Tuesday, 2 October 2012

A House-Husband's woes

Black is Black- I want my baby back!

Now I am sure that in this world there are a few misinformed individuals that think that most house-husbands enjoy a charmed life eating hob-nobs in front of Jeremy Kyle while they drag the hoover sporadically around the living room without moving any piece of furniture whatsoever!
Well to all those scum sucking morons , all I can say is " Come around to my house.....and if you do, bring a spare duster and a boiler suit!"
This morning I was up with the lark and after taking Chris to the station, I walked the dogs, sorted the animals out (The sheep came within 2 feet of me today!) and then when to the Church to help take the Harvest festival goodies down to the homeless centre.
As usual the staff and "residents" were overwhelmed with the good will  of just 20 or so elderly village Churchgoers here in Trelawnyd, and I must admit I was somewhat humbled by the sincere good wishes passed on by some of the users of the shelter who helped unload the car.
As we left another car load of food arrived from another diocese in the county.
So many people just don't realise what good work the unfashionable and seemingly archaic institution of the Church can do.
Anyhow, on the way home, I called in to the supermarket, bought some dog wormer from the vets and collected some coal before I went to Quick Fit to get a bald tyre changed (I had to laugh when the mechanic told me that he placed a plastic sheet on  drivers seat to protect his overalls and not the car interior!) 
After all that I then took advantage of my "lets get the jobs crossed off my list" mentality and  after feeding the animals and walking the dogs again, I grabbed the chimney sweep brushes and launched forth up the inglenook!
Two hours later I looked like a butch Oprah Winfrey....and a while after that I counted four bags of soot in the back garden---it's a horrid job, and no matter how careful you are, there is always a small film of soot over most surfaces when you finally yank that filthy brush head out of the firedoor....
Ah the joys of having a real fire!
Anyhow, Its going on two thirty and I have just sat down with my FIRST coffee of the day .......all I have to do now is to clean the cottage, bleach the kitchen floor, collect and deliver the eggs, walk the dogs again and make supper..........
Now........ where are those hob-nobs?

65 comments:

  1. OK OK I get the picture you have a hard life but there is always time to blog! Never mind the hoovering just never give up blogging which amuses your internet friends!

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    Replies
    1. I can multitask cubY!
      DRINK COFFEE, pick soot out of my arse and clog...all at the same time

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  2. Good work on getting the sheep to come closer. No sudden moves now.

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  3. Would you enjoy a working vacation here At The Farm? I could use that type of help. I can never seem to get it all done.

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  4. Replies
    1. I dont get out of bed for anything less than 4£ an hour

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    2. Dare I ask how much you charge for the opposite direction??

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  5. Oh God John, what a job. At this moment in time, I have four men mending my cracks ( Oooo errr Missus) on the flank wall of our Victorian house. We have the original Victorian fireplaces in every room and, as they drill, all of the soot that is up there has now entered all of the rooms !!
    We have always lived in old houses and seem to have a film of dust over everything continuously ...... the joys of living in a period property !
    Can I borrow your face mask in exchange for a packet of Hob-nobs ? XXXX

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    Replies
    1. did your men sort out your cracks to your satisfaction?

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    2. My cracks have been nicely filled thank you very much !!!! XXXX

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  6. I am always amazed at how much you accomplish in a day. I always thought how lovely it would be to have a house husband so I could focus on my work and come home to a clean home, dinner cooked and my knickers folded nicely in my drawer.

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  7. Two thirty? Wasn't that the time the Chinese man had his dental appointment?

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  8. What a multi tasker. Impressive. How was the coffee and what you got planned for tea?

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  9. Oh my goodness, am glad that here in Iowa I have a furnace to warm me up in the mornings..no cleaning out the chimneys because of soot.. Glad you have a mask over your face. That soot could be dangerous to your lungs.
    Have you thought of giving those sheep a snack? they would love a snack..
    have a tiggeriffic day~! ta ta for now from Iowa:)

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  10. Didn't there used to be a saying John - a woman's work is never done? Well, the same obviously applies to house-husbands. We had the sweep today with all his electric equipment but the soot is so light that it still gets everywhere and there is endless cleaning up to do. I got down on my knees to do some of it and couldn't get up again - luckily the farmer was upstairs and came to my aid, otherwise I could have been there all afternoon!

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  11. Black is the new Gray.
    Jane x

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    Replies
    1. BEST comment from Jane up there. Awesomely funny!

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    2. I can't help but agree! Cute too!

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  12. Yes the same assumption is made about home makers here. We all just sit around eating bon bons watching soap operas. I often have others say to me "I would be so bored, what do you do all day" LOL what ya going to do... I don't bother anymore explaining I have more to get done in a day than I can...
    But on another note, don't you love a day where you are getting this much done! I just love when I can get a ton done and nothing interrupts me!

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  13. I'd love a chapter where i can be a housewife, as i really do love to putter around the home. For now, i'm glad i have a job that i like most of the time and that pays me well.

    I do pay a sweep to clean out the flue, given that i can fracture my 5th metatarsal falling off a kerb, it's just safer.

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  14. All twelve shades of Gray!!

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  15. Sounds like you had a full day, John!

    I have had to light into the old man a few times when he came home grousing about "What did you do all day?" Believe my worse words in response were "I painted all the trim in the house and get you bleep bleep hands off!" If they don't see it at a glance, well! It didn't get done! Yah, I married one of THOSE. ;-)

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  16. Has Jeremy Kyle started yet? There is a murder she wrote episode later.

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  17. We call ChimineyCricket. They point bricks and replace flasing, too.

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  18. When I first saw the pic I thought 'what on earth has he been feeding the dogs?'.
    Is soot good for the garden? Think I read somewhere that it was.

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  19. Just wanted to add......I love the picture that accompanies this post. You look rather sexy in all that black Mr Gray.

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  20. You don't qualify to be a house husband surely..don't you nurse too? and as busy as your day sounds, the thought of being able to walk dogs and pootle about in your own time sounds great.

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    Replies
    1. LIBBY
      I only do one long sheft a week at the hospital!!!!

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  21. My husband is the stay at home partner....so we can relate! Though I have caught him on the computer for long hours at a time instead of working on his blackface. Hmm. I think our chimneys need a good scrub too!

    Congrats on getting closer to the girls...it will come in time.

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  22. You look exactly like Tom Jones in that photo.

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    Replies
    1. thats Me! SEX BOMB SEX BOMB!

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    2. That made me laugh out loud.

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  23. OOH I like you all dirty!

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  24. Indeed, for all its faults the Church does a lot of really good work for its parishioners and the local community. There's a church over here in Newtownards that runs a much-in-demand food bank. An awful lot of people would starve without them.

    Ah yes, that layer of soot that gets all over everything. An absolute nightmare cleaning it up.

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  25. Ha! Rob puts a chain down our woodstove pipes to give them a good cleaning out. Nothing worse then a chimney fire, and didn't like when it happened once. Other then more dust, I do love our wood heat the best in life.

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  26. I like "he placed a plastic sheet on drivers seat to protect his overalls" Made me laugh!

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    Replies
    1. you wouldn't blame him if you saw the state of the car!!!!

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  27. You look like a cross between Stan Laurel and old man Steptoe! LOL!

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  28. I have alternatively felt proud of being a housewife (ahem stay-at-home-mum) and ashamed. Now I don't give a shit, I chose to be personally cash-poor for my kids. Now all the little darlings seem to be at home all the freaking time and I don't get the freaking time to do the freaking housework (deep breath), sorry! Oh and guess what, The FW (aka The F***kWit) is now home all the freaking (sorry) time and is noticing that certain jobs need a deep clean *WHAT* and is 'mentioning' certain areas that he is going to do. ok then. Why don't you watch whilst, and at the same time, suckin my brains out when I am TRYING to do some freaking (sorry) housecleaning. oh yeah and suggesting a BETTER way of doing something I have been cleaning for THIRTY freaking (sorry) years. Piss off and get a hobby you bxxtxxd. (sorry).
    OK rant/minor breakdown over. Normal transmission will be resumed as soon as possible.
    Susan x (yep you get a x now)
    PS you make me laugh out loud and boy do I need that lol!
    PPS had laugh yesterday with BF whilst rat-baiting under the kitchen cupboard, crawling around her kitchen floor snorting, farting (yep we are 50ish), whilst her teenage daughter pissed herself whilst these two old broads tried to get the plinth back on. My life is all glamour dahling!

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    Replies
    1. susan we inhabit the same world!
      how glad are we?
      (prize for the best comment) x

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  29. PPPS Radio Two keeps me relatively sane, I just turn the music up when The FW comes in from either his cabin/former office OR workshop OR garage/model railway. I am usually in the kitchen *sigh*
    Susan xx (let's live dangerously with a double xx)

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  30. I always put a least one very easy task on my to-do list so, when I cross it/them off, I can feel I have achieved something. Feed animals, have shower... that sort of thing.

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  31. that's why we hire a chimney sweep to do our chimney, very little dust if any......

    Am I the only one who uses a chimney sweep?

    Gill in Canada

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  32. Blimey! That's what I call a full day!

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  33. I enjoyed the comments as much as the blog. Jane's and Susan's made me laugh for different reasons. I don't think I can add any more except to ask, what's a hobnob? Is it like a bonbon?

    janet

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  34. I pay the hubs to sweep the chimney, and it ain't in money, honey. lol I always enjoy reading what you are up to AND the comments from all of your readers.

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    Replies
    1. This ade me titter!
      you slag!
      x

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  35. scum sucking morons
    Had a good laugh at that. ;o)
    Have a great week, John!

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  36. What is it with you Brits sweeping your own chimneys? In Canada we pay people to do that for us. Wait. Maybe that's just me. nevermind.

    Ah, the life you lead. Never a dull moment!

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  37. I like the DIY ethic, but I can't wrap my brain around sweeping my own chimney. Everything in my house would surely end up black (soot is the new black?). And I certainly would not be smiling as you are in that photo. No sir.

    So, we pay the pros. But they're pretty inexpensive. Annual sweeping is required by the insurance companies (certificate and all) and the price for the job is, therefore, regulated. Costs about €50 a year per chimney.

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  38. if I'd known I'd have sent you Joe who is so skinny you could stick him up a chimney !
    i'm in the same situation as Susan except for the husband being home all the time but when he is home he makes & mess & doesn't even notice.

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  39. Tee hee, so glad Handy Andy did mine for me.

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  40. Susan here again..
    I fully expected to have some time to be an 'emptynester' or at least some years when two would be at work, 1 in school whilst The FW works. I was mis-sold this product, and I want my money back. Having said that, Alistair Darling took the money from the NHS for maintenance works/projects and our business slowly died, The FW is a financial moron so we are in the shite. Darling eldest boy is doing his PHD (sigh, more years in education tho he is teaching to pay for it). Dearest Middle son has had severe depression for two years and is only now on the planet - volunteering/befriending/working part time with kids with special needs, he also has a girlfriend who cares for him and is helping him with self esteem finding work etc. (I love her so much I want to lick her face). My Dearest Darling (irony here) teenage daughter is on last year at school doing the Baccalaureate (so hard, so much work) so am unable to insist that she makes her own lunchtime sandwich/learn to iron her own clothes etc. I fear this may never happen as she takes after The FW's family.
    Don't get me wrong I love love love my children and will fight like a tigress for them, and they stay home, don't drink, smoke or fuck around (sorry for swear) the first and last ones are The FW's former favourite hobbies. But and I have a Big Butt, I don't get a break yaaaarrrggh. Except when I go to bed and close the door (sleep alone/ long story/no time and I'm already boring the arse off you I'm sure).
    To get back to the point and I nearly lost it here, my house is untidy/grubby/disorganised and it is Killing Me. I used to be a Stepford Wife but am now Waynetta Slob *sigh*
    Susan (how many x's John I've lost count)

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    Replies
    1. love her so much I want to lick her face

      I LOVE THAT LINE!!!!
      THanks for the comment I love the longs ones ( I never get em!!!!)

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    2. Sometime I comment when I should be bloggin', you should read the latest self-indulgent one - yikes!
      snore....................................

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  41. You live such a romantic rural life. And you can keep it!

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    Replies
    1. you Joan Rivers you!

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    2. heh! Very good, Mitch!

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  42. Surely you realise that "The Black and White Minstrel Show" was politically incorrect! Shame on you Earl!

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  43. Oh, the romance of rural life. NOT! I pay a little man to clean my chimney twice a year - costs me around NZ$40 each time. (That's about 25 pounds, I think.) He's very quick and neat, whereas I end up with both myself and the house covered in ash when I simply clean out the grate in the mornings. Some people are just ash magnets.

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  44. judith its 50-80 pounds here!

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