Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Disgusted from Tunbridge Wells

OMG
It's happened
It's finally happened
I have officially and dare I say willingly joined the ranks of all sad middle aged " disgusted from Tunbridge Wells" letter writing, " nothing better to do" old farts....and I have caught myself leaving a public note out complaining of the amount of dog shit on our lane.
Ok, I did hand write the notice ( rather than print it out in some gothic script) and I didn't resort to some passive/ aggressive platitude.........favouring a more direct " don't do it" kind of message
However
!
I DID laminate the notice and I did feel the need to write the bloody thing in the first place.
bollocks!
It's official
I am now my father!
God help me...... What next?
Will I be believing everything that's written in the Daily Mail?
Will I start to buy those sensible pants from the Sunday supplements ?
And will I start developing a crush on the likes of Carol Vorderman and Edwina Currie?

All I do know...is that I have finally turned into a monster



71 comments:

  1. Sorry John, it's inevitable.
    However, I too am 'disgusted of Leyburn'. Would you believe that someone last week left a black bag of dog poo on the railings of our HSBC Bank.
    Alright - I know what some folk think of the banks these days, but I think that was going a bit far.

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  2. For all of us non-Brits, I looked it up on Wikipedia:

    The phrase Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells is a generic name used in the United Kingdom for a person, usually with strongly conservative political views, who writes letters to newspapers in a tone of moral outrage. According to local historian and former newspaper editor Frank Chapman, the phrase originated in the 1950s with the staff of the former Tunbridge Wells Advertiser. The paper's editor, alarmed at a lack of letters from readers, insisted his staff pen a few to fill space. One signed his simply "Disgusted, Tunbridge Wells".
    The phrase was given a wide currency in the early 1950s by the BBC radio comedy series Take it from Here in which Disgusted, played by Wallas Eaton, would make a ludicrous protest to give the cue for a sketch by Jimmy Edwards and Dick Bentley.
    In 1978, Radio 4 called its new listener feedback programme, Disgusted, Tunbridge Wells, though it has since been renamed Feedback.
    In recent times, some residents of Tunbridge Wells are calling the tag "inappropriate" and "stereotypical" and want the town to drop association with it in favour of "Delighted of Tunbridge Wells".

    You're welcome,
    Els

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Els! That saved me some time.

      Delete
  3. I might have to do the same - our streets were swept yesterday and today there are two large stinking piles on the road edge. I think I would welcome the bags!

    Helen

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  4. I was a 'disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' when I was young.I used to write anti apartheid notes and tuck them among the S African fruits on display in supermarkets.
    Apologies to any here who read one!
    Jane x

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    Replies
    1. O Jane, I think that's wonderful!
      Els

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  5. I was wearing a sympathetic and empathic smile reading this post - until I came to the bit about believing what's in the Daily Mail. That really WOULD mean that you've reached a place where is positively NO redemption! Please, J.G. Don;t go THAT far!

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  6. I believe that it's called 'Old Age' John ...... I first thought that you had put up a notice that the Royal baby hd been born ..... now that would have been sad. XXXX

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  7. Oh my God! Green ink too! This is the first step to madness!

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    Replies
    1. Hangs head in shame

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    2. Winston Churchill wrote in green ink : )

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    3. Raises head and smiles

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    4. Don't, John (hang head in shame): I too once wrote in green ink. Then I graduated to fuchsia.

      Now? Black on white.

      U

      Delete
  8. I see nothing wrong with this. Haha.

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  9. Well it was a very polite note John...here's hoping it does some good.

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  10. I didn't know about the bad reputation of Turnbridge Wells. In our (very nice) hotel there, where son begged me to teach him the first words in English (he was almost five years old then and they were: "How much costs a helicopter?" because he was impressed by the hotel owner landing in his own black helicopter on his own big lawn beside his own big cedar - in this hotel stayed The Pasadena Roof Orchestra - and I have the impression they must be centenarians now, still playing all over the world - so: don't be silly with your 49 years or whatsoever!

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    Replies
    1. I'll add that instantly to my vocabulary!

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  11. The thing we fear the most, I have heard, shall come upon us. I see and hear my mother every time I am in a room.

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  12. Dear Sir,
    Is it just me or has the standard of public notices fallen in recent years? In my day it would have been a horse-whipping for the culprit and no mistake.

    Yours in high dudgeon

    Colonel S Parrot DFC and Bar (Deceased)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SP
      WE need to bring back the village stocks

      Delete
    2. I thought you still had them in Wales, that and the ducking stool :-)

      Delete
  13. What you need now is a nice beige, zip-up cardi, with suede panels on the front. And a comb-over.....

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    Replies
    1. I already have the cardigan
      X

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  14. Don't fight it John.....you just can't alter the fact that we will all become our parents, maybe slightly watered down but still coming out in us as we age......but 'monster'? not you.

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  15. omg...you've turned into my father!

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    Replies
    1. Was yours called Ronald?

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  16. The sign is a good beginning unfortunately you may have to catch them in the "act".

    My brother in law finally had to stake out their end road (other measures did not work). Someone was driving up and dumping empty bottles/cans where the kids play. He had to chase them on foot a bit but they finally stopped showing up.

    Be careful!

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    Replies
    1. I draw the line at shit patrols

      Delete
  17. A very polite note...
    Hoping it pricks somebody's mind, and they change their ways.
    Or they could just be a prick.
    ~Jo

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  18. I would have said 'shit' and carried on from there... then regretted it and taken it down in the middle of the night.

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    Replies
    1. You are my man, Tom. Except I wouldn't have taken it down in the middle of the night.

      U

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    2. You would have threatened them with a shotgun

      Delete
  19. Dear Monster, don't worry. Stop reading the Daily Mail. Try the Guardian. Then you'll be really like a dog with a bone unable to let go off. The Times being a total write off since they couldn't even bring themselves to cover Ed. Where were we: Dog poo. That's where papers comes in useful.

    I reserve a loathing for people who let their dogs shit all over the place. However, and for once England can almost pass as Switzerland, ever since fines for fouling were introduced you will be hard pressed to find shit on a pavement. Bloody miracle.

    U

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    Replies
    1. U
      I never read any newspapers
      They depress me
      I prefer singing Julie Andrews' songs

      Delete
  20. Oh, I've been tempted so often. My father had "calling cards" that he would leave on car windshields (windscreens?). They read: "Thanks for taking up two parking spaces. I had to park three blocks away. ASSHOLE!"

    You are so much more polite. (Then again, he was a New Yorker.)

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    Replies
    1. I am off to write asshole on my notice right now

      Delete
  21. I go down the drive that leads to our hamlet regularly, clutching a fat indelible marker, and re-do the PRIVATE sign in the hope that it will stop walkers busting for a piss, popping in for a wee. Last time I took a white pencil and went round it all for emphasis. You are NOT alone....

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    Replies
    1. Did you draw a little camera too?

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  22. Last week I found a pile of human poo in our little woodland - the giveaway was the fact that dogs don't wipe their backsides on tissues. I have now dug tiger-pits and installed trip wires. Disgusted, of Alford.

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    Replies
    1. Human poo!
      Bloody hell....... Do you want me to laminate you a sign?

      Delete
    2. When I was a reporter at a newspaper in Pennsylvania, the publisher had his own entrance from the sidewalk into his office. One morning he arrived at work to find that someone had taken a crap on the office doorstep and wiped with his socks, which he kindly left behind. I disliked that publisher intensely so I was kind of pleased about the poo. Besides, I didn't have to clean it up.

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  23. I put a notice in our back garden which is open to the fields behind, "to the neighbour who lets their dog crap in our garden... at least have the decency to clear it up" Someone did apologise !!!

    Dog crap lines our pavements here & filled poop bags litter the woods.

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  24. I applaud you for making a stand - showing commitment to your neighbourhood. I don't think you are turning into "Disgusted..." or your father. I hope you have made a few extra notices so that when the present notice is blown off or ripped off you can replace it.

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    Replies
    1. You are being lovely to me recently YP

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  25. Old age has hit you for sure.
    1.The next thing you'll be doing is chasing the kids down the lane in your pyjamas every time they make too much noise.
    2.You'll buy yourself a binnocula so you can spy on what's going on in and around your neighbourhood.
    3. In fact, you'll join neighbourhood watch just to bully anyone who comes anywhere near your ground.
    4. This time next year, you'll have at least 30 notices on that poor tree, ha ha ha.

    You'll be the only one enjoying life then...

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    Replies
    1. Oh dear.............I already do no 1

      Delete
  26. Nah, you're not losing it until you leave take back radio on when you go to bed, then ring up at 4am to tell the announcer how much better things were in your day and what young people today need (national service/a good thrashing/less meat/etc).
    The phrase Disgusted of Tubridge Wells always reminds me of Kenny Everett in bowler hat, suit jacket, high heels and black stockings, being Angry of Mayfair.
    It was all done in the Best Possible Taste!!

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    1. Crosses legs theatrically

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  27. Anna Nicholas (Telegraph Expat Blog) wrote last month about a council in Spain who track down the miscreants and couriers the 'caca' back to the dog's owner.
    Gets my vote!

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    Replies
    1. It happened to my mother once when I was a boy.... A woman presented my mother with a bag of our dogs shit at the front door
      She took it with a big smile and thank you
      Then smacked the Dalmatian

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  28. Good for you.
    I might just do the same thing here. For the last few months piles of distinctively coloured dog poo have appeared on our grass verge, pavement, lanes and even literally just inside the stile on the footpath so that it's almost impossible not to step in it.
    Several residents have been looking out for the culprit, but I might just start a poster campaign.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean
      Lets set up a support group

      Delete
  29. One of our neighbours allows (encourages) their small and yappy dog to crap anywhere but at home. So (shamefaced) on a day when something else had filled me with ballistic rage I bagged their dog's offering and - dropped it in their letterbox.

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  30. One of the best things about reaching a certain age & officially become an old fart is that you begin to care les & less about what others think of the things you say & do. In defense of us old farts, if there wasn't an endless supply of stupid people doing really stupid things, there wouldn't be as much need for old farts to comment on these idiots. All old farts need to be mindful of the occasional retailiation for expressing our displeasure with certain people's behavior.
    I recall a time when I was a teenager and my Father had given some kids hell for some behavior he did't approve of. The next night a large rock was hurled throuh the picture windows at 3 AM. So, you do have to calculate the cost of expressing old fartisms.
    Your notice about people cleaning up after their dogs made me think of a common joke played on people often during the 1960's that would likely have been played on you for posting that notice. I don't know if this prank is done in Wales, but here is what your payback could have been in the US.
    A few night after posting your notice you would hear a knock at your front door. When you open the door you would oddly find no one there, but you would quickly take notice of a small fire buring on your step. Being an old fart & believing in fire safety, you reflexively stomp the blaze out with your shoe. You now hear laughter & someone running away about the same time your brain registers a large waft of dog poop sending your olfactory senses into overdrive. You will be momenttarily boggled as to why anyone would play such an awful prank on a nice person such like yourself. As you dance around trying to remove your poo-caked shoe, you realize that there is a price to be paid for being an old fart.
    Unfortunately, irresponsible people who don't clean up after their dogs are the least likely to feel compelled to clean up their act because a complaint was posted. They have no shame. Dog poop is a serious public health issue, especially for children. Perhaps your friends at the town counsil could start an official Pick-up Your Poop Campaign. Peer pressure does have some positive effect on these public poo offenders. Imposing large monitary fines or rewards for those who report offenders works even better.

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    Replies
    1. Ellen
      I love your replies
      Long winded and more interesting than the original post xxxx

      Delete
  31. I also have a lousy neighbor who lets their dog run loose to shit on everyone else's yard. I make a habit of picking it up from in front of my yard and leaving it on their front steps...

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  32. Well, something has do be done about the mad poopers! I once went for a walk in the Cotswolds and every pile (And there were many!) had a white circle spraypainted around it. I don't know if that was meant to shame the perp or to keep people from stepping in it.

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  33. I don't see a monster, John. I see someone who is tired of people who don't take responsibility and expect someone else to clean up after them.

    Have a good day, John!

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  34. We all have to turn into our parents someday, but we can try to be a better version of them. I don't think it's a big deal or that it makes you an old fart because you don't want someone dumping shit in your vicinity. That's really pretty rude behavior.

    Love,
    Janie

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  35. I think your note a nice one. You've noticed something that no one likes and you are letting the person know. I've been doing such things nearly all my life thus far. As a young child, i'd point and yell, "Litterbug!" if i saw someone throw refuse out of their car window. As a teen, i'd gather up the trash, run up to the car and throw it back in, or knock on their window and tell them they forgot something.

    At my last location, a farm down the road had a sign that read, "Only trashy people throw trash on the side of the road." I don't know if it curtailed the trash any, as the farmer dutifully picked up any litter he saw.

    Bagged poo? I'd wait to see who's dumping it and fling it back at them. Ideally into an open car window on a really hot day. Just to drive the point home.

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    Replies
    1. It makes me insane when I see someone dump the contents of an ashtray out of a car window. I used to yell at people but now I'm too afraid someone will shoot me.

      Delete
  36. Well, at least it's bagged?

    I've always lived with very distinctive dogs so I wouldn't dare not scoop when they poop. In my subdivision there are even garbage drums for dropping off any offerings on the way home.

    What does annoy me is the extended lead brigade. You know the leads that have yards of leash to let the dog wonder. Well, letting your dog go 20 feet away from you and do it's business doesn't relieve you of your duty to pick it up.

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  37. I think it's quite nice that you have turned into your father, now you can get away with so much more.

    My Mum lives in the mirror and shocks me every time I pass :-)

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  38. This is the turning point. There's no stopping you now. It's too late for help. I'm sorry my friend.

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  39. Hahahaha...but I hate dog shit droppers too. If they have taken the trouble to bag it why can't they bin it?

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  40. Welcome to the ranks of the grumpy old folk, John, nice to have your company. Of course, you needn't stop at the notice, you could do what I did and phone the Enviromental department in your local council offices ... they are sitting there twiddling there thumbs anyway and are just waiting to hear from a dog poo objector. How do I know this? Because I got so thoroughly sickened by the sight of those horrible poo filled bags hanging on the ornate gates nearby, passed twice daily, that I had to do something, before I started throwing up in the car on a twice daily basis. And can you believe it, I was politely asked what I'd like the ED chappie to do about it ... where do you start!!! He cleared up the mess, I suspect not personally, but his minions were sent out to the job. However, that did not stop the problem and a few weeks later I renewed our acquaintance and suggested that not only should it be cleared up but that a poo bin prominently located near those lovely ornate gates might help ... bingo! Job done and I'm happy, he's happy and presumably the dog owners are happy too :) In the meantime, I hope your notice has the desired effect. Elizabeth xx
    PS: my grumbles are not wholly limited to dog poo, there's plenty more irritants around for me to rage against, e.g. litter, road hogs, spitting footballers, etc., etc. All the stuff I didn't notice when I was younger :)

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  41. Try this link for an in-depth analysis of whether or not you should read one of the UK's best selling daily papers: http://www.shouldireadthedailymail.com/ :-)

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  42. Go easy on yourself John (you're NOT a monster)...there is a problem and you confronted it! You're not your Dad (even if you have some behaviors similar to your Dad's)! I have to agree with the folks above you might have to involve someone "higher up" in your "clean up the poo" campaign. Would a trash bin help? I'd certainly suggest it to that "higher up" person.

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