Sunday, 18 December 2011

"Ho Ho, Bleeding Ho"

I was reminded of this old joke today

"Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely."
"How about you?"
"Me? I accompanied her on the piano!"
Boom Boom!
I flooded the kitchen today.
It was a case of too much on my mind and lots of jobs to do.
I started to wash up the dishes. Collected the dogs and put them into the car. Made sure I had found some Christmas Cards to deliver and went off blissfully unaware I had left the kitchen sink tap running full pelt.

I returned home an hour later, to find an apoplectic Chris standing in two inches of water amid the wreckage of the kitchen...he was late for Church and was surrounded by a collection of sodden towels and the strangely odd spectacle of the lino floating gently on top of a small a low . flat water bed.

I had promised to go with Chris to the Church Christmas Lunch, after the morning service, so had to  work like a Trojan  to rip up the lino and remove 26 loads of water with the carpet cleaner!.Luckily the water had only infiltrated 2 to 3 inches into the lounge (originally Chris had bellowed that the flood had covered half of the living room!!!) apart from the kitchen looking remarkably like the floor of the pig hut.....we were fairly lucky.......

Oh I could have done without all this today.

As it turned out, the Christmas lunch at the village pub was rather a jolly affair...A couple of large Pinot's, a nice meal and the rector and organist being  on "good form" helped a great deal...... and for the first time since my brother died, I actually found myself  enjoying our one and only Christmas "do".

Having said that........the kitchen still looked like a cess pit when we returned home


  1. Oh good glory, John! I'm so sorry. Now...tee hee...why didn't Chris have that all cleaned up by the time you got home? xoxoxoxoxo

  2. I know, I know, I shouldn't be giggling. But really... you did start off with a joke and that got me started.

    How dreadful, though. And how close I've come to doing the exact same thing.

  3. As long as the corkscrew is OK..forget the rest.
    Jane xx

  4. OMG is this what I have to look forward to in my old age? Oh wait, I'm older than you are. You're just a busy fellow, John, you get so much done in a day, something's bound to go wrong once in a while. Glad it wasn't anything life threatening. (And I agree with Jane and Chris.)

  5. We have a saying in our household when calamities happen; "Just as long as nobody was hurt, that's all that matters!" It's got us through many calamities!

    Frustrating, time and money to put right,yes,but floors and kitchens can be restored. What is more important is that you were able to relax and have an enjoyable time at the lunch. Take care of yourselves and don't sweat the small stuff. xx

  6. You should have built dams at the doors and installed a few ducks until Spring.

  7. IAN it crossed me mind!!
    ELIZABETH..... you try telling Chris that!

  8. A wonderful post to read...
    I hope you have a lovely Christmas

  9. Oh gosh, John. I have come so close to flooding my own kitchen several times.
    Here's to a better Monday. :-)

  10. Ouch! Oh well, now you can treat yourelves to some new floor coverings LOL!

  11. Did I ever tell you about that awful Christmas when I flooded the ...!

    As my Dad used to say "Worse things happen at sea".

  12. OOps!! Hard stuff to clear up water.It gets in everywhere.We had a bit of a flood ourselves yesterday, a big rain event! Unlike your flood this one was welcome.
    So glad to hear you had an enjoyable lunch out, early days yet.

  13. Anonymous9:24 pm

    Oh dear...too much on your mind I would imagine.

  14. HO

    Sorry about the flood, I don't suppose you have a dehumidifier?

    The Christmas affair sounds like it was just the thing for you!

  15. Oh, John, my life always seem so under control in comparison.

    (You could have just SAID you want a new kitchen floor.)

  16. Dr Christopher, dear, take a big deep breath, count to ten and calm down. Go and give John a huge hug and a kiss right now and tell him that you love him no matter how much he leaks on the kitchen floor. As John D said, look at the positive and think of the lovely new look you'll be able to have on the kitchen floor.You still have each other.

    There I've told him, John. But will he listen?

    This reminds me of a time when one of the boys was tiny and M was stood at the back of the church jiggling him on his shoulder. Unbeknown to his father,my son reached out a tiny hand and grabbed hold of a tendril on a flower arrangement. As M moved away, the whole thing came crashing down, leaving an aisle full of water, flowers and a very broken container - a victorian jug. One steward had a duck fit - "We've had that jug for years, it was bought by such and such who was in the church long before you were blah de blah, blah de blah." M was getting more and more embarrassed and son was bawling. Another steward came over to help clear up. First steward starts all over again - "We've had this jug, blah de blah..." Second steward quite calmly pushes her away and says,
    "Well, if its that old, it's time we got a new one anyway!!!"

    It's all a matter of perspective. Big hugs to you both. xx

  17. I did the same thing at work one day. Oh yes I did. I worked as a secretary for a small company and was doing some coffee cup washing up in their tiny, way back kitchen area and...ran to answer the phone. I remembered the water had been left running about 30 minutes later - long after the call had ended. They did not fire me. I don't know why...they should have. What a mess. Gah. I still cringe when I think about it.

  18. OMG! Just what you needed John! We've all been there in some shape or form!

  19. Anonymous10:13 pm

    Oh John...I forget and leave the water running every now and then (but I'm bordering on my dotage)! Yes you do have a lot on your mind...but when you said the lino was floating, I'm thinking glory be what else is going to happen to John!

    So happy you two had an enjoyable lunch...and the floor will be cleaned up, fixed up and life will go on!

  20. We are sailing
    We are sailing home again 'cross the sea.
    We are sailing stormy waters to be near you to be free.

    - "Sailing" by Rod Stewart -

  21. What a wonderfull opportunity for a fantastic new floor. Merry Christmas to you!

  22. If only you had a cellar, you could have had your own indoor swimming pool by now.

  23. Apoplectic...I had to look it up and then I saw the image of Chris in the kitchen as you returned and it made me laugh. LOTS.

    It just goes to prove,,we are really NOT doing OK when we think we are.

    Have you taken time off for yourself yet? not just one or two days ? Hmmmm?

  24. Lady M is incapable of turning OFF taps. I await similar disaster any day!

    Here's a goody for you John; just to brighten your day. It seems as if Good King Wenceslas was very fond of Pizza. When asked how he preferred them, he replied "Crisp and deep and even".

  25. Actually - our wash basin tap doesn't turn off properly. It works itself loose as the room temperature changes and I often wake up in the night to hear it running happily away down the drain (It's a good job we're not on a meter)

    I reckon you switched it off really and it started itself again.

  26. Anonymous7:46 am

    Bring in the New Year.....

  27. OOPS!! What a hassle though! But you are ok and able to enjoy the Christmas lunch which is a good thing :-)

    Can remember when I was about 13 or so the dishwasher malfunctioned and flooded the kitchen and diningroom. So Christmas Eve we woke up to a freezing lake. My dad had switched it on the night before and it wreaked haovc while we were asleep.

  28. Oh my, well guess your kitchen floor is nice and clean now! :O) The silver lining!

  29. Oh dear, sounds like something I could have done! Hope you dry out soon, that the carpet also dries out quickly, and that your kitchen floor will eventually look all the better for having a change of lino! X

  30. Cro's comment had me laughing out loud, as did your post, John. I'm sorry, i can only imagine what a mess it was. Had it been me, i think i would have laughed and cried.

    Glad the luncheon was so enjoyable for you both, and hope you can replace the lino without too much hassle or expense.


  31. You poor thing. This is no time for fussing, even if maybe you might deserve it just a teensy tiny bit. It's time to give you a big hug, and laugh it off. Stuff happens. And as serendipity will have it, you'll probably end up with a much better-looking floor.

  32. Anonymous4:26 am

    My floods have always been from washing machines...the worst in a basement apartment that got three inches before I came home and found it. My stuff was all okay but like yours, the linoleum came up and the water was difficult to remove. The good news is the apartment belonged to my ex-husband (who thought free rent underground was a clever way to pay alimony)so it was a positive experience overall. ;)

  33. If it makes you feel any better, I did the same thing last month but luckily discovered it just as the water was starting to flow over the kitchen counter! Hope everything gets cleaned up okay.

  34. More wine...that would have solved the problem


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