It wasn't George Clooney that was on duty, nor was it the young Russell Crowe look-a-like vet
( which was a shame)...it was the pretty Irish vet who gave William his steroid injection and stuck her finger up his arse!....and typical of William , he smiled his big smile as she did just that!
On the way home, right at a set of traffic lights on a dual carriageway,and just as William was tucking into his post vet visit treat ( a small individual pork pie from Tesco) , the gear stick on the berlingo broke off leaving me stranded in the fast lane in the dark!
Now, with my "Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm" outlook.....I would have liked to have blogged that a succession of cars stopped to help me.....but do you know what? No fucker stopped......I tried to push the heavy berlingo across the carriageway.....no one stopped......I tried to wave gaily at some builder types in a van for assistance.......still nothing.....I wonder why?
And all this was in the pitch black!
If I was some leggy blonde with big tits everyone would have stopped!
But I am an over -the-hill fat bastard with gravy splashed down my top ....so no bugger did
Bastards!
For half an hour William and I waited by the side of the road as the busy traffic shot by and not one fucker stopped.....so we left the car to walk to Rhuddlan the nearest village.....to be fair..it wasnt far but as I didn't have a phone on me, and as the public phone by the KFC was vandalised I had to go into the local travelodge to use their phone......
The girl behind the desk wasn't too sure of me at first, but I won her over by telling her that William was on the way home from the vets......" He's an unstable diabetic" I lied.....and she handed me the phone saying that I could use it for as long as I liked.....bless her
My brother in law, Tim came to my rescue, as he has done many many times over the years, and after half an hour he had towed me to my nephew's garage in the next town
Bless him!
All's well that ends well
Anyhow today we are off to Chester,.....Chris is going to have his pre wedding haircut in a posh saloon.....
I'm looking for new , wedding outfit underpants!
Hey ho!
I agree! What a bunch of fuckers they are for passing right by you, John!!
ReplyDeleteYeah for brother-in-laws!!
Oh, humanity. I am not very pleased with us right now, as a species. Thankfully, there are the angels though.
ReplyDeleteNew wedding outfit underpants? Will they be silk? I hope so. They should be. At least a nice silk/wool blend. Okay?
I know that today we need to be careful, especially a single woman in a car but to pull over and make a phone call to a service would be OK.
ReplyDeleteThank Goodness for Tim !
cheers, parsnip
Well let's hope the rest of the week is drama free in the lead up to the wedding.
ReplyDeleteWell, I thought that was funny. Not sure you did at the time.
ReplyDeleteI bet if you had held up a sign saying, John of Going Gently, many people would have stopped. If I was driving through Trelawnyd, I would have stopped on a dime.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to consider investing in a go phone for emergencies like this. Walking on a busy road at nighttime is a dangerous thing.
I would definitely stop for someone with a sign saying John of Going Gently. For Chris as well, but don't know what his sign will read :-)
DeleteChris' sign should read: 'He of the Roger Moore eyebrow'.
DeleteHahaha! I agree!
DeleteJo in Auckland, NZ
Sounds like next time a baddie wants to bash someone on the head and mug them all they need to do is hold up a sign saying "John of Going Gently" then. Are you naive people not aware of all the insurance scams and plausible muggers who stop people asking for help then rob them? Or am I just too cynical for this lovely world? Comes from when my wife was robbed in the street a few years ago, perhaps...
DeleteHopefully you've gotten all the unfortunate incidents over with well before the wedding ... what a shame no one stopped to help. Some days are like that, but it doesn't make it feel any better.
ReplyDeleteWhat a rotten bunch...no one would stop to help their fellow fellow.
ReplyDeleteI would have hoped someone would have at least stopped and asked if you needed to use a phone to call for help, people can be so uncaring.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, just so long as you are OK, that's all that matters.
Yes, silk undies would be nice for your wedding !
~Jo
Sadly here there are few helpfuls. They all assume every one has a cell phone.
ReplyDeleteIt did turn out well and you are not road kill so look on the bright side.
How about Super Man undies?
People never seem to want to help a man in need. I do, of course, but that's another matter entirely.....
ReplyDeleteOn the other topic, where are you having your hair cut?
ReplyDeleteHave you put 'new car' on the wedding gift list?
ReplyDeleteJane x
That would have happened here, in the dark, especially. Too many times now days police put out bulletins warning people not to stop because cars on the side of the road often aren't broken down.
ReplyDeleteStill, sad that such lack of kindness is rampant there, too.
Glad you got home safely, John.
The least someone could have done is to stop and offer to make a call for you, John! Time for a new car? After you get the wedding paid for, of course. At least William is fine and that's the main thing. Had me worried with the title of your post....
ReplyDeleteI had to stare at that photo for a while.
ReplyDeletePity no one wanted to help you out. And William is such a cutie, too! You are too, John, but I must say if I were driving by myself and saw a man who might need help, i'm not so sure i'd stop, but seeing a man and his dog in distress would probably make me want to do something more. Of course, if I recognized you, i'd stop right away to see how I could help.
I know the Berlingo has given you many years of faithful service, but maybe it's time it was pensioned off and sent to the garage in the sky? I'm glad William got to enjoy his scotch egg and that you're both ok.
ReplyDeleteHow on earth does a gear stick 'break off'? I've never heard of that happening. Will they weld it back on again? Poor you.
ReplyDeletewedding undies? oh john, you KNOW they will be off in a flash after the wedding! :)
ReplyDeleteOh no John! That sucks that no one would stop and help. One time my husband and I had a car die on I-95 just past the North Carolina state line, and we we stranded beside the interstate for hours and not a single person stopped to help. And the car was off to the side with the hood up and the hazard lights on--obviously we needed help. What really pissed me off was that several state troopers drove past and not one of them so much as slowed down! Serve and protect my ass! Haha.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if the vets in Trelawnyd look like George Clooney and Russell Crowe then that's one more reason I should be living in Wales!
It sounded like a conversation with P, all those fuckers everyone's a fucker here. You must be a bit heavy handed on the gear stick John.
ReplyDeleteBut I am an over -the-hill fat bastard with gravy splashed down my top ....so no bugger did
ReplyDeleteNo gravy-loving bastards in the vicinity?
At least William was happy...
ReplyDeleteSo I expect you'll be getting Superman undies?
Even if people don't feel safe to get out of their car and help, they could always wind down the window, ask if everything's ok and use their phone to call for assistance.
ReplyDeleteI hope those new underpants are going to be really tasteful ones - nothing rude or garish please.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to say that up here people do seem inclined to help (particularly old ladies) so that so far I have no cause for complaint.
Might be a step too far for some, but I would love to see your choice of wedding underwear (not necessarily modled)
ReplyDeleteYep, I agree with Fugal in Derbyshire .... WE NEED TO SEE YOUR KNICKERS ;-)
ReplyDeleteWhat a load of mean b*stards not stopping to help. I thought we lived in a nice area, maybe you looked just a little too mad or just too gravy stained ....!!
How scary, could have been a bigger disaster if someone had run into your car in the dark. I had a back tyre go pop, on a fast single carriageway road, managed to get it half onto the grass verge. It was dark, I hoped someone would see my plight, no one did so I proceeded to change the wheel myself. Almost finished and at last someone did stop. A nice young dolly bird parked behind me and lit up the area with her headlights.
ReplyDeleteNot ideal to breakdown on Friday nights when everyone's rushing home after a busy week! Depends which bank you are with but some of them offer a breakdown service if you have an account with them. Failing that, join one yourself and ALWAYS take your phone with you from now on!!I'm with the AA, who also give you 10% off at M&S! Life in the fast lane, eh?? Have a good last weekend as a singleton! xxx
ReplyDeleteThe gear-stick broke off?! Remind me never to buy a Berlingo.
ReplyDeleteWell it came free....in neutral!
DeleteHow come only Stephenson gets a reply?
DeleteIm a bit busy today..will try to get back to all xx
DeleteIt's because I've moaning about not getting any recently. You got one by riding on the back of my complaint.
DeleteIt didn't seem particularly personal.
DeleteChris is having his wedding haircut in a posh saloon? Is that so that he can have a pint and a game of poker while the barber is clipping away? Regarding the breakdown, perhaps you need lessons in waving gaily! It's all about the wrist action.
ReplyDeleteYou may need to explain that comment to John, YP, he's a bit distracted these days. ... Anyway, no matter how posh the saloon car I'd always demand my hairdresser could at least see me in the back of a van.
DeleteBeing serviced by a hairdresser in the back of a van Andrew? What on earth does the R. in your name stand for?
DeleteWell it's not Rodger
Delete__it always happens, when we leave the phone home. I like to think I would have stopped. I have only had to be towed for a mechanical breakdown, as I recall it was a nearly new Renault, so new or old, is not always the factor.
ReplyDeleteSplurge on the undies, buy something really comfortable.
I always stop....you never know when you will need help yourself.
ReplyDeleteThat gear stick thing happened to me once. Isn't it the most awful feeling? Oh, "this gear stick doesn't appear to be attached to anything" feeling. Luckily I was only a mile away from home and managed to drive back in second gear, just as well, it was the only gear I had.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the double posting! It seems to happen to me quite a bit and I can't seem to be able to delete it.
DeleteHey Ho
Sorry about the double posting! It seems to happen to me quite a bit and I can't seem to be able to delete it.
DeleteHey Ho
Yeah but... scruffy fat old geezers in beaten up Berlingos are just the type that wave you down with a fake problem then bash you on the head with a mallet and bundle you into the back of the van, rob you of your wallet and phone then dump you up a dirt track miles from anywhere... That's what goes through my mind every time I pass some fat lying bastard trying to flag me down beside his supposedly bust Berlingo. Slim young blonde ladies standing helplessly beside broken Mini Coopers are usually ok though.
ReplyDeleteWhoa--your vet looks like Russell Crowe? All of the vets where we take our dog are middle-aged chunky women. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Russell Crowe would be nice to look at!
ReplyDeleteThe gits, poor you I would have stopped for you. I've got to say whenever I've broken down, people have stopped for me, I'm not blonde but I have got big tits..
ReplyDeleteTwiggy
When I was coming back from Kentucky, I was an old lady stuck in a snowstorm with a flat tire and had 2 handsome young marines stop to help me -- I've no idea how I got so lucky! :-) Glad you were safe--Hope you got your sopping done--No modeling for Chris, save something for the wedding night! :-)!!!
ReplyDeleteI would have stopped for someone driving a Berlingo, they all seem pretty harmless, eccentric but harmless.
ReplyDeleteThat's what they want you to think. Haven't you heard of the Berlingo Baddies? They're all over the place up here, standing looking pathetic with a gearstick in their hands and ready to pounce on any fool that stops... Beware Baddies beside Berlingos... Sounds like North Wales had a lucky escape.
Delete"Unstable diabetic"... I will have to remember that one!
ReplyDelete