Monday, 28 January 2013

My Rocky Relationship With Vomit

Now not wanting to sound like a rotund Julian Clarey, Still I have to say that I can cope rather well with most bodily fluids if they are flung at me.
This 'robustness' hails not only from my general nursing experience but from my time as a psychiatric nurse, a time when I have been pelted with and covered by every consistencancy of human waste possible.
(I remember one particularly revolting experience,when as a student nurse I got hit by a wet 'Cowpat' of a human turd right on the back of my neck, just as I was enjoying a cup of tea too!)
Anyhow, I do have one Achilles' Heel when it comes to waste,
And that is vomit.
Even now when I am holding that paper mâché vomit bowl up to the retching face of a patient, Inside I do that reciprocal heaving motion in sympathy so to speak, and if I was totally stripped of my professional responsibilities, I am sure that I could quite easily push their face out of the way and fill the bowl myself......TO THE RIM!
Now this weakness comes from another long distant nursing experience........it's not a product of the all of those student-post-nightclub-on-an-early-shift throw ups.....no....it hails from an unfortunate mouth-to-mouth moment with an elderly drunk, who promptly vomited the contents of his savory mince dinner into my mouth moments after he had so thoughtfully collapsed at the dinner table.

So....keeping all this in mind...imagine my delight in finding one of the hens suffering from sour crop.
Now sour crop IS a fun thing!
For those that don't know it's a fungal disease of the crop of a bird and happens when the bloody thing does not empty. The crop fills with what could only be described as green foul smelling liquid vomit which has to be expressed by the caring owner ( ME!) before the poor animal can be treated with a soothing medication of natural yogurt.
God I hate this job
Twice a day I have to turn the poor bugger upside down and drain her of what often seems like a quart of what can only be described as 'zombie fluid'
Then, when I am in a state of that could only be described of as an attack of the vapours, can I inject the much welcomed yogurt, moments before I start retching myself.
It's all rather unsavoury to say the least.
Hey ho
I am off to lie down in a darkened room
You can just make out the crop contents.....how delightful

56 comments:

  1. Well that has slightly put me off getting my chickens I have to say lol. You should try getting in the middle of two squabbling llamas, although it's not technically vomit, their spit smells like silage .... and it's green and lumpy and usually arrives just about face height :-) In their defence they hardly ever spit at humans unless they feel threatened, it's usually just at each other over who is going to be head llama .... you just have to make sure you don't get caught in the crossfire lol :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hummm llamas...now THAT'S a new thought

      Delete
  2. Ewwwwwww. Gross. Thanks John, now I can't finish my 130am glass of wine! Oh lucky you to have to tend to this!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice to hear from you cassie..long time no hear

      Delete
  3. There is a type of fly here that lays its egs on animals. The maggots then burrow into the sking leaving very sore lumps. Occasionally the dogs get infested. The only way to get them out is to squeeze them like a boil. When the maggot pops out, you have to grab it and tug the rest of it out and then move on to the next one. I WILL chunder at least once during the process!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tee hee....
      I think I have opened the floodgates to every nausea inducing story known to blogdom

      Delete
  4. wish I wasn't eating as I read this...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have all this to come kev

      Delete
  5. Well, I have been put off nursing and chickens.. and thank goodness I have just had tea. The elderly drunk story nearly had me running down the street screaming lol. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wasn't too happy about it either!

      Delete
  6. That's put me off my breakfast :o(

    ReplyDelete
  7. That young, somewhat eccentric taxidermist who I have been mentioning a lot recently has one trait which I have never found in anyone else - she actually enjoys watching people vomit. She (so she says) always regrets not having a camera to hand when someone is chucking-up, so that she can keep the event on record for ever. Takes all sorts, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It must be an inside out sort of 'thing' I suspect

      Delete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. For some reason this reminded me of when I was a vet nurse and was hit in the face by the contents of an infected anal sac..give me vomit anytime LOL

    edited to add- Yes I had my mouth shut. Hard to believe I know...

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm sure the hen is extremely grateful John.
    And I hope she recovers soon..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hens don't Boyce back as other birds can... We will see x

      Delete
  11. I don't know about you and a darkened room John, but after reading this, I need one too!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well that little tale went down well with my mug of coffee! ;-) The darkened room beckons...

    ReplyDelete
  13. All thoughts of hen keeping have gone thank you very much. I was just thinking about Snippets anal gland that I think may need a veterinary squeeze when your post came along to tip me over the edge. Happy Monday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Give em a squeeze yourself it's easy

      Delete
  14. That was my gross out point to start the day with. Thought you would LOVE anything resembling Zombie, John? Ha!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Gee, that went well with my bowl of cereal.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Read this while trying to drink a green smoothie. Ish.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm not surprised you have an aversion to vomit after the drunkard episode, how revolting!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I very fortunately have not had that issue with the chickens yet....ish indeed! Like Kay, I've been spewed with sour llama silage when I've been between two bickering females. My vomit trigger is cleaning up dog puke.....the kind that is textured like gelatinous snot and especially if said vomit was triggered by eating fish offal from the neighbors attractive fish gut pile.

    ReplyDelete
  19. The joys of animal husbandry!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Animal puke = OK (horses can't vomit...bonus)
    Human puke = The most disgusting thing ever.
    Jane x

    ReplyDelete
  21. I've got a weak stomach when it comes to vomit myself. The hubs always had to sit with our daughter when she was sick.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Ick! I always get sympathy retches when another pukes (including animals). The drunk experience tops ANY I have ever heard or experienced. Double ick!

    janet

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am soooo grossed out! And the distinct odour of vomit seems to be seeping through the computer screen ... Poor You, Dahling!!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Good lord, John, I nearly puked just reading this post! I was thinking about grabbing some breakfast before I stopped by your blog...but now my appetite is gone. This post would be a great diet aid!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I once went 12 years without vomiting...good times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congratulations (I think)

      Delete
  26. Son once vomitted on husband from the top bunk, all over his head. Hubby picked him up (son still vomitting on him) and carried him into the bathroom. By the time he got there, son declared - I've finished now daddy! Daddy was not amused..
    But the queen of chunder in our house was our extremely travel sick daughter. We used to go everywhere with a bowl, flannels and a couple of changes of clothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are winning with the most revolting story so far

      Delete
    2. Not too sure about that John...vomit in the mouth beats vomit on the head in my humble opinion. Although, I'm not certain that this is a contest anyone wants to win......EVER!!!!
      Snot triggers my gag relex...hate snot.

      Delete
  27. I've said it before: You're a better man than I, Gunga Din.

    Thanks for another charming story of your idyllic life with animals (and other humans)!

    ReplyDelete
  28. OMG! This is a delightfully disgusting post!! John, I bet you are enjoying all of this!
    OK. I'll play along if you insist. And this is so appropriate considering that I find myself surrounded by 'chicken stories'......the smell of cooked eggs would make me gag! And could, if I didn't really focus make me vomit!! No kidding. Until very recently (three years ago) I couldn't be in the same room with a cooked egg. Was difficult to do as Ron LOVES eggs!!
    Now after a 'treatment' from a Naturopath, I have an egg every day and cook it myself too! Just sayin'.....

    ReplyDelete
  29. Erg, John, that's put me off getting some hens.

    When I was a nurse aeons ago I could cope with vomit (just!!) but my bete noire was sputum. When I was a junior nurse I worked in a TB hospital - oh the joys of the morning "sputum round" ! I won't elaborate out of consideration for your readers. :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Well, anyone eating anything and deciding to read this particular entry when the title clearly states vomit is simply testing his/her stomach in my opinion.

    I abhor the smell of vomit, and i think that's what does me in.

    Phoebe pukes the most of any cat we've ever lived with, and when i hear her start, no matter how deeply asleep i am, i am wide awake INSTANTLY.

    I do find human vomit more revolting; when the cats puke, i simply clean it up and get on with things.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Urgh! I love my hens - but...the thought of it - *shivers*

    ReplyDelete
  32. Someone. Just kill me now.....

    ReplyDelete
  33. I wasn't feeling all that well to start with! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  34. I had a similar puke in the mouth experience whilst entertaining my 1 year old daughter with what was probably an over zealous 'Horsey Horsey Don't You Stop' moment. She was balanced on my knees and I was lay down in direct projectile path. Thanks for the memory :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Note to myself: Nerver read John's blog right after dinner!

    ReplyDelete
  36. This is a pretty nasty post, if I might say so myself.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  37. Right; I've decided. If any of mine ever get 'sour crop', they'll also get lead poisoning (of the .22 kind).

    ReplyDelete
  38. Zombie Vomit - ha ha ! I had a sick cat & vomiting dog at the weekend - not nice.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anonymous9:55 am

    See, that wouldn't bother me. Years of working in an animal rescue has hardened me to just about anything to do with animals. People on the other hand... yuck!

    It's Hannah from Llanasa, btw. It wouldn't let me comment when I logged into my account :-/

    ReplyDelete
  40. You know more about chooks than any other person I know (virtually or in real life). I am impressed. That is one lucky chook!

    ReplyDelete
  41. This was a delightfully disgusting post, my dear.

    And, um, did you know you were signed up for today's Re-Introduce Myself blog hop, along with 140+ other people? Ya know, where people are supposed to stop by to get to know more about ya???

    Don't worry much about first impressions, do ya? HA! Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Different. . . dogs yes, chickens not so much. Last best dog of mine, Penny, a beautiful Gordon Setter. Do the Welsh like Scots better than English?

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x