Monday, 23 December 2013

" ohhhh Eileen"


I completed some last minute shopping this morning
and while I was standing at the checkout of one particular squeaky clean department
store I overheard this conversation
First assistant : " Eileen, there's a dreadful smell by this till...it smells like  the drains"
Eileen ( sniffing) " oh lord you're right...I've just been outside, I wonder if I stepped in something"
They checked their shoes
and waved the air like old ladies
I grabbed my shopping and legged it
I should have known
In the pocket of my hooded top
was the hastily bagged up  and forgotten about waste products of
Of one smelly arsed bulldog.

52 comments:

  1. OMG ~ that is very funny. You didn't drop it in a pot plant as you exited the store? It reminds me of silly pranks that people would get up to at Christmas parties with prawn heads (on a Friday afternoon before bank opening on Monday morning)

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  2. Oh dear! I wonder if the odour lingered after you left, or did it speedily vanish, thus establishing you as a 'marked man'? I think you ought to go back to that store and find out.

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    1. Ray..
      I have sat in a cinema before now.. Thinking that the guy in front of me was " selling a bit high" and that turned out that it was another dog bag full of shite in my pocket

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    2. That's very worrying, J.G. As if once wasn't bad enough, but TWICE! Now I'm going to have to make an effort to stop my nose twitching every time I open up your blog. Look, it's doing it right now!

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  3. I'm surprised they allowed a 'hoodie', with shit filled pockets, into the shop!

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha. That did make me laugh.

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  4. and this isn't the first time this has happened either!

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    1. You remember the cinema incident jaz?

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    2. Not the pub incident?

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  5. You should have just acted innocent and said, You're right, there's a dreadful smell. Probably that council refuse lorry that just went past. Now how much do I owe you?

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    Replies
    1. or this place stinks, can I have a discount?

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    2. I suspect they knew it was me and was taking the piss.....

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  6. Thanks for the laugh! Note to self: check all pockets before entering stores.

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  7. *retch, retch heave*

    OMG JOHN!

    its like that episode of Doc Martin where the old man stinks and it turns out to be his dead bird in his shopping bag. Good thing I wasn't eating.

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  8. Well at least you pick it up and bag it John...well done for that....I hope you and Chris have a wonderful Christmas and New Year xx

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  9. John... new rule... the way we check the pockets of our clothes before washing you need to check your pockets before leaving your home !
    Or wear a car freshener around your neck at all times.
    Another great story.

    Merry Merry
    cheers, parsnip

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    1. I ve washed my pants with a shit bag in the pocket too parsnip

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    2. No no no no noooooooo! That's just wrong!

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  10. They'll be amazed at how quickly the air clears.

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  11. Poor John, he can’t remember shit ;o)

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  12. I just don't understand how you can forget you have a pocketful of smelly dog shit!!! That's a very good one Doc. Poor old John can't remember shit!! Dying laughing out Loud!!!!

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  13. Well.....on that note..." Merry Christmas"!!!!

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  14. Vile but had me in stitches........lol

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    Replies
    1. I have worse stories michael

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  15. What were you shopping for in Laura Ashley's? Will you be dressing up to play charades this Christmas?

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    Replies
    1. Believe it or not but I was buying a draught excluder

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  16. I'm laughing so hard. That's wonderful. Please do not send me a bag of shit for Christmas.

    Love,
    Janie

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  17. How funny! Reminds me of the time our pet turtle died... we wrapped it in a kleenex intending to bury it and our Mom picked it up and shoved it in her pocket... all day... eweeee! But I bet even a dead turtle smells better than dog shit.

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  18. When 'they' invent scratch and sniff blogs...it'll be time to say goodbye,John.
    Jane x

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  19. Pooh, I can smell it from here, there's a down wind blowing

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  20. Hahahahahaha!! Now that's the laugh I need before I hit the (very busy) shops. People are going to think I'm potty as I shop giggling to myself. Thanks John. Merry Christmas once again.
    Jo in Auckland NZ

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  21. I am off to do some shopping in a minute, sniffing as I go. Which has the mark of a new and improved Christmas carol.

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  22. Thanks for lighting up my evening John. No card yet by the way....did you send it? xx

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    Replies
    1. Yes!.....but only 2 days ago!
      It will be a late delivery x

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  23. Squeeeeeeeeeee!!! :D

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  24. poooohhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x

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  25. oh yes, been there, done that. Even the scented nappy sacks can only mask the pong for a short while.

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    Replies
    1. Thank fu@k I'm not the only on

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  26. Kind of like breaking wind and looking at everyone else so they don't think it's you...hee hee. This one will go down in the annals of Going Gently history !

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  27. LOL!!! I'm still trying to get my head round you in Laura Ashley -- not a natural combo; let alone ponging pockets!

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  28. No doubts anymore. Going Gently must be turned into a sitcom!

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  29. Hahahahahahaha!! I can't believe you forgot you had a pocket full of POO!!!

    Merry Christmas, btw!

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  30. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  31. I guess your nose is no longer sensitive to shitty odors.

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  32. Fresh, they make great hand warmers.........

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