Saturday, 14 October 2017

" Not What I had wanted it to be...."

The upside of having a new phone is organisation.
It can do everything and it forgets nothing.
Yesterday I found myself going through an old notebook.
It was the sort that most of us have from time to time.
Scribbled notes, telephone numbers...names from the past.
I tiptoed through the pages, cherry picking the contacts I needed to store in my new shiny smart phone.
One name caught my eye. I shall call her Helen.
Helen and I were friends and colleagues in Sheffield and we worked very effectively together.
She was a consultant and I was the ward manager, and apart from sharing a respect and depth of knowledge in the field we found ourselves in, we shared a wicked sense of humour, similar emotional intelligence and benefited from liking  each other a great deal.
She moved away before I left Sheffield and as friends do sometimes when life gets in the way, we lost touch.
Yesterday I spied her old mobile number, hidden away in a corner of my notebook
It was twelve years old , so I doubted it would be current, but on impulse I messaged her.
The reply came back almost immediately and messages shot back and forth with gay abandon even though she was at work and couldn't really " speak"
We have arranged to meet up and even though texts are notoriously unemotional sometimes, something in the tone of it prompted me to ask "are you happy?"
The reply moved me with it's honesty
"Not very...no....my life isn't awful. Just not what I wanted it to be"

47 comments:

  1. I know the feeling

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  2. It was as if she was waiting for your call. It's not easy to find kindred spirits.

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    1. Thats exactly what she said

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  3. happy but sad.
    I hope a meeting of old friends will lift spirits

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  4. texting her after 12 years took more confidence than I will ever have!
    You were very astute to pick up on her feelings and she must have been relieved to answer your question.
    I hope you have a wonderful catch up

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  5. Sadly that is probably the answer my partner would give at times. I can understand in a way. He has me to disappoint him constantly.

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    1. That is so sad to hear. I understand absolutely. I am divorced and re-living since (long story) so I understand the sadness of being happy but not. I wish you the best. Anna

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  6. I would have replied with the exact same comment. How wonderful that you reconnected with her. She's obviously delighted about it.You're a good pal.

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  7. It may not be the party I was hoping for, but while I am here, I might as well dance.
    I have had the same mobile number since 1997.

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    1. I love that, we should always dance no matter how dire the party is, it's the dancing that makes it bearable.

      I too have always had the same mobile number.

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  8. I hear her; I can say the same.

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  9. I have received calls like that. Friendships can slip away, but the memories stay. It is good to reconnect.

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  10. Aww that's so sad 😣

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  11. Define Happy........join the club Helen.

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  12. A lot of people can relate to that feeling. I admire her ability to be able to put it so clearly. So glad you're reconnecting.

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  13. Mine? Not what I expected either. But good none the less. If I ever write the book...the title will be "Mostly Sunny"

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  14. Oh, wow - that reminds me of a scene in the movie The Natural when Robert Redford's character meets with Glenn Close's character after about 17 years apart. She asks him that same question, and he hesitates and replies "My life... hasn't turned out the way I thought it would." That answer and the look on his face always makes me tear up :( Good for you for reaching out.

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  15. Great you made that phone call . . .
    How often do we ask that of another,
    “Are you happy?”
    And listen . . .

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  16. How many of us can say, "my life is exactly what I had wanted and planned for and hoped for myself."? It is what you make of it and sometimes, sometimes it's for the best.

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  17. Fortuitous that you texted when you did, perhaps you will be the catalyst that turns things around for her.

    Sometimes it is an old friend or a simple statement heard and thought about that leads to a better life or the re-working of a current one.

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  18. Great you reached out to Helen. I think some time there is a bit of fate in those moments. I think everyone has those bittersweet moments of questioning their choices in life. I sure did.

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  19. Looks like you found her number just in time!

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  20. Knowing you care will soon make her life much better John. Thank goodness you found her again and I hope you can meet up soon!

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  21. Her honesty is rare and points to the truth that there are some friends who can come back together after great stretches of time and pick up right where they left off.

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  22. Looking through my old notebooklets is sad indeed, most of my contacts are no longer among the living.
    I do hope you brightened her day considerably!

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    1. It will be lovely to see her

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  23. Millicent3:09 pm

    Sometimes happiness can be over-rated.
    Are you doing good and what is needed.
    Looking out for and living with my sister may not be how i would live my life but it gives my life meaning and purpose. And she has a wicked sense of humor...we laugh everyday and i know i am doing what i should be doing. For me that is happiness. I hope your friend finds her meaning. Life is a gift so everyday is a present. Enjoy the party.

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  24. I think her reply is felt by many people. Get her to read your blog John. She would get a big welcome here. x

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  25. John I can't think of anyone I know who is better at listening than you are. Maybe meeting up with her will be the best thing that has happened to her in a while - I sure hope so.

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  26. There is ..in a way .. nothing about my life that I expected it to be. Luckily, most of it was fabulous .. unexpectedly so ...
    But the good news is ... I am alive and well.
    Sometimes you have to look at things in a different light.

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  27. I believe in things meant to happen...

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  28. Oh, I am so glad you messaged her.

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  29. What a lucky lady. I agree with Simone..."Get her to read your blog, John." Cherished, it does all of us a world of good each day.

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  30. I wonder if anyone can say
    life turned out to be what
    they wanted it to be.
    A bit over two months ago
    my husband died of Alzheimer's.
    It was ugly and violent.
    He no longer knew me.
    My life is definitely not
    what I wanted it to be.

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    1. I am so so sorry. I can't think of much worse than what you've been through. I have a similar journey ahead with my mother. But it's not the same as I still have my husband by my side. I don't know what to say apart from I hear you and I wish you peace and comfort in your future xx

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    2. Janet, I am so sorry to read this.
      Take care of yourself.

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    3. Alzheimers is such a cruel thing, it steals away our loved ones before they die. I hope in time your future will once again have love in it.

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  31. Your impulse, John, may make her life somewhat happier.

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  32. John Gray, I love you. Thanks for being a good guy.

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  33. That is an honest response. Most people would never confess to such disappointment and would simply "make the best of things" and keep quiet about their true feelings.

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    1. I thought that too nick

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  34. It's rare to have people you can take 12 year breaks from who will respond so quickly and with such honesty when you pick back up. This is good.

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    1. She was a good friend harry

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  35. Your message was timely and good.

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  36. John, may make her life somewhat happier.


    แตกใน xxx

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