto my lap. There she stayed as long as she wanted, it would have taken dynamite or a JCB to move her. Mind you, there were no wet patches to concern me.
ReplyDeleteAnd i thought winnie had a big fanny
Delete"the receiving end of an amorous and hormonal fat bitch with saggy knockers " - sounds exactly like me! although I am so NOT your type, john...(hee hee)
ReplyDeleteI'd need counselling if you got your knockers out
Deleteand an ice bag for your 2 black eyes (hee hee)!
DeleteGet em under control my girl
DeleteSo good to have you back...
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahahahaha an so life goes on !
ReplyDeletecheers, parsnip
You cant keep a wet fanny down...
DeleteNothing like the love of a good dog.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ha ha, all comment above made me have a little wet patch of my own! Bless Winnie. X
ReplyDeleteAh normal service has resumed.
ReplyDeleteThe last sentence reads like something from a Country House Murder Mystery.
Hope Winnie, Albert et al enjoyed their wedding cake!
It was lovely
DeleteThat was a rather lovely Winnie story. Rather like Pam's story I know an extremely large Great Dane who weighs 66kg, quite a bit more than me! This lovely dog always tries to sit on my lap. We had a bit of a disaster one day when I was sitting on a plastic garden chair and she tried to sit on my lap! The chair wobbled dangerously and I thought I was trapped under an enormous dog and a chair teetering on the edge of collapse. Thankfully I managed to get out from under the dog .
ReplyDeleteI have to say the titles on your blog posts are intriguing! I actually would be honored if Winnie crawled up onto my lap...and I can say dog poo smears are not unheard of here, either, with a corgi who often has bits hanging from her butt...or ones that have dropped on to the floor....
ReplyDeleteFanny stains are not the same thing in the UK X
DeleteGod that dog loves you. Lucky you x
ReplyDeleteAnd ilove her
DeleteAwww it's like having a big hug from a stinky, slobbering toddler (apart from the fanny stains) Hope you had the fanny cloth to hand x
ReplyDeleteThe FANNY has been wiped twice tonight x
DeleteI think my other half may have been on the receiving end of an amorous fat bitch on more than one occasion but he's never called me a dog
ReplyDeleteLol ,..........itsnot an insult x
Delete"I don't think the vicar could have coped with the fanny stains"
ReplyDeleteOh I don't know. Many vicars are not quite what they seem.
And it is indeed unfortunate and confusing that transatlantic types use the F word to mean significantly different geographical locations on the female form. Can cause problems (as can their different use of pissed).
I do suspect you may be the only blogger on the planet who records how many fanny wipes he has administered in an evening. Perhaps you could add a little sidebar widget to keep track of that.
Its a skill my friend x
DeleteIt reminds me of that interview with Princess Diana - "There were three in my marriage"!
ReplyDeleteYou forget meg, william , albert, george, in the mix
Deleteaaaah...never knock affection from wherever it arrives (unless it's a priest)
ReplyDeleteKa ching!.....
DeleteNormality returns! Well at least the Going Gently kind of normality... see this is why I read...if ever I have a blah day I know reading your blog will have me chuckling in the wink of an eye.... all helped along by several of your readers/commentors who's minds work along the same way as mine...bloody brilliant. Winnie could sit on my lap any day and I wouldn't care about wet patches... she is just adorable.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland, NZ
Jo....my wiork here is done x
DeleteOkay, you have just given me ammunition for the next time my husband says anything about wanting a Newfoundland dog (I am just under five feet tall). Thank you! But, awww, Winnie ... there's a good girl ... :)
ReplyDeleteShe just wants a hug, and you are so hugable
ReplyDeleteAlthough there are other considerations at my age, you've convinced me to never, ever, get another dog.
ReplyDeleteBelated toast to your nuptials, John.
Mike
I bet it worked wonders for your handwriting.
ReplyDeleteSuch randy comments! This place is going to the dogs... the big, slobbery, saggy-dugged, fanny-staining dogs!
ReplyDeleteAt least she stays long enough for you be sure of her intentions ... the whippets launch themselves into laps as part of their nightly wall of death routine and then move on microseconds later ... we are just human trampolines to them.
ReplyDeleteCute! Olga does the same for us, but she never wants to get down. (Granted, she is a tad lighter.)
ReplyDeleteNothing like the love of a good dog.
ReplyDeleteAin't love grand, even if it leaves stains.
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful to be loved.
ReplyDelete