The Royal Mail service , we are told is being privatised. courier services, we are also told are flourishing in competition. Such is the way of the postal world.
I have been waiting for a delivery of fertile guinea fowl eggs all week. The lady I bought them from has been chasing up the delivery company she uses, and I was promised that the eggs ( eggs that needed to placed under the warm arse of a broody buff Orpington ASAP ) would be finally delivered yesterday.
I left non cryptic notes all over the cottage informing any driver that I would be shovelling chicken shit on the field and finally at 4pm I noticed a rather fearful teenage delivery man , quickly tiptoeing past Bingley onto the field.
I signed for the package, made sure that the broody hen was still on her nest, and ripped open the box to check on the guinea eggs.
This is what I found
I have been waiting for a delivery of fertile guinea fowl eggs all week. The lady I bought them from has been chasing up the delivery company she uses, and I was promised that the eggs ( eggs that needed to placed under the warm arse of a broody buff Orpington ASAP ) would be finally delivered yesterday.
I left non cryptic notes all over the cottage informing any driver that I would be shovelling chicken shit on the field and finally at 4pm I noticed a rather fearful teenage delivery man , quickly tiptoeing past Bingley onto the field.
I signed for the package, made sure that the broody hen was still on her nest, and ripped open the box to check on the guinea eggs.
This is what I found
" Bleeding Great!!"
Another minor disappointment was a trip to the cinema last night. Chris and I went to see the Beneath The Candelabra , the much acclaimed story of Liberace's relationship with his chauffeur Scott Thorson.
Once you get past Michael Douglas' flabby arsed,campy old queen performance ( a role which he gives his all by the way) the whole film shares very little about the real people within the story, relying much more on costume and make up to give a flavour of those danger, hidden gay days of the early 1980s. It is a shame that Beneath The Candelabra, has no real heart . It is a cold study of damaged people that does not quite explain the attraction that buff chicken Thorson ( a rather bland Matt Damon) has for the old showman...and that's a shame.
I give the whole thing a boring 5/10
Mind you I did find the Rob Lowe's cameo performance as an over botoxed, drunk Hollywood plastic surgeon hysterically amusing.
An Almost unrecognisable Mr Lowe
The good news of the day, is that the " Finlay Memorial Cup" has been anonymously returned to the flower Show Committee after an absence of several years. Chris and I donated the 1930s solid silver trophy and we were really upset when it went " missing"
Now it's back. A bit battered and dinged , but back.
Hey ho
Well? Do the shoes fit? Surely you are going to post a picture of yourself in them - hopefully wearing a twin set and pearls too!
ReplyDeleteWell? Do the shoes fit? Surely you are going to post a picture of yourself in them - hopefully wearing a twin set and pearls too!
ReplyDeleteIf they were willies I would keep em
DeleteWillies? a Freudian slip surely ...
DeleteI'll give "Candelabra" a pass. Thanks for the tip.
ReplyDeleteOdd you mention Liberace in this post. Today I've set reminder to watch a run of "Sincerely Yours" today on TV. I still regret getting rid of all my old Liberace vinyl albums when I moved years ago. Ah well...
Now, where did those shoes come from?
at least the shows could have been more stylish. sit the hen on them and see what happens. behind the candelabra was pretty bad. it was on tv here so at least i did not have to pay to see it.
ReplyDeleteImagine the poor lady waiting for those stylish sling backs and finding guinea fowl eggs..
ReplyDeleteBlimey! You are pretty black and white with your film reviews! The producer, having read your review, is probably hanging by his neck in his stairwell by now.
ReplyDeleteShoes instead of eggs, that must have left you speechless. Mind you, if they fit the broody Buff Orpington, you might be able to set a trend for gaily run smallholdings.
...'treading on eggshells'...
ReplyDeletehey ho
Els
I looked up Rob Lowe. He's 49 in real life.
ReplyDeleteDid you manage to shoe them under her warm bott.? Let's hope so, you could be the 21st century's answer to Freeman, Hardy and Willis.
ReplyDeleteLLX
At least they aren't stilettos, so you should be able to wear them well enough.
ReplyDeleteI would love to have seen your face when you opened the 'eggs'. I think I would also like to see the face of the lady who gets the eggs, when she's expecting your rather natty slingbacks.
ReplyDeleteI love the cup with it's slightly battered lean to one side, you can't beat a cup with character, nice that it's been returned at last.
They really aren't Guinea Fowl eggs are they ?
ReplyDeleteYou'll need a pedicure now.
ReplyDeleteJane x
Sounds pretty much like the postal service here in the States.... unfortunately, if those eggs are sitting in someone's mailbox they probably won't make it. AND... why the heck do you want guineas, anyway?
ReplyDeleteOK, fess up - you're one of those Ebay Shoe-Sniffing Fetishists, aren't you?They do exist you know (not, I hasten to add, that I am one or that I know anyone who is but why else would anybody want to buy a pair of the oldest,smelliest-looking,worn-out shoes in the first place....and I very much object to the lovely shoes which I have sold there in the past being placed amongst the same listings!!
ReplyDeleteHave a good weekend. It's very hot here.
ps did you get your degree in Media Studies?
It was film studies nana.. And we came to Wales before I graduated
Deletepps Expect a parcel next week - there won't be any shoes in it though!
ReplyDeleteYou'll be turning your ankle in those beauties!
ReplyDeleteLove that dog on the shelf.
Not so different to crocs..
ReplyDeleteImagine the look on Bingley's face when you turn up in the field with those on.
I had a pair of shoes quite like those in 1985 or so.
ReplyDeleteThat's always lovely, getting a little surprise in the post like that. Shame about those poor doomed guinea eggs, though.
ReplyDeleteMaybe this is why the teenaged delivery man was so fearful when he saw slingbacks addressed to a Mr John Gray. Has the makings of a horror film, you know? Arrive at a place that looks nice enough with these weird notes about being out shovelling shit and having to get a middle aged man sign for a pair of slingbacks.
ReplyDeleteMixed fortunes here John.
ReplyDeleteMy reading today is a bit haphazard and the first time I read it I thought it said 'guinea pig eggs' - hope you didn't try putting those shoes under that broody bird.
PS Or trying on the shoes for size.
ReplyDeleteHas the card arrived?
Not yet pat!
DeleteRe 'Candelabra': After reading your throwaway comment in your previous blog - or, at least, your responding to a someone else's comment - your 5/10 here is about 4 points higher than I was expecting from you. Although our final ratings aren't very far apart I'm closer to Mark Kermode's view than yours, though not quite as enthused as he was. Great shame that the vagaries of American film industry doesn't allow for Douglas to be Oscar-nominated. However, I do agree about Rob Lowe - the funniest part of the film.
ReplyDeleteRay
DeleteI like be engaged with my film characters. Neither Liberace or the Scott character struck me as 3D .
I was bored by both and irritated by both.
Which perhaps was the point of the exercise(?)
Dan Ackroyd and , Scott Pacula were underused too.
The story didn't tell me anything
Sorry..I did go wanted to enjoy it
Ray...Michael Douglas can't be Oscar nominated, but he can be Emmy nominated since it was on TV (HBO) here in the states. I think he will be, he definitely should be. Rob Lowe was perfect... funny stuff. The movie just kinda left me cold...it had no real warmth to it. I totally agree with your review, John.
DeleteSorry about the eggs...what a surprise (not the good kind) that must have been! Happy to hear the cup was returned though. I think it's lovely.
Shit!
ReplyDeleteRob Lowe looks hilarious. I don't care for the shoes. I can't walk in a heel. I hope you can because we're all dying for a photo of you wearing them while you clean up chicken shit.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Dick Emery.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think I adore, nay, am in love with, Johnny Depp? He does Kohl so well.
ReplyDeleteU
So you'd have us believe the slingbacks delivery was "a mistake"....
ReplyDeleteYou'll look lovely in those...not sure they're practical though...and imagine the shock of the poor woman who's opened a box of eggs...
ReplyDeleteYou certainly would get looks walking around the field in those!
ReplyDelete