Tuesday, 14 May 2013

A Lesbian With A Screwdriver

There was a bit of folklore in Sheffield which stated that if you were a single gay man, you could always find a possible date at the flagship Waitrose supermarket on a Wednesday night .
Conversley Lesbian dating, it was said, was based,  at the DIY Superstore B&Q on a weekend...
I know lazy stereotyping
But ever so slightly amusing
Yesterday the two ladies who had suffered the fox attack over the weekend, dropped off their now unwanted hen houses,and runs. Every piece had been dismantled, within an inch of its life, and so, I was ever so slightly anxious at the prospect of sorting through a huge pile of timber, screws and chicken wire which was piled up in a mountain by the gate.
Now, I am not known for my woodworking skills
Especially when I have no paper instructions to follow......
I know, I looked a little worried!
Anyhow the kind ladies must have sensed my anxiety, for as the last bit of wood was dropped on the grass
They asked for a few screwdrivers, screwdrivers which they flipped professionally in their hands.

" Come on Pam " the First Lady said, in a rather passable imitation of Sigourney Weaver out of  aliens
" let's kick some ass"

In just half an hour the pair, helped occasionally by me, knocked up three hen houses, and two runs.....which are a complete godsend, as during the next two weeks, I am expecting two broody buffs to hatch out their chicks and the ducklings are due too, in their incubator in the kitchen

Thank you ladies. Both of you were stars 
Ripley would be very proud

63 comments:

  1. They look brand new ! What a gift for you & your brood.

    A friend of mine lived in hope of meeting the love of her life at the supermarket.

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  2. Sounds like Ripley, guns ablaze, spitting ammo and flame, would have been no match for those two 'ladies' - augmented by your own not insignificant assistance, of course.

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  3. Women are so cool!

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  4. Extremely impressive hen houses! Heck, I wouldn't mind living in one (well, perhaps one which is a bit larger....)

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  5. It's true - I always go to B & Q to pick up lesbians.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I'm off to Waitrose on Wednesday night.....I could use some help choosing slipcovers......

      Delete
  6. SEND 'EM ROUND (yesterday afternoon)!

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  7. So - would love to see how your post stats on this rate against other posts, I'm guessing at least 75% increase on normal traffic with a title like that ;-)

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    Replies
    1. " tits in space"

      Did well. Too!

      Delete
  8. Your new hen houses look very smart - like miniature Swiss ski chalets. In contrast, the mucky greenish one on the left looks like a prisoners' hut from "Tenko"!

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    Replies
    1. How VERY dare you... That green is " old English green" an expensive traditional paint!

      Delete
    2. "Bow,or I punish".
      Jane x

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  9. My wife is the same way with screwdrivers, she can assembly anything in a very reasonable amount of time, even when the instructions are crap.

    The problem comes when it comes to returning the assorted tools she might use. Long story short the "belong" to me but after she uses them where they end up is never back in my tool bag.

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    Replies
    1. Ah the " inability to return anything to its proper place"
      I have a partner who suffers from that

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    2. Sorry, guys, no.. they return to a logical place where woman might need again but man may fail to find!

      Delete
  10. I suppose your contribution to the proceedings was a Long Slow Screw or was it just tea?

    LLX

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  11. Tea and cake
    I only had one scotch egg left

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  12. They look truly brilliant installations. Karma - you are doing them a kindness, and they you.

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  13. they should build some in london and sell em for 200 grand. looks fab!

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  14. I adore practical dykes. I've found the odd one that can do things better than I can and I am quite happy to let them take over.

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  15. What charming hen houses! Truly one kindness begets another.

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  16. You should consider yourself lucky they didn't call you a 'girl' after the "lets kick some ass" dialogue :-)

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  17. That green one at the back looks a bit rough.....

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    Replies
    1. Cheeky bitch.. That's my best coop

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    2. It may be your best coop but it's an eyesore and needs a makeover and Nota Bene is a sophisticated lady - not a bitch! Most ungentlemanly comment and you have sunk in my estimations.

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    3. Oh bloody hell
      Another moaner
      YP
      Note is a gentleman not a lady
      And I called him an endearing CHEEKY bitch
      ...xxxx

      Delete
  18. Most women whatever their taste can do DIY. We'd be in a heck of a shape if we couldn't. My husband is a procrastinator so I just get on with it.

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  19. I've worked alongside many an able-bodied, do-all, woman, and I was always impressed :)
    What lovely chicken houses, and yes, you both deserve a high-five, for exchanging kindnesses.
    ~Jo

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  20. I'm beginning to think you deliberately craft your post headings to improve your search engine results!

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    Replies
    1. I once had a website called Dykes , Dildo and Pussies. The dykes were me and my GF. Dildo is for Dildo, Newfoundland which is the community that parts of my family are from. Pussies were our cats.

      I only created it to see how much web traffic it would get. It was quite popular there for awhile :)

      Delete
  21. Wow...there's an upgrade for the field.

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  22. I'm okay with a screwdriver, but I'm bloody brilliant with 'No Nails'.

    I once had a whole wall of shelves that held my extensive video and Dvd collections held up with No Nails and a few dressmakers pins. Funny my Dad would never sit at the end of the sofa nearest the shelves :-)

    And yes, I too think that you are choosing your headings to get as wide a selection of readers as possible ....... oooh Matron!!

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  23. wow....what a great addition! you are living amongst a chicken palace!

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  24. "A Lesbian With A Screwdriver"

    sounds like my husbands dream woman...

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    Replies
    1. No
      That's TWOlesbians with screwdrivers

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    2. That's making my eyes water...

      Delete
  25. Oh I LOVE those little henhouses!! I need to find my own lesbians with screwdrivers... I have a lot of beehive stuff to assemble. ;)))

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  26. Very swanky accommodation!

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  27. I prefer my lesbians to be holding a mug of Red Breast Whisky but if screwdrivers are the best you can do....

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  28. at first I thought "what's he on about now?"...then as I'm reading I'm thinking..."please let them put all that stuff together for him (he's had so many misadventures recently he needs all the help he can handle)"...and bless their screwdriving hearts...they did!!! :D :D :D Now awaiting delivery word on the feathery critters to come!!!

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  29. Wow, the new henhouses look great, as do the runs. I hope the women will come visit their rehomed girls to see how they get on.

    Do you have names for them yet, or did the come with names? If you need to think of some, i think at least one should be called Rosie, as in Rosie of Riveter fame. Would give a nod to two, able-bodied, mechanically inclined women.

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  30. Its a damn good thing they did put them together for you else they would still be in a pile a month from now.

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  31. How do you know they were lesbians?

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    Replies
    1. I have known both ladies a good few years

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    2. And neither were wearing dungarees

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  32. Gorgeous new homes for the girls.

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  33. Aww... my people! We are handy! And have all our own tools and know how to use them.

    plufrompdx

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  34. Sigourney Weaver was my ex-husband's celebrity crush in the 1980s. I am more like a fattish Meg Ryan. The marriage was doomed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Suisse
      My claim to fame is that I once walked into Sigourney weaver outside Bloomingdales ....all I could do was squeak

      Delete
  35. Blimey! I'm impressed.

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  36. hen houses look fab. Better than my shed.

    I saw an advert on the tv the other day and it made me think of your blog and love of scotch eggs.

    it is for Mcdonalds and the man drives his landrover and terrier dog to the ferry and goes and gets a maccy D's. And says something like that's better...

    They should let you do an advert for M&S scotch eggs. you could drive your van and have the dogs, a duck a turkey and some hens follow you into the shop.

    I think it would be tops!

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    Replies
    1. Can you email M & S and suggest it?

      Delete
  37. They look good for the money! I've got a free on I've got to go and pick up but I think I've got to cut my way into the pen first!

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    Replies
    1. Two of the coops are not robust enough to keep out a badger but will ve ideal for nesting and occasional quarantine etc

      Delete
  38. Look awsome good jomb girls. John i have a qwestion do you tether the structures to the ground in any way? We have alot of windy days and i was thinking of keeping a couple of laying henns if my brother would build me one , we also have Kyotees so hens cant be free range.

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  39. Those are good-looking hen houses.

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  40. What wonderful gifts for taking their hens in! I rather like the green one the most!
    Enjoy them, John. ♥

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  41. I just heard on the radio this morning that someone has started selling diapers for chickens so they can be kept in the house and I thought of you. Question #1, why would you want your dinner or breakfast provider in the house? Question #2, does putting a diaper on a chicken then make them not free range due to the constriction of having clothing on? ;)

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