Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Two score years and ten

Student days- 21 years old....it's another life away
In a few weeks time I will be fifty.
Fifty!
Where has the time gone?
When I think about what has happened to me in my adult life, I honestly find it rather hard to remember what happened when and what happened to whom !
I lived and worked in York for several years
I hardly recall doing so now
I invested 5 years in a somewhat disastrous and abusive relationship
Apart from the occasional snippet, I remember little about that too!
When I try and look backwards it seems like long periods of my life are now almost unreal...
It's as though I am looking back at a movie through gauze or something.
Its a funny feeling.


People that figured so importantly in my life have long since gone. 
It is almost 30 years since I last saw my grandmother
It's 23 years since my father died.
I have not seen an old friend from Cambridge in 10 years.
She's bloody 70 years old now!
Where does the time go?


My brother in law came to help me the other day, when the exhaust fell off the berlingo
He helped me as he has always done, and I all I saw was the young happy-go-lucky chap, that I have always known.
Funny that I didn't really notice that he is almost a pensioner now, with arthritic shoulders and greying hair.
I suspect that he still sees me as the slightly awkward teenager with high colour and bad dress sense 


Now don't get me wrong, I am not sad when I think about all this..
I am just mildly surprised.
I am nearly 50


48 comments:

  1. I shall hit the big 5-0 at the end of May, and I'm still a twat. Whoever said "older and wiser" didn't know his arse from his elbow!

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  2. Plenty of life left in the old dog yet!

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  3. I know exactly how you feel, John. I'm 51 and I still haven't gotten over that surprised feeling you're referring to. I feel like I'm walking around with a perpetual question mark over my head saying "how did I get here?"
    And yes, I can't remember anything, not in any detail, which is a blessing for the most part. I guess they weren't kidding when they said time heals all wounds.
    Very touching post, especially your description of your friend's arthritic shoulders and greying hair.

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  4. Try turning sixty. I'm not there yet, but soon.

    Every decade has its sorrows and joys. And all those memories, they keep on proliferating.

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  5. A very thoughtful post, John. I've been 50 for about 8 months now, and like you I look back and wonder where the time has gone and who is that old lady in my pajamas? :-)

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  6. These thoughts happen when you hit fifty John - wait til you hit seventy - then it is pure nostalgia.
    Unless, like me, you marry a relatively spring chicken, when you have to keep going!

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  7. I know what you mean about looking back at the past through gauze. Even more so in my case, being 65. Whole episodes of my life are like hazy dreams rather than reality. Did they actually happen? Other parts of my life are totally forgotten, lost in the fog of no-longer-important events.

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  8. Go and read my latest post if you want to get really depressed - or cheered up.

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  9. As long as you have no real regrets, I suspect that you've had a lot of fun...I know I have!

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  10. Idiot Gardener - yeah, over fifty you still make idiotic mistakes, but to the young we look wise because we've already made the mistakes they're making, so we nod sagely and say, 'ah, yes...'. It's all an act, play up to it and enjoy! :)

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  11. Time is man's invention John and the only creature to pay attention to it. Learn from your animals!

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  12. I hit fifty last April. It`s a wonderful age but it does sneak up on you quickly!

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  13. Surprise? Yes that's a good word. I look in the mirror and still see myself from twenty years ago. I look at my friends and they are as I knew them when I first met them. I still think as I did all those years ago. I still behave as I did in my youth. Or at least I would if I could move as quickly and easily...

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  14. I seem to spend a lot of time, comparing myself to my grandma, and dad, when they were my age, they seemed so much wiser.
    That athritis is a worse than grey hair :(
    ~Jo

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  15. Whippersnapper!
    ;o)
    Where does the time go?
    Hubby and I wonder the same thing at least once a year or more, now...

    Hope you are having a good day, John. :o)

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  16. I turned 50 in February, still think I'm 20 until I see the old fart in the mirror. My life seems to have happened to another me.
    Jane x

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  17. I still feel far too unresponsible to lay claim to my 40s. So I fully expect to be as surprised as you in another...few years.

    Good to know I'm not the only one wondering who that woman in the mirror is, and what happened to the 20-something that I thought had just walked into the bathroom!

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  18. Only my children were dismayed when I turned 50, Someting about how old that made them. I've noticed they pay attention now; there were big parties when I turned 60 then 65. 70's coming up..we'll see.

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  19. Ah you're a mere child! I ran away to Portugal for a week to avoid my fiftieth birthday. It wasn't so bad as I expected.

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  20. I'm 50 this year too. Recently, it seems that every time I open my mouth, 'I'm 50 this year you know!', pops out. Even *I'm* sick of hearing me.
    It's been an eye-opener though - no one reels back in disbelief and says 'surely not! You don't look a day over 20!'. So I am reluctantly forced to acknowledge that I must *look* every one of my nearly 50 years, rather than the fresh-faced 20 year old I still assume myself to be.
    Interestingly, I also remember next to nothing about my youth and childhood - I suspect I've been placed in a Witness Protection programme and they forgot to tell me........

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  21. It does sneak up on you doesn't it? Where do all those memories go? All those things that seemed so important at the time have faded away leaving just a general impression of an age.

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  22. I remember turning fifty and it was a shock to me also. Once I got over it, I embraced it and had the best ten years of my life. This was a time to find myself without the many responsibilities that took over so much of me before.

    Make the most of each period of your life. The best is yet to come.

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  23. 50? Oh yes - I seem to recall I was 50 once. Who gives a shit? All I see when I look in the mirror is me...

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  24. Inside every old person is a young person going "what the hell happened?"

    You're only as old as you feel!

    ;-)

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  25. I went through something similar when i turned 50. It was the first time it really dawned on me that i most likely had more years behind me than i do in front of me. A rather sobering thought, and one that encouraged me to make the most of it.

    When i meet up with old classmates, i see them as the teenagers i remember them to be. At my last reunion, it was a bit jarring to see some who really haven't aged well.

    I loved my 40's, that was a wonderful decade for me. My 50's have started out less exuberantly, although i think i shall rally.

    megan

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  26. You're right...life goes by so quickly. Before you know it, it's almost time to go. What's it all about Alfie, eh? What's it all about?

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  27. Every decade has been better than the one before. So far the 50's are pretty darned good.

    Enjoy it, John!

    e
    plufrompdx

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  28. Gorgeous. I like your happy thoughts about 50. Looking forward to it (sort of)

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  29. When you hit 50, your warranty will expire...

    My memory is bad, was thinking your B-Day was June 1st.... now who the hell is that? Crap, oh, your memory will also get much worse, Bill.

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  30. 15 years ago I could have got very good odds against me making fifty but felt I would be wiser not to take them on lest at 49 years and 364 days I had an accident.

    It is a surprise, but a nice one.

    I suspect that like me, you still have a lot to do.

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  31. I can remember before I had turned 20 years old figuring out what year I would turn 50 ... I really don't think way back then I thought it would arrive so quickly. Before I knew it, it did. *sigh*

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  32. I am nearly 65, and found that each decade has been better that the last one was. I like being this age. It is fun!

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  33. To follow Kim's lead, I've been 50 for 13 years now! Not so bad at all actually....just don't think about it too much. Everything from now on will be 'gravy' John!
    I do know what you mean about remembering the foggy past....

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  34. If you think this is going to be bad just wait until 60 rears up it's ugly head...just sayin'!

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  35. The very worst thing is meeting people you know well, but haven't seen for 20 or 30 years. That happened to me a few years ago when I got together with a couple of friends from my 20s who I'd lost touch with. They looked so much older than I remembered them and then the penny dropped that I must look ancient too.

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  36. Oh, John, you're just a spring chick. I'm climbing toward sixty and don't know what the hell I've done with my life.

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  37. 50 is the new 40 or is it 30!

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  38. Oh, to be 50 again! But I do know what you mean, John. For me, parts of the past feel like they happened to someone else.

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  39. The fifties are ... nifty. Hate to tell you this, but the next twenty years will go even faster than the last twenty. So enjoy! Squeeze all you can out of them, and have a very happy birthday.

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  40. Turning 50? You're just a young fellow!

    A quick note about birthdays and aging. Until you are 80, you are young. After that, you are venerable.

    Yes, the past can be very "interesting." And seem a bit surreal. And yes, we can miss each other. I recently caught up with a friend from University , after about 45 years. Strange.

    Happy Birthday!

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  41. I'm fifty NINE and still can't reconcile the person that I FEEL like, mentally, with that old, fat, broad with glasses that I see in the mirror. Other than the physical changes I have to confess: I really LIKE getting older!

    It's perfectly acceptable (if not downright expected!) for old people to take naps and do what they want, when they want... I figure I've earned it!

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  42. Lot of it about clearly - I'm 50 in October - 1962 was clearly a good vintage
    Like you though it is a bit... hang no when did that happen and you figure out that you are more than half way through

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  43. Ah you wee baby, wait till you hit sixty. That's when you say "Hmmm funny, I only feel fifty".

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  44. Welcome to the half-century club. Me? I'm thirty, with 24 years of experience.

    Happy Birthday. I hope you have a grand day. Enjoy.

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  45. Bro,
    To me him with the grey hair and arthritic shoulder is just a handsome, funny and kind as he was when he was 18.
    Embrace your 50 the best is yet to come.
    Ann xx

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  46. less of the grey hair and arthritis my hair is coloured to give me a more mature look and the arthritic shoulder is simply a sporting injury !!! Age is just a number
    Tim

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  47. I was fifty last year and felt much the same - youth seems an age and yet a blink away

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