Sunday, 11 December 2011

Decs, Confirmation and the Trelawnyd Oskar Schindler

Our New York snowglobe caught in the Christmas lights

It's been a day for old traditions.
We bought the tree, decorated the living room and ate mince pies (the best sainsburys could muster) in front of the fire.

Chris and Cannon Robert
 Chris went to Church this afternoon and collected his confirmation certificate from the vicar, and dressed in wellies and smelling of dung, I met them both after the service to capture the "official moment" always amuses me , that on all formal photographs Chris has a tendency to show off his Roger Moore eyebrow......

Which one would you choose
And on a fairly festive feeling day....I will leave you all with a heart warming tale of Christmas past....

Five years ago, at the beginning of December...I had only one turkey living on the field.
Boris was a mere youngster then...a rather skinny adolescent with a winning nature and an lonely disposition, he spent the short days of winter wandering his enclosure in the vain hope of finding a busty mate.
Unsure of exactly where to get a female turkey from, I put an advertisement up at the post office which read

Female TURKEY for sex starved Stag
looks and age immaterial
No time wasters Please

On the 5th of December I received a phone call from a poultry farmer in Hollywell, informing me that he was about to cull his entire flock of English Whites, and if I was quick I could have one female!
I jumped at the chance.
And minutes after the call, I found myself standing in a huge aircraft hanger of a barn, looking at 800, fat, stupid and very loud Christmas turkeys.
"Help yourself" the farmer said and I suddenly found myself with the awesome responsibility of choosing one turkey survivor out of hundreds!
which one should I pick?
Which one looked more nervous?
Which one had the most gentle or needy expression?
I was literally spoilt for 1,600 dark soulful eyes watched my every move......
Who would I save?
Which girl would have the opportunity to gallop gaily in a green field with the sun on her beak?

I looked pleadingly at the farmer for inspiration, and without a pause he bent down a picked up a slightly slickly looking female who just had been pecked on the back of her head.....
"Here... have this one" he said..... as he plonked her under my arm
"What should I call her?" I asked, trying to make conversation
He smiled and laughed
"I'd call her fucking lucky....that's what I would call her!"

And that's how Gloria appeared here on the field!........
I told the story to Jason today, when he stopped by when on a dog walk....
"You're a regular turkey Oskar Schindler " he said brightly, when I had finished!


  1. Anonymous7:40 pm

    She was indeed "lucky". I hope Boris appreciated the effort. (The eyebrow is quite entrancing)

  2. I was wondering how to describe Chris's expression! He always looks rather sardonically amused in his photos! You are a great turkey (and chicken) savior.xoxoxo

  3. I was thinking 'Sophia's Choice' . .
    [btw Chris is a handsome brute :-) ]

  4. I was thinking 'Sophia's Choice' . .
    [btw Chris is a handsome brute :-) ]

  5. Merry Christmas! Love your dancing elf selves. And your turkey story is heartwarming. Congratulations to Chris!

  6. I am not repeating your tale to the children, as they are already harbouring fantasies of saving turkeys. Blame Benjamin Zephaniah - Talking Turkeys.

    Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas
    Cos' turkeys just wanna hav fun
    Turkeys are cool, turkeys are wicked
    An every turkey has a Mum.
    Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas,
    Don't eat it, keep it alive,
    It could be yu mate, an not on your plate
    Say, Yo! Turkey I'm on your side.
    I got lots of friends who are turkeys
    An all of dem fear christmas time,
    Dey wanna enjoy it, dey say humans destroyed it
    An humans are out of dere mind,
    Yeah, I got lots of friends who are turkeys
    Dey all hav a right to a life,
    Not to be caged up an genetically made up
    By any farmer an his wife.

    Turkeys just wanna play reggae
    Turkeys just wanna hip-hop
    Can yu imagine a nice young turkey saying,
    'I cannot wait for de chop',
    Turkeys like getting presents, dey wanna watch christmas TV,
    Turkeys hav brains an turkeys feel pain
    In many ways like yu an me.

    I once knew a turkey called...Turkey
    He said "Benji explain to me please,
    Who put de turkey in christmas
    An what happens to christmas trees?",
    I said "I am not too sure turkey
    But it�s nothing to do wid Christ Mass
    Humans get greedy an waste more dan need be
    An business men mek loadsa cash'.

    Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
    Invite dem indoors fe sum greens
    Let dem eat cake an let dem partake
    In a plate of organic grown beans,
    Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
    An spare dem de cut of de knife,
    Join Turkeys United an dey'll be delighted
    An yu will mek new friends 'FOR LIFE'.

  7. Another great tale, John. Happy Sunday! :-)

  8. Oh, the randomness. Boris appreciated it, even if Gloria was clueless.

  9. Heart warming, though I don't see why you didn't take the farmers advice on the name...

  10. Boris must have enjoyed his "Turkish Delight" that particular Christmas. Mind you I don't think the name given to his new mate by the turkey farmer will ever catch on.

  11. Oh the memories for Boris!!! Youth!
    Chris is a recent convert to Christianity?

  12. Aw, what a lovely story.

  13. John, it's a good day today to be eating (Sainsbury's) mince pies in front of the fire. Lovely photo. The turkey 'like to meet' story was brilliant too. and I might add GSOH xx

  14. What a nice story. How did you come by the rest of the flock?

  15. arch...
    thats a stock photo... but I have 5 turkeys in total now... Boris, and gloria.....two others I bred myself.....Bingley and Jane and a sad rescue turkey called theresa!

  16. Love it!!!You're doing me no good at all...I've had a hankering for turkeys for a time and not with cranberry suace!

  17. Anonymous1:02 am

    Thank you for saving Gloria!

    Like Chris' Roger Moore eye brow!

    Just curious did Chris conform or confirm?

  18. A well told tale of one lucky lady turkey.

  19. Glor..or...or...or..or...or...or.IA
    Yeah, my sorry version of a special Christmas Hymm with your Turkey being spotlighted. Anyway please tell her hello from my spoiled saved birds, Sunset and Banana.

    And those with names shall live.

  20. So, Happy Christmas to 'Fucking Lucky' as well.

  21. I love the photo of Chris and the Vicar...He always looks so serious. The eyebrow's cute!
    And,Gloria really was one lucky bird. (Please let her know I don't eat turkey!)

  22. That is indeed one very lucky turkey.

    Unfortunately I think she's too dumb to realize that. :P

  23. Lucky Boris, not many turkeys get that kind of Christmas present.

    Was Chris confirmed in that lovely little church which you showed us recently?

  24. I'm trying hard not to make comments about the vicar and Little Red Riding Hood.....

    Oops. Failed!

  25. John you have made me laugh out loud again - thank you - fucking lucky what a fab name for a turkey think I prefer it to Gloria- imagine calling her in at night shouting out 'FL come here'. So funny.

  26. Poor turkey! Rescued from death-and-stuffing for a life of life-and-stuffing.

    Think of those tragic minutes between the farmer giving over Flucky into your care and the rest of the flock realising that adoption was not to be their fate!

  27. I was wondering whether I would have it in me to give a turkey the chop if kept them and decided we'd probably have to have turkey eggs for Christmas dinner.

    Then it occured to me that I've never eaten or even seen a turkey egg. So what are they like?

  28. I was wondering whether I would have it in me to give a turkey the chop if kept them and decided we'd probably have to have turkey eggs for Christmas dinner.

    Then it occured to me that I've never eaten or even seen a turkey egg. So what are they like?

  29. Great Turkey tale! They're safe from us :-) We never have turkey at Christmas: it's always just us and something smaller works better. This year it's the ducks or guinea fowl which need to watch their backs...

    A very sophisiticated eyebrow BTW

  30. When the American president "pardons" a turkey at Thanksgiving, I've been told that the highly domesticated white turkeys aren't long for the world anyway since they are bred for their meat, have huge breast-meat muscles, and have very short life span. Your tale of Gloria certainly seems to contradict this "they're going to die anyway" scenario.

  31. A laugh a minute John - that is your site. When you first mentioned turkeys I thought you were going on to mention a cull.

    I have just frozen a couple of pheasants ready for the casserole - I have to do it with averted eyes after the farmer has dealt with all the gore

  32. I love it! I just found your blog, and I have to say, you had me at the Scotties... I was raised with Scotties. And what a handsome little man you have. Go Gloria!

  33. Chris looks bloody ecstatic again John!LOL

    Can I have a white one please...

  34. I so enjoy your turkey tales!

  35. That was a great story!

  36. LOL good one're a hero! Love your farmer friend. Nice to know you've decorated the house and have already started celebrating..enjoy!

  37. Anonymous4:20 am

    How do you do that John!!? Time after time, story after story, you reel me in, set me up, and then set me off into peals of laughter. I was not prepared for fucking lucky, but that's about as true as it gets.

  38. One of my fav stories yet!

  39. Joyous belated congratulations to Chris on is Confirmation!

  40. Joyous belated congratulations to Chris on is Confirmation!

  41. I was told this very funny turkey story by a blogger who had read it! Some things "go viral" on the internet. This might even go viral in the real world. Best one I've heard for ages.


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