This is part of an email I received yesterday from Nige who is visiting us today
"Your house better had be fucking clean and tidy when I arrive. Make a list. I want freshly pressed sheets, flowers (seasonal varieties) on the kitchen table, etc. No specially folded towels, loo role or shit like that, as that's a little common, to be honest. And please, no fucking rodents/birds/insects in cutlery draw etc. Organic is so démodé. Yes, it's all about STANDARDS darling. Nx"
The "rodent" reference eludes to a time when on a previous visit, Nigel
insisted on cooking dinner ( in an attempt to make sure all work surfaces had
not been walked across by Albert's shitty paws
As he was searching for a wooden spoon in the utensil pot
he found a small mummified sparrow which had been thoughtfully dropped there!