Monday, 24 September 2012

"So Lonely!"

Chris hates it when I work nights at the weekend.

He says he hates feeling lonely.
I was thinking about this fact this morning when I was stood in the pouring rain rattling the feed bucket at Sylvia and Irene, as they tip toed their way across the field to stand just ten feet away from me, with their silly marble glass eyes giving it" large."
I spend much of my time alone here in Trelawnyd.
And yet, I can honestly say that, I have never really ever felt lonely.
Now where does that come from?
I have read research that indicate that being a twin actually predisposes a person to 
feel loneliness more than others  ( for those that don't know I have a twin sister) , but I can honestly say that in my 50 years on this planet, I am lucky enough never  to have experienced those dreadful pangs of isolation some people feel every day of their lives.

I put this down to the fact that I was a single man for a long time during my salad days! That was a time when I worked hard, played hard and lived a city kind of life. Days away from work were invariably at a time when others where working, and so solitary pastimes was very much the order of the day.
and I got used to my own company and then there was always another film to watch, another museum to visit and another thing to see...and then I didn't even have a pack of dogs that followed my every move like shadows on a sunny wall. 
The companionship of animals can never be under estimated
Trelawnyd..a wet ghost village today

Today's awful weather has effectively marooned me at home alone. I am bored by the weather but I don't feel alone, even though I know I will not see a living soul today as Trelawnyd shuts down in the deluge....I won't be bothered by it......

I am just not the sort.........................

50 comments:

  1. i wont be coming out of the house until about march 2013.....let me be the first to say happy xmas and happy new year !!i bloody hate winter and autumn.....i should have been a grizzly bear...

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  2. ..per my lonely post a few days ago...
    I can feel the urge of loneliness creepy in but, it never takes hold. I reckon my upbringing/ gypsy lifestyle eliminated the feeling.


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  3. I haven't spoken to anyone since Thursday, I don't think. I didn't even speak to the folk in the supermarket on Saturday, as I was 'prompted' to use the 'self-scan' checkout.

    It's intriguing what that technology says about how we live (or are incited to live) today, and who is 'worthy' of interaction, and who is not.

    Hey ho Nx

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  4. I am just donning y plastic pants jason, so will be passing your house with the dogs in a few minutes....I will wave gaily at you all as I skip by

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  5. I feel for Chris - my other half used to do nights and I felt almost bereft! Silly I know, when he is away during the day I can handle it, he is at work and I am about to go or have just come from my job but at night - no - hated every minute of it.

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  6. I guess that during your salad days you ate lots of salad? Little gem lettuces, baby tomatoes and of course stonking great cucumbers?...Having spent over thirty years surrounded by the ceaseless babbling of other teachers and our adolescent charges, I now enjoy the peacefulness of my own company and feel comfortable with myself. He's my best and most reliable friend and he's called me.

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  7. I am rarely alone ( teens still very much in residence ) so quite like the times when I am home alone ! When husband was away for weeks or months I wasn't lonely just tired & low when the children were small. If he goes away these days it's easier with teenagers who help with chores & cook so I don't get so tired.
    We have many customers who pop into the shop daily for a chat. I think some of them are lonely so we try to make their day better.

    I enjoy dog walking alone as I can really see the beautiful nature all around. Dog walking with friends is very chatty !

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  8. sorry john, you had just passed as i looked out o f the window.....interesting attire....tell me, do you always dress as an alaskan crab trawlerman when taking the dogs out?

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    1. I like to frighten the natives!

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  9. When I had children here at home and the old man was out of town, I got terribly lonely, depressingly lonely.

    Now the children are grown, I often wish he was out of town, and there are days when I don't speak to anyone. I like "alone".

    I am a rock, I am an island - I have my books, I have my computer to protect me - hee hee Of course, I have S&G for company and JnJ! :-)

    I think it's an age thing...

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  10. Jason, could you have your camera ready as well tomorrow morning please?

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  11. I have to admit that since I retired, I do have moments of loneliness - especially during rainy days.

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  12. I love being alone. Time to do what I want to do..I'm such a people person ~ it nice when I'm all alone for short periods of course.. I love the look of your town..when it's all wet.. Whenever we have been overseas it's all so interesting to see how all the houses are huddled up so close and everyone has flowers, a garden and dogs.. I'm amazed that most of the time you see dogs with their owners without a leash even in big cities.. That's amazing.. Or the dogs are sitting under the tables with their owners in restaurants. Not here.. You must train your dogs to have manners..ta ta for now from Iowa:)

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  13. I'm with Chris; I tend to feel lonely. I chalk it up to having a stay-at-home mom, so growing up, there was always someone else around. Miss Chef has said more than once she feels better knowing I've at least got the dog to keep me company when she's working late nights.

    Of course, after a busy workweek, sometimes I treasure those hours alone with nobody to question any odd behavior or bad habits (not that you'd be familiar with any of that).

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  14. I don't mind beng alone ,although with 13 cats it's nigh on impossible. Chris spent months away at sea, I got used to it.
    Jane x

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  15. A pal of mine came to visit me over the weekend and asked when was the last time I had been in town. Well, with you of course, I said with some surprise.

    'But Tom' he said, 'That was last year!'

    I like being a recluse.

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  16. John...I am also one of those people who enjoy being home alone. My husband likes those times too. No sense of being lonely...a time to do whatever, whenever. We too, have dogs that provide very good company. When it's cold and rainy, a cozy fire does the trick.

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  17. This is a concept I have often rolled around in my head...lonely vs alone..I feel a blog post coming on.

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  18. I think it has a lot to do with where we live. Your house looks very 'friendly'; not a place to feel lonely. I'm the same here; I never feel lonely, even though I'm often here by myself for months on end!

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    Replies
    1. i AM INTRIGUED cro... can you explain how the cottage looks friendly?

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  19. Growing up in a very large family of 9 kids, grandmother, uncle, and two parents I have always cherished time to myself and a noise-free environment! When I desire to see or talk to someone I do just that. I LOVE quiet.....

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  20. There is something kinda cozy about holing up indoors on a rainy day. And like you said, when you have pets around, you are never alone. Here's to our furry friends!

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  21. You hit the nail on the head John when you mentioned animals. With that lot - especially those dogs - you are never lonely. And I guess, like Tess, they fix you with a beady eye and suggest it it walk time, regardless of the weather.

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  22. I do love some solitary time, but I do get lonely (often even when I'm among people). I envy you that self-sufficiency. Then again, with your menagerie, you never really ARE alone, are you?!

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  23. I'm with you John... never having been lonely. But then living at Menagerie Manor one never has that option. I am also a twin, have an identical twin brother.

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  24. I have moments of loneliness but i can feel that in a crowd or when i'm by myself.

    I haven't your menagerie, but the three kitties do see to it that if i'm a trifle blue, they are there for me.

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  25. Being lonely is like being bored, I think. Find something to do. Your lookout is your own, our children of the depression parents instilled in us.

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  26. My grandma says it's like a duck pond in her garden again. More rain!

    I always did things on my own growing up... drawing and writing, you don't really need people. I guess you don't think about it when you're busy. I did feel quite lonely of the heart before I got married though! Maybe that's something else.

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  27. For me, lonliness is not the being alone - its the bloody boredom that comes with it!
    I am rarely alone even when on my own as my cat Laurel is always two feet from me, generally chirruping or squeeking cat-like in my ear (most of the time, I have not a clue what for! perhaps he is lonely since his mate Hardy died), but I do find our (the cat and I) conversation runs out and then the boredom sets in. And oh boy, when I am bored am I a miserable mare. I try not to get to this point by keeping busy, as once it hits, I am as mardy as sin and no use to man nor beast then!

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  28. I love my own company.....I love my mister and my family...but I like solitude and quiet too and they all love the tv and the radio on all the time. I work in a busy environment talking to people all day so if I have a day to myself I could speak to not one living soul all day and be content. Silence is truly golden sometimes. Being alone and being lonely are very different states ..... only for a very short time in my youth was I lonely and it was an unhappy feeling. Chris misses you when you are not there to share the night....how lovely is that.

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    1. perhaps he's just bored?

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  29. I think loneliness usually means boredom, and you seem to always have plenty of things to do. Children can be absorbed in things for hours on end and not even notice that they're on their own.

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    1. I agree with you on this one.....but we both are lucky to have someone else there for some part of the day...

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  30. I agree with you.... whenever I feel a little lonely my dog is right there for me. Animals are the freekin best!

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  31. Made me think if I were ever lonely..........no I don't think I am, as why argue with other folk, when you can argue with yourself and always win!!

    Gill

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  32. There is a big big difference between being lonely and being alone. Solitude is nice sometimes, loneliness is never nice. I'm lucky too to have someone around and two little animals too

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  33. Molly I think that you have summed up the right ( if there IS a right) answer!
    x

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  34. I cannot tell you how much I desperately, desperately need some time in the house on my own. I like my own company and quiet time either doing house stuff or craft/reading etc. I can't relax in leisure time or concentrate to do a job properly when there is someone either in the room or 'in and out' interrupting thought processes or important phone calls. Hubby (also known as 'The FW' read blog to find out what this means larf) has had to stop work, son is looking for work, other son is part-time teaching whilst studying for PHD, daughter at school, dog shadows me all the time (should have had his nuts off!) because I am 'his', and I have to go upstairs to 'put the laundry away' just to get 5 feckin minutes on me own. I blog at midnight just for the privacy. (The FW sleeps downstairs - which suits me fine).
    Sorry, being moanin minnie tonight.
    Susan
    PS your Albert looks just like my Mollie (no that is not a euphemism)

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    1. susan
      you need to kick some ass and make time for yourself
      plain...simple....and vital
      get it sorted
      xxxx

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  35. Time alone is an essential for me - and like Susan I just don't get enough of it.

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  36. Sometimes in winter, when the days are cold, grey and blustery and its not pleasant outside for days on end, I get 'cabin fever' from being cooped up. I am a depressive and those days can be hard for me. I often take myself for a drive to Canberra or even Sydney and immerse myself in a different environment!

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  37. Well, of course you're not lonely...you've got us!

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  38. With all you have to do, how can you be lonely?
    Hang in there, John. ♥

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  39. I never knew you had a twin! After a bit of reflection, I have to conclude there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. People can be rather secluded in the far reaches of country expanses and not feel lonely in their recluse, while others can be swimming in a sea of people crowded together in the densest of an urban city and feel isolated and lonely despite all the contact. Loneliness is more a state of mind, borne probably more from boredom, from isolation of meaningful stimuli than of a physical isolation from others in and of itself.

    I myself like a balance of both - could be that Libra in me.

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  40. Enjoying your own company and being able to entertain yourself is a priceless ability. I'm a people person who loves to be around people, but I'm perfectly content when left to my own devices, too. There is a certain lonely factor to having that spot in the bed next to you empty at night, though. I didn't much like it when my husband had to travel for his job, so I understand how Chris feels about you working at night.

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  41. I did wonder about how I would cope when I moved here, not knowing that many people, but as I am naturally slightly reclusive I have the opposite problem: making myself get out and about to be with people. I have always enjoyed my own company (landscape gardeners aside) and don't really get lonely very often either. Of course, in my case it is all deeply unhealthy......

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  42. One really can't be to lonely when they enjoy their own company I would think? also fur and/or feather companions do account for not being alone at any given time. Proven facts of elder people with small pets.. I miss my Crabby Cabbie, but think I keep busy enough not to feel too lonely ever.

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  43. It's great you enjoy your own company! I wonder if that's got anything to do with the fact that you work as a nurse and have spent substantial time caring for others?

    I just read an interesting book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. I'm definitely an introvert, in that I need a certain amount of time to myself, and like one-on-one conversations more than big, large group discussions. Anyway, that's probably another kettle of fish, but I was already thinking about how much time people spend alone, and how they feel about it, before I came across your post! Being an only child married to an only child, I am quite happy to spend time on my own, but I need a certain amount of human contact every day! Definitely not a hermit.

    Animals are great company though!

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  44. I agree with Knatoleee. Being an intravert and happily so does stop you from feeling boredom or even loneliness. I`d consider myself an intravert, but I do have good neighbours and friends, too. Getting the balance right between solitude and occasional companionship is making that difference!

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