One of the girls from work told me that B&Q had some cheap chicken wire for sale, so after another busy night I put off home chores and went hunting for it in the local superstore!
Now I don't DO shopping......to me it is a necessary evil that has to be endured rather than enjoyed (with the only exception of browsing in a book shop that is).
I go into a shop or store like an assassin! I hurry in, get the object of my desire and leave...bish, bash bosh...it's as simple as that.
This morning it took me approximately 30 seconds to locate the fencing "department", a further 10 seconds to pick my role of chicken wire and another 15 seconds to weave my merry way to the tills..............a record breaking 55 seconds in all! ...result!......
Mind you I had not banked on the fact that I had to negotiate the small cluster of four "self service" checkouts each one occupied by a somewhat hesitant older person.
The seconds ticked on.....
I was aghast to see that one old guy was trying to scan two 7 foot curtain poles without using the hand held scanner. The poor old duffer looked a little like a ninja wielding a fighting stick as he tried manfully to hear the "beep".The other guy next to him couldn't quite figure out which way to put his credit card into the machine whilst a woman opposite had dropped two trays of trailing lobelia onto the weighing mechanism.
The last man had a huge trolley laden down with the contents of what looked like the Chelsea Flower Show....so wasn't going anywhere fast...and to add insult to injury the checkout supervisor seemed overly busy chatting to her mate by the special offer counter!
The seconds turned into minutes!
I pointed out to the man with the curtain pole where the hand scanner was, but having grappled it, he could quite locate the bar code on the pole itself!
The man with the credit card had the thing declined setting off a large red beacon on the top of the checkout and the woman was apologising loudly for the delay as she got on her hands and knees to pick up her damaged seedlings....
I could have screamed!
As the supervisor dragged her carcass over to see to the duff credit card, the final guy seemed to be scanning one plant pot at a time v-e-r-y--v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w-l-y and I just about stopped the urge I had to batter all four of them to death with my roll of cheap fencing.
No sleep, a busy shift and four cretins at B&Q to deal with!..........and all before 9am!
My tolerance was way WAY too low for this kind of shit!
Finally...( and after some very British huffing and puffing) I flounced past the woman who had finally sorted out her dropped greenery and scanned my wire professionally and with a flourish! Smiling in a somewhat superior manner to the four old gits, my fingers whirled over the touch screen instructions as I slammed my debit card into the slot....
I should have known better...in front of them all, I had entered the wrong pin number!!!.
I should have had a sleep when I got home, but as the weather was perking up again, I got on with jobs including carpet shampooing (too much doggy smells to bare), kitchen cleaning (below) and dog walking.......big mistake.....I collected all the eggs and was so tired that I left the lot in a bucket on the field......all were taken by crows!!!.
I am such an old fart!
you are too funny for words. Really.
ReplyDeleteThis is like reading about myself on busy mornings when I have been up since 5, rushed like crazy to get my child to school, got behind 5 morons who don't know how to drop off a child in the "drop off" line, and then finally got to my drop off spot and had to fiddle with the door locks because I was in my husband's truck and have no stinking clue as to how to unlock them...
pretty sure someone behind me thought I was a moron, too.
I do know what you are talking about with the stores. I have no patience with waiting in line and I have had to hold my tongue, many times. I just want to get in, get my stuff and get out of there. I seem to always manage to get in line behind someone that changed her/his mind about buying something AFTER it has been rung up, or someone, returning something and you hhave to wait for them to fill out the forms. The list goes on and on - If I was wealthy, I would never enter another store again!
ReplyDeleteSorry about you eggs, you are not an old fart, just an old poofer :)
sharon!
ReplyDeletelol
Oh john, I was just drinking a cup of tea and your post had me in such a fit of giggles I almost choked on a custard cream.
ReplyDeletexx
Tee hee hee heeee! I want tea and a custard cream now thanks to Jess! My lady always has people smiling and talking to her in stores. Runs in the family her Mom and Oma also used to have that problem. People tell her their life stories! Maybe she should try your "huffing and puffing".
ReplyDeleteJohn, you are so funny! Too bad about all the eggs.......crows loved them and will probably be watching you for the next while to see if you forget again.
ReplyDeleteAs my grandmother used to say....'No rest for the wicked!'
Laughing so hard my sides ache! You sure showed them!! lol
ReplyDeleteLike you when I go shopping, I know exactly what I am there for, get in, get out.
Ah, bookstores/libraries. Now that is the time to dawdle.
Hope you get some sleep.
Sounds remarkably like my morning at Walmart. 8 am, four registers open, all of them backed up and I get behind the lady who wants to argue with the cashier.
ReplyDelete"The shoes were supposed to be half price."
"Oh, sorry, let me check that again. Well, the tag says $11, they're usually twenty-two, so I did charge you half price."
"No, it should be half of eleven..."
At least I didn't have crow problems.
eric,
ReplyDeleteyou should have clubbed her with your shopping bag! until you felt better
Thanks for the chuckle, I almost spit my wine all over my monitor :O)...
ReplyDeleteI refuse to use self check out for all the reasons you just posted! I also hate to shop, luckily the honeyman LOVES to shop. He does most of it :O)...woowhoo...
I do enjoy a trip now and again to the fabric store. Sewing addiction you know.
Oh, I know that feeling. That murderous itch in your hands. And, then you mess something up and everyone seems to stop and stare. And, Damn crows! Lane
ReplyDelete