Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Shagged Senseless

Daphne & Nell
Now what would you say, if I told you that you could have sex " on tap" so to speak during all of the daylight hours of the day.
" Chance would be fine thing" may be the response from many I suspect.

If that is the case, please give a thought for my last two remaining Indian runner female ducks, Daphne and Nell . With the recent demise of their drake Halleh ( who refused to have sex with either duck  preferring the company of the more buxom and obviously sexier hens), two younger and more virile drakes have grabbed their opportunity for multiple sex partners and have given the runners a good " seeing to" so to speak.
Unfortunately it's got all out of hand.
Out of all of our animals , drakes are the most rampant.
They are aggressive, demanding and ardent love makers.
They also don't pause for a post coital cuddle and cigarette
It's wham bang, " I'm going to grab you by the back of the head and shag you until your eyeballs pop out" kind of romance..........there are no flowers and chocolates in the duck world

Yesterday I had to save Daphne from the long grass, where she had effectively collapsed under the strain of it all.
She allowed me to pick  her up ( unheard of in hysterical runner duck circles) and heaving a massive sigh of relief, she joined an already vagina smarting Nell in their own peaceful and shag free run.
They will have to stay there until the drake testosterone fails in the autumn.

Peace has now returned to the field
Hey ho
Postscript:
The two males have been given their own run for a while leaving the six females free on the field.
The peace continues

48 comments:

  1. You have a way with words, ha ha.
    Briony
    x

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  2. If you put it to me that I could spend all day pinned to the ground having the back of my head repeatedly bitten, then getting generally battered around every time I tried to escape, then that would sound a little less appealing.

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    1. Between John's elegant telling and this reply I cannot stop laughing. Oh the humanity!!

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    2. We are a grand double act

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  3. And they called it Ducky Lo-o-ove... ;-)

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  4. Primary school children tackling summer holiday projects may hit upon this post after innocently searching for "runner ducks". I think they'll have a bit of a surprise in store.

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    Replies
    1. Oh dear...... Lets hope not.......

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  5. Is this where the expression 'love a duck' comes from?

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    Replies
    1. I used to know a Canadian who was fond of the phrase 'Fuck-a-duck', which seems equally appropriate.

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  6. chocolate...? flowers...?
    who knew?

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  7. What very dramatic goings on you have there!

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  8. Oh, the images your post has conjured up ... !

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  9. According to the Indian Runner Duck Association: "..a ratio of three females to one male is good. Don’t get more than one male."

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    Replies
    1. I have two males and six females in total witch hazel

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  10. Oh the relief they must feel now they're on their own and rid of those pesky males :-)

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  11. Out of all of our animals , drakes are the most rampant.
    They are aggressive, demanding and ardent love makers.


    It's even more horrifying than you think. You've been warned, this link is S-C-A-R-Y.

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    Replies
    1. What link is that? BBB.?

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  12. I'm now thinking I wonder if I can come back as a drake... awful thinking ;-)

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  13. poor females, thankfully you're loving owner that puts the animals welfare first.

    Gill in Canada

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  14. Poor girls. They will miss their freedom but I'm sure they appreciate the peace.

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  15. " I'm going to grab you by the back of the head and shag you until your eyeballs pop out" kind of romance

    You mean there are other kinds?

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  16. Ohmygod, the person I am married to (at present) must have been a drake in his former life. Thank Christ I packed that lark up 5 years ago (knowing how Nell feels lol). Just waiting for the youngest to mature/finish college/leave home/whatever before I calls it quits!!!

    Anyway, whatever..........
    Susan x

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    Replies
    1. Lol TOO MCH INFO SUE XX LOL

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  17. who knew! poor girls; they need a rest!

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  18. I believe you---I watched one male duck at our neighborhood pond basically rape a much larger male to the point that I thought the victim was going to drown. What a little bastard. I noticed the bigger duck would now rather be alone than pal around with Mr. Dicky Duck. (And when you consider the shape of their weapon, it becomes even more horrifying.)

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  19. I used to cross a public park every morning walking to work. There was a lake and lots of mallards. In spring you would see female ducks floating in the water. They had drowned while being gang raped by unattached males. Nature red in tooth and claw.

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  20. Sounds very Spanish to me.

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  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  22. Goodness me, poor Daphne. I hope she soon recovers from such unceasing sexual harassment.

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  23. And I always thought that ducks were just fuzzy little creatures, with a shy-side.
    ~Jo

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  24. Poor girls...They look happy in the run though. Lucky that you came to the rescue. I never knew ducks were such loving creatures.

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  25. Meanwhile, my ducks like to do it in their kiddy swimming pool! Water sports.

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  26. Yes, sometimes enough is enough! Glad you gave the gals a break!

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  27. So much like my bedroom. I have to leave town to have a shag-free zone. You've made me laugh so hard, John.

    Love,
    Janie

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  28. John,

    I can't stop laughing on how your described the situation. Good thing you've provide the girls with a separate run, giving them time to recuperate.

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    1. The girls ( both old ducks) will now be given the chance to recover

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  29. Oh, the poor things. I certainly get an education about all things fowl from reading you.

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  30. What a sad reflection on me. Saw the title and went straight to it. Not disappointed mind you. Always glad to learn of someone/thing getting an overflowing bowl of oats.

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  31. I bet your pageviews increased a bit with this one !!

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  32. Well you've found out a lot more about some of your readers with this post ..... Lol!!

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  33. Just watch me 'come back' as a duck!! Yikes!

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  34. Oh what I wouldn't give for a day in the duck world. Well, maybe an hour. Half hour? OK, a minute or two.

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