Thursday, 26 January 2012

Arguements

I woke just before dawn this morning because of Mabel who had a humdinger of a panic attack over something insignificant going on outside the cottage. I usually can ignore her occasional bouts of worried barking but when she followed Albert through the living room door and shakily up the stairs, I couldn't quite ignore her worried fat face pressed closely against mine as I lay in bed.
For a powerful dog, she can be a neurotic bundle of nerves when the wind blows in the wrong direction.
So I got up, drank some coffee and after boxing up six eggs , I took Mabel out on an early morning egg delivery.
I seldom knock on peoples' door when I drop off eggs. Usually I just leave a box on a window sill, on a door step or in the case of one "particular" customer, in their greenhouse under a plantpot shelf, so I didn't think twice in ambling around the back of this particular home to deposit the eggs on the top of a wheelie bin!

The lights were on in the house and suddenly from within there came the sound of crockery breaking . I held my breath, not sure of exactly what to do, and there came more crashing,, a loud bang and the sound of a woman shouting.shrilly at a man who was pleading with her to be quiet.
I started to creep away from the house before Mabel started her usual nervous barking when after a few more explosions of kitchenalia I heard the woman yell clearly
"YOU CAN KISS MY ARSE YOU SCUMMY TURD"
I almost burst out laughing....the woman in question usually is such a delightfully polite and well spoken individual
as my mother used to say
"You don't know anyone unless you follow them home!"
We disappeared before we were caught!

41 comments:

  1. That's my kind of woman - 'Irish (Welsh?) repartee'! "You only hurt the ones you love...."

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  2. It's just occurred to me that by telling this story using your real name in a little village - half of which seems to follow your blog - you may run a pretty high risk of identifying the couple in the main story. It normally takes alcohol for me to be so indiscreet!

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  3. I doubt that tom very much

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  4. Oh I love this kind of thing. My immediate neighbours are always apologising to me about the noise that they don't make (although their kids are not yet teenagers, so this might change).

    The (alleged) 'Lady of the night' who lives a few doors away is generally quiet, although her house guests did decide to set off fireworks at 4am last week.

    But the biggest nuisance are the domestic cats. They kill and deter the local wildlife, and foul people's gardens. Disgusting creatures...no need for them in the city.

    Nx

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  5. How right you are about not knowing people until you follow them home.
    We have endured neighbours feuding for years and the funny thing is that everyone we meet think he is such a nice fellow, it is only us who live in close proximity who know the truth. Unfortunately the police will not intervene as it is classed as domestic.
    Poor old Mabel. Are you sure it was not just an excuse to get into bed with you. lol
    Briony
    x

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  6. That's the end of their honeymoon period then.

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  7. What a fabulous insult....she must have felt better for screaming that util she found the eggs!

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  8. That's pretty early in the morning to be in a full fledged crockery breaking turd calling fight.

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  9. It can only go down hill. What's lower than a 'scummy turd'?

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  10. "Scummy turd"? Is that a common expression in Wales? Here in England we tend not to use it as our turds are usually beautifully bronzed, healthy and well-formed - not in the least bit scummy.

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  11. That would be a case of "egg on your face"!

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  12. Sometimes I wish I were one of those people who could say those things. But I'm glad Jerry at least has never given me any reason. Thank god Mabel didn't bark!

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  13. "You don't know anyone unless you follow them home". How very true. People can be so different from their public selves, especially the seemingly ultra-polite individuals. I'm sure they'd be mortified if they knew you'd overheard! Love the word kitchenalia. Must remember that one....

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  14. Intruding on private grief I see!

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  15. OH that is hilarious. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, do you.

    I wish I could send that video to someone. Never fiqured how to get a video on my blog. I tried for two days and goofed up my computer, yvonne

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  16. Obviously a "no nonsense" kinda gal LOL

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  17. Tee-hee, she sounds like my kind of woman!

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  18. Don't you wonder what the "scummy turd" did to bring about her wrath?

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  19. Thanks for the laugh out loud. I, too, wonder if the village will suss out the couple.

    Mabel adores you. You are the best.

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  20. John, regarding Tom's comment on you being quickly identified by the couple enjoying their version of an early morning chorus and your response to that comment, are you saying that there is no chance of your indescrition being discovered or that Tom needs no alcohol to be indiscreet?

    I can think of nothing more uncomfortable than being an unwilling witness to such a squabble. I am sure we have all had these, 'Beam me up Scottie, for God's sake beam me up now' moments.

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  21. hippo....
    I am sure only the "participants" in the arguement will know I was there ( the egg box)....

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  22. "war of the roses"? wonder what in the world HE did?

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  23. If peeps in the village read this...oh, what power you hold! All you will have to do is wave and egg box at people and wink.....they'll be wondering what on earth you overheard!
    Jane x

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  24. The wrong place at the right time! A slice of life.

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  25. Brilliant!

    I read of a great arguement between Joan Collins and one of her husbands: him 'you're a fucking bore' her: 'and you're a boring fuck'. It's locked away in case I need it.

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  26. Haha. Great story, John. Glad you were able to make your escape unhindered.

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  27. That phrase is being written on a piece of old barn wood right now. Then I will place a hanger in the back and sell it in my little farm store for $19.95. You don't think your neighbor has copyrighted it yet do you?

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  28. you never know what goes on behind closed doors........

    Gill in Canada

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  29. andi
    yours makes for a better blog entry!!!

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  30. Our little female CiCi is an anxious little gal as well. I'm sure her and Mable have a lot in common.

    ...and it's true, you never truly know someone until you follow them home.

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  31. Well, that one goes in my little book of quotable quotes and insults!

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  32. I had a couple that lived next door to me that were *always* yelling at each other. They had built the house between me and his father, our lots are small, and houses are very close to each other. I got so tired of hearing them... Once they were yelling at each other "We should have bought the land in (other town)!" I yelled at them "Yeah, you should have!" Quiet... Only lasted a couple of days, but it was nice...

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  33. John, I had no idea you were around, next time knock and save Carl! ;-))

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  34. Poor Mabel having to hear such goings on!!

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  35. Good LORD! There were some nasty insults in there. I must say, some of the funniest ones were not the ones with profanity. Although I did spit all over the computer screen when Betty White spoke...

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  36. You do describe these things so well, John. I, too, love the word:kitchenalia! Brilliant! Poor Mabel, hope she felt better after the walk! Greetings. Jo

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  37. That'll teach you to go sneaking round the back of houses early in the morning!

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  38. I wonder if the man caught sight of you heading around to the wheelie bin and that was why he pleaded with the woman to be quiet.

    DH and i lived in a flat when we were first married, and for awhile, there was a couple living below us on the ground floor. They had terrific rows, and we often heard glass breaking followed by a door slamming, then a woman crying. We always felt as if were were intruding simply by overhearing their quarrels and decided we would try to work out our differences before they escalated to that kind of disagreement.

    megan

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  39. OMG, you weren't outside our house, were you??

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  40. lolno val!
    you will never know x

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  41. I sure hope you gave Mabel an extra treat for not giving you away.

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