Monday, 22 July 2013

One Liner

Hot weather brings the best and the worst out in people.
I stopped at the petrol station in Rhuddlan on my home from work this morning
( I needed an emergency scotch egg)
And as the heat of what will be the hottest day of the year 
Hit me like one of those waves of heat you get when you exit the aeroplane on a sunshine holiday
I bumped into a young woman in the doorway of the shop.
"You TWAT!" The woman spat out under her breath just as I mumbled an apology
And I stood there for a moment lost for words as she stalked away
Just before she closed her car door, I tried to recover, despite being knackered after a night shift
All I could counter with
Was a lame but very precise call of
" CHEAP SHOES!"


48 comments:

  1. One of the definitions of a "twat" is "a person regarded as stupid or obnoxious". As treasurer of your worldwide blogging fan club I wish to officially denounce this slanderous accusation. Clumsy twerp yes - but twat? Never!

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    1. It also eans a pregnant goldfish does it not.?
      Thank you too for the compliment

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  2. cheap shoes? the ultimate insult!

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    1. To go with her cheap mouth.... ( wish I had added this comment)

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  3. Great response!
    She must have been a tourist. I can't imagine anyone in your village being this rude.
    x
    Els

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    Replies
    1. It was in the small town next to the hospital els

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    2. That explains a lot... ;-) but still, no excuse!

      She wasn't wearing crocs though, was she? Otherwise you could take your amorous turkey with you... Has he got his new name yet?
      x

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    3. Crocs aren't shoes. They are a blight on the face of the world.

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  4. Some people... Just charming. I think "cheap shoes" is a brilliant response.

    I'm sorry but Scotch eggs sound even less enticing when you say you buy them at a petrol station.

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  5. On hot days folks should be kinder to each other.

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  6. ..... all you could think of was 'cheap shoes'.... poor you, you must have been tired :-)

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    Replies
    1. I was buggered
      Mind you sue, for e it was a good line

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  7. Sheesh! Humans are so intolerant....

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  8. She probably had a mis spelled tattoo as well.
    Jane x

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  9. Ah yes, a few days of heat and sun, and our manners get fried...like the response though!

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    Replies
    1. Very true..I am so looking forward to the thunderstorms which ar predicted this evening

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  10. What's wrong with these people? Perhaps her shoes were pinching. Glad all is well in Rabbit World! x

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    Replies
    1. Roland is still with us Em

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  11. Interesting psychology in this account, as I see you using this woman's shocking misbehavior as a cover-up for your apparently obsessive need to confess your ongoing Scotch egg habit.

    I would needle you about Weight Watchers, but I myself chugged down a disgusting 4 cokes over the weekend. Enjoy your eggs, matey.

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    Replies
    1. I only ate one Alison......the other I have hidden in the fridge

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    2. Hidden? Hoarded is more likely. :D

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  12. After attempting gymnastics post-chardonnay at an advanced age, I need arch support for life. Sadly, I don't own cheap shoes.

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  13. I was always told I wasn't a twat, as a twat has a use.

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    Replies
    1. ...oh...I śee......yerch

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  14. I've often wondered what it's like to be someone who never makes a mistake. These fortunate people are everywhere, so many of them!

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  15. "Constipated bitch" is always a good alternative.
    The condition often accounts for such bad tempered behaviour!

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  16. Well, John is qualified to give her an enema.........may I suggest caustic soda and olbas oil?
    Oh, and some soap for the mouth!

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  17. "Cheap shoes" would have reduced me to tears.

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  18. Good come back, it must have cut her to ribbons. jk. I would have been stunned and wished I had said something nasty before she disappeared from view.

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  19. I would have been too slow to say anything, but in *my mind* I would have run her down in my car. And then reversed over her.....

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  20. Replies
    1. On reflection I wish I'd bitch slapped her

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  21. I almost choked on the banana I was eating. Good God man you are freakin' hilarious.

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  22. Oh John. *hugs*
    Hope the rest of the week is better!

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  23. I was called much worse than that on Saturday afternoon whilst waiting to negotiate a roundabout after the endless stream of traffic exiting the Open Golf Championships had gone by. Eventually, I managed it but not before the thug who was edging nearer and nearer my bumper overtook me ON the roundabout, wound down his window and called me some awful names I never want to repeat.I was so furious, especially since he clearly saw the child seat in the back of my car which luckily did not hold my grandaughter in it at the time, I followed him as far as I could without getting a speeding ticket then had to abandon the chase.....I got his number though. I hope his balls turn black and drop off very slowly and painfully and a pox on the rest of him. Spoiled my whole day......especially since I was listening to my 'Court and Spark' cd at the time and was therefore full of peace and love, man.

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  24. Never cross a Nana!

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  25. Outstanding response. I'll have to remember that one.

    Love,
    Janie

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  26. Hear that? ... the sound of applause, coming all the way from Canada! I love it.

    Now what do you have for a man who is similarly rude?

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  27. well that made me spit my tea out!! as retorts go...pure gold!!!

    BH x

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  28. I thank you, as this made my evening all the sweeter! =D

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