It is 5.45.am
I have been awake since 4.55am
As you know, I just DON'T DO mornings..
and I am not a happy Bunny.
Chris woke me up with a somewhat worried "Something is squeaking under the sofa"
He was up early as he is due to work in London this week, but even so.......informing me of a half dead mouse at that time was just NOT ON.
Of course I could not sleep.
I could hear William and Albert scuttling around the lounge after the poor animal, so I thought "fuck it" and after getting dressed waded knee deep into the melee
Chris was standing there holding my wind up torch in his dressing gown .
He looked worried.
"There's a rat under the draft excluder" he said lamely.
Chris doesn't DO rodents!
"Get me the rolling pin" I ordered....taking charge of the situation and I rolled my sleeves up ready for a bit of a tussle.
Chris returned with a large pepper grinder
I huffed, found the rolling pin, and after removing the excluder, gave the small rat a couple of hefty whacks
He was bloody invincible!
Chased by William and a somewhat joyous Albert ( who was thoroughly enjoying himself) the rat made a dash for the bookcase. then dived behind the radiator before squeezing himself under the writing desk....
By this time I had just about had enough.... the room resembled Dresden after the bombing ,and my first cup of coffee of the day seemed a real age away...so swearing like an old docker, I marched into the kitchen, donned one of Chris' old moterbike gloves, marched back to the lounge ( still swearing) and after pulling away the frantic animals reached down and grabbed the struggling rat by the throat.
He knew the game was up
Shaking with early morning anger... I strode to the back door, took a deep breath and threw the rat across the lane and against the Church wall, killing him instantly...
Message to all rodents... don't mess with Mr Gray before he has had his morning coffee